I actually got the idea for this from a commercial and I had to write it to get it out of my head! Pardon all of the mistakes, I just wanted to get this up. Hope you enjoy! The next chapter of The Auction will be up soon!
Not mine, and will never be. I'm no Janet Evanovich.
"Hey, Babe," I said. I sat the flowers down. "I brought roses. I hope they're okay."
And then I began to talk about anything and everything; the weather, myself, our family, the guys, Joe and all of her friends.
And every time I wait for a response, even if I know subconsciously, that she will never answer me again.
Four years ago today, God decided to make my world dark again and stole my angel from me.
I was always worried that an enemy or a skip would get her. Instead, cancer did.
We all missed the signs. If we had seen them, she probably would've survived.
Or survived longer, as her doctor puts it.
After falling asleep at her desk for the fourth day in a row, we finally convinced her to go see a doctor.
And that's when we found out that my world was going to end. Cancer.
I believed that words are the most powerful thing in anyone's arsenal. That's why I didn't speak much. Unlike Stephanie who could babble and babble, I said what I needed to and moved on (Of course, I'm babbling now, but it's all serving the greater purpose). However no words hurt more than: Stage three and malignant. It didn't matter where the cancer was, by the time they found it, it was everywhere.
But Stephanie refused to stop fighting.
She fought the doctors every step of the way. Refusing pain meds until it got too painful for her, or for me to watch her suffer. Taking every step on her own until she had to use the walker, then the wheelchair until she could only shift in the bed. Feeding herself until she needed to be fed.
Stephanie was stubborn as the day she was born until the day she died.
The day was unusually cold for the middle of July. The clouds threatened to rain the entire day, but only broke to pour down on the world as they lowered her into the ground.
"The guys try," I tell her. "They want me to get out and date." But I have never looked at another woman like I use to look at Stephanie. She was my one and now she was gone. I had her for as long as I did and I thank God that we were together.
But I wished we had more time. Two years was hardly enough.
I used to get angry at God because Morelli got the better end of the stick in that relationship. He got thirty five years, while I got six. Just under a sixth of her life.
And it wasn't enough. Not by a long shot.
So I sit there, telling her everything that had happened over the year, talking more than I had in months wishing that she would laugh, smile or even roll her beautiful blue eyes just one more time.
But she won't. And I know it.
"Daddy," says the girl behind me, "we'll be late."
I turn and smile at her. "We'll be just fine. Come here."
She furrows her brow but obeys.
"Say hi to Mommy." I tell her.
"Hi Mommy." She says.
We sit there for a few minutes in silence as Stephanie's curls whip around in the wind. I glance at my watch and realize that we should be leaving soon; otherwise we will be late for Lester's wedding. Stephanie was so excited to be flower girl and I was the best man. How would that look if we showed up late? I picked her up, gently caressed the stone marking my wife's grave one last time and head off to the car where Tank was waiting.
Stephanie Marie Manoso was my saving grace. At six years old, she had no idea how much she meant to me. If it wasn't for her, I'd be with my Babe right now. She didn't want to name our only child after her, but I finally convinced her that we should since if it was a boy, he'd been Carlos Jr.
I spoil her just as rotten as I do Julie.
We have a better relationship because of her. Without Stephanie, I wouldn't have been the father I became when Julie needed me.
Hell, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be the man I am today.
"Come on, Carlos." Tank says quietly, knowing I'm with Stephanie right now. He's already buckled little Stephanie into her car seat and is waiting patiently for me.
I nod and move my way to the driver's side of the car. And before I get in, I say what I always say.
"Until next year, Babe."
