Why is it that when I become happy… he hast to make me suffer more? Why is it that every time I am sad he makes me feel worse about myself? Why is he like this? Why does it seem like he hates me so much, but he says he loves me more then anything in the world and that I am the only thing that is keeping him from killing himself? Why is that I feel so alone when I am with him? Why is it that I feel like there is no way out of this hell whole? I just wanna go home far no not home I wanna go far far away from this place where my dreams of happyness and joy awaits me.

Why do I feel so small from the world? I wanna feel big… well as big as most [people feel… I wanna be the normal kid that only hast to worry about zits and my boyfriend not if my father is going to one day go off and try to kill me… I hide myself over there by text-ing and trying to find a nice place to hide from all of his yelling and screaming no wonder why I is so sad when he is calling my mother a whore and a slut all of his 'ex' girlfriends a prostitute and a drug aditct when he asks for them right infrount of me. I'm lost I has no place to go my only escape is the comfort of one of my friends… well maybe three but one of them just likes to hurt me her more sometimes… I don't know what to do I am stuck between what I know I got to do and what I am scared to do to make my life better and not full of yelling and screaming fighting and braking one another's hearts… do I love him? Or am I to scared to say I don't. What would he do if I did say that I didn't love him? Would he beat the living hell out of me till I take it all back?

What do I do?

I'm to scared to talk to anyone about this, I am ashamed of who I am. Sometimes I think to myself would the world be better with out me? Or would one person miss me? Would someone cry if I left the world? Or do a little happy-go-lucky tap dance on my grave? Would they even come to my funeral? Or would they all just forget about me and leaver me there to rot away in a grave for the rest of eternity? I'm scared can anyone hear me? I am yelling at the top of my lungs and no one is answering that I need help! Can anyone save me? Can anyone hear me anymore? Or am I to small?