This song drabble came to me while listening to "Even Though" which is one of the fabulous songs Darren Criss composed for the musical "Me and My D..." the definitely college-age level but super-terrific and, as always with Starkid creations, surprisingly heartfelt and insightful musical for which the last word of the title must be handled carefully on this site.
Go, no RUN as soon as you can to YouTube to watch "Me and My D..(a nickname for Richard?)" from Starkid. Really. Even if it means you do that instead of reading my blather below. Their work is far better!
[My apologies to the artists for fictionally giving this song to Blaine, and I disclaim, as we are bound to do here, any rights or ownership, or any kind of association whatsoever with the song "Even Though" or the characters from Glee other than being an adoring fan.]
Maybe Blaine's Coming Around
...
"Wait, don't go Kurt."
The door still swung open at Kurt's swift tug.
"There's something I need you to know."
Kurt debated whether or not to continue right out the door without a look back. But he paused.
He had just finished laying his heart out to Blaine, confessing in no uncertain terms that he had feelings very much not just friendly, and he had barely-less-than-overtly accused Blaine of taking advantage of this in their friendship by indulging in those attentions but then tossing them callously aside any time he chose to carry on with some sub-plot in his life he found convenient any given week.
He had been met with a response he never would have guessed for either way the other boy felt about... returning those feelings.
"I wouldn't expect this kind of pressure from you Kurt" was all he had said. When Kurt pleaded with his eyes for any more information, he got... nothing. A bit of an angry silence really was all.
So he had stated his need for a little break from Blaine for now at least, and turned on his heel to walk out and begin his who-knows-how-long journey of getting over his feelings for Blaine until he could come back to being a true friend without any complicated emotions getting in the way.
What made him ultimately close the door again and lean against it in a conciliatory act was the sound of a huge shuttering sigh that was not at all angry, not at all relaxed, and not at all happy with the way things were.
Blaine caught his eyes and held them, but Kurt looked away quickly, still feeling as though Blaine had been playing with his emotions long enough and even if it was all accidental and unintended, he must protect his own mental stability by giving himself a bit of distance at this point, at least until he sorted his own feelings and got himself centered and back to his old fabulous self again.
Blaine took the range of emotions passing over Kurt's countenance as another sign that he was sure to be rejected as he is, and forced to be something that he's not, or else lose the one person he really cannot stand to lose, and so he faltered in his attempts to figure out what to say or do next.
Turning back to the door and beginning to turn the doorknob again to leave, Kurt hesitated, and then only in deference to their friendship, decided to give him a little help. After all, at the core of everything, he did in fact care deeply about Blaine and keeping him from anything that causes him pain, even if that was Kurt himself at the moment. So he offered him an opening by asking weakly, "What is it? What do you need me to know?"
Blaine looked up at this miracle of a response, and realizing it may be his one shot at explaining, and making sense of his own confusion -with Kurt there by his side to go through it with him- oh please help me; you're the only one who can, he stammered out some parts of words and false starts at forming any kind of a sentence, finally spitting out only, "Shoot!"
Then, suddenly, in his panic, Blaine's mind kicked in with the one thing it really is best at, and out from his lips came a spontaneous melody, singing out the words, "I don't know."
This made Kurt stop.
Almost in shock at himself for having just burst into song, Blaine never the less followed quickly with his songwriter's mind working faster than his regular conscious logical thought processes, picking up a melody a bit more strongly, "Just wait!"
It was actually so pretty, even in two notes at a time with that perfect (get a grip, Kurt) voice, it effectively stopped Kurt's hand from even thinking about the doorknob again. He didn't turn to face Blaine, but he stood and listened with his head tilted toward him to hear these sudden sweet tones being generated from his crush's overworking mind...
"Give me a minute,
My head's confused but I know there's something in it,"
Blaine walked over to reach for his guitar as if it could help him work out his thoughts, since that was always how he wrote songs best, anyway...
"Won't you stay...
Please stay...
Until I get it clear."
Turning now, with all of his annoyance back in full force but willing himself to give the poor struggling boy a chance with this crazy ridiculous ugh but oh so charming, dammit attempt to say... nothing so far, Kurt said sharply, not even looking at him, "What are you trying to say?"
A small smile just barely started to grow on Blaine's lips, and he strummed his guitar, causing Kurt to freeze and just listen, any remaining random thoughts or emotions flying away in that moment.
"What I'm trying to say is...
I'd feel much better if you would stay here!"
At this, all of Kurt's last-minute hopes were dashed, so he folded his arms over his chest and scoffed, turning his back on him again. However, he made no more moves to leave the room.
Blaine took the hint that he'd better step up his game and spit out some semblance of actual communication fast. And the songwriting sector of his brain, which seemed to be the one in charge of all his romantic insights after all, finally came through for him.
"Even though I was blind before,
I've realized there is so much more,
And it was always deep down in the core of me,
I know it now,"
Kurt, floored, picked his head up and closed his eyes listening but was unable to make himself turn around if he wanted to.
Blaine pushed on.
"And even though it seems too much to take,
There's a feeling I can't seem to shake, I feel like,
I am reading the signs 'cause I know that I'm,
Coming around..."
When the guitar went silent and Blaine took a swift breath in, it was like a hush coming over the room encompassing both romantically-confused boys. Kurt had to turn and ask, on a whisper, "Do you mean this?"
Blaine finally exhaled. "It's all so confusing for me, Kurt... I..." Ugh
At Kurt's turning quickly away with a look of dismay he couldn't mask in time, Blaine grabbed his arm.
"Kurt let me share this with you. Please, it's about you. It always has been. I... think... uhhh"
I am such an idiot, why can't I make any sense? "Alright I am REALLY bad at this. I've told you that. Man. I don't know... It's just that..." He finally steadied himself. "OK. I met you and thought you were kind of... perfect and beautiful, but I've done that before and hated it when I fell too fast. Too many times. It has never ended well for me. Then you became the first friend who can truly understand me, who really gets what I go through. Of course I'd be afraid of losing that. And then I keep thinking do my feelings for you have everything to do with you being the only out gay person I know anywhere near my age? And if I've never had a boyfriend how do I know I'm even really gay for sure? I mean, if people can realize they're gay after 20 or even 40 years of assuming they're straight, doesn't it happen the other way around too?"
"No." Kurt had to interject. "With the brainwashing of society, tv ads, everything we're inundated with all the time every day? No."
"Well, I felt things for you, but felt so protective of you at the same time, and I was really confused and I'm not good at... feelings..."
"Blaine, I went through almost all that too, about you, but I never once questioned my instant attraction to you even before I knew you were gay and never once questioned my feelings for you that have done nothing but grow stronger and deeper the more I know you."
"Well I didn't know that until just now, did I?" Blaine was a bit assertive on that, but he felt it was deserved.
Considering this for a split second, Kurt's response was a little nod to the side, almost rolling his eyes but actually stopping right at Blaine's eyes, with a beginning of a smirk that all put together somewhat allowed that the statement was true.
Blaine's smile in reaction to this however, was much bigger and far more relieved. "I might just write this song down. It can be our song."
"No." Immediate response from Kurt.
With a light chuckle, Blaine realized "You're right."
But he strummed his guitar again, his whole body language practically screaming out that he had more thoughts clamoring to get out of his head and into the room on the wings of his velvet voice, more urgent and confident than before,
"Even though it used to seem so wrong,
I've taken you for granted far too long,
We're falling right into the denouement, (Kurt finally laughed)
And now I'm breaking ground,"
Kurt's small laugh turned into a larger one filled with all the promise of forgiveness, understanding, hope and like-mindedness.
It was all Blaine needed.
Practically throwing his guitar strap over his head and discarding the instrument, the flustered songwriter spoke now in his regular but oh so sexy to Kurt right now voice, "I can write the rest of this damn thing later. Right now there's something I HAVE to do."
Kurt hardly knew what was happening before Blaine's hands were raking through his hair, and pulling him in for a perfectly solid kiss, which left no question as to what was meant by it. Blaine chuckled at Kurt's gasp before their lips met again and they lost themselves in the moment.
Inside Blaine's songwriter-since-birth head, a melody continued and just kept intensifying as it progressed...
"Even though I felt it from the start,
It's only now we're beating with one heart,
I'm sure that,
Now is the time,
'Cause I know that I'm...
Coming around!"
A/N – As an apology to Darren Criss and Starkid, may I invite you to go to iTunes to get the song "Even Though" (either version, or both...) if you end up loving it as much as I do?
I also apologize to anyone who is waiting for me to post Chapter 8 for "Original Song" which I must do by this weekend! This one just appeared already fully-formed, so out it came. Hey, you still got another Klaine kiss here, right? ^_^
BTW, when I was editing this, I actually had the Glee cast version of "Bad Romance" on repeat-play. I swear, Chris Colfer (this and Defying Gravity and I Want to Hold Your Hand, and A House is Not a Home, and... everything else!) proves that it's not sexual attraction that causes one to swoon over an amazing voice! Only because... I'm straight... and... a girl! *swooning on repeat. (OK so Naya Rivera's voice makes me swoon too...)
