The Real World: Besaid By Kashiwa

Note: This is a script-style story, fashioned like the popular melodrama- fest, MTV's the Real World and Square's poorly dubbed Final Fantasy X.



~The screen opens as 6 well-washed teens, a blue tiger and an old man flash on the screen as their names Tidus, Yuna, Wakka, Lulu, Rikku, Kimahri and Auron appear with them.~

Narrator: Welcome to The Real World: Besaid, where 8 angsty teens share a house and attempt to avoid bickering while fighting their tendency to crush over each other, all in hopes of showing what happens when people stop being nice and cast fire spells, I mean, start getting real.

~This is in the middle of the season. Currently, Tidus, the jock with a valley-girl accent, is trying not to cheat on his girlfriend in Zanarkand as he angsts over his crush on Yuna, the wussy, introverted, asthma-ridden brunette with a valley-girl accent. Yuna is trying to accept the alternative lifestyle choice of Wakka, the token gay guy, who has a secret gay lover in a popular Blitzball team~

Tidus (to the camera): I, like, just DON'T know what to say to Yuna! I mean, she was totally just like my friend at first, but now I like, totally don't know what to say to her! Plus, I don't know what my girlfriend back in Zanarkand will say, but then again, I don't even know if I will ever get back to my Zanarkand!

Yuna: Oh my GAWD Tidus! You are so stupid and stuff! ~throws a pillow at him~

Tidus: Whatever, cheerleader, I mean, summoner!

Yuna: ~mood drastically changes because she forgot her bipolarity medication~ Oh my god Tidus! Like, there is so much more to Summoners than just summoning Aeons and smiling and laughing hysterically at stupid things and marrying icky doo-doo heads! ~Cries dramatically as she dashes out of the room and enters Wakka's room to cry on his safely gay shoulders~

Wakka: Whatsa matter, Yuna?

Yuna: Oh Wakka! Tidus is so mean! He like, totally doesn't understand me, and that really bothers me because I have a secret subconscious problem stemmed from my poor fatherly relationship that makes it hard to control my emotions around other guys!

Wakka: Oh, I'm sorry. Well, let me tell you this age-old story told by the gay elders at my support group.

~We then see the image of Yuna and Wakka distorted as the "Real World" logo pops up. Time for a commercial!

Gideon Yago: Next, on the 10 spot.~shows flamboyantly gay camp counseler yelling at a teenage guy for making fun of an Al Bhed~ Is it really okay for teens to discriminate?

Teenage guy: But wait! All I did was steal his money! It had nothing to do with his being Al Bhed!

Al Bhed: Like, whatever! All I know is that it makes me feel really uncomfortable for people to mention what I am, but I hate it even more when people don't worship my ethnicity, age, gender, sexual preference, and opinions!

Teenage guy: Oh, sorry. Here, take your money back. See ya! ~Slaps the Al Bhed on the back~

Al Bhed: OH my god! That makes me feel so uncomfortable!

Gideon Yago: As you have just seen, hate crime is a horrible thing. Surveys show that most teens think that hate crimes should have stricter punishments. All of this, on the Ten Spot.

~We now return to the show as Auron, the sexually frustrated token virgin, and Seymour, the white guy who wishes he was a black playa, stand in the living room. Auron is trying to vacuum, but Seymour is using the only available outlet to power his Insta-Margarita-Maker 2000~

Auron: Oh my gawd Seymour! You are so impossible! I am TRYING to vacuum! Can't your stupid margaritas wait!?

Seymour: Whatever, old fool! I think you need to get yo old ay-ass outta Squaresville and enjoy a nice margarita wid me!

Auron: Oh my god! You are SO IMPOSSIBLE! ~Auron then drops the vacuum cleaner and storms out, dashing into Wakka's room for comfort and support.~

Yuna: It's okay, Auron! I know that the only reason why you do this is because of your subconscious and unknown-to-all tendency to clean because your father was an abusive alcoholic and your mom ate a lot of chips and left the crumbs on the floor!

Wakka: Hey, wanna get in the hot-tub?

~Coming next chapter: The shocking revelation in the hot-tub that will change the show's direction completely, Rikku's confession, Lulu and Kimahri's outing to a popular rave scene, and MORE!~