Author's Senseless Oinking:
Well, been in a creative slump…
-Boot to the head from angry Evangelion fans-
…Okay, laziness for my Eva fanfic 'The Last Man on Earth', so I thought I'd get the old mind a'rumblin' in something else and get the systems back to normal. This was an idea of mine that only recently seemed like an interesting subject. Probably been done a ton of times here on , and I don't give a damn. It's my work, my ideas, and Tite Kubo's universe; you may now man the helms for safety. This will be a series of one-shots based (mainly) on the Bleach manga storyline where certain male and female duos have their roles reversed. One thing to note, some names and relationships between characters will be changed as a result of the switching. For example: Hisana (Rukia's older sister and Byakuya's dead wife) is switched with Masaki because Rukia is a Kurosaki in this chapter and so Hisana is now the departed matron of the Kurosaki home. By the same token, Masaki would then be the late wife of Byakuya…Which means…Heh heh heh…
Disclaimer:
I do not own the rights to Bleach and all its related themes, characters, and plots. Tite Kubo does and NOT me. I also don't own the rights to the detergent product Clorox. I just couldn't think of a better title for this idea. Not that the title is bad…Just…Okay, nevermind…
The sun was setting, the sky ablaze with an ocre and crimson that would be simply divine were it not for the fact that…
…I was REALLY pissed!
"Oh shit!" the three delinquents gasped as I drop-kicked their leader square in his ugly mug, making a new speed-bump in the road with him.
"I'm going to ask you again!" I growled at them. "WHO was the oaf that knocked down that bottle of flowers!"
At first they trembled, but one seemed to sprout a spine as the next one of them pulled out a knife, charging with a battle roar…
…which turned to a meow as I dodged his attack and pulled his hand behind his back painfully.
"Was it you?" I scowled as I began popping joint after joint in his hand.
"GYAAH!" he screamed like a little girl as his hand slowly was contorted in ways unnatural. "OKAY! HIIIIIIII! I did it! Just sto-AAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHH!" he cried as I flipped him over me, quite a feat for someone of my height and weight, and plowed him into the concrete.
"Now then," I turned to the other lackeys. "Here's a question: why would someone put flowers at a roadway? You! To the left!" I pointed to the ugliest member of the posse.
"UH…Um, because a girl was hit by a car there a few days back-"
"Correct!" I yelled with a flying side-kick to his gut. His friend gasped in horror as he became the last standing member of the group. With an evil scowl, I simply glowered back at him. "Now, here's a better question: why shouldn't I beat you all so hard that YOU'LL be needing flowers??"
With cowardly a shriek, the thug fell to the ground and crawled away as his injured friends turned tail and ran too, pleading for mercy.
I stood up and cricked my neck. Sheesh, not even a sweat after all the pulverizing I just did…In any case, I went back to the bottle and turned it back up. The ethereal form beside me appeared, me being the only one to see her as the girl who had passed away showed herself.
"Wow…You sure are tough," she awed with a smile.
"Oh, that's just what happens if I get worked up," I shrugged it off with a laugh. "Anyways, sorry about that. I'll be sure to give you a new set of flowers tomorrow."
"Thank you. I think I can rest easier now," she sighed.
"Good to hear," I waved as I headed home. "Hurry up and go to heaven already, little girl."
My name is Rukia Kurosaki. I'm a fifteen year old high school freshmen. Life can be tough when you've been able to see ghosts since you were a kid, but I manage. My father and sisters run a clinic here in Karakura Town, so maybe the fact that I can see spirits is karma for not helping out.
"I'm home-" I sighed as I entered, the night sky now sprinkled with stellar lights.
"You!" father stood at the doorway already as I leered in shock. "What time is it, young lady!" he asked with a face that made my insides turn to mush.
"Um…It's just passed eight…" I gulped.
"It's 8:30 in the evening, Rukia! You know that dinner is at seven sharp every night! What could have been more important than spending family time together like we always do?? HMM?!"
"Uh…Well…" I began to sweat bullets. "There were these flowers left for this ghost girl and-"
"No excuses!" father thundered, more of my insides gaining the consistency of cold oatmeal. "You're late, Rukia! For that, you're grounded from watching any television or going places with your friends until next year!"
I could feel the color leave my face a pale shade.
"Oh, cut it out already, Dad," Karin sighed from the kitchen. "It's not like she was out kissin' guys or something like that."
"Karin!" Yuzu gasped, her face pink in embarrassment. "You shouldn't say such things!"
"What?" she asked her twin. "You and I both know Ruki-nee doesn't do that stuff anyways, right?" she looked back at me casually.
"Y-Yeah…" I gulped as Father still gave me a menacing glare.
"That doesn't matter!" he folded his arms across his barrel chest. "You were out late and you didn't even bother to let us know ahead of time anyways!"
I held up my cellphone with the outgoing calls screen on.
78 calls to 'Father' between 5pm and 8pm.
"Well?" I gave a scowl.
"Well I didn't' get them!" my obnoxious parent humphed as his excuse.
"Yeah," Karin groaned as she took out his phone from his pocket. "Because you haven't charged it in the past three days. Look, it's dead."
"Um…Well, she could have called the house then!" he tried to weasel his way out of it still.
"But she did call, Daddy," Yuzu announced as she checked out caller ID unit. "The phone seems to have been put on silent for some reason…"
"Also irrelevant!" Father stormed to the phone and threw it in the trash. "There! Now you have to come home early no matter-"
"BAKA!" I slammed my foot to his stubbly jaw, sending my father to the floor with a mighty flop.
"Nee-chan!" Yuzu gasped as she cradled our now unconscious father. "That was going too far…I think you knocked a tooth out this time…" she looked in his mouth. Thankfully, nothing was bleeding and no teeth were dislodged.
"Here, Ruki-nee," Karin led me to the table to eat. "Your stuff's a little cold, but it's still good," she gave a placid smile as we sat together to eat. Eventually our sister returned after giving up on Father. What a dummy…
"So, how were your days?" I asked my sisters, adjusting to family-mode as we talked together.
"Not bad," my raven-haired sister sighed. "The guys won't listen to what I hafta say for our game-strategies. Sheesh, it's like they've never even played soccer before…" she groaned.
"Well, maybe a gentle nudge in the ribs wouldn't hurt," I gave a satisfied smile.
"Tried that," she sighed. "It didn't work, so I nudged them harder…And then a little harder…And so now they're always on the defensive."
"Sheesh…Looks like you're turning out fine…Already beating up guys now, huh?" I gave a sarcastic yet displeased smile. "Just promise me you'll restrain yourself more. We don't need two me's in this household…"
"Ruki-nee," Karin gave me an evil grin. "I don't think I could ever be as cruel as you."
"How am I cruel??" I narrowed my eyes at that comment.
"Karin!" Yuzu protested. "Don't be so mean to our big sister. She's not cruel…Well…Maybe a little violent…But not cruel," she puffed her cheeks.
"Right, right," her twin chuckled. "By the way, Ruki-nee," she turned her attention to the wall next to the kitchen. "When are we gonna talk to Dad about taking down that ridiculous picture of Mom…?"
Our mother died when I was in elementary school. It hit all of us hard, Father probably the worst. Why else would he have a big picture of our dearly departed mother with the phrase "Hisana Forever!" in movie poster-esque writing hanging on the wall?
"Maybe when he's in a better mood…" I gulped as I looked at our would-be patriarch, still on the floor and out cold. "Sheesh, tomorrow I'm not gonna hear the end of it from him…"
"You could be a little nicer to Daddy…" Yuzu suggested. "Knocking him out isn't exactly a good display of emotion from a daughter to her father. He's not a bad person, after all…"
"Oh Yuzu…" I smiled with a nostalgic sigh. "I envy how innocent you are with your naivety."
"Thanks…I think…Anyways, back to the original topic," she ate some more. "My day was okay too. We're doing book-reports next week."
"Ah, good to hear," I smiled back. "What story are you reading?"
"Journey to the East," she beamed. "It's kinda funny; Son Goku is kinda like you in some ways," Yuzu gave a little giggle.
"The resemblance is striking, now that you mention it…" Karin grinned while looking at me with intensity. "Put a ring on her head and she'd look just like him."
"Sheesh, you two are the worst," I guffawed. "Well, if I'm the monkey, you're the water, Karin."
"Fine by me," we both laughed as we looked at Yuzu. "And Yuzu, you're-"
"-But I don't want to be a pig…" she pouted.
"No no," I corrected her. "You're Sanzo Gouji. Father is the pig."
We all broke into a great laughter as we enjoyed our time together. After splitting up to do our things (Yuzu the kitchen and Karin to her room), I went to my room to get some homework done as I sat at my desk diligently.
Ever had the feeling you're being watched?
Looking over to my side, I was confronted with the image of what looked like a samurai in black!
"Hm…It's close…" he mused aloud as if I wasn't there.
"Gah! Wh-Who are you??" I fell back in my seat.
"Huh?" the tall boy blinked at me. He was lanky, and his head was covered in messy orange hair. "Wait, you can see me?" he asked with a confused look.
"Karin! Yuzu! Call the police! There's a burglar!!" I screamed as I lunged at the burglar. A quick kick to the groin knocked him to the ground with a painful grunt.
"Wh-Wh-What was…Hsssss…THAT for…?!" he coughed.
"Pervert!" I pointed at him angrily.
"What?!"
"I know what you are!"
"You do…?" he gritted his teeth in pain.
"Yes! You're a panty-thief! You came into the house to steal my undies!" I jumped onto him and pulled his arm around his back. Flailing, he tried to move, but I got his head pulled up from my feet clamping around his throat as I pulled his arm back.
"You…! You…Got it…Wrong!" he grunted as I saw his face grow redder by the second from the strain.
"The hell I do!" I frowned as I pulled harder.
"Rukia!" Father stormed in. Thank goodness he was conscious again. "I heard you scream! What hap- Um…." He blinked as he looked at me.
"Don't just stand there, Father! Help me restrain this pervert!" I demanded as I continued to hold the orange-haired fiend down.
"Pervert…?" his eyebrows quirked. "Um…Rukia…You aren't on any drugs right…?" he asked with fear in his eyes.
"What? Of course not! What's wrong?" I leered a bit.
"He…can't see me….!" The samurai pervert grunted.
"Say what now?" I loosened my grip on him.
"Rukia, I know you liked playing pretend as a kid," Father kneeled and patted my shoulder. "But you have to grow up some time…Look, you're 15 now, stop with this childish nonsense…! Unless….Oh NO! you really are on drugs! Well don't worry! Daddy's gonna put you on a detox lock-down!" he stood and folded his arms triumphantly.
"Idiot!" I elbowed his stomach and send him off the second floor to the living room…to once again get clocked out. "Sheesh…And you!" I turned back to the kimono-clad weirdo. "What's this about him not seeing you!?"
"Just like I said…" he got up on his legs and coughed for a moment. "Normal people can't see me…Ow…!" he rubbed his crotch. "Couldn't you have gotten me in the gut or the face…Cripes it hurts…"
"You didn't answer my question!" I fumed as I stomped his foot and then kneed him to the face. With a mighty plop, he fell to the floor.
"GAH!" he grunted. "Aren't girls supposed to be dainty and stuff!?"
"This is the 21st Century!" I stomped his back. "Girls can be just as tough and tougher as boys. Now tell me what the hell is going on here!"
"Okay okay! Stop with the kicking!" he pleaded, so I abided by his request. He sat up and gave me a serious expression. "My name is Ichigo Kuchiki. I'm a Shinigami."
"Shini..gami…?" I blinked. "Like, a god of death? You look like some punk teenager boy to me…" I then saw his sheathed sword, my eyes bulging in fright. He could chop me to pieces!
"Don't worry," he grinned, patting his weapon. "My zanpakuto is only for Wholes and Hollows. We're not allowed to hurt people, and even still, I don't want to hurt anyone anyways."
"Zan...pakuto?" I blinked again.
"Right, just like the name implies, it's for cutting souls. More specifically, Hollows," he nodded.
"And a Hollow is…?" I asked with a perturbed expression.
"Ugh…Okay, it's like this," he took a sketch pad out from his kimono and scribbled down two drawings. The first was of a man in glasses with a spirit-body, like a form that tapered from the chest down. "This is a Whole. They're what you would call a good spirit. They're actually souls of dead people who haven't passed on yet."
"Like that girl…!" I gasped.
"Right, apparently you can see them, so you know that much is true," the Ichigo guy nodded as he pointed to a second picture. This time, it was a big monster with a skull face. "And this is a Hollow. Hollows are evil spirits in a way. They're what normal spirits become if they're overcome with sorrow or rage. We shinigami have two roles here in the real world: destroy Hollows and protect Wholes by helping them pass on…" he paused. "Like so!" he unsheathed his katana and slammed the hilt to the forehead of a spirit that suddenly appeared in my room. I recognized him just barely. I'd seen the spirit of an middle aged man floating around my street. I didn't think he'd come into my house!
"N-No! Wait!" he panicked as the hilt was removed, revealing a symbol on his head. "I don't want to go to Hell!" he whimpered as he began to glow.
"Don't worry…" Ichigo sighed. "You're going to Soul Society. It's nothing like hell. It's full of people like you who live normal lives. It's a peaceful place." The way this so-called shinigami smiled…I could see that he wasn't just some stalking death god. It was apparent he cared about the well-being of good spirits. Before my eyes, I could see the spirit of the man dissipate into a fading azure-white glow, then he was gone.
"So…That's what a spirit passing on looks like?" I gulped at what I had witnessed.
"Yeah. That's a Soul Burial," the death god grinned. "Now then, if you'll excuse me, I have to find the Hollow I've been tracking…" He sighed. "I could sense it just a second ago, but it's like I lost all of its presence the moment I got here…" he rubbed his chin just as an ear-splitting roar echoed throughout the house. I could feel my neck hairs on end at that horrible bellow, turning back to the boy.
"D-Did you hear that?!" I gulped, but all he did was look at me with a confused expression.
"Hear what?" he blinked.
"That roar! Do Hollow-whatzits sound like that?!"
"What roar?!" he scowled back. "I didn't hear any-"
The growl echoed again, this time even closer.
"Shit!" Ichigo's eyes widened. "How come I didn't hear it before!?" he then dashed out my door, only to freeze for some reason, I could see his body tremble as he began to sweat. "This…This reiatsu…Where did it come from all of the sudden…?" he gulped.
"What?" I blinked at his bizarre behavior, only to snap back to reality as I heard a familiar scream. "Karin!" I gasped as I shoved the redhead to the side and see where my sister was. Leaning against the stairs, a stain of blood at her shoulder and where the wall touched, my raven-haired sibling panted, looking up at me with an uneasy smile as she bled.
"Ruki-…nee…Good, it didn't…Hrrrk!...Come this way…" she coughed after falling to the floor, the wall marred by her bloodstain.
"Karin!" I screamed as I leapt to her side and held her in my arms, crying. Why?! What just happened?!
"Ruki-nee…" she panted as she looked up at me with glassy eyes that rang with the pain she was feeling. "It…It was big…I couldn't see it…clearly…It made Dad bleed from behind…and then attacked me…and Yuzu…Please…G-get out before-" she then slumped in my arms.
"KARIN!" I shrieked again as I held her close to me. My family…My only family…How could this have happened??
"Don't worry, she's just unconscious," I heard the boy's voice from up the stairs.
"Don't worry?!" I gave him the most malevolent stare I could ever muster. "My sister's bleeding badly, my family was mauled by something big, and you're asking me NOT to worry?!" I fumed.
"I can still sense their spiritual presences. They won't die. Just tend to them for now and I'll take care of the Hollow," he replied with a stern expression as he rushed downstairs.
"Wait!" I yelled before gently laying my sister to the floor and following him. When I made it to the war-torn living room, I almost threw up at the sight before me…Father was strewn across the floor, like a ragdoll thrown by a giant, his entire back a deep crimson as his breathing was too low for me to hear. "No…! Father!" I gasped as tears bled from my eyes. I rushed to his side, feeling him for a pulse. It was so irregular, it was almost as if he had no life left!
"Dammit!" I panted, my growing terror and disgust eating away at my insides. I was kicking him around and yelling back at him…He probably thought I hated him! I threw up slightly from the thought of losing my father, never being able to apologize for being so reckless and disobedient, even if he was draconic in his house rules.
"I told you to stay back!" Ichigo growled from the kitchen…or rather, where the kitchen had been not too long ago. Now, silhouetted by the moonlight outside from the open wall was a monstrous form, its cold and heartless eyes piercing just by looking into them, as if I were staring into the gaze of a devil, making my legs shake at its sheer terribleness.
"Th-That's a Hollow…?" I gulped. My fear tore into me harder as I saw a small form in its behemoth grip. "No….!" I felt the blood leave my face. "YUZU!" I screamed, my adrenaline on high voltage now as I ran towards the beast, grabbing a kitchen knife and hurling my minute form against this abomination, a deathly war-cry issuing from my burning lungs.
A might thud to my body sent me back into the house and slamming against the wall, my vision refocusing to realize that I didn't even manage to make a cut into the beast! Even more frightening…the knife had shattered to the hilt from the impact of the monster!
Its stare never wavered from my direction, its hulking form lurching its way into my home as it neared me, dropping my sister on the floor (thankfully not on any debris), reaching at my trembling form-
A blood-splattering followed by a snarl of pain surprised me as I looked up to see Ichigo's sword embedded into aberration's sinew.
"Run, dammit!" the redhead commanded as I sat on the floor in shock. Reeling in pain, the monstrosity hurtled outside my home as it cradled its maculated and lacerated flesh with a gloomy and haunting howl of torment.
"Why…?" I coughed, my voice trembling in fright and sorrow. I could see my family all bleeding and unconscious. "Why is this happening…?" I sniffled.
"Hollows eat human souls to sate their hunger," Ichigo looked back at me, his face devoid of sympathy yet was not fully apathetic. "They're attracted to people with powerful or at least high reiatsu, so they'll attack other humans randomly until they find that person they're looking for. My guess…" he sighed. "Is that the Hollow sensed you and attacked your family trying to find out which of you had the high spirit powers."
My pulse froze at his words.
"M-Me…?" I gasped in horror. "Father…Yuzu…Karin…They're all bleeding to death…because of me?" I gulped as I could feel another heave of bile.
"No, that's not what I meant-" he tried to explain, only to have a gargantuan arm lunge back inside and grab him, throwing the shinigami against a neighboring home with a might crash.
"Shinigami!" I called in fright as I followed him to the crator he had made in the other home's outside wall. "Shinigami! Are you alright!?" I pleaded as I tried to help him up. The area surrounding us became pitch black from the massive shadow over us that the Hollow created, its great fish-like jaws dripping with its putrid saliva. All of this…It really was my fault…
"Wh-What are you doing!?" the boy coughed as I left him and blockaded the monster's path.
"Hey, fish-face!" I said sternly. Its scowl showed it didn't like what I had to say about its complexion. "You want my soul? Take it! Just leave everyone else alone!"
Fifteen, and ready to die already? Sheesh, how did life get so fucked up? There was so much I wanted to do still, like a rematch with Tatsuki, thanking Yasutora for being there for me all the time, and seeing the fireworks with Orihime and everyone for this year's summer festival…
"Such a shame…" I felt one last tear stream down my eyes as I awaited my death. Rather than a painful clamping around my petite form, a warm splattering of blood hit my body instead. My eyes jerked open to see Ichigo had allowed the monster to attack him instead!
Annoyed at missing its chance to taste me, the Hollow wobbled back, spitting the boy's (apparently) foul taste out for the time being.
"Why-" I gasped as the death god fell to his shaking knees.
"You IDIOT!" he coughed as a splash of blood left his lips. "What the hell…Were you thinking…?" His look towards me made my insides twist painfully. "Did you honestly think…You could reason with this…Ack!...Thing? It wouldn't stop with you…or me…or your family…!" Our attention turned to the beast as it finally got Ichigo's bad flavor dealt with, its mouth gaping open with anticipation of a fine meal. "Shit! Look, human girl!" I looked back at the shinigami as he raised his sword towards me. "Do you want to save your family still?" he glared as blood continued to well from his mouth.
"Y-Yes!" I breathed sharply.
"Then stab yourself with my zanpakuto," he commanded. "It's not a hundred percent for sure, but it should give you half my power as a shinigami…That way you can fight this thing on even terms…it's that…or we all end up as food…"
Without hesitation, I pulled his blade to me, a brief searing pain of white-hot intensity engulfing me as my world became a bleak void of white. When reality returned, I felt….power. I stood there before the monster heading my way, my body light and yet stronger than I ever thought possible as I clutched my massive blade tightly.
"You…!" I growled as I flew, yes, FLEW at the abomination that had given me such hell, tears accompanying my battle-cry as I amputated its hulking limb in one simple stroke, like a stick through air! With an inhuman roar, the Hollow fell over seething in pain, gasping in shock as I turned my deathglare back at it. "I hope you go to hell for this!" I snarled as I dealt the finishing blow to its skull, shattering the body to nothing as it dissipated.
"H-Holy shit…!" I heard a gasp of shock behind me as I tried my damnedest to sheath this giant blade as big as I was! "You…Your reiatsu…It took all my shinigami powers!" Ichigo gawked.
"Huh?" I blinked as I looked at myself. Yeah, I was wearing that unstylish black kimono and hakama outfit, and had the big-honking sword…but I had ALL his powers?? "Say, Itsuko-"
"It's ICHIGO!" he barked back.
"Hey! Don't yell at me! I just saved our lives and-" I paused. "Gah! We have to save my family now! Hurry, we need to…Huh?" I panicked as I tried to drag the fallen Shinigami from his seat on the ground. Slowly he wobbled up to his legs, his body now in an off-white yukata.
"They'll be fine. Leave that to me….Ouch…" he winced as I heard something crack as he stretched. "Sheesh, I feel so weak now…Well, I'll be back to normal once you get back into your body…"
"My body?" I blinked as I looked over to where I transformed, spotting my still high school uniform-clad body on the ground. "Aaaahhh! I'm dead! Bring me back to life!" I shook the boy by his collar.
"Pipe down!" he thumped my head….hard. "Sheesh, so noisy…Look, just settle into your body and get into your home. Tuck everyone into bed and leave the rest to me. I'll handle damage control and their memories."
"Memories?"
"Yeah," he nodded. "I have a device that'll make false ones for them to think this was a run-of-the-mill accident and not a Hollow Attack. Their injuries should be no problem anyways, but I'll fix all of that and get rid of the blood when I get back. I need to pick up some stuff."
"Our home is a clinic. We have first aid stuff, you know," I glared at him impatiently.
"This isn't normal first aid, uh…." He blinked at me. "I never did catch your name, girl…"
"It's Rukia," I smiled. "Rukia Kurosaki, Itsuko."
"That's ICHIGO….Ichigo Kuchiki, but it's a start…" he sighed as he presented his hand. Taking it, I began my complex and arduous journey into the world of Shinigami and Hollows.
The Beginning…
Author's Notes:
Well, whatcha think? Not a bad spin on things, if I do say so myself! More to come, skipping ahead to the Seireitei Arc next chapter with a certain Quincy and his encounter with the captain of the 12th Division. Expect thrills, chills, blood, violence, stuff going kaboom, and…-gasp-…A shinigami hell-bent on bedding our dear friend Uryuu! Lol. See you all next time!
