Hey there,

I worked through the chapters as I wasn't happy with the way I wrote it here and there. Also I wanted to get back into that story to continue. If you haven't read it yet, well, now is the time. And those that already know this story, feel free to reread it. I didn't change much of the plot, but the first chapter I did rearrange quite a lot.

Please be aware that this is a very dark and violent story.

Chapter 1

Die Gedanken sind frei, wer kann sie erraten,

(Thoughts are free, who can guess them?)

Sie fliegen vorbei, wie nächtliche Schatten.

(They fly by like nocturnal shadows.)

Kein Mensch kann sie wissen, kein Jäger erschießen

(No man can know them, no hunter can shoot them)

mit Pulver und Blei: Die Gedanken sind frei!

(with powder and lead: Thoughts are free!)

(Lauren)

It was her third year in the small clinic on the outskirts of town in the middle-west of Germany. Lauren had started as a member of a research program after finishing her studies to become a doctor. It was meant to be one year to exchange knowledge about the different types of treatment of mental illnesses and to develop new standards for inpatients wards. She could remember filling out the application letter. The feeling of hope, of adventure and her wish for something new. A new beginning. A new start.

There wasn't much left to hold on to after the last member of her family had died. Her uncle. Lauren knew about his drinking problem. It started with the death of her parents. A car accident on a cold winter day. He was the driver and lost control over the steel coffin. His brother and sister-in-law hadn't had a chance seconds after the crash when life chose to slip out of them. Her uncle came out of it with a broken leg. Guilt ate him up and he drowned himself in booze and gambling. After losing all his money he placed the highest price on the table. His life.

Lauren's last relationship broke apart shortly after her parent's death. She fell into that deep black hole of sadness and studies were the only thing that could fill the darkness inside, let her forget everything around her. Lauren wasn't surprised when one day she came back home to an empty apartment after yet another long day of work.

Now five years later she was sitting in the basement in the on-call-room trying to finish up some discharge letters. The work in the psychiatric filed helped her to overcome the depth of her own misery and she felt better with every passing day. The decision to stay was born early within the research year.

Ever since her residency she was amazed of what the mind was capable of. That a person who suffered through something could shift into a state of catatonia or come up with psychotic experiences as like hallucinations. Anything in need to find a way to deal with their life crisis. There was so much uncharted ground to study. The work with psychiatric clients was more intense and she could also learn so much about herself and her way to handle life of her own.

Some days were less marvelous. People who didn't want to stay of one's own accord but couldn't leave without harming themselves or others around had to be kept on the secure unit.

Her grandmother's family had lived in Germany once. They had settled down from Poland after World War One. Her grandmother's father was a guest-worker and worked in several coal mines. Times grew rougher when people all around lost their jobs and anti-foreign paroles became a daily headline in the newspapers.

Friends morphed into supporter of national socialists and co-worker turned into snitches. The country was loaded with supporter of National Socialists. A party called NSDAP was born to infect the mind of former friends and co-workers. The deadly venom spread its claws and when her grandmother's family chose to leave the country it had been just in time. Shortly after the borders were closed off and the world as people new it changed drastically. It wasn't easy but after some time, in a small café in Toronto, Canada, her grandmother found the love of her life. A handsome young man with whom she started a family.

As a child Lauren had loved to listen to her stories of their life back then. Lauren had learned some German words, some Polish, too, and was eager to know more about her roots.

When she grew older, her grandmother invited Lauren to visit the country she had grown up in. That was the first time the doctor had been there. It was strange at first. The feeling to stand on the ground of a country with a history that had such an influence on the life's' of her family and millions of others, too.

By the time Lauren's grandparents died she had been a teenager. The small piece of land with an that old cabin her grandparents grew old in was still in her possession. She couldn't give it up. Even after she left Canada.

Tonight she was on-call. The only doctor around and responsible for three open and one secured unit. Lauren was deep in her own thoughts of the past days and memories when the phone vibrated on her belt. The basic ringtone was still waving through her head when she picked up.

"Hey Doctor Lewis. The police is on the line. I hang up."

The receptionist spoke fast and didn't leave a chance for the young doctor to react. Lauren blinked flabbergasted when she heard the police officer's voice through the speaker.

"Hallo?"

"Uh... yeah. Hallo. Doctor Lewis hier."

"Ah, perfect. The English one. Look, we have a woman here. Early thirties, maybe on drugs, speaks English. We found her near the river on a bench. She seems kind of far away still, but man, she did fight."

Lauren got her notebook out and sketched down the facts.

"All right, uhm, why exactly would you call me now? Can't she just stay in jail until she's sober again?"

The other end took a breath.

"Well, the thing is, while trying to hit an kick us she said some pretty paranoid stuff, which is more your alley then ours."

"I see. What did she say?"

The police officer grew more and more impatient. In the back Lauren could hear a woman's voice yelling undefinable words.

"Listen, Doctor Lewis. We're there in five. We don't know what she took nor why. Could have been suicidal. The heck would I know. It's safer she slept in one of your beds tonight."

With that the line went dead. Sighing in frustration, Lauren went a hand through her blonde locks hanging loose around her shoulders. It was past nine in the evening and the doctor had hoped she could finish the last letter before taking her last round over the units. When the receptionist called again telling her that the police had arrived and was on their way to the secure unit, Lauren took a last sip of water out of her water bottle. She grabbed her white coat and left her room to climb the stairs up. Two at a time. Form the bottom of the staircase she had already heard people shout.

A deep voice of a man echoed along with her fast tapping footsteps.

"Stop struggling!"

Lauren's steps sped up after a female voice responded screaming out loud.

"The hell I will!"

She reached the third floor and opened the French door to the hallway of the elevators. The scene she stepped into was hectic. Three men tried their best to deflate a screaming and struggling brunette. She was pressed face first flat against the wall with one of the three men at her back, pinning her arms over her head. The other two tried to get a hold of her legs.

Lauren knew what it felt like to be in this situation. Both being held down and being the one holding down. She had to attend a training of how-to-de-escalate a tense situation. Every participant experienced how it felt like to be forced to do something against their own will. It was one of the worst feelings Lauren had had to undergo. She had been fastened on a bed with both hands and feet. One belt was secured around her shoulders, down her torso and clamped between her legs. It was horrible not to be able to turn around on ones side or to even scratch one's nose.

The brunette was feverish. Whatever she had taken was either not sedating her anymore or the level of adrenaline in her system was even higher.

"Let me go! Okay? Just let me go!"

One of the male nurses got a grip on the woman's ankle and carried her off of her feet. She was now lying on the hard flagged floor of the hallway. Even though the brunette was pinned to the ground by three trained men, she tried desperately to bite the strawberry blonde man's hand on the right site of her head.

"Get the hell off of me, you bastards."

"Bitte beruhigen Sie sich."

One nurse on her back tried to sooth her. A frown on her face she turned her head to the black haired man at her left shoulder.

"What? I don't understand! I don't speak Nazi!"

She spat out in frustration. The man at her feet looked up. His grip tightened when the woman tried to kick. The whole struggle almost loosened hs dirty blonde dreadlocks out of the ponytail they were tied back into.

"Nazi... nice."

The man at her shoulder pushed her down even harder when she tried to turn around.

"Lass stecken, Sascha."

The nurse at her feet spoke up calmly.

"Miss, what my colleague tried to say is, that our Doctor is on her way and then you can talk to her. But first lady, please, calm down. We don't want to fight you. You'll only hurt yourself."

His voice was gentle. The loud crack of the door closing behind Lauren brought the attention to the doctor in her white coat.

"Wo ist die Polizei?"

Her thick Canadian accent formed the words and the brunette looked up from where she was lying.

"Ah Lauren, endlich. Die Polizei ist schon weg und..."

"What the fuck? I don't understand one word you're saying in your weird bark of a language. Is this the doctor? Tell them to get the fuck off of me!"

The brunette started moving rageously once again, breathing heavier with every punch and kick. Lauren came closer and knelt down on one knee next to the fighting woman's head.

"My name is Doctor Lauren Lewis and I'm the psychiatrist in charge."

Looking into the brunettes dark eyes Lauren kept on talking.

"I'd like to talk to you, but first I need you to stop fighting. I would prefer my office for that talk and without these three gentlemen here."

The woman on the ground calmed down, staring back at the doctor. Her mascara smeared on her cheeks from angry tears which had already started to dry on the side of her eyes.

"Well, Doctor Lauren Lewis, as soon as you tell those 800-pound gorillas to let me loose, we can discuss again whether or not I want to talk to you."

Her voice was rough and cracked a bit at the end. There was something behind those eyes. Behind the tough façade that Lauren couldn't get a hold on.

"If they did, would you come with me into my office to talk and promise that no one will get hurt?"

With a heavy sigh the brunette nodded slowly. Lauren exchanged glances with the three men before she stood up gesturing the nurses to release the former combatant. The brunette was now sitting up, rubbing her left wrist. Lauren stretched out her right hand to help her up. With hesitation the other woman took the offer. Back in the vertical line Lauren smiled lightly at her still having a hold on the brunette's shakey hand.

She was almost the doctors height. Her clothes where somewhat out of place here and there caused by the wrestling before. The black leather pants and boots seemed almost glued to her toned legs. A charcoal V-neck shirt slung around a muscular torso. Her bare arms left no question about her physical condition. This woman was a machine. Trained and ready for combat.

No wonder the three men had a hard time getting the situation under control.

The blonde's eyes studied the woman before her until the brunette cleared her throat.

"Can I have me hand back?"

"Oh.."

Lauren shook her head as if to clear her thoughts.

"Sure."

With a nervous smile Lauren showed the way towards the door of the secured unit.

"You said, we would talk in your office."

The brunette looked sceptically at the door which the nurse with the dreadlocks opened with his key.

"That is true. My office is on the secure unit."

"I see."

The woman went through her long brown hair that hung loosely around her shoulders. A silver pendant dangled down on a necklace.

"So, I told you my name. Would you tell me yours?"

The other woman took a deep breath, seemingly weighting the pros and cons.

"Dennis. My name is Bo Dennis."

Song: Die Gedanken sind frei

Topic: Craving for Liberty and Independence in times of political oppression

Traditional German Folk-song ~1842

Hoffmann von Fallersleben and Ernst Richter

If you like to hear a version of that song, you can find it on youtube. Although it's a commercial of GMX, but I love it!

I also think this song fits perfectly with the subject of a psychiatric ward.