When Bonnie was younger she was told love would make her feel like she was dipped in something hot and beautiful, that her heart would flutter invitingly and she wouldn't be able to stop smiling.

She looks at Annalise and she feelings warm, yes. Her cheeks, her neck, her thighs, between. Sometimes out of adoration, sometimes out of hatred. Self or toward Annalise, she isn't sure.

Bonnie's older now. She's in love. But it doesn't make her feel grand. Instead, she feels like she's falling. Her stomach swoops and her heart beats unsteadily in her chest, to any rhythm Annalise sets for her.

She's almost certain she loves Annalise more than she hates her, more than she hates herself, even.

Do this Bonnie, do that Bonnie.

Tell me I don't love you.

Go home, Bonnie.

Yes, ma'am, Bonnie thinks, whenever Annalise twitches the strings under Bonnie's skin in her fingers, making her hobble from side to side unsteadily.


Bonnie has never seen a hurricane but she's almost certain that Annalise is the human embodiment.

You saved me.

I ruined you

She's painstakingly radiant, more beautiful than the Greek goddesses themselves. Smart, quick and witty. Passionate and ambitious. She's wonderful at what she does and she leaves behind a trail of broken people and things in her wake.

But Bonnie was broken before she met Annalise. So is she truly even a casualty?

The part that hurts Bonnie the most is that she's almost sure that inside Annalise, behind the cool exterior and the harsh words and the witty comebacks, Annalise loves her back.

She's said as much. But she thinks there may be more than just that love. Her dark gaze has lingered a bit too long on Bonnie's lips, the revealed expanses of her throat, her soft curves in the tight skirts and blouses.

And Bonnie's sure if she was more of a sadist, she'd kiss Annalise when they're close together in an argument, or when they're drinking together in Annalise's office. But she's a masochist, ready to give her pain to Annalise without so much as a thought, and so she doesn't. She thinks about it, all the time, dreams about it and wishes. But she won't take that small step forward, because she knows things will change. And she doesn't want them to.


Asher asked her once, the moron, why she even bothers to stay. That she deserves better than the shit Annalise gives her.

I'd have nowhere else to go, she doesn't say.

Annalise is her home. Where else would she rather be than at her feet?

She thinks of running. With Frank, that night while she was pantyless on the floor beside his large, warm body, his arms around her waist. He leaves her. It hurts, of course it hurts, and she sinks to the floor and sobs until she can't see straight and until her throat is hoarse. But she goes back anyway, even though she knows she'll be put through hell.

"I came back to be with you."

"Because you want to or because he wouldn't have you?"

"Because I love you."

Bonnie holds her breath, wondering if Annalise will say it back. She doesn't. She dismisses Bonnie, but Annalise has never been good at hiding her emotions from Bonnie, and it's written all over her face.

She knows she'll gain Annalise's trust back again and Bonnie's learned from this experience. Annalise is everything. What would she be without the sun that warms her and keeps her on her axis?

So she waits, until Annalise asks her to help her scheme. Until Bonnie runs quickly through the courtroom doors and hands Annalise the files she asked for. Until Annalise gives her that small, barely there smile and makes Annalise feel needed.

She does, and Bonnie's heart stutters and cracks and Annalise pulls her strings forward.

She's never had a home she ever wanted to come back to, but Annalise is close enough.