A/N: I've seen these around but none in The Mortal Instruments fandom (fingers crossed). So here you go:
Jace Wayland: The User's Guide and Instruction Manual
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of an JACE unit from the Mortal Instruments series! Please listen carefully to the following instructions, so that your JACE unit may reach it's full potential. Please look at the rest of our catalogue for more models to complete your set!
(Warning: We are, in no part, responsible for any damages, injuries, or deaths caused by failure to read and apply these instructions.)
(We do not accept returns, exchanges, or trade-ins; we apologize for any inconvenience this may cause our customers.)
Basic Information:
Name: Jace Wayland/Jonathan Morgenstern/Jonathan Herondale/Jace Lightwood. It varies.
Age: Physically 17
Place of Manufacture: Idris
Height: Varies to about 6"2'
Weight: 180 lbs
Your JACE unit will come with the following accessories:
One gray T-shirt
One pair of jeans
One 'bad-ass type' leather jacket
One dagger
Two pairs of Seraph blades
Three sets of Shadowhunting gear
One box full of notes and letters
One Morgenstern ring on a necklace chain
One sword
When you first receive your JACE unit, he may seem pissed off. This is because he's not used to be kidnapped- I mean taken to strange places. DO NOT press this further. It's not wise to get on the bad side of this Shadowhunter. Reverse this by giving him access to fighting dummies and a piano, and he'll be satisfied enough to activate other modes.
Programming:
Your JACE unit can adapt different personalities to whatever you wish. As such, he has many useful programs:
Warrior: Your JACE unit is an excellent fighter, one of the best of his age. He will kill or mortally wound whoever/whatever you wish. He is quite adept to using his fists and feet, but will fight better with his seraph blades or sword. He will not be able to defeat a SEBASTIAN unit if he does not have his dagger- and maybe not even then.
Big Brother: Your JACE unit may not seem like it, but he is a good caretaker. He will defend you from any demon (if the situation arises), bully, and just about any other threat. If your parents do not trust you at home, he can supervise you! If you need booze, he can get it for you! If you need advice, he'll give it to you! NOTE: Only can be activated for people ages zero to eighteen.
Jerk: One of your JACE unit's specialties is being a jerk. He will be sarcastic and cocky. Do not feed his ego too much.
Manservant: He does not enjoy this mode but your JACE unit will do anything for you if you show him who's boss early on. If you show him love and appreciation, he will activate BOYFRIEND MODE. (Recommended combination)
Modes:
SHADOWHUNTER (default) - Your JACE unit will be hyper aware and ready to fight. He is a skilled Shadowhunter, yet he looks down on mundanes, so he will also act arrogant and self important. It is good for your JACE unit to relax at times. Set out a piano or weapons or My Lifetime television for him. He should activate TEENAGER MODE if done properly.
TEENAGER- Will act like a normal mundane his age, or "teenager who can't confront his own inner-demons and takes it out verbally on other people". It will seem as if you just had another family member walking around the house. Your unit is not often in this mode.
FLIRT- Your unit will call you pet names, wink, smile, blow kisses and tease. (NOTE: if other females are in the area, he will hit on them too. Draw his attention away from them by outright telling him to look at you instead.)
DESTRUCTIVE- Your unit will destroy everything in his path, swear, and attempt to kill. This includes but is not limited to: severely insulting others, suicidal missions, and breaking windows. To reverse this, you must tell him he is not part demon and/or that the CLARY unit is not his sister.
ENIGMA- Will be silent and reclusive. He will move around quietly and in the shadows. Give him some space and he'll come around. Do not let him near a VALENTINE unit.
ANGSTY- Your JACE unit will constantly sulk because his life is pretty screwed up. Put him around a piano or any of the LIGHTWOOD units and he'll cheer up.
BOYFRIEND- If you show your JACE unit affection and appreciation, he should activate this mode. He will act like any other teenage boyfriend. If you need some space or want to go out with someone else, just tell him that you must break up and he will understand. The good thing is, he will hold no ill feelings toward you (unless he's in DESCRUCTIVE MODE) and you can get back together with him as many times as you want! NOTE: This is the ONLY mode that can be used at the same time as other modes.
HAPPY- It's self explanatory; your JACE unit will be happy and will be obliged to be kind to people.
VALENTINE COMPLEX- Occasionally, your JACE unit will have an identity complex when he is reminded of VALENTINE. He will display his resentment for the Clave and go visit VALENTINE if possible.
Relations with other units:
There are many models in this series. Your JACE unit will have different opinions of them when they are in the vicinity.
Interaction with ALLY units:
CLARY FRAY: These two units had a romantic relationship in the beginning. They later discovered they were bother and sister. Your JACE unit, however, still loves her. Around the CLARY unit JACE may act protective, seductive, angsty, angry, or indifferent. Do not be alarmed if you find the CLARY and JACE units making out. You will soon discover they are not actually related.
ALEC LIGHTWOOD: This unit was in love with your JACE unit though he has moved on. Around the ALEC unit the JACE unit will show brotherly love and genuine care. They are stepbrothers and parabti. The ALEC unit may get annoyed with your JACE unit if-when- he does something really stupid.
ISABELLE LIGHTWOOD: ISABELLE and JACE units get along quite well. They have a strong brother/sister relationship. The ISABELLE unit wants JACE to be alright, whether that means no CLARY unit or being confrontational to everyone else.
SIMON LEWIS: Your JACE unit has a complicated relationship with him. The SIMON unit and JACE unit generally do not like each other but will develop a grudging respect. He has saved the SIMON unit from certain death twice. They both care about the CLARY unit.
MAX LIGHTWOOD: The MAX unit idolizes your JACE unit. Your JACE unit cares for the MAX unit as he is like a little brother. If the MAX unit is around a SEBASTIAN unit he may be murdered. This event will be hard on your JACE unit.
ALINE PENHALLOW: Your JACE unit had a brief fling with the ALINE unit. He generally does not care about her. (Note: The ALINE unit is actually a lesbian. This is not your JACE unit's fault. Hopefully).
All DOWNWORLDER units: Your JACE unit was raised to dislike DOWNWORLDER units but this is no longer the case. For MAGNUS, MAIA, and RAPHAEL units, your JACE unit usually likes but still may have a problem with them.
Interactions with ENEMY units:
All DEMON units: Your JACE unit loathes all DEMON units as they are nasty, evil creatures. He will try to kill them. Do not be alarmed, as he is a Shadowhunter and this is his job.
SEBASTIAN VERLAC: Your JACE unit and the SEBASTIAN unit are bitter enemies. The SEBASTIAN unit killed your JACE unit's little brother, MAX. When the SEBASTIAN unit and your JACE unit are together they will try to kill each other. Your Jace unit will win. Probably. Your JACE unit and your SEBASTIAN unit were both raised by VALENTINE.
VALENTINE MORGENSTERN: Your JACE unit has an even more complicated relationship with the VALENTINE unit. Your JACE unit loves the VALENTINE unit as the VALENTINE unit raised him. He was the father figure in your JACE unit's life. However the VALENTINE unit is evil and your JACE unit is aware of this. Your JACE unit will try and stop the VALENTINE unit without hurting him. It is quite possible for this unit to 'sacrifice', r.e. kill, your JACE unit.
Maintenance:
Your JACE unit will clean itself, as long as you give him access to the bathroom. But if the JACE unit forgets to bathe, then you must tell him to. He is frequently covered in dirt, ichor, sweat, and blood. He will not forget to bathe very often.
The JACE unit can cook and order food for himself. You have to make sure that he has eaten three meals that day, or he might run slower the next. Do not let him eat anything the ISABELLE unit has cooked.
FAQ:
Q. Sometimes, my JACE unit will stare at a piece of glass and hide it when I try to see it. What's with that?
A. He is probably looking at a piece of the Portal from Renwick's. It shows him a part of Idris. This was his home and he misses it. He will hide it because he does not want it taken away. Again.
Q. Why is my JACE unit always carrying weapons?
A. He is a Nephilim, a Shadowhunter. It is his job to kill demons and keep order in the Shadow World.
Q. If I have my JACE unit in BOYFRIEND MODE long enough, will he unlock a HUSBAND or FIANCEE MODE or something?
A. Yes, it's very rare, and still called BOYFRIEND MODE. If he is in that mode for more than two years then he should go out of his way to propose. But BE WARNED, the JACE unit does not age, but you do. Also your JACE unit will very likely leave you if a CLARY unit is around.
Q. My JACE unit is always playing the piano. Can I make him stop?
A. I do not advise this. Your JACE unit enjoys playing the piano and it calms him down. Let him continue playing, it will pass.
Troubleshooting:
Problem: He's stuck in Angsty mode.
Solution: He's just going through a hard time. Let him be suicidal or hurry up and tell him the CLARY unit isn't his sister and he should go back to normal. (NOTE: A bath in spaghetti may get him out of this mood as well).
Problem: My JACE unit is in FLIRT MODE a little too often. How do I fix it?
Solution: Chase him with his own weapons. And keep him away from CLARY and ALINE units. Making him watch television with a MAGNUS unit is a good punishment as well.
Problem: My unit is often jumping off roofs...
Solution: Your JACE unit is simply utilizing his angel blood induced powers.
Problem: My JACE unit has a scar across his throat. What the hell happened?
Solution: Your JACE unit let your SIMON unit drink his blood when he was dying. It is not a big deal but to prevent this, make sure your SIMON unit is not captured by VALENTINE.
Problem: I think my JACE unit is malfunctioning. He is constantly flirting, talking about 'Lotis words', speaking Norwegian, or making jam.
Solution: You were accidentally sent a FUREI WEILHAUSEN unit from the Alice 19th series. We're sorry for the inconvenience. Please enjoy him! (You will).
If you follow these instructions carefully, you'll enjoy your JACE unit to his full potential! There are many ways to displease him so please try and keep him happy for his and your safety and the ALEC unit's sanity! If you are unsatisfied with him, simply get a VALENTINE or SEBASTIAN unit and make sure no CLARY, ISABELLE, or RAZIEL units are in the vicinity and he'll be gone for good (although it's not recommended considering you're left with a VALENTINE or SEBASTIAN unit instead). Please enjoy him!
Hope it was funny enough. I might do the others... Peace out :)
