Guilt


I heard the car pull up. I didn't move.
I heard his pulse quicken when he took in the silence of the house. He probably thought she'd left again. Bella slept on peacefully. I mocked her to my best ability, although sleep was not a state I'd achieved for more than a hundred years.

"Bella," Charlie called out from the second floor, panic accenting his tone. The call didn't reach her slumber on the second floor where we were laid together in the smallest bed. She looked so pretty when she slept.

His rush up the stairs sounded like a stampede. I was nervous he would fall in his haste. Bella would have.

He didn't even knock.

"Bella!"

That woke her.

"Charlie," she gasped, raising her head from where it laid across my bare chest. I faked shock and scrambled to cover us both with her bed's pale blue blanket but not before he got a full view of our state. Charlie is a smart man, but he's also a man that sees only what he wants. I didn't want to give him any room to make a self-soothing excuse for catching us in such a position. He has to know. Bella would be furious, but I believed it really for the best.

At first, his face slipped into an expression of ease as he realized his daughter hadn't run off again. Relief. Then his features seemed to slowly implode as realization of the scene before him sunk in. I try to imagine how I would feel were I a father to walk in on my daughter naked in bed with a vampire. He didn't know I was a vampire, of course. However, I think that is more important than me being a woman.

I'd never slept with a woman. Slept. That's what they call it now, right? Just to avoid miscommunication, I never had sex with a woman before that day. I was raised to think that men were where I would find my satisfaction. After an afternoon with Bella, which I let Charlie interrupt to fulfill the plan I had schemed while Bella slept, I never knew how unsatisfied I'd been. The exercise I put Bella through that afternoon would rival even the busiest pornstar. You would think the dissatisfaction of more than a hundred years that I released on her should have put her in a hospital, but I digress.

"Charlie, get out," Bella squealed, pulling the blanket completely over her head.

The door closed. No. Slammed. I almost thought he wouldn't have closed the door at all and just taken off running back down the stairs.

I had to hold in my laughter.

I could feel the heat coming off her body as she flushed. I was afraid she might faint or lapse into insanity. I slipped my hand under the blanket and poked at her stomach. It usually made her giggle – she's very ticklish. Her red face popped out from under the blanket, contorted in an expression of total panic.

"Oh. My. God," she panted.

"Its okay," I tried to comfort. My voice wavered a bit on the last syllable. I wanted to laugh so badly.

Her panic turned to fury as she glared at me. "How could you?"

She jumped out of the small bed and made a ridiculous effort to cover herself. There was not an inch of her body I hadn't been to yet.

"He should know, Bella," I explained.

Her modesty forgotten, she whipped around the room, angrily searching for the discarded clothes that had been strewn about the room in our previous fervor.

"I hardly know!," she huffed as she slid on pajama pants.

I frowned. The room went silent. Insecurity crept back into my stomach. She may not love Edward anymore, but that doesn't mean she loves me. Maybe this is what she really wanted. Sex. The time I had spent with her had been nearly a constant battle over the action. Maybe she's done with me, I thought.

"I don't mean it like that," she sighed knowingly, slipping a loose shirt over her head.

Weakly I muttered a quick 'yeah,' still not confident in her surety.

Reluctantly, she swept over to the bed, sat down, and grabbed my hand. "Look, I love you." She seemed earnest. "It's just... Victoria, so much has happened and so fast. You have to understand that letting my dad find out about us so soon is just another drama to unravel."

Suddenly, I felt guilty which caused me to grow irritated. I'd never grow comfortable with Bella being able to manipulate me in to being soft and conscientious. I am a vampire!

It did not help my tension when she rose from the bed and back into her accusing mood. "Even if things weren't this way, even if all that just happened didn't happen, it is still monstrous of you to make the decision to... come out to my father without my permission. You didn't even hint you would pull something like that! I would have never... with you..." She blushed red.

It seemed what we had just done together had caught up with her.

I grinned.

Her blush deepened.

"Bella," her father bellowed from what seemed to be the bottom of the stairs. "Down. Now!"

"Uh, oh. Looks like you're in trouble," I joked. She rolled her eyes.

Bella swallowed loudly. "I don't even... What do we say?"

"I could tell him I raped you," I offered.

Her eyes grew wide, and with a dead voice, she breathed, "He's going to hate me."

In retrospect, she seemed genuinely terrified, as if she were on her way to the gallows. She really feared that her father would reject her. For a moment I feared I'd truly made a mistake. Maybe Charlie was less liberal than I knew. Was he homophobic? Have I ruined Bella's relationship with her father? Did I really care? The thoughts were calmed when I remembered how Charlie had seemed to know about Bella and I as soon as I'd stepped into his house after bringing Bella home. That all felt like years ago when really it was only days. When time can't be passed with the aid of sleep, it seems to linger around like an unwanted season.

I contemplated taking her hand as we sat at the suddenly extremely tiny kitchen table. It was circular, but we positioned the chairs around it as if it had sides. Bella and I sat to one side, elbows touching, and Charlie sat to the other. Bella ducked her head to her chest as if waiting to be struck while Charlie squeezed his temples with his hands, his head supported by the clenching muscles in his arms. I chewed my lip, waiting for one of them to make a move into discussion. At lease, I hoped it would be a discussion and not an argument. I'd hate to see Charlie shout. He had such an amiable temper, and I wanted to stay of that opinion.

So, to fill the time and tension, I played out scenarios in my head revolving around taking Bella's hand. Would she reject it? Would she embrace the contact? Would Charlie move for his gun?

Charlie took a deep breath and lowered his hands from his head. Bella peered up from the curtain her hair had made. Their eyes met. Bella's were full of guilt and apprehension. Charlie looked defeated.

"Bella," he said after a long while of just looking at her. "Can you please be honest with me just this once?"

She looked down at her hands. "I don't know," she whispered.

Somehow, Charlie's face fell more.

"Mr. Swan," I began, ready to diffuse the situation with my great communication skills. "What Bella means is-" I didn't get to finish.

Charlie's eyes flew to my face with a livid gleam. Standing up so quickly that the chair he was sitting in fell to the floor, he thundered, "Don't speak to me!"

I wasn't shocked at his anger. I was just not expecting it to fall all to me alone. The veins in his neck were showing as the beat of his heart thumped a wild rhythm that seemed to resonate throughout the house.

"You people," he began in a vicious tone cloaked in a soft volume. "You took her, changed her, turned every word she said to me into a half truth, and then broke her all so you could come around to take advantage of her when she's weakest! When I'm weakest! You'll not have her this time," He growled.

I felt actually threatened. He looked possessed.

"That has nothing to do with her, Char-dad," Bella stumbled in my defense, her voice as strong as she would risk with her father in this mood. "She hasn't taken advantage of me." Then, in a quieter voice, "I have fallen in love with her."

His eyes snapped back to her. "God, damn it, Bella! Don't do this again! I won't let you!" He turned back to me. "Leave." The word was as icy as it was clear.

Not sure what to do, I looked back to Bella. Her mouth was open as she stared gobsmacked at her father.

Then I did it. I took her hand. She turned her attention to me. I heard her heart fumble. Our eyes met for a few beats. Very slowly, she took a deep breath, and went back to her father with a new found will.

"We'll go," she said simply.

Rage turned Charlie's face almost purple. Was he breathing? "You will NOT! You have had enough leaving. You will st-"

"I will do as I want. I am an adult, Charlie," Bella declared, confidence painting every word with maturity that could not be questioned. "I'll leave tonight."

The defeat in Charlies eyes appeared so suddenly. I've seen my prey taking their last breath have more hope. "Why do you keep leaving? What's going on?" He whispered all of it.

I heard Bella sigh. "I don't want to leave," she spoke softly, her eyes beginning to water.

The moods these people went through never failed to astonish me.

"There are things you can't know, dad," she continued apologetically, weighting each word with seriousness. "I want to stay but not to be a prisoner... I've had enough of that... You have to let me do what I need to do, because whether you support me or not, I'm going to do it." In a quieter voice, "I need Victoria, and I will be with her."

Charlie looked completely exhausted as I watched him randomly turn, take the chair he'd knocked over in his fury, and gently place it at the table. I could see his hands were trembling. He finally met Bella's eyes. He looked pained but didn't speak. When he looked at me he sighed.

He turned his eyes to the floor and spoke, "Can you at least respect my house and not do..." Reddening he made a nervous motion between us with his hand, and lamely emphasized, "that... here. You may be an... adult, but I am still your father."

I frowned. He was forcing her to make another lie. The man sets himself up for disappointment. Ah, well, I'll never let him catch us again.

"Yes, of course," Bella assured, blushing with him, trying to maintain her confidence.

Nodding awkwardly and preparing to exit the room, he said in an unsteady voice, "We'll talk later." He went in to his bedroom. I heard him collapse on his old bed with an exhausted groan.

I still held Bella hand, and so I gave it a meticulous squeeze. She just blinked in acknowledgment.

"Do you think he hates me," I asked. I'd had enough tension for the day. Only this morning Edward had thrown me around a bit and now Charlie had raged his rage. I was really hoping to smile again before the sun was down.

Taking a deep breath, she slipped her hand from mine to stretch her arms above her head. She arched her back like a cat, sticking her chest out. I took a moment to imagine how good she would look doing that without clothes on.

"Not as much as Edward," she finally answered. "Its strange. I feel both elated and guilty."

"That's okay." I didn't have a clue how to comfort her there. I almost felt guilty for working Charlie up the way I had. Almost. "In a way, this is sort of my fault," I tried to offere.

She rolled her eyes and huffed, "It is all your fault. This is not the way he should have been told. Everything is very delicate right now, Victoria. Don't you understand?"

Knowing she was touchy, flying on adrenaline, all I could give was a meek 'I'm sorry.'

She was going to make a reply when the kitchen phone began to ring.

"Hello," she answered, clearing her voice of all that had transpired.

"Bella, could you and Victoria come over sometime today?" I heard Alice Cullen ask. She spoke innocently.

Bella looked to me. I thought on it for a second. A deep part of me, a part I often indulged wanted to see the Cullen's again just to gloat that Bella had chosen me over their poster boy. Deciding this would amuse me greatly, I nodded my head in encouragement.

Hesitantly, she made her reply. "Yeah, sure. I am not sure when..." After a brief pause to muster up the courage, she whispered into the phone, "Is Edward there?"

"He left Bella," Alice's voice was not as soft as it was.

Her eyes closed. I could not tell if it was in relief or sorrow. "See you soon," she said, and without waiting for a reply, hung up the phone.

I was at her side in a second. "Its okay," I offered again.

She just shook her head. "I feel so guilty."

I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck softly, trying to guide her to my body, but she shrugged out of it. "I want to shower. You should change. Your clothes are wrinkled." She quickly kissed the corner of my mouth, and then silently made her way to the bathroom.

This was the most insane day I'd ever experienced. I was happy Bella was mine but also disappointed with all the issues I'd have to take on. They felt like weights trapping me from flying, from being free. I'm a vampire. I didn't really consider anything outside of being able to have Bella choose me. So much had to be sorted – Charlie, the Cullen's, Bella's humanity, the Volturi. Is this what I really wanted?


A/N: So, I'm doing this again as an effect of the reviews that keep showing up every time I check my email. My summer is very dull. I've got the time. I also want to attempt redemption from the terrible writing my 14-yea-old self exhibited (I am really not sure anymore of what age I started it). Other than essay's, I haven't written in years and years. I'm 18 now. Hopefully I can best my younger self, but I'm pretty nervous. I promise to have a plot this time. I am a lot less dyslexic, but still struggle with dysgraphia when given the opportunity. Thanks for sticking with me. Special thanks to Rioshix and Avanwolf for the confidence in taking up fanfiction again.