The Gift

Vancouver: 2186

"How many?"

Jane watched the Admiral rock back on his heels and clasp his hands behind his back. He'd used that tactic frequently in the past few months, struggling between being a good officer or a good friend. Usually, the officer held out, but Jane Shepard was done playing games with Alliance command.

"God dammit, Anderson, just tell me. Who all have they brought in for the hearings? You know I'm not allowed in there unless I'm on the stand."

"You know I can't tell you..."

"Did you rope in Joker? Garrus? What about Jack or Miranda?"

"We haven't been able to locate certain crew members from your time with Cerberus. Only the ones who were on the SR-1."

"I know you had Chanukahs. She was at least given clearance for a medical exam."

"And gave us all manner of grief about your diet and exercise regiment, believe me," Anderson replied with a grin growing on his face. She was wearing him down. Jane just needed to give it one last push.

"Who else?"

The Admiral's face fell and they both knew he had been defeated in this particular battle.

"Most of the crew. Officers. Squad-mates."

"Kaidan?" she asked, voice suddenly shaking. He hadn't needed to answer. The look on Anderson's face told her what she wanted to know.

"Fuck..."

\m/

Jane woke with a start after replaying her conversation from that afternoon while she dozed. It had been a challenging day, with the majority spent in deposition with Alliance JAG officials. She hadn't had a session like that since first arriving at HQ, and the manner of questions they asked had tested the control she held on her temper.

They had asked about her crew. Specifically the one that had accompanied her to the Collector base. She had gone over, in detail, how each had come to join her, and why. About their relationships, for good or ill. And if any of them had tried to contact her since her arrival in Vancouver.

Not that she would know if they had. Apparently the Alliance had been blocking or censoring nearly all of her incoming correspondence. She'd managed to weasel that bit of information out of them, then turned her anger on the Admiral for not allowing her friends to visit her.

Only one hadn't asked about her. Hadn't expressed any interest in contact with her.

"Kaidan..." she murmured under her breath, temper rising again as she lifted the picture of him she had been allowed to keep and sailed it towards her. Through the blue haze of the biotic field around it, her former lover's face stared at her. Narrowing her eyes, determined to be rid of his memory for good, she flung the frame across the room.

It missed the opening door by an inch.

"Bad day?" asked the marine who had brought her evening meal.

"You could say that," she replied, feeling suddenly guilty for how close she had come to braining him with Kaidan's photo. James wasn't a bad guy. In fact, he was the nearest thing to a friend she had, even though he was technically her guard. He didn't deserve the receiving end of her tantrum.

"Anderson said they grilled you pretty hard," continued James, wheeling in a full cart instead of the single platter he usually brought. "Figured tonight might be good for a few rounds of poker, so I brought enough for both of us."

"Still think you can beat me?"

"Gonna keep trying until I do, Shepard."

No, not the nearest thing to a friend. A friend. Something Jane hadn't realized she needed outside of her crew until it hit her that he had never once in the past five months treated her like a prisoner. Starstruck in those first few weeks, yes. But once they had learned to relax around one another, she began to rely on the companionship. Now she had finally begun to appreciate it.

James wheeled the cart over to the small dining table while Jane retracted the screen on the window. It was later than she had first thought, the sky tinged with purple and orange. Anger, stress, and grief had taken their toll, but now she was awake. Fresh. Ready to take on the evening with her friend.

"What's on the menu toni..." she started to ask, but when she turned to face him, Jane's face couldn't mask the surprise.

"Feliz cumpleaƱos!" the stocky marine beamed, face dancing with happiness and arms spread out over the table to show off the dinner he had set out. He had to have put it together on his own, maybe with a little help from Anderson. But that was no common chow James had brought to her. It was steak and potatoes, with the tell-tale signs of takeout from her favorite restaurant. But the biggest surprise was the slice of cheesecake with the lit candle in front of the chair she favored.

It was only a few steps from the window to the table, but Jane cleared past it and leaned into his open arms. James startled for only a moment before recognizing the embrace for what it was, and pulled her against him. There was a sudden spark, the recognition of human contact, that Jane didn't even know had been missing when she pressed her cheek against his chest. And if he held on just a little bit tighter for the tiniest moment, the barest of seconds, then maybe James had been needing it as much as she had.

"Thank you," she whispered, pulling away and wiping away a tear that had threatened the corner of her eye. "It's been a shit day and I completely forgot to wallow in the fact that I thought nobody would be celebrating with me this year."

"Make a wish, Shepard," he said, nudging her towards the cake and lowering his eyes. Had she been wrong to embrace him? To breach their professional relationship and break regs wasn't exactly foreign territory to Jane, but had she crossed the line with him on a personal level? With these thoughts in her head, she leaned over the candle, closed her eyes, and blew softly at the flame.

James was watching when she lifted her lids and stood up again.

"So," she said, smiling up at him in hopes of getting a smile back on his face, "What are the stakes this time around?"

They played a few hands while they ate, slowly enjoying both the meal and the company. James had even smuggled a small bottle of Cuervo, which he used to toast the birthday girl until the alcohol ran out and they were both a bit tipsy. The humor had returned, along with his harmless flirting, and Jane stopped questioning herself about her actions upon his arrival. They laughed, joked, teased and she beat him at more rounds of poker than he beat her. But when he broke his tell that he had a good hand, Shepard took the opening.

"What are the stakes?" she asked him, something they rarely did over their games.

"You first," replied James, lifting his eyes from behind his cards. Thinking fast, Jane skimmed her gaze across his broad shoulders, to where the tattoo peeked out from under the sleeve of his t-shirt.

"Show me the ink."

"Oh, hell, Jane, I'd do that anyway. All you had to do was ask. Now you're just going to have to wait."

"Tease. Your turn."

"I want on the Normandy."

She was floored. Completely and utterly at a loss for words. As Jane struggled through what it was he wanted, she walked to the window and looked across the city as it glowed against the night.

"I can't do that,"' she replied softly.

"Sure you can. Once you're out of here, you'll get her back. Just take me with you." James had stood and approached her as he talked, his tone light but his posture guarded.

"And if I never get out of here?"

"Jesus," he cursed, reaching out and covering her shoulders with his hands. "You're Commander fucking Shepard. Of course you'll..."

"I'm not Commander fucking Anything right now, Lieutenant," Jane snapped, moving to shrug off his fingers, but they dug into her as he pulled her closer. She trembled, but not from fear. Desire shot though her hard and fierce, an unexpected jolt coursing through her veins that only a man who looked at her the way James was in that moment could stir up.

His soft brown eyes locked onto hers for the barest of seconds, and Jane knew without a doubt that there was no turning back. She wanted him, wanted all of him, even if it was just for one night. No fairy-tale romance. No threat to their lives hanging over their heads. Just a man and a woman with needs and desires.

He was hesitating, but Jane closed the gap. Instead of fighting his embrace, she leaned into it, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his lips against her own. And in doing so, she woke the beast.

Jane lost all reason the moment she had closed distance and allowed him to act on his desires. He always seemed like a huge teddy bear, sweet and gentle, there to protect her and take care of her. Where this passion had come from, she had no clue, but it had been a long time since a man had fueled her fire in a way that completely consumed before she realized what had happened.

James feasted on her mouth, nipping at her bottom lip, wrestling his tongue with her own. Jane felt the cool glass against her back, his fingers tangled in her hair. The scent of him assaulted her, gun oil and sweat combined with hints of his cologne. Her head was swimming from the feel of his body pressed against her own, one hand skimming down her side and lifting her leg.

They jolted apart and gasped for breath as he lifted her off the floor. As James pulled her away from the window, he jammed a fist on the button that would close the shade and turned her back towards the table. Plates and playing cards scattered as he spread her out in front of him, neither one taking into consideration that the bed wasn't much farther away.

James shimmied her shirt up her torso, across the swell of her breasts, and over her head, following the hem with his mouth. As he grazed her neck, teeth sinking gently into her collarbone, Jane reached for his belt. He groaned and bit harder as her knuckles grazed his member, pressing against his fatigues with a fierceness that refused to be denied. Lips collided once again, torsos hot against one another as he removed his own tee then made his way towards the ties of her pants.

Jane had never been more thankful in her life for the decision to change into PJ's following her session with the JAG officers. It hadn't taken long for James to completely disrobe her, and he plunged a finger into her sheath just as she freed him from his own pants. They gasped in unison, her wetness more than proof that she was ready to take the throbbing cock she now held in her hand.

Jane guided.

And James filled.

Good Lord, did he fill her. With one arm wrapped around her back and the other bracing himself against the table, James rocked his hips against hers. The friction built up in Jane quickly, and she rose to meet each thrust. It was intoxicating. Exhilarating. And when she released, she did so with a keening gasp as she clenched around him and rode the wave.

James slowed when he saw her flush and go limp in the aftermath or her orgasm, casually brushing a lock of hair from her face and grinning down at her like the cat that ate the canary. She shot him an equally mischievous smile and drew his face down to her own again. The kiss was furious, and Jane pushed him away as harshly as she had pulled him in.

"Take me to the floor, Lieutenant," she whispered seductively into his ear, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. In the space of a heartbeat, James swept her off the table, still steeled inside of her. But when he moved to put Jane on her back again, she kicked a leg over his and rolled him over. The chuckle rumbled deep and husky through his chest as his hands skimmed down her sides and rested on her hips.

She moved slowly at first, savoring the feel of his body joined with her own as she slid up and down his length. Jane sheathed the head, and his reaction was priceless. Throwing his head back with a moan, he pushed his hips against her and was fully covered again. She repeated the action...twice...with the same blissful results.

"Dios, Jane. You're killing me, here," he groaned, gripping her aggressively and thrusting up hard and fast. She rode it, taking his hands in her own and wrestling to gain her control back. She wanted to melt into him and dominate him all at once, conflicting emotions and desires warring between her head and her heart. It was too much. Too overwhelming. Too...

The peak was unexpected and violent, snapping control of her body even as she saw James arch into her from below as he reached his own completion. Their bodies jerked, and he caught her in his arms just as Jane collapsed from the magnificence of what they had done together. He pulsed against her inner walls, a near-perfect synchronization of pleasure.

Whether they had lain in the aftermath of their passion for hours or mere seconds, she couldn't tell. Reality had faded away, and Jane knew only the bliss of having James inside and wrapped around her. No pending doom. No comm interruptions. It was a moment she was able to fully savor without obligation looming over her head.

"You still with me, Jane?" she heard him ask, a voice piercing the fog. When Jane finally shook it from her mind, she tilted her head up to find James looking at her.

"Yeah," came her reply as she gave his hand a quick squeeze.

"You'll get her back." He meant the Normandy. Neither of them had completely forgotten what they had been discussing before the conversation erupted into mind-blowing sex.

"And you'll have a place on her when I do," she confirmed. "But I have a tendency to fly right into hell and back."

James sighed, cupping her face in his hand and dropping a gentle kiss against her temple. "I would follow you to eternity."

Two years later

Months of solitude. Of blackness pierced only by tiny drops of light that looked vaguely like stars, but she knew they weren't. If she concentrated hard enough, she could hear the echos of her consciousness, of who she had been in life. With enough focus, she could see the universe as she had made it.

Synthesis.

She had made it happen. Had joined the organics and synthetics into the enlightened state that the Catalyst had been searching for over the course of countless millennium. How, she didn't quite know, and wasn't sure if she ever would. But she'd had plenty of time to think about all the decisions she had made, all the lives she had impacted, and couldn't help but smile.

Jane had been certain that she would fade into oblivion when she joined with the Crucible's power. That heaven, or whatever afterlife had been chosen for her, would be waiting. But she had instead been thrown into limbo, the product of her experimentation with creating an echo shard. Which made her last conscious thoughts all the more confusing.

She shouldn't have had James come with her on that last push. It should've been the Lieutenant left behind on the Normandy with the rest of the crew, not Kaidan. But her selfishness at wanting him alive to raise their children had won over wanting him at her side. It had been James she'd watched nearly crushed by a flying Mako, James she had called Joker into the no-man's-land to pick up for immediate medical attention. James who gave her that final look of pained love and dedication, even as she believed her heart to be devoted to Kaidan.

And James' face that haunted her final thoughts as her physical existence came to an end on the Citadel that fateful day. Wherever Jane had managed to find herself in the afterlife, it certainly wasn't the eternity she had expected. Her marine had promised to follow her.

And she would wait until he made good on that promise.


A/N: Thanks for giving my somewhat-smutty Shega one-shot a gander. It was written as a companion piece for "Closure" to give my readers a bit of a back-story from Shepard's point-of-view. If you haven't read it yet, I encourage you to do so. It can be found on my profile page.

As always, reviews and favorites are a fan-fiction author's bread and butter around here. Thanks in advance for those of you who do!