It was surely the worst way for anyone to start their graduation year at Hogwarts. Lily Evans couldn't think of something worse. She was standing there, in front of the bricked wall between platforms ten and nine completely alone. Her mom wasn't next to her, smiling and watching the move in the busy station like always. Her father wasn't there, looking at her proudly while starting his be-careful-speech before they could even reach the platform. Even her sister, Petunia who was usually standing a few steps away from the rest of the family, frowning as usual would be a true comfort right now. But Lily hadn't seen her sister for two weeks, not after what had happened. Not after what Petunia had said to her.
The girl took a deep shaky breath, trying to calm herself down, even though she accomplished nothing. She had to be strong. She needed to be strong for the people's eyes, she didn't want anyone to pity her or treat her like she was fragile, expensive china ready to be broken at the very first touch, because she wasn't feeling like that. It had taken her a lot of time to convince herself that she wasn't feeling like that. Her thick, red hair was falling uncombed on her shoulders. Her emerald, green eyes had lost their glimpse; it was like it had never even existed, the only thing that could be seen was the emptiness inside them and the black circles under them. Lily hadn't checked herself in the mirror for days but she knew she looked horrible, but not as horrible as she felt on the inside.
Her grip tightened around her trolley's handle as she walked closer to the bricked wall, her cat, Buttercup was purring, sitting in the trolley, trying to catch Lily's attention. His ginger fur was as uncombed as his owner's hair; even it had lost its glimpse. It was like Buttercup was sharing his owner's grief.
"It's just you and me now, Buttercup" said Lily sadly as she stroked Buttercup between the ears, his favorite spot.
The cat purred satisfied and looked at Lily with his oblique, green eyes with so much comfort like he understood everything that was coming out of her mouth. Lily would wonder sometimes if Buttercup really did understand her. He had come so many times through the window of the locked room just to lick Lily's shaking hands when Lily needed another living creature the most, just to feel its warmth to remind her that she was still not a zombie.
Lily pushed the trolley with her trunk and the cat in, further. She looked around her and when she was completely sure that no one was looking at her direction, she pushed the trolley into the very solid wall. It was like Lily had passed through thin air, the trolley moved through the wall without any difficulty, to stop at a brand new platform, platform nine and three quarters.
The first thing Lily did was to look at the huge clock that was hanging on the wall in front of her. She still had ten minutes until the train's department. Lily figured that it would be better to get in the train. She couldn't wait to slip into a compartment and stay there, alone, for the rest of the journey. She walked past the families and Hogwarts' students. She felt like an invisible iron hand was clenching her heart at the sight of all these happy families and sweet good-byes when she had no one by her side.
That's when she noticed that many faces were turned to her direction, their eyes filled with pity and sadness like they were expecting her to break down and start crying, somehow. Lily raised her eyebrow, curious at first; not really knowing what was going on. When a boy at her age with blonde hair that Lily never talked to (but was certain he played as a chaser in the Gryffindor quidditch team), came with his full of pity eyes and gave her his condolences, it hit Lily as fast as the lamp lights up with the push of a button.
It was quite obvious. It would be in the Daily Prophet's front page, a deatheaters' attack in a muggle neighborhood that left most people dead or seriously injured, including her parents.
Lily stayed with her mouth half-opened, without answering she kept walking past the crowd. She tried to ignore all these people who came to her, saying how sorry they were. But Lily was starting to get very annoyed. Most of these people had never talked to her and they were unaware of her existence, referring to her as that-girl-who-James-asks-all-the-time-out. Now they were suddenly acting like they had known her for years. They suddenly noticed her, because of her parents' death. She didn't want to look at their faces that reminded her the reason of her pain. It was like they confirmed that her parents were dead something that Lily was trying stubbornly to prove wrong. But the image of her parents lying dead in their destroyed living room was the ultimate proof and to remind her, the image was appearing in her nightmares every singe night
As Lily was about to get in the train, she noticed two girls looking at her. Alice and Sophia, her best friends and the only people that probably knew how Lily really felt at the exact moment, but even them, couldn't make her feel better. They had sent her owls that Lily never replied, most times didn't even bother to read. She just wanted to be alone with Buttercup as her only company, so she quickly tried to put her heavy trunk inside the train , gasping in her attend of doing so.
"Do you need help?" a male voice asked from behind her.
Lily turned and saw the complete stranger brunette; the pity was very obvious in his eyes. Lily felt the rage inside her boiling, ready to explode.
"I am doing fine by myself" she answered harshly and pushed with all her force the trunk in the train, glad that instead of falling back on her head the trunk got in.
Lily, ignoring the boy jumped in the train, followed by Buttercup. Knowing that her friends would seek for her, she made her way rapidly at the compartment at the back which was usually empty since it took a lot of time from the compartment to the exit, especially when your stomach was asking for Hogwarts' delicious welcoming feast; she opened the compartment's door and got inside, knowing that no one would seek for her there. She sat at the seat near the window. Buttercup jumped on the seat as well and curled himself on Lily's lap.
Lily started stroking his fur, a tear slipped from her eyes as she watched a mother kissing her child goodbye, telling her that they would see each other again at Christmas. More tears escaped Lily's eyes as she was reminded that she wouldn't go home for Christmas. She would never see her father sitting on his armchair in front of the fireplace, reading his newspaper while drinking hot chocolate, wearing the Christmas sweater mother would have made for him and was complaining so much about it, even though he would gladly wear it at the end. She would never see her mother making cookies in the kitchen while quietly singing every Christmas song that would pass in her mind. Lily would never see them again.
The platform was fading away as the train started moving. Lily was looking out of the window when she heard the compartment's door opening. She turned around expecting to see Alice and Sophia with their hands folded in front of their chests expecting Lily to give all the explanations and excuses she could think of, of why she hadn't sent a single owl. She was surprised though to see the tall, handsome boy with the hazel eyes hidden behind eyeglasses, the unsettled black hair and the Head Boy badge staring at her.
"I just came here to tell you that we are all waiting for you, we can't start without the head-girl" said James. James had a long time to ask Lily out, he was actually hardly talking to her, and he was referring to her only if it was necessary and mainly avoided her. Lily was actually relieved with this change; she was quite tired of getting annoyed every time James would ask her out. James had stopped talking to her after the incident in the yard two years ago, when Severus called her a mudblood. He came later to see if she was alright and Lily took all her anger on him, she had even told him that it was his entire fault, even if it wasn't.
Lily looked at him confused for a few seconds, trying to figure out what he meant. She suddenly remembered a week ago when a brown owl dropped a letter with a badge in the envelope. In her grief she didn't pay much attention to it. But now she remembered, she was selected to be the new Head Girl. She stood up quickly, forgetting that Buttercup was sitting on her lap. The cat made a noise of annoyance and jumped on the opposite seat where he watched Lily was fabling in her now open trunk.
"I am sorry" said Lily in an apologetic tone of voice; her face was buried in the inside of her trunk. "I've kind of forgotten. I am sure I've thrown that badge somewhere here. Oh, here it is" She took out her red, Head Girl badge and pinned it on the front of her school robes, she had changed into her school robes a few minutes ago since there was a toilet right outside her compartment.
"I've figured you would forget" replied James, using the same calm tone as he had used before.
Lily turned and glared at him as she felt the fury boiling inside her again. She looked into his hazel eyes; they were unreadable, so unreadable that Lily turned her own green eyes away. She was determined though, that he was saying this out of pity, like the others. She wouldn't take it from Potter, too.
"I don't know how you guessed that" she said quietly. "I was just lost in my thoughts. Now, I think we better go". Lily made a move to leave when James spoke again, this time revealing his own pity.
"I am sorry about your parents"
Lily turned around to face him, her face hard as stone.
"There's no need to be sorry, it's not your fault that they are dead" she began coldly "Besides I don't think that it's any of your concerns. Let's just stick to the head duties and leave each others personal lives"
James looked at her angrily.
"I was just trying to be nice!"
"Well, don't" Lily cried at him in rage. "I don't need it from you. I don't need you or anyone else to pity me. What do you know about me, Potter? NOTHING! But like the rest, you are suddenly interested because my parents were murdered by deatheaters and it was the main gossip in a bloody newspaper!"
The boy looked at her in pure anger; he shook his head in disapproval, something that made Lily even more furious.
"Alright then" he said in his cool, calm tone of voice. "If you want it to be that way, let's just go to the meeting and get on with it"
He got out of the compartment without turning back to see if Lily was following him. Lily told Buttercup to stay there as she followed James, glaring at his back for the whole time. For some reason, James' pity annoyed her more than the others. Maybe it was due to the fact that he had avoided her completely for two years after being all over her and now he was suddenly talking to her again. Besides she could hardly believe that there was no other person to come and get her and James had to sacrifice himself.
They arrived at the prefects' compartment where a pair of prefects of all four Hogwarts' houses were sitting there waiting for them while talking about their summer holidays. Their attention turned to James and Lily when they got in, waiting for instructions.
Lily let James talk. The boy told the prefects their house's password and a few instructions about what they had to do as prefects. He had also pointed out that the prefects couldn't take points and if there was a very serious problem, they should call the Head Boy or Head Girl.
"Now if all of you have memorized the passwords you are free to go and patrol the corridors". James finished.
The prefects got out of the compartment, laughing and talking with each other leaving Lily alone with James. Lily felt extremely uncomfortable being with James, especially when he was pretending that she wasn't even there by shuffling some papers. She didn't know what to do, stay or leave? She waited for a few more seconds, staring at James who didn't even bother to spare her a glance. Deciding that there was nothing else to say she turned around and exited the compartment, that's when he decided to speak.
"I know you probably hate me, but since we are Heads we have to cooperate with each other no matter how hard it sounds. Besides that, we can keep away from each other as much as we want, alright?"
Lily looked at him, he hadn't even turned his face up from the papers, she stared at him for a moment. She didn't hate him, she actually didn't know what she was feeling about James Potter, the golden Gryffindor boy that everyone loved and admired. But Lily was tired mentally and physically and James confused her and most of times annoyed her so she just nodded, unable to argue.
"Alright" she turned on her heels and exited the compartment, leaving James alone with his papers, never seeing the sad glance he gave her.
