He had lied to her. She had given him more than she had ever given any other human being and he had played her for a fool. She had taken a risk in letting him into her tent and into her heart and for the first time in all of her years she had felt accepted, safe and wanted. His arms had been warm and inviting and though she would never have admitted it she had made several excuses to stay there long after she should have left.
At least she hadn't loved him, or perhaps she had. But love was a dangerous word and an even more dangerous feeling and she had avoided it at all costs. If her mother had taught her anything it was that love did not exist; especially for people like her. To love and be loved was not possible and to consider such a notion was foolish and altogether ridiculous. But she had come to care for him and she had cared deeply. Perhaps more deeply than was wise.
She knelt by her fire and warmed her hands as she gazed across the camp with a deep frown. Their laughter drifted through the air and pierced her ears and she shook her head as if hoping to shake the sound away. But it stung her to the core and she stood with a grunt of frustration.
She had already spent too much time watching him dot upon that silly girl and shower her with nauseating compliments. She had taken note of how close they stood and how they would often speak to one another in hushed voices. Everyone else pretended not to notice, but Morrigan had heard them whispering about this blossoming relationship and every whispered conversation would end with a final glance in her direction.
Their evening escapades had been no secret as she had cared not for the opinion of the others and for once she wished she had exercised more caution. She hated their sympathetic looks and overly kind words. She was only suffering from humiliation, not a broken heart. At least that is what she told herself. She had no heart to break, after all.
Morrigan watched as they stood and bid their other companions goodnight before retreating together into Leliana's tent where the sounds of their lovemaking would occasionally be heard over the roar of the fire. It was disgusting really, to see them together and to know that the man that had once shared her bed was now sharing the bed of another woman. She had often denied her jealousy, but it was too strong to ignore any longer.
She hated them, she hated them both. She hated Leliana for charming her way into the heart of the man that had once and rightfully belonged to Morrigan and she hated him for being stupid enough to fall for the bard's tricks. She hated him for lying to her and for making her so weak. It didn't seem fair. No man should possess that much power over a woman and yet he had. She would have done anything for him – anything at all.
With a shake of her head she turned and began to gather her meager supplies. She would not see this through. She would never be able to bear traveling with them in this condition because eventually her hardened shell would crack and they would see right through her. The Witch of the Wilds would crumble and she could not let that happen.
She straightened and swung her pack over her shoulder and turned to douse her fire when the movement of a shadow caught her eye. Her body stiffened and she watched as the owner of the shadow made himself known. Morrigan's eyes narrowed slightly in suspicion.
"Going somewhere?" She hadn't even noticed him approaching and she cursed herself for being so careless and lost in her thoughts.
"I do not think that is any of your business," She replied coolly. He nodded in acceptance.
"We could still use you, you know. Would be nice to have a mage on our side, apostate or not."
She gave a small snort. "Your templar magic should be enough aid in the coming battles," She said sharply.
"Of course it will, because Darkspawn will easily fear the powers of the Chantry," He rolled his eyes and folded his arms across his chest.
"Never at a loss for wit, I see. That is all very well but you are distracting me and I have things to take care of," She made y move past him but he blocked her path and she gave a sigh of irritation. "If there is something you wish to say to me then say it, Alistair. I am in no mood for your games tonight."
He was silent for a moment before sighing and she watched as his expression softened. "I know why you want to leave and I really don't blame you. But you don't have to go just because of them. I can't believe I'm saying this, but… we need you."
"You know nothing," She hissed out from between her teeth.
"I know you're hurt and you can tell me that you're not and insult me all you want but I'm not stupid, despite what you may prefer to think. I've been paying attention and I know what happened."
Morrigan was silent for a few long moments as she studied him through narrowed eyes. There were several snide remarks she thought about spitting at him, but none of them ever came and so she sighed instead.
"I do not enjoy being lied to or played for a fool. I can tell when I'm not wanted and now is one of those times. I wish to be alone. You have more important things to do than to beg me to stay. It is no secret that you do not particularly care for me nor I for you."
"Well, then we all have secrets, don't we?" He gave her a small smirk and her eyes widened for a moment.
"I don't quite…" Morrigan trailed off and glanced away from him.
"I want you to stay. Your knowledge of magic could come in handy sometime," He paused. "Really I just want to keep you around because you've saved my ass so many times," Alistair admitted with a small chuckle.
The corner of her mouth turned up into a tight smile and she shook her head again. "Very well. I will stay since you insist and I would feel guilty knowing that you died because of me. I would prefer to be the one killing you," Morrigan said as her smile twisted into a smirk and she dropped her things to the ground.
"After we defeat this Blight and rebuild the Grey Wardens," He told her as he lowered himself to the ground near the fire without a word. She stared at him for a moment and opened her mouth to protest before deciding against it. Instead, she lowered herself onto the ground near him and watched the flames dance.
"This doesn't make us friends," She told him, watching as he nodded. "But I…appreciate…what you did…" The words were forced and she pressed her lips into a thin line as he smiled.
"You're welcome and it does make us friends. Just a little," He chuckled again and she rolled her eyes. Having him near did not change what had happened to her and she glanced once more towards the tent across camp. It would take some time to adjust to being civil with him, but Morrigan felt as though his presence was helping her in some ways. She was not alone and even though she didn't want to call him a friend, she was comforted by knowing that she had that option. Having someone made accepting his betrayal bearable and she scooted closer to Alistair and lifted her hands towards the flames again to warm them.
"So… tell me about your life in the Chantry," She said casually, trying not to glance at him.
He laughed as he rested an arm on his knee. "Oh, it wasn't as thrilling as a life in the Wilds, I'm sure. But there was this one time…" She relaxed as his voice drowned out the other sounds of the night and for once she didn't bother to fight the laughter that escaped her as they talked well into the early hours of the morning.
