A/N: Hello to everyone out there. Star Wars Rebels has just become my newest obsession and as such I could not help but write a story about a picture I found attached to fellow author MoonlightAngel131's story It's Nothing (which you should read as it's really good). This is also the same picture that I have now attached to this story. Considering this is my first attempt at writing a Rebels story, I can only hope that it lives up to expectations and neither of the characters are too OOC. Also suggested, but not required listening for this is the hour long instrumental version of The Hanging Tree from the Hunger Games as I believe it adds to the atmosphere of the story. The link is as follows (just don't forget to delete the spaces): www. you tube watch?v=vYQszgiyH8o
If that does not work, then go to youtube and type in hour long Hanging Tree Instrumental and it should be the first one that pops up.
Now without further ado, I hope you enjoy.
Just having survived the worst battle of their lives so far, Kanan and Ezra finally allowed themselves to take a breath and stock of how exactly how much the battle had cost them. Monetarily it had not been much in terms of things that could be replaced. Sure it would take time to replace and rebuild things such as the Ghost, Phantom and their sole mechanical member, but in the end, they were all things that with time could either be rebuilt, replaced, or both. Something that could not be replaced though no matter how much time they had was the loss of three strong, brave and creative specters: Zeb, Hera and Sabine.
Due to the heavy cost of this battle, Kanan was not at all surprised when his young padawan wrapped his arms around him and allowed his full weight and face to fall against his body. Feeling not just through the Force, but also through how much he was shaking, Kanan did the only thing he could think of and wrapped his arms around the young man, offering what little comfort he could. After surviving a battle of this magnitude, it was amazing that neither of them had collapsed from sorrow sooner. While Kanan still prided himself on his emotional control, even he could not deny how much the loss of practically his entire crew… no family, affected him. While none of them were ever or could ever be physically related by blood, they had all grown close enough over their years together to think of each other such. After all a family was defined as a group of people who were there for an individual no matter what and loved them despite any and all physical and mental flaws, and force knew that they had plenty to go around.
Gently stroking the back of his young padawan's head in what he felt through the force was a comforting gesture, Kanan gently lowered both of them down to the ground in a kneeling position before Ezra's knees could buckle under him. Carefully, he took a few deep breaths to steady his emotions and block them from his young student before finally bringing his guard up as much as he could* and said, "Sssshhhh, it will be alright Ezra. We'll get through this."
Before he could say anything more, the young man raised his head and with tears streaming from his clearly red rimmed eyes, angrily asked, "How, how will it be alright? How will we get through this?!" To him the future seemed as if it was nothing more than an endless black void that was ready to swallow him whole and never release him. It was so strong at this point that it honestly felt as if there was a hole in his stomach that could only be cured by curling in on himself. With Kanan's arms still wrapped around him and stroking the back of his head in what was truthfully a semi calming gesture, he believed that what his master was saying was completely impossible.
Recalling words that he had been drilled into him years ago, Kanan used his left hand to keep their faces level as he replied, "Let me tell you something that was a core belief of the Jedi order, 'There is no death, there is only the force'. In other words Zeb, Sabine and…Hera… are not truly gone. Every time we use the force from now on they will be there helping us in whatever way we use it." Despite his words, the man uttering them could not help but stutter and swallow on the name of his former love.
"R-really?" Ezra gasped through the tears that were still falling from his eyes. While it still hurt like a bantha that a majority of the team…no his family was now physically gone, he could not help the small bit of hope that slipped through, that was until he remembered one important thing.
Carefully smiling as best he could through his own pain, Kanan easily replied, "Really. While they are no longer physically with us, they are still beside us in every fight, whether it's against the Empire or just some thug attempting to steal our stuff for themselves. They will always be with us."
No longer able to look his master in the eyes, Ezra allowed his head and eyes to drop as he lightly bit his lip, composing his own emotions enough to speak again. When he could again a few moments later, he looked back at his teacher with tears threatening to spill over his pained glass like eyes and told him something that until that day he had not let anyone else know for fear of rejection and humiliation, "Yeah, but now I will never get to tell Sabine how much I loved her." Pushing away from the man that currently held him, Ezra stood up and turned away from him while wrapping his arms around his body for comfort and with a voice that was clearly full of anger at himself continued, "Yes, I loved her OK?! I don't care who knows it anymore because she's DEAD and I could have stopped it, just like I could have stopped my parents' deaths!" By the end of his mini rant, the young man was back on his knees, facing away from the older man as his knees could no longer support him.
Understandably weary of what Ezra's emotions could do and what they could lead to, Kanan walked around until he was back in front of him and kneeled down, placing both hands on his shoulders before telling him that it was not his fault and he in fact could not have stopped any of their deaths due to one, facing off with not just the Inquisitor, but several troopers at once and two, having been so young when the latter happened. It was only due to his rigorous Jedi training with both the force and a light saber that he survived the recent battle at all. Had that happened…Kanan did not even want to think about what he would have done. As it was, the main reason he was alive right now was for the young man in front of him. Even with as much as he was hurting right now, he knew that he could not add to Ezra's just because he wanted to be selfish and leave him along with all of his pain, behind.
Still struggling with his own emotions, yet managing to keep his mental shield and guard up as high as he could, the older Jedi took his padawan (and the young teen he had come to see as his surrogate son), back into his arms and again stroked the back of his head as repeated his words from a few minutes ago, "Remember what I told you with our team and family, 'There is no death, there is only the force', that applies to your parents as well. Every time you use the force, along with every time you have used it in the past and will use it in the future, they were always, and will always be with you no matter who you use it against."
Slowly starting to calm down, yet still struggling with the repeated pain that came with loss and deep sorrow, Ezra unwound his arms that had still been wrapped tightly against his chest and instead wrapped them back around his master and the man he had come to see as his surrogate father. As he did so, he also allowed his head to drop against the man's comfortingly strong chest and told him with a truthful weight that could clearly be heard in his voice, "Thank you so much Kanan. Thank you for everything. It just hurts so much right now."
"I know, and it will continue to hurt. The only thing is, as time goes on you will realize that this is actually a good type of pain as it allows us to remember and celebrate all the good times we had with them." Now pushing Ezra away to arm's length, Kanan again raised his head with his left hand while finally allowing his mental shields and guard to fall while saying, "I speak from experience. While I may never know or understand what it is like to lose parents, my master and I were close enough to where I considered her to be like my mother. While the pain does not completely go away, it does lessen over time. Just know that for now you are not the only one in pain. I feel it too."
Once again unable to look his surrogate father in the eyes any longer, Ezra once again pulled himself against the man's chest and let out fresh tears as memories, both good and bad played in his mind of both his families. At the same time, Kanan also whispered the same words he had started with only this time adding one last strongly uttered word, "Sssshhhh, it will be alright Ezra. We'll get through this, together."
*I see protecting one's thoughts and dropping one's guards as two different things due to how Kanan dropped his guard in the episode Empire Day. When he did so, it appeared as if Ezra was unable to read his thoughts despite them having a master-padawan bond. Maybe that's just because Ezra doesn't have that skill yet or it didn't apply to that particular moment, but either way I see protecting one's thoughts and dropping one's guard as two separate things.
A/N: Thank you SO much to everyone who read this and again to fellow author MoonlightAngel131 to providing the picture that gave me my first inspiration to write in what has to be at least a good six months. All I can say is that I hope that my first attempt at doing so in such a long time is at least somewhat good. Please feel free to leave a review saying what you thought of this.
Again as stated in my A/N at the beginning of this, the suggested listening while reading this is The Hanging Tree Instrumental from the Hunger Games movie. While it's not essential to the reading of this, I did find that it added to the atmosphere.
Now so you don't get sucked out of the story as the song ends each time here is a link of an hour long version of the song, just be sure to delete the spaces: https /watch?v=DWD BtG6K28w
If that does not work, then go to youtube and type in hour long Hanging Tree Instrumental and it should be the first one that pops up.
