Second Chances
A/N: This turned out longer than I expected, so I was going to break it up into two parts…but that screwed with the flow a little too much for my liking. Hopefully you guys don't pass on it just because of the word count! (Though, if you do pass, you won't see this little plea anyway, so…)
Enjoy!
Sam's foot tapped to a long forgotten melody as she stared at the diagrams in front of her. They needed to make that reactor work again, Doctor Carter's life depended on it, but Sam was having some issues actually getting herself motivated. The briefing had ended a half an hour ago and she knew she probably only had minutes before her colonel and the other her waltzed in and yet…
She just didn't feel like doing anything.
This whole situation had felt off from the beginning; though, when you saw another you and heard about a life you could've had—did sort of have—it was bound to be weird for anyone. She had heard the colloquialism fall from her…twin's…lips and that had twisted her stomach. And then she had seen the colonel's face when he left the doctor's quarters, his gentle, but clearly discomfited question still spinning through her mind. How are you doing with this twin thing…
"Not so good, sir." She managed to stop just short of a bitter laugh. She wasn't stupid, she had figured out they were keeping something from her early on. But she had never guessed that that secret involved taffeta and vows. The realization struck her once again like a sack of bricks. Bricks that had eaten other bricks and then finished off the meal with some obese cement.
She was married somewhere. And not only was she married, but she was married to Jack O'Neill, Colonel in the USAF and her resident commanding officer. And not only that, but this was now the second—of two—alternate realities where she and the colonel were, well, together. She could hear the rumor mill churning away with that one…those…ones?
"Ugh." Sam dropped her head onto the table. "Ow." She grumbled, not really meaning it. What had the doctor and the colonel been doing in that room? What were they doing right now? Somewhere in her mind she realized that there was probably a good explanation for why they hadn't met her in her lab straightaway…maybe Samantha had to brush her stupid hair or something—but, right now, all she could think was that something untoward was happening.
Snorting loudly, Sam realized she'd probably just done her father proud. Untoward…hah.
Another two minutes ticked by and Sam raised her forehead, propping her chin on the table instead. Staring at the door, she reminded herself absurdly of a puppy waiting for its owner to come home. Scrunching her face at the thought, she didn't reposition. She could do what she damn well pleased—this was her lab. Hell, this was her reality!
Looking again at the diagrams that she'd drawn up after the colonel had built the reactor, she still couldn't find the slightest urge within herself to start fixing the problem. She'd done everything that was asked of her so far, but at this moment in time, alone in her lab and counting the seconds until they walked through the door, she let herself disobey orders just a little bit.
Rationally, she knew that the faster this thing was fixed, the faster the doctor would be gone and everything would go back to normal. 'But will it?' And there was the other shoe, Sam grimaced and pressed her forehead back to the table. Now it was all out in the open. She and the colonel were once again linked by something other than the chain of command and now her left ring finger was burning just a tad. How many other realities had fated them together? Did they have kids? A house? A dog? A friggin joint tax form?
Swallowing another muffled hum of mental anguish, she pushed herself to a proper military sitting position. 'Because I am a soldier. A soldier, dammit.' She knew she had made the right decision; the military was her only choice, the best choice. Plus, she loved her job. Really.
Stupid long haired, skirt set wearing, doe eyed Samantha Carter.
Sam was about to comment—out loud—on exactly just what she thought about those skirt sets, when the object of her affection—wait, no, definitely not her affection, no way siree—sauntered into her lab followed by the object of her probable affectation.
"Carter." His voice was warm…warmer than usual? With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, Sam forced herself to smile, all the while wondering just which 'Carter' he was thinking of.
….
Well, they had their orders. And their deadline. And now they'd been left alone. Great.
Sam glanced surreptitiously at Samantha, watching as the woman narrowed her eyes the exact same way she did when staring at the figures. She even worried her bottom lip the same. Feeling an identical set of eyes boring into her, Samantha looked up. "Major." Her voice was cautious and Sam found herself wondering if that's what she sounded like too.
"Doctor." Sam flashed a tight grin and turned back to the reactor, finger poking uselessly at one of the rods.
"Well. This is going well." The edge in Samantha's voice was enough to clear any confusion in Sam's mind about what she was referring to.
"It's just, um, odd, I guess. Me, but not me." Sam didn't look up as she spoke, but if she had, she would've seen the shadow that crossed the doctor's face.
"Not necessarily you, you know. Us." Sam didn't need to share the same voice to recognize that tone.
"Right." Another tight smile. "Sorry."
Samantha blew out a breath, ruffling the ends of her hair. "It's fine. I…get it. I mean, look at you."
Sam's eyebrows shot up. "Look at me?"
"Well, yes." Samantha raised her eyes to meet the major's, not really caring that she was very probably offending the only person capable of making this reactor thing work.
"'Well, yes' what?" Sam placed both hands on the worktable and cocked her head at her twin.
Samantha glanced down at the splayed hands, identical in every way except one. "You're not married." It wasn't a question.
"No. But it seems you are." Oh, there was that lovely bitterness she'd managed to quash earlier.
"He didn't tell you." Samantha narrowed her eyes, correctly guessing at Sam's discomfort.
"Ah, no. Not quite."
"It made him uncomfortable, it probably wasn't personal."
Sam could have laughed, would have if her throat didn't feel like it was suddenly full of really thick peanut butter. Not only was this, this woman making excuses for her colonel…she had the nerve to say it wasn't personal! What the hell did she know, anyway?
"Yes, I'm sure that was it." Sam tried to tell herself that she had kept her voice even, but, well, she'd tried to lie to herself enough over the years. It didn't work in her own head, so it probably wouldn't work on her double either.
"They're, um, very similar." Samantha chuckled a little as she fiddled with the reactor, frowning when she ran across the ineffective power switch.
"Yeah." A noncommittal answer at its finest, Sam congratulated herself, pulling the reactor slightly towards her side of the table.
"Look, major…" Samantha pulled a face, like this was decidedly not something she wanted to talk about. "I think it's pretty clear that neither of you see each other that way, so this isn't something that needs to have any long-reaching effects, okay?" Turning back to the reactor, she tugged it towards her, taking a weird pleasure in the stiffening of the other woman's spine. "Or maybe you do."
"Maybe I do what?" Sam cringed at just how much she sounded like her commanding officer.
"Maybe you do see each other that way." Sharp blue eyes looked up, burning into Sam's. "Maybe you're not uncomfortable that he and I are together, maybe you're jealous that we are."
"Okay, first of all? You and he aren't together. Not here." Sam refused to let herself get under her skin. As soon as they figured out this stupid power source thing, she'd be on her way. 'Ah!' Sam smirked inwardly at the irony. 'There's the motivation I needed.'
"Uh huh." Samantha's tone suggested anything but acquiescence.
"O-kay." Sam blew out a frustrated breath and, in the ensuing silence, let her mind start to tackle the power problem. Something to do with the naquadah decay rate, maybe?
But, of course, the peace was too good to last. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe this is the wrong reality?" The hostility in Samantha's voice—with just the slightest hint of insinuation—was enough for Sam to drop what she was doing and refocus all that supposedly productive energy on her doppelganger.
"Considering that in this reality, Earth is still Earth? No, I never stopped to think that this was the wrong one."
"Everything happens for a reason, Sam."
"And what reason do you have for a Goa'uld infested Earth topping this one, Samantha?"
"I had him." The words were simple enough, but the tears that suddenly swam in the doctor's eyes nearly caused Sam to bite her tongue.
Nearly. "Yeah, well, I still have him."
Samantha looked like she'd been slapped. For a second, Sam had the fleeting thought that she had won—discussion over, then that familiar Carter steel took over and Samantha's expression twisted. "No, you don't. He might still be alive here, but you may as well be in my reality for as much as you have him."
Sam pulled the well-honed military mask over her features. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"Excuse me?"
"To trade realities, you'd like that." It wasn't a question this time.
"Are you offering?" The tone was too carefully cultivated, Sam could only tell that she was being goaded…not the exact objective behind the words.
"I'm not answering that." Sam scoffed and turned back to the device.
A long moment passed in tense silence. Then, "You don't have to. I'd never ask you to trade places with me. To go through what I went through…" All of the animosity was gone from the woman's tone, her shoulders sagging slightly.
Sam squeezed her eyes shut, counting to five before she let herself look at Doctor Carter. She'd never seen that expression on her own face before, but she knew what the internal part of it looked like. Sam's heart twisted just slightly, she didn't want to feel pity for this woman, but it was hard not to. For all of the differences they had, they did share one thing in common and if she couldn't admit it to herself…well. That was a bigger problem than chain of command.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that—through this. I, um, I can't say I envy your position." Cringing at her own words, Sam groaned internally. Military her was not so good at the feelings talk.
"Hey, at least I know there are still Jacks out there." She waved her hand vaguely, eyes still glistening.
"Does that really help?"
"No." Samantha laughed and, after a minute, Sam found herself joining in. "No, I guess it really doesn't."
Another moment of silence stretched between the two women. "You must really hate me, huh?" They both gave surprised laughs when the same words fell from their mouths. Another minute passed, this time the quiet was broken by Doctor Carter alone.
"He gets confused easily here too, huh?"
Sam grinned a little against her will. "He does. Did your colonel—um, Jack, nearly have a seizure every time you tried to explain something?"
Samantha smiled wistfully. "He did." The smile turned a little devilish. "But it was never because he didn't understand what I was saying."
Oh. Oh. Sam's eyes widened as the doctor's implication washed over her. "I doubt it's the same case here."
"I doubt your doubt." Samantha tilted her head a little, the exact picture of Colonel O'Neill's oft-preferred posture.
"I…don't know what you're talking about." Sam cleared her throat and went back to work on the reactor. She was pretty sure if they could just figure out the decay rate of the naquadah they'd be in business.
"Major…" Samantha trailed, wondering if her next words would even be remotely well received. "What if you weren't military?"
"But I am." Sam didn't look up, pencil scratching away at her new theory.
"That's not the point." She had adopted the tone Sam herself often used when explaining something to the colonel that he just wasn't getting.
"Then what is?" Sam's eyes locked onto her counterpart's as her pencil rolled across the table and clattered to the floor. "Is your point important enough to delay our progress on this reactor and, subsequently, the saving of your world?"
"My world is beyond saving." Was the quiet response.
Sam closed her eyes, feeling like a complete jerk despite herself. "Your Earth. Saving your Earth."
"Yes. I think it is." Eyes still closed, Sam made a 'go on' motion. "My point is…is that what's stopping you? Or are you really just not interested?"
"I…" Sam looked helplessly to the ceiling, hoping that the strength to answer honestly would fall from the concrete rafters. "I can't answer that." She finally answered, haltingly.
"I think you just did." Samantha glanced at Sam's new formula and her eyes widened. "I think that's it!"
"What?" Sam blinked owlishly, slow to catch up what with all the new walloping realizations.
"The ratio of the naquadah decay rate to the device's energy output!" Samantha turned the paper towards her, making a few adjustments with her own pencil. "I think we did it!"
"Oh." Sam shook her head, suddenly feeling a little dizzy. "Good. I'm…glad." Managing to refocus entirely on the equation, she saw that Doctor Carter's assessment was probably not overly optimistic.
Squinting slightly at the major, Samantha leaned forward, elbows on the table and hands wrapped around said elbows. "Admit it, it is a little hot when he gives orders."
Blushing furiously, Sam couldn't fight the nervous giggle that bubbled up in her throat. "I will do no such thing."
"Oh, come on. I heard the way he says your name…Carter." Samantha deepened her voice and placed a hand to her heart as she imitated the other woman's Jack.
"Oh, please!" Sam snatched her paper back and began fiddling with the device.
"Carter, do this. Carter, fix that." Samantha leaned forward and held some wires apart so Sam could have access to the circuit board. "Take it from me, he's more than capable of orders that extend far past the reaches of the SGC."
Try as she might, Sam couldn't squash the zing of adrenaline those words brought—or the embarrassment. "Quiet so I can finish this."
"Sam."
The serious tone in her voice made the named woman stiffen. "I know."
"Then you know I mean it." Samantha released her grip on the machine as Sam reached forward to flick the switch to 'on.' "He's worth it. You're worth it." Sam's finger stopped just short of the switch, hovering. "Take it from me, major. There are no guarantees. Not in my reality and not in yours."
The doctor's words cut right to Sam's core. Before the prickling behind her eyes became too untenable of a problem, she flipped the device on. When the familiar green glow emanated from the power core both Carters yelped and high fived. One problem down, only several hundred more to go…
Sam grabbed the device and inclined her head towards her lab door. "Shall we?"
Samantha smiled at her "good" twin and knew that their conversation had gone as far as it was ever going to. The door had closed for her, but it was still wide open for this other Carter…this Air Force major. As they jogged down the hallway, Samantha took the smallest, craziest comfort in knowing that her second chance would live on in this woman.
She only hoped that the major didn't blow it.
END
A/N: Two Carters…if only. Thank you for reading!
