A/N: OKAY, I WANTED TO TRY SOMETHING EVEN NEWER.
SO READ AND ENJOY.
CHAPTER ONE: Welcome To My Life
Hey motherfuckers, my name is Gamzee Makara, I'm 15 and have schizophrenia. For you who don't know what that is, it's a mental illness that affects how a person thinks, acts, and behaves. The person finds it difficult to tell the difference between real and imagined experiences, to think logically, to express feelings, or to behave appropriately. I can hear voices that nobody else can hear, they tell me to do bad things and hurt people, sometimes I see things that aren't really there too.
Let me tell you a little about my family, I live with my older by 4 years brother Kurloz, he's a mute, but I love him all the same. My mom and dad died three years back, when I was 12. I have two best friends and they are the two coolest motherfuckers you'll ever meet, their names are Karkat Vantas and Sollux Captor. Karkat is also 15 and seems kind of mean, but when you need him, he'll be there. Sollux is 15 too and boarded line Bipolar, but is a really nice guy. Welcome to my life, would you like to know more? Well, if you do, read on and stick around, I'll tell you more about it.
I wake up with the sun shining on my face, another day, another fight. Today is Saturday, which means no school till Monday. Woot! I grin and get up, today Karkat, Sollux and I are going to hang out at Karkat's house. Shit will be motherfucking miraculous, probably buy a couple of pizzas, playing some video games, and watch a movie. I walk over to my closet and pull out a pair of jeans, a plain purple shirt and my favorite hoodie with my zodiac sign, Capricorn.
After I grab my clothes, I head to the shower, checking the time first. I set the water to a nice temperature, last time I really burnt my skin, never doing that again, and hop in. The water feels nice on my skin, I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling, forgetting that I pressed for time. After five minutes I grab my shampoo and wash my hair thoroughly, before rinsing it out. After getting all the shampoo out, I grab my body was and wash up. I stand there for another 5 minutes doing, before realising I had to be at Karkat's in 10 minutes.
"Motherfuck…"
I shut off the water and grab a towel, quickly I dry myself off and put on my boxers, looking into the mirror, I trace my finger lightly over one of the three scars on my face. I sigh and drop my hands, you're probably wondering how I got them, I don't feel like motherfucking talking about it. I grab my shirt and slip it on, along with my jeans and hoodie. Looking back into the mirror, I apply my paint and smile like the clown I am. Do you know who it feels? To make yourself something you aren't? But I made myself a clown, I'm in a cult and everything, just like my brother. Oh well, I guess I have to live with it.
Running down the stairs I see my brother, drinking coffee, he gives me a smile and waves at me.
"Hey, motherfucker! How did you sleep?"
He frowns at my language, I lived with him long enough to know he doesn't like me swearing, but he gives me the thumbs up. I grin.
"That's good brotha, I'm going to Karkat's now, okay?"
He nods and gives me a smile.
"Have a good day!"
I yell and run out the door, I jog down the sidewalk, I'm 15 minutes late.
"BETTER START RUNNING!"
I wince at the voice scream and start to run, this is the only time I'll listen to it, I promise! Karkat is going to be pissed, little guy needs to calm his tits. I'm only a block away and I can already hear Karkat yelling, "WHERE IS HE?"
I hope he doesn't yell at me, I already have a headache. I stop and walk up the path to his house, gulping I knock on the door. I hear screaming and Karkat throws open the door.
"WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU? WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR TWENTY MINUTE, YOU INGNORANT DOUCHE!"
I groan and mumbled back, "Sorry motherfucker, I woke up late."
He glares, but stops yelling, which I'm thankful for. He lets me in and we walk upstairs, I wave at his brother Kankri as we do so. We enter his room, where Sollux is sitting on the floor, humming a song I know. He looks at me and grins.
"Glad you can finally make it, Gz, Karkat wath flipping hith thit."
I forgot to mention Sollux had a small lisp. You barely notice it, barely… I grin back and sit next to him, Karkat grumbles and goes back downstairs, I turn to Sollux and hitch up a conversation.
"Yeah, sorry motherfucker. I woke up late, sleep is motherfucking full of miracles."
He laughs and shakes his head, I'm not lying, but at the same time not telling the truth. I have a lot of nightmares, but at least the voices are quiet when I sleep. I really wish I wasn't like this, sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind, they never go away, sometimes they'll be quiet, but not for long. I get scared, what if I hurt someone? What if it's someone I truly love? I wouldn't be able to live with myself, I think I'd die.
"Thomething wrong Gz?"
I blink and look up, Sollux and Karkat are giving me concerned looks. Fuck, I was crying a bit. I shake my head and wipe my eyes.
"Aw, sorry. I was lost in thought…"
They both exchanged glances.
"You sure? You know you can talk to us, if something is bugging you."
"Yeah, we're betht friendth, aren't we?"
I chuckle and nod, "Yeah, we are. Don't motherfucking worry about it, I'm fine."
They both look unsure, but shrug it off. I want to talk about it, but at the same time not. It's something I can't avoid, but can push off. A complicated thing to talk about and I don't think they be able to handle it, I trust these guys with my life, but cherish their lives to much to put any of my shit on them.
"Okay, let's watch a movie."
Sollux and I nod, it's Karkat's turn to pick a movie, RomComs here we come. He pops in a movie called, "Titanic" he says it's a classic, which I can believe, and the movie looks kind of old. It's based on a true story too.
"Hey kk, I thought thith wath a romantic tragedy?"
"It is, so shut up and fucking watch it!"
Sollux lets out a low growl, but we sit back, Sollux and I leaning against the bed, Karkat on top. I zone out after a few minutes. I always wonder what's with Karkat and romantic stuff, it's not very manly, but he does have a girlish figure… Not that I was motherfucking checking him out, okay? I mean he is good looking, but fuck, Sollux is too. Wait, wait, wait, shut up Gamzee.
"Stupid MOTHERFUCKING idiot."
Oh god, please, not now.
"What's the matter? CAN'T HANDLE A CONVERSATION?"
I can, but I don't feel like motherfucking talking to you.
"hahahaha! WELL YOU'RE GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING TALK TO ME!"
Just great, c'mon bro. Leave me alone for a while.
"NOT A CHANCE!"
Well, can't you be a little quieter? You're giving me a motherfucking fucking headache.
"IS THE POOR BABY OKAY? If you just listen to me, I THINK IT WOULDN'T BE BAD!"
I groan, clutching my head and yell, "MOTHER OF FUCK! STOP!"
Sollux and Karkat stare at me, both taken back by my sudden actions, concern and a tint of fear written on their faces. My face flushes as I look down.
"You went and motherfucking blew it now."
Shut up…
Surprisingly they listen. Karkat pauses the movie and both of them turn toward me. Just great, really motherfucking great, I should learn to grit my teeth and take it, but they were so MOTHERFUCKING LOUD! I couldn't take it… Karkat gulps and licks his lips, Sollux shifts uncomfortably.
"Gamzee… Are you okay?"
"Yeah, sorry bro… It was just kind of loud."
They both know I'm schizophrenic, they're my best friends, I had to tell them, it's not something you can hide.
"You mean 'them.'"
I bite my lip and nod, "Don't worry about it bros, they shut up."
They both look at me unsure, so I give a reassuring smile, I wish I can get high, but Kurloz would be so disappointed. I just stopped a few months ago and since then, the voices and hallucinations have gotten worst, really motherfucking worst. Sollux and Karkat got me too, but it took a lot of work and I mean a lot! Getting high was the only way I knew how to coop with the voices, without it I can barely think, but when I was high I was barely thinking. My grades where low and now most of those years are a blur, not that I'm complaining, it got me through my parents death.
"Do you want to talk about it, Gz?"
I do, I truly do.
"Naw, it's alright bros. I got it. Honk!"
They both shake their heads at my clown antics. I grin, but then they give me serious looks, making my face drop and making me shut up.
"We're serious Gamzee."
"Yeah, you need to talk about thith and what can be better than talking with your betht friendth?"
I grit my teeth, anger boiling in the pit of my stomach.
"Don't shut us out, you idiotic clown."
"Yeah, now talk to uth."
I can't help it, I exploded.
"I CAN'T! Don't you get it? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE! How can I talk to you, when you don't EVEN MOTHERFUCKING KNOW? SO, SHUT UP! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
They both have startled, hurt looks on their faces, but at the moment I can care less. I'm just to angry. I get up and run down stairs, grabbing my shoes I put them on, Kankri is giving me a confused look, I ignore him and open the door.
"GAMZEE!"
"GZ!"
I shake my head and run out, I just need to get away, I'll apologize for blowing up later, I just want to be alone right now.
A/N: WHAT DO YOU THINK? I KIND OF LIKE THIS, BUT BEFORE I GET DEEP INTO IT, I'M GOING TO TRY FINISH WHERE DID ALL THE CHILDREN GO? AND A REASON.
SO REVIEW, TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK AND I'LL GET AROUND TO UPDATING THIS AFTER I'M DONE.
