Love's Conspiracy
She is driving me to drink! Back and forth! Back and forth! Nearly all day every day! I wonder if she was like this out there. After seven years she probably wore a path in her carpets! This has got to stop. "Kathryn, sit down and talk, your mother needs company. I have been alone too long. Talk to me, tell me about your crew." Gretchen padded the chair next to her at the kitchen table.
Kathryn looked around a little like a caged animal but finally sat down as her mother gave her the death glare. Kathryn hated that look. She always wondered if her crew felt the same way when she used a milder version of the glare on them. Luckily they never saw the Gretchen Janeway glare!
"Oh, mom, I just don't know where to start. So much happened out there. Most of it was good, some bad, and some terrible. But, it's over thankfully. Time to move on with my life once this vacation is over."
"Have you decided what you're going to do?"
"No, but one thing is certain. I don't want to go back into space for a long time if ever. I've had my fill." She grinned that lop sided grin of hers as she looked at her mother's face. "You don't believe me, but it's true. I just want my feet firmly planted on earth for years to come."
"You have five more months before you have to let Fleet know. A lot can happen between now and then. Don't rush your decision." Suddenly Gretchen stood and went over to the old fashioned stove. Putting on an oven mitt she removed a pan of caramel brownies so that they could cool enough to eat. "Won't be long and we can dig into them. How about some fresh coffee?" Kathryn nodded as Gretchen took her cup and refilled it along with her own.
"On Voyager we had only replicated coffee or Neelix's coffee substitutes. They were awful. Chakotay use to tease me about my coffee habits all the time. When I would run out of rations, I would take some of his to tide me over till the beginning of the new month. He never seemed to mind."
Gretchen had noticed that most conversations had been about Chakotay. Kathryn seldom mentioned Seven. When she talked about Chakotay her eyes glowed. Gretchen had seen that look before. Kathryn definitely had feelings for him. In fact, she knew Kathryn loved him.
The night of the welcome home gala, Gretchen had watched the three of them. She couldn't understand why Chakotay, who had seemed warm and wonderful, would want to be with someone as cold and stiff as Seven. She noticed the way he looked at Kathryn when he thought she wasn't looking. She also noticed the way Kathryn looked at him. There was definitely something there.
The next night, Kathryn and Gretchen had dinner with the Paris family. While Kathryn was engrossed in conversation with B'Elanna and Owen, Gretchen was able to talk with Tom. She asked him about the relationship between Kathryn and Chakotay. Tom was only too happy to tell her his version of their story. Gretchen began to understand more. But, one thing was foremost in her mind: Kathryn was in love with Chakotay and had been for years. Tom told her how Chakotay went around with his heart on his sleeve for Kathryn and his belief that Chakotay started a relationship with Seven not realizing they would soon be home. Tom and the rest of the crew believed that Chakotay was still in love with Kathryn but was trapped with Seven.
Gretchen kept this information to herself and vowed to learn even more. Perhaps she could find a way to help the two of them. In the days that followed she got Kathryn to talk more and more about Chakotay. She took avid interest when Kathryn told her about her spirit guide and how Chakotay had introduced the guide and the spirit world to Kathryn. Gretchen decided that she needed to visit the spirit world. Perhaps an animal spirit guide could help her. When she approached Kathryn about showing her how to enter the spirit world, she approached it in a way that made Kathryn all for it. Kathryn showed her the medicine bundle she had made years before and how the akoona worked. Gretchen put together her bundle and Kathryn replicated an akoona for her.
Together they sat in Gretchen's bedroom floor. Kathryn helped her to enter the spirit world. Kathryn had told Gretchen that the first animal she saw would be her spirit guide. Gretchen found herself in a kitchen, vastly different from hers but still a kitchen. A pot was on the stove simmering and giving off wonderful mouthwatering aromas. Looking around puzzled, she wondered where she would find an animal.
Hearing a noise behind her, she turned to see a beautiful woman about sixty entering the kitchen from outside. She had long black hair tied back with a cord; her completion was golden from many hours spent in the sun. She carried a basket of assorted vegetables. She looked up at her guest with wonderful brown eyes. The most intriguing thing about her was her smile, slight at first it soon became a huge grin which showed deep dimples. Gretchen thought of Chakotay immediately. Could this woman possibly be his mother? His older sister?
The woman walked forward and placed the basket on the table taking in the looks of the woman standing before her. She knew immediately this was Gretchen Janeway. She had sensed Gretchen's need to speak with a spirit guide for some time. She thought Kathryn was a formidable woman, and this woman standing before her was just as formidable. No wonder Kathryn had withstood seven years in the Delta Quadrant the way she had!
"Gretchen Janeway, you do me honor coming to my home." she said immediately. "I am Lilia mother of Chakotay. Please sit so we may talk." As Gretchen sat, Lilia moved over to the counter and poured tea for both. "I believe this is your favorite tea." She placed a mug in front of Gretchen and then sat gracefully down across from her with her mug of tea.
Neither woman spoke for several minutes. They were sizing each other up and both liked what they saw.
"I was looking for an animal. Kathryn told me that the first animal that I saw would be my spirit guide. So, why am I here?"
"Sometimes, Gretchen, people need more help than an animal guide can give. I will try to help you in any way that I can."
"It's hard to talk to the mother of someone I have come to complain about!"
"Chakotay? My boy? What could he have possibly done to upset you?"
"Oh, not me! Well, not directly. But, Kathryn! He has hurt Kathryn."
"Wait a minute! Back up! What about your dear sweet Kathryn? She is no innocent in this! She hurt my boy deeply!"
"I beg to differ! He doesn't seem too hurt. He walked off the ship with that cold Borg Seven and has been with her ever since, leaving my poor Kathryn alone!"
"Well, maybe if your Kathryn hadn't been such an ice maiden, it wouldn't have happened!"
"Ice maiden! Ice maiden! How dare you! Kathryn is a kind loving person!"
"Oh, sure! You have no idea what she put Chakotay through for years! I'm just surprised that he didn't move on long before he did!"
Gretchen rose from her chair and slammed the tea mug down on the table top. "I don't need this! I came here for help. I can do better than this on my own!"
Lilia stood as well. Leaning forward with her palms planted on the table top she replied, "And, exactly what is your plan?"
The two women looked at each other and suddenly began laughing. They sat back down and began talking, sorting through different ideas trying to come up with the perfect plan.
It seemed like hours, but was only a matter of minutes before Gretchen came out of the trance. Looking at Kathryn, she smiled.
"Well that was enlightening!" She then began putting the things she had used away for later. She secretly hoped that she would be able to contact Lilia again if she was needed. She didn't want to keep asking Kathryn for help.
That very night, Chakotay's dreams began. He dreamed of being in a park playing with two small children, both girls. Each had auburn hair and blue eyes with deep dimples. As he played with them, he saw a woman walking across the grass. As soon as the children saw her, they ran to her calling, "Mommy, mommy! Daddy taught us a new game!" Chakotay looked up into the eyes of a smiling Kathryn Janeway. "Kathryn" he had called out loud. The dream seemed so real. Seven came into the room and was staring at him. She knew that he had once loved Kathryn but thought that it had ended a long time ago.
Night after night the dreams continued, growing in length and becoming increasingly more vivid. He tossed and turned and often called out her name. Yet each morning he woke refreshed. Still he did not contact Kathryn, and Seven seemed to cling to him even more.
After a couple of weeks, Gretchen felt there had been no progress made that she could tell. She went into her bedroom and softly closed the door. Taking out her medicine bundle, she sat on the floor and began spreading the items out. Soon she placed her hand on the akoona and closed her eyes.
Just like last time, she opened her eyes to find she was again in Lilia's kitchen where Lilia was stirring something that smelled delicious in a huge pot on the stove.
"Help yourself to some tea, Gretchen. I'll be right there." Gretchen poured tea for herself and noticing Lilia's mug was empty, poured some for her as well. Sitting at the table sipping the tea, Gretchen looked around while waiting for Lilia. The kitchen was spotless and nicely decorated in warm inviting colors. Gretchen felt that it had always been a happy place.
Lilia turned from the stove and picked up a plate of cookies. Placing them on the table between them, she sat and picked up her mug. She motioned for Gretchen to help herself. As Gretchen picked up a chocolate chip cookie she found it still warm to the touch. It was her favorite way of eating cookies. Taking a bite, she was amazed at the taste. It was the best cookie she had ever tasted.
Finally she looked Lilia straight in the eye. "It's not working you know. You said that your plan would work!"
"What do you mean my plan? It is our plan!"
"Whosever! It still isn't working! What is wrong with that son of yours? It's been two weeks filled with dreams of him and Kathryn! Still he hasn't contacted her. Still Seven is around!"
"Blame everything on my baby, will you? What about Kathryn, Miss-High-And-Mighty? She's so use to sitting in her office all day giving orders. She needs a life!"
"Yes, she does! And soon! Think about it, Lilia! It's been seven years! Seven years without sex! How much more can she take? She keeps it up, soon it will grow shut! We'll never have grandchildren! We need them and we need them soon!" Gretchen knew how much Lilia wanted Chakotay to have children.
"That does it! We will step it up a notch! We will add plan 1A to plan 1 beginning tonight." The ladies grinned evilly and then sat back to enjoy a few minutes of the latest gossip. Gretchen was amazed at how much the Spirit World Lilia enjoyed a bit of gossip, especially about the Voyager crew.
Arriving home from work two weeks later, Chakotay stood outside his home amazed at what he was seeing. A Starfleet crew was moving things out of his home. What was going on? After a couple of minutes, Seven emerged from the home and when she saw him, walked over to where he was standing.
Before he could say anything at all, she began speaking. "No, Comm…Chakotay, this is not going to work! I can't take it any longer. I have to get out of this house. They're driving me crazy. I can't regenerate with them there, I can't work with them at work, I can't even go to the bathroom with them there!"
Grabbing her by the arm, he asked, "Who, Seven? Who's there? Get a grip on yourself, you look like hell!"
"Look like…feel like…everything….mad, I tell you, mad…I can't." Looking over his shoulders, her eyes widened. "There…they're there." He turned and looked but saw nothing.
"I think you need to see the doctor. Something must be happening to your system. There's nothing there."
"But, they are. They are there. I see them. Everywhere I go, they follow." She looked him in the eyes and lowered her voice. "Sometimes they even speak to me."
"Who speaks to you? Who's there?"
"Your children, Chakotay, your children with their auburn hair and blue eyes and deep dimples. They need their father. You need to be with them."
"I don't have children!"
"No, but you will, with her. You need to be with her, she loves you. I…well…we are friends…but."
"I think I understand. Listen, promise me one thing. Promise that you will see the doctor as soon as possible. Let me know how things go! I would like to remain friends if we can."
For the first time in a week, Seven felt better as she said, "Yes, I think that would work. Thank you! Thank you for everything."
That night Chakotay got out his medicine bundle, but try as he might, he couldn't contact his spirit guide. Finally he put the bundle away and went to bed where he spent the night dreaming of Kathryn and the two little girls.
Each night for the next week, Chakotay tried to contact his guide, and each night he failed. He knew she was angry with him as he hadn't tried to contact her since he and Seven had become a couple. He laughed at that! Couple! If people only knew! They were together but not together. He had been teaching Seven about her humanity, but that was all. They had never engaged in sex. He knew that if they had, it would only have been sex for him, not love, never love!
The next day as he sat at his desk at the Academy he kept looking out the window. The park in the distance looked so inviting. He decided to go there after his last class. Finally, when the time came, he nearly ran his students down getting out the door.
He walked quickly to the park and found a bench away from the others that were there enjoying what remained of the day. Getting comfortable on the bench, he soon began to snooze. Suddenly he found himself back in his mother's kitchen sitting in the chair where he always sat. Looking around, he saw his mother standing with her back to him stirring something cooking on the stove.
What surprised him even more was the site of Gretchen Janeway pouring tea into mugs. He rubbed his eyes to make certain it was her. How did she get into the spirit world?
Both women seemed to turn at the same time and came to sit at the table. Gretchen passed out the mugs of tea and his mother passed out warm chocolate chip cookies, his favorite cookie. He began to worry, they were smiling. It made him nervous.
"What am I doing here, Mom? I am glad to see you but…." he motioned toward Gretchen. "Why is she here? How did she…..Mom, what is going on?"
"Very simple, baby." Gretchen's head came up at that. Lilia called this big huge guy baby? Lilia continued. "We needed to talk with you! You have made some bad choices in the past six months."
"Very bad indeed!" Piped in Gretchen. Lilia looked at Gretchen and rolled her eyes.
"Well, your daughter is not a saint in this either!"
"My daughter didn't go off with some blond bimbo with big knockers!"
"Ha! No blond bimbo would want her!"
"Well, I hope not. And, it doesn't surprise me that your baby went off with one. He has no taste in women! Why, my little sweet Kathryn has more brains than most women and she's beautiful!"
"You forgot to add cold as ice!" Lilia yelled.
"She is not!" Gretchen's voice rose to a high pitch.
"Ladies! Settle down!"
Both turned to look at him and said in unison, "Shut up! This is all your fault." Turning back the ladies looked at each other and began laughing.
"Sorry, baby. We often get carried away. Now, where were we, Gretchen?"
"Just going to give him some advice which he will take if he knows what is good for him."
"Oh, right! Baby, man up! You love Kathryn, she loves you! Go take her in your arms, sweep her off her feet, make mad passionate love to her, make us grandmothers!"
"We have waited long enough. Kathryn is moping around the place. All she talks about is you. I see her eyes! There is so much love there when she speaks of you. Chakotay, go to her!"
"I want to, but I really messed things up."
"She will forgive you, I think she already has. Just try, will you? You want to be happy and so does she. Your happiness is together not apart."
"You could have it all, baby, you could have it all! Those two little girls in your dreams could be yours and Kathryn's. Dreams do come true! She is the other half of your soul!"
He looked from one woman to the other. These two women, so different yet so much alike, had somehow transcended their differences and had bonded. If they could do it, he and Kathryn could certainly do it. He nodded his head slowly as both women put their arms around him and smiled lovingly into his face.
Moments later he found himself back on the bench in the park. He stood and hurried to his home. He had things to do and places to go. There was a woman out there that he needed, and he intended to sweep her off her feet!
First thing he did was to call Kathryn at her home in Indiana. Although he had gone back to work, she was still on vacation.
As soon as Kathryn saw his face on the screen she knew there was something different about him. He had changed. Grinning from ear to ear, he asked her out for dinner that night. She was about to say no when her mom appeared standing on the other side of the screen.
"Ask him here, Kathryn!"
Kathryn nodded slowly. "Chakotay, would it be possible for you to come here for dinner? I think we would enjoy it more. Say 1900 hours?"
"Of, course, I would be delighted." They talked for a few more minutes while Kathryn gave him the coordinates to transport into their study. After signing off, Kathryn headed into the kitchen.
Gretchen was already pulling out vegetables and things to make for dinner. Looking up at her daughter, she grinned that crooked smile.
"Kathryn, be a good girl and set the table for two. Then, go take a bath and dress nice."
"Two mother?"
"Yes, dear, I have plans for tonight. I am spending the entire weekend with your Aunt Pauline. Did I forget to tell you?" She shoved the plates and silverware into Kathryn's hands.
Later, when Kathryn went up stairs to bathe, Gretchen called Pauline to make arrangements to spend the weekend. She had known that Pauline would be home and would welcome spending time with her. Thank goodness for Pauline! She would take her medicine bundle along. A short visit with Lilia was what she needed. Hopefully, Chakotay wouldn't blow this!
At exactly 1900 hours, Kathryn heard the whine of the transporter. Her mother had already left. A little nervous, she walked into the study as Chakotay was materializing. She stood still as she watched. He looked so very handsome in a light blue pullover with black pants. He held a bottle of wine and a huge bouquet of multi-colored flowers. As he stepped off the transporter pad, he looked a little nervous, but perhaps it was just because she was nervous. She smiled the smile that always melted his heart.
Handing her the flowers and wine, he marveled at how beautiful she looked. Her hair was again below her shoulders and pulled back lightly with wisps curling down. She wore a simple dress in blue with a scoop neck showing off just a touch of cleavage. The dress buttoned down the front. Looking at her that way, he knew he had made a good decision to come here. His mom and Gretchen were right. He loved this woman standing before him; he had loved her for years. She was the other half of his soul.
Looking around, he asked, "Kathryn, where is your mother?"
"Oh she is visiting my aunt for the weekend." She watched as he let out a noticeable sigh of relief. "Something wrong?"
"No, everything is just fine." He grinned that deep dimpled grin that she loved so well as he secretly gave a sigh of relief.
Dinner was excellent. Chakotay figured Gretchen must have had a hand in making it but kept that fact too himself. It was better that way. Long ago he had discovered that Kathryn couldn't cook. As they ate they discussed the latest gossip about the crew. He told her that Seven had taken up with the doctor, a fact that Kathryn already knew.
After dinner they took the rest of their wine into the living area and got comfortable on the couch. Chakotay noticed light strands of music playing. Listening carefully he identified it as 'Appalachian Spring' one of Kathryn's favorite pieces by Aaron Copland, a twentieth century composer. He knew how much she loved the piece especially how the clarinet opening gave way gently to the strings.
He knew that tonight was the time to let her know his true feelings. He just hoped that his mother and Gretchen were right and that Kathryn truly loved him. He reached out his arm and gently pulled her a little closer, but giving her enough room that she wouldn't feel embarrassed.
"Kathryn, I have made many mistakes in my life, none more so than in the past few months. Very simply put, I love you! I have since the beginning of our time in the Delta Quadrant. I tried not to, but my mom has an old saying 'Love is never a choice'. I tried to hide that love from you. I think you saw it, perhaps not every day, but it was always there. You have qualities within you that many people would love to have. There are so many marvelous things about you that few on board Voyager ever got to see. I saw many of those things which only strengthened my love for you. I waited for you for years. I had hoped that you would get over your doubts and fears about a relationship together. If you had, you would have discovered how wonderful like together could be. I held on, but the past year, you seemed to drift farther and farther away.
"I lost hope that you would ever want me. I let go on the surface, but deep inside, I couldn't. You were the other half of my soul. I tried to pretend that it wasn't true. I tried to pretend that I could make a life with Seven. I liked her, I liked her a lot. However, one important thing was missing from our relationship. We never loved each other. We never had sex, and yes, that is what it would have been. It never would have been making love, just sex! I am glad we didn't!
"I came here tonight for a couple of reasons. First of all, I want you to forgive me if you can. Second, I wanted to tell you that I love you more than anything or anyone in this world. Third, I am asking you to begin a relationship with me and last of all, to do this" Saying that, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately.
She didn't even try to pull away; instead she returned his kiss with equal passion. She moved her arms around his neck to pull him closer. Finally breaking the kiss, she whispered in his ear, "Yes, Chakotay, oh, yes!"
He pulled back and looked her in the eyes. "Yes?"
"Yes, I have forgiven you long ago. Yes, I love you as well and yes, I want a relationship. We have waited long enough." Gently she reached up and pulled his head down to hers, their lips met in a searing, heart-melting kiss.
"We keep this up; I won't be able to stop!"
"Who told you we had to stop? We have had seven years of foreplay. Now is the time for action!''
He smiled and stood. Picking her up in his arms, "There's only one thing to ask. Which way to the bedroom?" She pointed up the stairway. As he carried her up the stairs, he marveled at her lightness. As they entered her bedroom, he realized that it would be the first night of the rest of their lives.
He stood her next to the bed and slowly undressed her between kisses. Once she was nude, he stood back to look at her. The moonlight pouring into the room bathed her silken body in a golden glow. She looked perfect to him. He thanked the spirits for her. Then grinning, he silently thanked two wonderful ladies, who seemed determined to drive him crazy!
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Taya reached up and gently kissed her grandmother on her cheek as they sit in the swing waiting for her daddy to bring her mommy and her new sister, Sarah, home.
"I love your stories, Grandma! Especially that one! You and Grandma Lilia did good!"
Gretchen held the child tightly to her as she looked up into the sky. She missed the times with Lilia. Someday they would be together again.
"I wish Grandma Lilia could be here with us!"
"She is, Taya, she is! Every time the sun is here, it is her giving a special day to you. Even when it rains, she is there helping your flowers to grow. The next time you are touched by a gentle breeze, it's your Grandma Lilia looking over you!"
Taya sat in wonder as a gentle breeze gently caressed her cheek.
"Thank you, Grandma Lilia!" she whispered. "I love you!"
