I didn't know what was happening. Life started going at fast track and I couldn't hold my end of the bargain. I watched slowly as my best friend, Leslie Shay, deteriorate. Her voice slowly becoming empty with guilt as she said, "I'm fine," every time I asked if she was alright.

A best friend is supposed to know when to help pick up the pieces. They're supposed to watch carefully in case they start slipping, but I wasn't that friend. I ignored her actions and thought of myself first. I should have not done that. As days went by, I saw less of Shay in our apartment and more of a sloppy alter-ego of her. I thought it was just a phase, something Shay could overcome, but I was wrong.

She needed a friend.

I got up from my mattress when I heard clanking coming from the living room. I peered over the steps and saw Shay curled up on the ball at the end of the couch. Her violent sobs coming from her mouth broke my heart. I quickly got to her, pulling her into my arms.

"Let it out, Shay." I whispered in her ear. I rocked my best friend in my arms as her fingers tips wrapped around the ends of my shirt, tightening as another violent sob let out. The tighter she pulled the more she was hanging on to reality. She didn't want to slip, but the monster was eating her. My best friend was slowly leaving a world of joy and into a life filled with misery. I needed to save her. I lifted her body, my arm under legs and the other supporting her back. "It's okay to cry, Shay. I'm here." I gently let her down the couch, still keeping her close to my body.

"It's all my fault, Severide. He wouldn't have died on my watch if I had just listened to Dawson. She's the head of the ambo and I took matters in my own hands. He should have been alive." She muttered under her breath.

"It's not your fault, Shay. Things like this happen all the time. You have to realize we can't save everyone." I pressed. I rubbed my hand against her arm, trying to soothe her. "We can't save people who don't want to be saved."

A soft sob left her mouth, "But, I could have saved him. He was counting on me to save him." Shay said with guilt lacing her every word. "How can I move on from something like this when I keep seeing the blood dripping down my hands and face? How can I say this wasn't my fault when I watched him stick the gun under his chin and pull the trigger? I should have seen the signs, I'm a paramedic and I should have seen those damn signs."

"Shay, you can't keep all this guilt inside of you. It's going to eat you alive and I can't let my best friend slowly fade in the dark as this monster keeps taking you away."

I slowly shifted her off my lap and onto the couch. I stood up, making my way towards the kitchen fridge. I opened the freezer taking out a pint of ice cream. I picked up a spoon and then made my way towards her.

"I know, ice cream can't cure anything right now, but it sure will make you feel better." I handed it towards her. I watched as she looked at it for awhile and then gracefully grab the ice cream from me. She looked up at me with her big, blue eyes filled with sorrow. Another crack in my heart. "I promise you, Shay, we'll get through this whatever it takes, because it's you and me til the end. You're my girl and I love you." I kissed her at the top of her head.

Shay let out a soft breath and nodded. "Thank you, Severide."

I watched her shift from her position, facing the television. She turned on the TV and snuggled deep into the couch. I kept my eyes on her. I should have realized my best friend was slowly dying inside, because her eyes became duller, hands shook, and the strong voice quivered.

It's at this very moment when I realized we can't save everyone, but this is the one person that I will always try my best to save. She's the one girl I promise I won't give up. Leslie Shay is my best friend and I won't let the monster take her away from me.