A/N:
General:
-
This was originally planned to be written by July 11th, my bestie's birthday. However, life had other plans, so 'twas delayed. A couple of days ago, though, I dug an excerpt of this out of my writing folder, and dug the rest of the chapter out of the deep, dark recesses of my brain. :D
- There will be less than 10 chapters in this story and hopefully (!) as few as five.
- This story is Alice-centric, with lots of Bella and Jasper, and even a touch of good old Eddykins.
- Go see Inception if you haven't already! Then read lots of Arthur/Eames, including my own. :D

Warnings:
- Alternate universe.
- All-human.
- Slight language.
- M/M pairing.
- F/F pairing.
- Eventual mentions of infidelity.

Disclaimer:
- I don't own Alice. Or Jasper. Or Bella. Or Edward. Or Twilight. Or... You get the picture.
- I do own this dialogue and plot, because it came from MY MIND (sick & twisted though it may be :-P)! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH. :D


"No, not bandana. BA-NAN-A," I shouted at the elderly man who ran the small grocery store. Not only was his broken English hardly passable, he was also hard of hearing. Bad combination when you had dozens of customers who just wanted to get their fruits and get back home.

I felt my cell phone vibrate in my pocket and pulled it out. Edward calling, the screen read.

Speaking of fruits, I thought with a wry smile.

"Never mind. Just forget it," I finally told the grocer. I managed a small smile, but my teeth were gritted together so hard that my jaw ached. I so did not have the patience for civility today.

"Hello, Eddykins," I began as I slowly started walking down the sidewalk again.

"Mary Alice Brandon! I have been trying to get hold of you for ages now. Don't you ever pick up your phone?"

"Not when I can help it, Edward. What is the big deal? Handbag sale at Neiman Marcus?"

"Hardy har har. I am not that gay, Alice, dear, no matter how much you joke that I am or wish that I were. Hmm. Speaking of gay and how you wish things were; how did it go with your mother?"

"Ha! Well, her exact words were 'At least you're not a full-on rug-muncher.'"

The sound of Edwards snorting guffaws assaulted my ears.

"I'm glad you find my life so amusing." Sarcasm.

"Not your life; just your mother," he managed between giggles.

"I'm hanging up now," I scoffed.

"No! Okay! Okay! I'll stop now," Edward pleaded. "But, come on, you know you'll find it funny once the sting wears off. Besides, knowing your lovely madre as I do, I doubt she meant it hurtfully. She's just being her usual blunt self."

"I know she didn't mean it to be hurtful, but it still was, okay?"

"I know, Alice. I'm the king of parental rejection."

"I know, I know. My strife is nothing new. And I think 'Queen of Parental Rejection' is a title that better suits you."

"Touché, love. Touché."

"Do you still want me to stop by after I get through with my errands?"

"Of course, my bestie. You have yet to meet the newest boy toy. He wears a uniform to work, and I think he's a keeper."

"Well, despite the fact that you've said that about your last three boy toys, I'm looking forward to meeting him. What's his name?"

"Jasper. You'll love him."

"If you say so. What time do you want me there?"

"How's six-o'-clock?"

"Six is good for me."

"Alright. Oh, and dress cute. He is bringing his lesbian sister. Bye!" His last words came in a muddled rush.

"Edward! I thought I said-" I stopped short as I realized I was talking to myself.

"Ugh," I huffed. Edward's previous attempts to set me up with 'potential matches' had all led to less-than-successful dates, be they with a man or a woman. (Or something frighteningly in-between, but I quickly repressed that memory.) I was certain that this set-up would be the same: a waste of time.

Before I had a chance to even place my phone back in my pocket, it vibrated again, this time because of a text message. From Edward. I selected 'view now' and laughed aloud at Edward's words: 'Don't worry; he has a straight brother, but he's not as hot. Just saying, you have options!'

'Good to know. See you later, Edward,' I quickly typed back, shaking my head to myself. I swear, if I didn't love Edward so much, I would probably hate him, I thought, smiling at the truth of that paradoxical statement. I slipped my phone back into my pocket and walked over to my car. It was no Porsche, but my little yellow Chevy got me where I needed to go.

"Hey, baby," I cooed to the dashboard as I slipped into my seat and started the car, shutting my door easily once I was inside. The radio came on immediately, and though it was expected, I still jumped; the volume was much louder than I had remembered leaving it, and the female singer, though she had a great voice, was hitting a high note. Hard.

"Ouch," I grumbled, turning the volume down with one hand and putting my seatbelt on with the other. This was just not my day.

Sighing, I put the car into gear, and slowly pulled out onto the surprisingly empty street. I was stopped by the red light at one of the many intersections that sectioned the downtown shopping district, and happened to glance at the clock on the radio. Suddenly, I realized why the area was so deserted.

4:51. Shit! I thought. Edward's apartment was a good thirty-five minute drive from my house, in the opposite direction of where I now was. Then there was the fact that I was still fifteen minutes away from my own house, leaving me nineteen minutes to get completely ready (and on a good day, I took that much time in the shower alone). Well, then again, the driving would only take that much time if I actually obeyed the legal speed limit. Otherwise….

The light flickered green and I took off from my stop like a bat out of Hades; after making sure that no officers of the law were nearby to bear witness to the rush I was in, of course. Thankfully, Lady Luck seemed to be on my side.

Maybe today is my day, after all, I thought, grinning. Grinning, until I caught flashes of blue and red in my rearview mirror. The sirens followed shortly after. The car suddenly following me seemed to have appeared from thin air.

You've got to be shitting me, I thought. Briefly, I considered my options. I could evade the cop, which would be fun, but then I would probably end up being caught and subsequently arrested. My second option was to stop, like a good citizen; pull to the side of the road; and be slammed with a ticket that I most definitely could not afford. Either way, I was sure to be late to Edward's gathering. Eventually, I decided that orange was so not my color, and that jumpsuits were hideous. I slowed down (reluctantly), and pulled onto the shoulder of the road. The cop followed suit directly behind me, effectively shattering the small hope I had had that maybe he was not after me at all.

As the officer (younger, blonder, and yummier than I would have imagined) stepped out of his car, I did a quick appearance check in my mirror and flashed a blinding, megawatt smile. Practice makes perfect.

"License and registration, please, ma'am."

"Sure thing," I replied with a smile so big it made my cheeks ache. I leaned over to the glove compartment, grabbed the necessary documents, and leaned back towards the window, handing the papers, and my ID, to the cop.

"Do you know why I pulled you over today, Miss Brandon?"

"Well, I suppose it was because I was speeding, Officer Whitlock. But I do have a really good reason," I added, throwing in some eyelash batting for good measure.

"You suppose correctly, and your reason is most likely invalid. You were going eighty in a forty-five."

"Is that even possible? Maybe your radar gun needs recalibration. I could've sworn this baby topped out at sixty."

He reluctantly smiled, catching onto my thinly veiled lie quite quickly, of course, but for some reason not seeming to mind it. There was silence for a moment; Officer Whitlock seemed to be considering something, weighing the options repeatedly in his mind. Eventually, a single thought triumphed over the others and he leaned conspiratorially through my window.

"Okay, look. I am on my way back to the station now, because I am officially clocking out in about two minutes. I have somewhere to be, and you have somewhere to be, so I think I can let you off with a warning today and save us both precious time. However, the fine will be more than this car's worth if you are stopped again. Mary," he added as he glanced back down at my license before handing it back over to me.

"Ugh. It is Alice, please. And thank you for the warning."

"Well, Alice-please, you have a good afternoon. And try and keep it legal, alright?"

"Yes, sir, Officer Whitlock," I intoned, shooting him a fake salute.

"Call me Jasper," he replied with his megawatt, toothpaste commercial smile. Wow. If flirting were illegal, this guy would be serving a life sentence, at least.

"Fine, Jasper. Thank you."

The cop walked, no, swaggered back to his car, and I said a silent prayer of thanks. Waving politely, I pulled back onto the road and continued making my merry way home, driving the speed limit as begrudgingly as I would admit to owning The Backstreet Boys' entire discography.

Man, what a day. But I hadn't seen anything yet.

I drove the rest of the way home as quickly as legally possible, flew in the door, made myself presentable, and then was on my way to Edward's house within thirty minutes, highly impressed with myself. Still, though, I was going to be late. Stupid speed limits. Germans did not have to put up with this crap.

"Call Edward," I spoke to my phone as I navigated out of my apartment complex's abysmal parking lot.

"Calling… Edward."

The phone rang. And rang. And rang. Finally, Edward answered.

"It's fifteen minutes till six, Alice. Where are you?" His voice sounded distorted by the lousy speaker on my phone, but I could still detect the frantic edge to his voice.

"On my way, promise."

"Why are you running so late?"

"Ugh. Long story. But I'll be there by ten after, promise."

"Okay. See you then."

"Okay. Bye."

I hung up the phone, drove my car as if I had stolen it, and arrived at Edward's building twenty minutes later. Damn, I was good.

I got out of the car, shut and locked the door, and ran up the stairs to Edward's apartment as quickly as possible. Apparently, he had heard my approach, because he stood there with the door open as if anticipating me.

"Five minutes late."

"Five minutes early. I told you I'd be here by ten after."

"Yeah, yeah," he grinned, pulling me into a hug. "Okay, hurry up and get in here. And be nice to Jasper, please. I think this guy could be the one, Allie," he whispered conspiratorially. I could hear the smile in his voice, but not as loudly as I could hear my rapid heartbeat.

Jasper? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. OH SHIT. No, no, just wait a minute. Jasper is not that strange of a name. It is not common, exactly, but there is surely more than one Jasper in a city this size. Besides, my gaydar so did not go off today. There is no way it is the same Jasper, I reasoned with myself. Then, I forced myself to take a calming breath before I gave myself a panic attack over nothing. God, I could be such a loon sometimes.

"I hope so, Edward. You deserve it."

"Thank you," he kissed the top of my head. "Alright, let's get back in here."

I followed him into the apartment and sat my bag on the kitchen counter before walking into the living room and plopping on the couch.

"Where is everybody?" I inquired.

"Bella's not coming until seven. She had a few errands to run. Besides, I wanted to give the three of us a chance to talk first before we add yet another unknown variable."

"And Jasper?"

"He's in the bedroom freshening up. So, tell me: why were you late this evening?"

"I… may or may not have been… speeding… just a little." I mumbled.

"Alice!"

"Hey, it's your fault for inviting me over on such short notice."

"You easily could have said, 'Hey, Edward, I can't make it to your house by six.' I would have understood."

"Ha! Yeah, right! I never would have heard the end of it, and you know it."

"I know no such thing."

"Oh, ple-" I began, but I was interrupted by a quiet cough from the hallway.

"Finally!" Edward exclaimed, "I was afraid you'd escaped from the bedroom window." He stood and walked to stand beside the supposed stranger, throwing an arm around the man's waist. I stood, too, but mainly out of shock. My legs felt numb and a rush of heat flooded my face as my stomach twisted into knots. Luckily, Edward seemed to take no notice. His denseness only made me love him more, not that I took much notice of that fact as I stared at a face that was strangely familiar.

"Alice Brandon, meet Jasper Whitlock. My boyfriend."


A/N:
- Have you reviewed yet? Why not? Get to it, or Officer Whitlockf will break out his nightstick to use on you. Wait, what? You would like that? ... Fine. If you don't review, you'll NEVER see the good officer's nightstick, or any other part of him for that matter. HA! ;D
- So, yeah. You should totally review. Point out your favorite lines. :)