Hello everybody! So I first want to say, this is my first Angel/Xander story. It is AU. In fact very Au. Spike will be Angel's sire, Angel was not turned at 27, but 18. Darla was Spike's sire, and Drusilla was sired by Spike as well. Spike in this story is a lot like Angelus. So expect unnecessary brutality pouring out of him. Angel is certainly not very confident in himself, and is in love with Spike, but Spike hates him. Also, Angel is still a fledge, he is only 4 in vampiric years. not violent, and has been abused his life and afterlife. Oh not to mention, he was accident by Spike. Angel was never meant to be turned, but wound up turned. Buffy has it it out for Xander.

I know this looks like a mess, but don't worry, I will make it work. I think that had about summed it up though. Eventual Xangel. Lots of sex, language, bloodplay, and mentions of rape and torture. If this offends, please push back and pretend you never clicked on me. But, if if ths doesn't, we are both in for a wild ride, because I honestly am very nervous about this idea of mine. But I will make it work! This is MA definately. Oh and yeah, I own none of the charecters just the way I am using them here.

But other than this, please enjoy this story! I am having fun writing it so far. And if you like it, don't like it, or think it is just okay...please push the reply button and tell me what you think!

Angsty ;-)

Not What They Appear

Skin slid against skin, desperately trying to get closer-to melt into one another's body. Moans were heard ominously throughout their self-created, world away from the world, with heavy dark drapes enclosing them inside. A dark haired head is thrown back into the soft pillows, as he gasps with the sudden feeling of intrusion into his most sacred of parts. He has been in this position so many times. He begins to spread his legs further and arch his back higher to get the appendage infiltrating his body to go in deeper. He turns his face to the side as his master sucks and kisses down the white column of his neck and breathes hot air over the saliva. He shudders. Another moan is heard, but not from him. It's from his master as he commands his sub to moan louder, be more insistent, to beg for the mercy he won't be receiving.

He complies. For what else should he do? He loves the looming creature above him with all of his undead heart, and he would walk into the sun if his master told him too. But no one was allowed to know this. He wasn't allowed to speak of their activities. His master said it ruined the foreplay. Problem in that logic was they never had foreplay. His master shows up, he strips, they fuck, and his master leaves a bloody, sore, and emotionally injured vampire in his wake. He knew the real reason. His master was ashamed of him. Ashamed to have such a love sick, panting, whore as his-what? - Mate? No. The dark-haired man-pire knew very well he would never please his master enough to be granted that honor.

Instead he is left with this.

His master is panting hard now, even though he lacks the need to breathe. He desperately wants to call him Sire, instead of Master, but his master has more than once iterated he was an accident. He wasn't meant to be a childe, he was meant to be a minion. His master insists he wasn't turned right to be a childe of his, not to mention he would never pick such a weak, pathetic, useless whore to be within his Order's main progeny. He gets told and reminded of this in several ways. Not just the blunt words, but the shoves in the hallway when he was in the way, the disdain in his master's 'clan members' eyes when they are around him, the last choice in food- even to the pets!

But he doesn't care.

He doesn't care because he loves his Sire-slap!-oops. He said Sire out loud.

His master is going at a bruising, unforgiving pace now, that is sure to tear his anus. He stifles the urge to cry out from the pain. It hurts, but he deserves it because he broke the rules. He's not supposed to say Sire. When you call someone a Sire, that means you are intimately involved-not to mention, the one you call that is the one who turned you. Where he was sure both of those things applied to him somewhere- don't know where the pain is too much -he wasn't privy to that.

His master finishes with a snarl as he sinks his fangs into his sub's shoulder hard and deep to keep him aware of his infraction for a few days. His master then pulls out, and sits up on the bed staring down at his practically balling sub. He mentally snickers.

"There, there, Peaches," Spike coos to the body below ridged from protecting what it could after the rough sex. He stroked his face gently before softly telling a lie in a serious voice. "I won't hurt ye now Angel. You learned yer lesson, yeah?"

Angel cautiously looked up to Spike. "Yes." He said in a choked voice.

A hard slap and startled whimper followed by the sound dry wall cracking from a body being thrown into it was heard. Angel huddled into the nearest corner doing his best to escape his master's wrath.

"Did I say ye could speak?" Spike roared.

Angel shook his head no as tears began to escape his eyes.

"What? Now ye got nothin' ta say?" he stalked forward and Angel made the mistake of throwing his arms up in defense. Spike snarled and picked him up by the neck regardless before slamming the body into the wall. "Ye will learn ta respect me boy! I will not be havin' a disgruntled vampire in me courts!"

Angel gasped as best he could with the grip around his neck. Even with the lack of need for breath, it still hurt like a son of a bitch. He tried to speak but his head was bashed back into the wall, he did cry out then.

"Now ye got somethin' ta say? Huh?" Spike yelled. Angel started crying and tried his best to keep from wiggling. Spike felt the tears hit his hand and smiled sadistically. "Ye need to remember boy, yer nothin'. Absolutely nothin' ta me. Hell, I even found ye alive nothin'. Just a pathetic, worthless stripper at a gay bar. Disowned by his own flesh and blood cuz he was just so useless and lazy…and a whore."

Angel whimpered with the tears falling harder. His master was right. He was absolutely nothing.

Spike leaned in, brushing their noses together in a new sense of affection. Angel's eyes fell shut. Maybe just maybe his master… "Ye disgust me." Spike says and throws Angel by the neck across the room. He leaves laughing at Angel's prone figure and slams the door.

Angel lies crying what feels like hours but is merely minutes. Yes, it's always like this. Never a reprieve from the hell that his whole being. He gets mocked by all, used by all, and then thrown to the side by all. Spike, his master/sire, was right. He held no value to anyone. Everyone would always treat him like this. The pretty words only went so long before they come back and snap his neck.

All Angel wanted was for his master love him as much as he loved his master. He honestly couldn't tell you why he loved him. Just that he did. But then, that's how it always is right? He falls for the person and their pretty promises, gives himself over, and then gets burned. He was only convenient.

But he wished, hoped, and prayed he could find someone-anyone that would love him for him; and not what pleasure his body could give.

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"Hey, Xander!" Buffy called from across the school yard. Xander turned to the side to give her a smile. When she didn't return it, he got worried.

"What's wrong, Buff?" he asks while she grabs him by the arm and practically drags him to the library. "I'm guessing…demon?" he whispers the last word because of all of the students buzzing around.

She just nods, and he says, "However much I would like not having to walk everywhere, you don't have to basically carry me you know?"

She just scowls and he sighs. So she's in one of her moods then. He muses.

When they reach their destination she drops his arm and lets him walk the rest of the way. Damn, that slayer strength gave me bruise. He mentally curses while flexing the muscle to get the blood back pumping.

"Xander, Buffy, good that you arrived." Giles muttered before dropping a big load of research books on the table.

"It's not like I had much of a choice, G-man, she drug me here." Xander griped while sitting down.

"So I observed." Giles said also taking a seat.

Buffy sighed while taking a spot as well. She observed Xander with revulsion. The boy was a menace to her Scoobies, and she did not for the life of her understand why Giles insisted on having him around. She scowled once more in his direction as he happily greets Willow, Oz, and Cordelia once they enter. Something has to be done about him.

"So, Giles, what's new for the Demon Populace?" She says with a fake airy tone. Willow gives her a warning look, but she brushes it off.

"Yes, moving past our pleasantries, Cordelia, be a dear and lock the doors. Willow, go into my office and get my closed sign and hang it. Oh and Oz, please dim the lights." Everyone that was called did as instructed, before coming back to sit down. "Now, we have a situation with vampires. It appears there is a clan moving into town."

"Damn, another one?" Xander asked sounding extremely put out.

"Refrain from using such words in my library, Mr. Harris." Giles scolded. Buffy smirked.

"Sorry, it's just we cleared out a nest-what? – A week ago?" he asks the room.

"Yeah, but you know how the baddies are, Xander- don't give up till the fat lady sings!" Willow says trying inject some laughter.

Xander groans. "Well maybe I should put on sixty pounds, chop off my balls, and sing so every 'baddie' as you say goes away…no scratch that. I need that appendage."

Oz takes his turn to smirk and repress laughter. Willow blushes with his guileless words and Buffy rolls her eyes. What an ass. She thinks. It was Cordelia that decided to respond to that.

"Sorry, Xander, but they fell off a long time ago; and as far as weight's concerned you aren't far off the beaten path to super-fats-um in opera." She snickers.

"Bite me." He growls.

"You wish." She replies.

"Children focus." Giles reprimanded. "The Order's name is Aurielus. It is most famously known for containing the Scourge of Europe - William the Blood, the Slayer of Slayers, also referred to as Spike, Drusilla seer of all secrets, childe of Spike, and Darla the Master of the Order's childe - sire of Spike. It has also been reported as close as four years ago, Spike accidentally sired a new childe. His name is unknown and his vampiric activity is non-existent, so everyone believes he staked him."

"Spike would stake his own childe? That's terrible, I mean, I am not trying to sound like, umm I'm switching sides or something but…aren't chliders held on grand pedestals by their sire?" Willow cut in.

"Well I wouldn't know the answer to that completely, Willow, but I also said it what speculated. Nobody knows what happened to that childer, or what his name even is. So it is possible-…"

"He's alive and being trained during all of this time to be a super-killing vamp. We stake him after staking the rest." Came Buffy's response in a bored tone.

"No, Buffy, I believe what would have happened is-…"

"He staked himself, because of being disowned as a real childer." Cordelia cut off looking quite pleased with herself for coming up with that answer.

"No. I don't believe he is dead at all…or dead again, anyway." Giles started.

"So I am right?" Buffy asked.

"NO! Everyone, quiet and let me speak!" Giles shouted everyone instantly shut up. "Thank you. What I believe happened was, he was-like Cordelia said- disowned as a real childer; but I think he is being treated as a minion and therefore is directly under our noses. But, I also believe he is no real threat to us."

"Every vampire is a threat." Was Buffy's automatic response.

"Well, if G-man thinks it's safe, guess we are going vamp hunting tonight." Came Xander's response.

"Wonderful. Before I graduate high school, I am going to hit the Guinness World Records champion spot for best story teller to a dry cleaning business." Cordelia grumbled while rummaging through her purse to find her compact.

"Yes, well, I'm sure you can afford a new dry cleaner, Miss Chase." Giles said sardonically.

"So not the point." She muttered.

"Well then, I will see you all after school so we can start planning our attack. Get to class."

Everyone mumbled about how much they didn't want to go, but Xander stayed behind a moment. He felt something. A pull in his heart, like someone was calling to him. Like someone needed him desperately, but he didn't know who. He looked around a moment, and he heard a faint noise. Two words. Save me. But save who? Or really save what? Who was trying to contact him, and why? He walked to the door, and was about to leave when Giles asked, "Mr. Harris are you alright?"

He looked up and replied, "Yeah, just have this feeling."

"Like what kind of feeling?" Giles asked ardently while shuffling papers and coming over to him.

"Like someone is trying to get me to save them. But I don't know who…or what. But I heard the words save me, and I feel this intense emotional pain that isn't my own. But I also don't at the same time, it's like it glitters back and forth."

"Hmm." Giles cleans his glasses. "Have you felt this before?"

"Once. Last might. But it wasn't this…powerful. But like I said, it's also not there. I don't know maybe I'm just crazy. I'll see you later, G-man." Xander says and opens the door to leave.

"But Mr. Harris!..." the door shuts. "…we should discuss this." He finishes with a sigh. "Rupert ol' boy you are just that. Too damned old." He sits and looks at his mound of paperwork. Sighing again he says. "Bugger."

Thanks for reading! Please review!