MY LOVE
CHAPTER ONE OF ONE
There is no turning back now, is there… not for me, not for you… not for us…
We've got such sad lives, my love. You know?
I feel like laughing now. Departures are always sudden, my mother used to say… not the one who gave birth to me, the other one. She was beautiful, just like yours. I never met the other one. She died when I was two days old, I hear. I don't know… I'd love to meet her talk to her… she was a beautiful woman, too, my love...
Then again, what's the point of having these useless one-way conversations with you? What's the point of talking to you... when you're not even listening… when you don't even know that I'm talking to you, trying to get across to you…?
What sentimental fools we are... hell, I don't even sound myself.
You'll hate me, won't you? You'll hate me so much for asking her to take care of you, and then you'll try to have it your way. Never mind if she gets used and destroyed in the process, but you'll get back at me, won't you? I'd hate to see you do that to her.
And yet I'd love it if I could see that I really am worth getting violent and murderous over. Am I worth that much to you, my love, that you'd turn your love into hate just so that I'll regret giving you up? Because I do regret letting go. I can't stand the guilt sometimes. I want to give up, right now, right here.
But I can't, now, can me? I've got promises to keep, promises that are on a far more significant scale than the one I made with you. I can't let go of two million souls just for you. I want to, but there are things you can't help… you said that yourself. There are things that nobody can change.
And yet you try to change them. What a contradiction you are, my love. Maybe that's why I can't help it. I can't help you.
I'm trying to, though. And the only way to do so… is to forget you. We're just not meant to be. This love is impossible, no matter how deep and dark it is, can or will be. We can reach for each other, but you'll never be able to hold my hand, and neither can I hold yours. We must move on. I must go on for my people, and you must go on for your future.
I won't be there. I can't be there, no matter how much I want to. I can't stand beside you and share your joy and glory with you when you finally make amends for your father. But she can. She can pick you up; hold you strong, lest you fail. She will smile and laugh and sing and dance with you in your success. She will pass where I have failed you.
So, my love, love her. Appreciate her. Let her take my place, and if she doesn't want to replace me, then hold her in greater glory. Lean on her, like I leaned on you. I want to see you shine. Shine for me, and if you can't, then do it at least for yourself.
"Let's go, Warren."
"Yes, Ma'am."
Goodbye, my love. I loved you, and I still do, and I will do so till the last breathe I take. That is the least I can give you, my love. Adieu.
"If excessive love can destroy, then perhaps excessive hatred can heal."
-FreedomValentine-
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