Knowledge
Summary: This is the sequel to "Belief". The aftermath of
Scully's career-threatening injury.
Other stuff: This simmered along for quite a while before I
got it to where I wanted it. And, before you all get annoyed
at the ending, PART 4 will be done very soon, I promise!
Knowledge
From 'Belief':
"No." Dana drew in a deep breath, and exhaled. "This is
something I need to do for myself." She withdrew her hand
from his, and said, "Please, Mulder. Just let me be."
He stood, and wiped his face again. "I'll let you get some
rest, Dana, but believe me when I say that I will prove
myself to you." He got to the bedroom door, and turned and
said, "I do love you, Dana Scully, and I will prove that to
you." He walked back over to where Dana was sitting, and
kissed her very softly. "I'll be back tomorrow. I love you."
Then he was gone.
Dana rested her head on her good hand and let the tears
come.
###
The next ten days were among the worst that Dana Scully
had ever been through. Every morning and evening, Millie
Reynolds, a home care specialist, came in to help Dana with
the mundane tasks of living. Millie helped Dana to bathe and
dress, as well as assist Dana with the range of motion
exercises that she needed to keep her shoulder from freezing
up. Millie helped Dana to prepare meals, and do basic
cleaning. The Gunmen had already let Dana know that they
would come in every week to thoroughly clean her apartment
for her, as well as do the laundry and run errands. Byers was
coming in when Millie had her days off, to help Dana with
the exercise routine and her meals. Millie had arranged for
another nurse to come in to help with Dana's personal
hygiene on those days.
Dana Scully hated to rely on anyone for help, and it was
slowly killing her.
Mulder had come to see Dana every day. He had asked if
there was anything he could help with, and each time, Dana
had, very gently, turned him down. Mulder had heard from
Byers about what the guys were doing to help Dana out, and
Byers has simply told Mulder that he needed to give Dana
time to heal. Every day, Mulder would attempt to kiss Dana
hello and goodbye, but Dana would not allow it. He would
also tell that he loved her. Dana always acknowledged what
he said without reciprocating the sentiment, and Mulder
could see that she was rebuilding the walls around her heart.
Mulder could also see what it was costing her to allow
people, even those she trusted and was comfortable with, so
far into her personal life.
He ached for her, and he didn't know how to tell her.
###
Finally, Dana's doctors cleared her to return to work. Half
days at first, and desk duty only, but at least it was a start.
Skinner had briefed Mulder on her return, and had let him
know that the commendation ceremony had been scheduled
for the Wednesday morning of that week. Now, all Mulder
had to do was make sure that Dana got there.
The office door opened slowly to reveal his partner. "Hey,
Scully. Good to see you. What're Millie's driving skills like?"
Dana grimaced. "I would prefer to drive myself, but Dr
Symes said at least another month in the cast and sling. Even
then, it depends on how things are healing."
He nodded as he helped her into the visitor's chair. "I thought
that you could start looking through some personnel files if
you like. We've actually had a number of people express an
interest in being assigned to the X-Files, if you can believe
that."
Scully settled herself into the chair, and closed her eyes
briefly. By the time she opened them, Mulder had gone back
around to his chair, and was waiting for her reaction. She
considered how best to phrase her response for a few beats.
"Are you sure that you don't want to do that for yourself,
Mulder? After all, you're the one the additional agents will
be working with."
Mulder's eyes widened in surprise. "But you offered to do the
preliminary screening," he said. After a pause, something
occurred to him, and he asked, "Or was that just a way of
getting the bosses to agree with you?"
She tamped the anger down as Mulder's implication sank in.
"Yes, Mulder, I did offer to do the preliminary screening, but
they will all be doing fieldwork with you. Besides, how do I
know what qualities these agents will need to keep you
around? If I choose those with a background in science,
you'll just end up ditching them, and if I select any women
who are tall with dark hair, dark eyes, and well-developed
assets, you'll end up screwing them," she finished bitterly.
"That's what my experience tells me, anyway."
Mulder could not believe that his level-headed partner had
given a response so openly emotional, and he thought
furiously about how best to answer. "And I'm sorry that I
was the one that gave you that experience." He knew it
would not help to return fire, so he swallowed his automatic
emotional reaction down. "I would consider it a personal
favour if you would do this for me," he said, pitching his
voice low as he pushed the files across the desk. "You have a
far better insight into people's character than me, and I know
that you'll choose agents who will respect the work." He took
a deep breath, and let it out slowly. He leant forward across
the desk, and looked into Scully's stormy eyes. "Please,
Dana. I need you to help me out with this." She returned his
gaze, stormy blue into warm hazel, and was about to say
something when he beat her to the punch. "In fact, I won't
even review your choices. That has to show you that I trust
your judgement."
Scully moved carefully on the seat. "You know, you almost
had me until you brought up trust. How dare you! Once
again, it's 'do this for me and I'll trust you', isn't it?" Her eyes
flashed, and Mulder realised his error too late. "I offered to
go over those personnel files to help you out, not to win your
trust. You just don't get it, do you?" She stood very carefully,
picked up the files, and looked at Mulder sitting at his desk.
"Your desk, your office, your X-Files," she said as she made
her way to the door.
"Where are you going, Scully?"
"To find a place where I can spread out and go over these
files. After all, there's no extra desk space here, is there?"
She slowly left the room, and Mulder was left to replay the
conversation, and try to figure out where it all went wrong.
###
Skinner had just left the office after paying Mulder a short
visit. He had wanted to know how Scully was doing, and he
wanted to remind Mulder to make sure that Scully was at the
commendation ceremony on Wednesday. Mulder had just
leant back in his chair to think about how best to apologise to
Scully when there was a knock on the door, and a male voice
called his name. Mulder sat up, and invited the voice into the
office.
"Agent Mulder, I'm David Akermanis. Agent Scully asked
me to come talk with you about me joining your unit."
Mulder looked at Agent Akermanis. He was fair-haired and
blue-eyed, about five feet ten inches and one-seventy
pounds. Mulder almost hated him on sight, but swallowing
his pride, he motioned to the visitor's chair, and as
Akermanis sat down, Mulder started talking. "So, Agent
Akermanis, tell me why you want to work with Spooky
Mulder on the X-Files?"
Akermanis simply replied, "Because it sounds interesting."
Mulder leant back in his chair and nodded. 'This kid might
not be too bad,' he thought.
###
The rest of Mulder's day had flown by. He soon realised that
Scully had essentially set up interviews for him to do the
whole day, and he had spoken with five more agents, all of
whom seemed genuinely interested in the X-Files. She had
also sent him an email informing him of his interview
schedule for Tuesday, and he had another five agents to talk
with. More to the point, he realised that Scully had not come
back to the office while he was there. He had taken a brief
break for lunch, and when he got back, her things were gone.
Mulder needed to talk to Scully, and knew that he needed to
do more to repair things between them. He had been
relatively passive in his efforts to rebuild their relationship,
choosing to let her set the pace. He could see now that this
had been a tactical error on his part. By being passive, he had
allowed her to simply do nothing about their relationship, so
it was no wonder that she was backing away. 'Time to start
doing things my way,' he thought as he pulled up outside her
building.
As he walked up to her door, he thought he could smell
cigarette smoke. 'Nah, not possible,' he thought as he
knocked on the door before using his key to enter. As he
went into her apartment, the smell of smoke seemed
stronger, and he saw her sitting on her sofa, her head cradled
in her good hand. "Scully, what's the matter?" he asked as he
sat down beside her.
She looked up at him, and he saw the tear tracks her face. "I
had a visitor tonight."
"Let me guess."
"Yes. He made me an offer. . ."
#
"Get out of my home, you son of a bitch!"
"Now, Agent Scully, that's no way to talk to the man who
can cure you of this injury," the Smoking Man purred.
"I don't care. I'm not interested."
"Hear me out. I can cure you. Take the pain away. It means
you can be a full partner to Fox."
"Sure you can. What's the catch?"
"Well, you know that everything has a price?"
"And?"
"I cure you; you turn a blind eye to my dealings when I want
you to."
"No."
"Not even if it means you go back to being fully healthy?"
"No deal."
"What if I restore the means for you to have children as
well?"
Dana would have staggered at that proposal if she hadn't
been sitting down. "No. I will not give you the means to own
me in any way."
The Smoker's eyes glittered in the low light. "What if I give
you the whereabouts of Samantha?"
"You bastard," came the grim whisper. He merely looked
smugly at her. Dana gathered what was left of her courage,
and answered, "No. Not even for Samantha. Not even if
Mulder hates me for not giving this to him. I will not deal
with the Devil. I would rather die than make a deal with you.
Now get out," she said as she pulled her weapon out of her
sling, "before I shoot you where you stand." She ended her
statement by clicking off the safety and aiming between his
eyes.
The Smoker leered at her as he backed over to the door.
"Always a pleasure, Agent Scully. I wonder if Mulder will
be as difficult to deal with?" he asked as he left the
apartment. Dana dropped her arm, and slumped back into the
sofa, completely drained from the experience. All she could
think was, 'Please don't hate me too much, Mulder.'
#
Fox Mulder had looked sick while she related the
conversation with the Smoking Man, and had been positively
stricken when Scully mentioned Samantha. He stood, and
walked over to the door in a daze.
"Mulder?"
Her voice seemed to break the spell, and he looked at her. "I
need some time, Scully," he said quietly.
"I couldn't do it, Mulder. Not even for Samantha, if it meant
owing that black-lunged wretch in return. You understand,
don't you?" she ended in a whisper.
"Yeah." He opened the door, and left without saying
anything else.
Dana Scully leant back against the sofa, and felt that even
after everything that she and Mulder had been through
together, she was the one to kill his feelings for her. The
emotion overwhelmed her, and she wept.
###
Tuesday started out badly for Dana Scully, and shortly after
10 am, it became untenable.
Mulder exploded at her.
He had been out of sorts when Scully had arrived at the
office, and alternated between sullen and sniping. When the
prospective X-Files agents came in to speak with him, he
was fine; but once the third person was out of the office, the
sulky child came back. Finally, Scully asked him what he
thought about the candidates she had selected. His answer
shocked her more than she thought possible.
"I have no desire to talk with you ever again, Agent Scully."
When she got her breath back, she simply asked, "Why?"
"I will never trust you or anything you say to me. You have
betrayed me, and I want you to leave this office. I never want
to see you or speak to you again." The calm veneer he had
been holding onto fell away, and his rage came thundering
through. "You know that finding Sam has been my whole
reason for being in the FBI! You had the chance to get her
back, and you refused!"
"But, Mulder, I ,"
"Yeah, like I believe you would refuse a chance to get better.
But you can't stand the thought of me having Sam back, can
you? I hate you for what you've done!"
Dana went completely white when she heard him say he
hated her. Gathering what was left of her dignity, she left the
office. The last words she heard Mulder throw at her were,
"Yeah, just get out, and don't come back!"
Five minutes later, she was seated in front of Skinner's desk.
At his query of why she was there, she pulled out her
weapon, badge, ID, and cell, and laid them in front of him.
"It has been brought to my attention that I am now surplus to
requirements in the X-Files, sir. This is my resignation."
Skinner kept his surprise to himself, instead asking her to
start at the beginning.
Half an hour later, Dana Scully left her AD's office, still a
special agent. Skinner had convinced her to take more
medical leave. He leant back in his chair, and wondered just
what the Smoking Man's motives were in making the offers
to Scully. He could understand Mulder's rage, but he could
also understand Scully not wanting to be in debt to
Cancerman. He picked up the phone, and called Mulder.
"Mulder."
"Agent Mulder, you will put aside any disagreements you
may have with Agent Scully, and you will make sure that she
gets to the ceremony tomorrow morning. Is that clear?"
"Crystal." It was apparent that Mulder was not happy, but
Skinner wasn't going to let him get away with it. He was
hopeful that a night's rest might help Mulder to relax.
The next morning, it was obvious that Mulder was not going
to make even the slightest effort to work through the
situation. Byers was the one who brought Scully to the
Hoover building, and Byers was the one who escorted Scully
home after the ceremony. All Skinner could think was,
'Mulder, get over this. You're throwing away the best part of
you.' All Skinner could see was Dana Scully's pale face, the
way she had scanned the room looking for Mulder, and the
way she seemed to close in on herself when she realised that
Mulder was not going to be there.
###
Byers had just left her apartment after bringing Dana home
from the Hoover building. The drive home had been
uncomfortable for both of them. Byers was upset with
Mulder over his treatment of Dana, and he was upset for
Dana, and how alone she was feeling. For her part, Dana was
coming to terms with the realisation that Mulder would no
longer be a part of her life, and that her future would likely
see her flying solo.
Dana had finally worked up enough energy to rise from the
couch, and go into the kitchen to get something to eat, when
her doorbell rang. As she made her way to the door, she
thought of the Gunmen, and how grateful she was that they
had installed a surveillance system in her living room. They
had all of Cancerman's visit saved on tape, and were waiting
for Mulder to calm down enough so they could show him.
She got to the door, and slowly opened it. A tall brunette
stood in front of her. "Yes, can I help you?" she asked.
The woman smiled crookedly, and Dana thought, 'That smile
and those eyes seem familiar.' Her guest replied, "Actually,
Doctor Scully, I was going to offer to help you. May I come
in, please?"
Dana motioned for her to enter, and once again was grateful
for the surveillance system. She invited her visitor to sit, then
asked, "So, did Millie send you?"
The woman gave a bark of laughter before answering. "No,
Dr Scully. Millie didn't send me. But, I can help you."
"How?"
"I can restore you to full health."
Immediately, Dana was on guard, and tried to stand quickly.
She pulled her weapon from inside her sling, and, pointing it
at her guest, asked, "Who sent you?"
Once again, the crooked smile appeared. "No-one sent me,
Dr Scully. But I can tell you that you were right to refuse Mr
Spender's offers. It was always planned that I would be
returned to Fox at this time, and he was trying to gain a final
advantage." The woman watched the expression on Dana's
face go from anger to disbelief to a wary acceptance. "That's
right, Dr Scully. I'm Samantha."
###
The rest of the afternoon flew by for Dana and Samantha.
Dana had called Byers and asked him to come back. When
he did, she handed him a blood sample and a cheek swab,
and asked him to get a PCR test run as a matter of urgency.
She also cautioned him to not mention anything to Mulder,
as she wanted to be sure before she let Mulder know that his
sister was back. Sam was more than happy to provide the
samples, as she knew how many times her brother had been
duped by the Consortium.
Once Byers had gone, Sam then told Dana about the last
almost-thirty years. They spoke of the tests that had been
done, the many places Sam had been kept, the things she had
learned, and the things that had happened to her.
"You remember Jeremiah Smith, Dana?" Sam asked.
Dana nodded. "Yes, I met several of him once, on a case.
Why?"
"Because, during one of the procedures, Jeremiah came to
me, and gave me the power to heal. He cautioned me to be
careful how I used it, as it would make me a target." The
crooked grin appeared again, and Sam continued, "But I
know that it is the right thing to heal you."
Dana leant back into the couch, and let out a breath she didn't
realise she'd been holding. "But won't that make you a
target?"
"No. The Senior Council of the Consortium wants me to be
allowed to live a normal life now." She gave a brief snort
before going on, "Well, as normal as I can, after the last
thirty years."
"And you can make me well?" Dana asked, not wanting to
beg. "What's the catch?"
Sam nodded, and answered, "No catch, Dana. One of the
many things I learned from Jeremiah was compassion, and
there is no catch." She paused, then shyly looked at Dana's
mantel, at the photo of Mulder displayed there. "Well, could
you take me to Fox?"
Dana laughed for the first time in three months, and felt
better than she had in ages. "I'd be honoured to take you to
Mulder, Sam, just as soon as the PCR results come in."
The taller woman nodded in agreement. "Let's get started,
then, shall we?"
###
The red light was flashing on Mulder's answering machine as
he walked in to his apartment that Thursday evening. He
hadn't seen Scully at all in the last two days, and he kept
telling himself he was better off without her around. He
pressed the button, and her voice filled the room.
"Mulder, it's me. Please don't delete this message until you
listen all the way through. If you ever felt anything for me
other than contempt, please meet me at our bench at 10pm
tonight. I have something that you really need to see. Please,
Mulder; this is important."
'What could she possibly have that I need to see?' he thought.
He checked the time, and went to get changed.
At the appointed time, he approached the bench where Scully
was sitting with someone else. "So, Scully, what's so
important for me to see?"
Scully and her companion both stood. The taller woman kept
a little to the shadows, to allow Scully the time to make the
introductions. She handed Mulder a folder, and as he raised
his eyebrow at her, she said, "You are holding in your hands
a DNA test done earlier on someone I met yesterday."
"And?"
"Fox Mulder, meet your sister Samantha," Scully said as she
guided the woman forward into the light. He stood there,
disbelieving until Sam opened her mouth.
"Hey Buttmunch."
"Sam? It's really you?"
She nodded. "Yes, Fox, it's really me."
Scully moved over to Mulder, and went to put her left hand
on his arm. At her approach, though, he stepped away from
her, and Scully simply dropped her hand and moved back.
Sam stepped up to Mulder, and embraced him. Sam smiled at
Dana, who smiled sadly in return. As Sam turned her
attention back to her brother, Dana turned and walked away.
Mulder never noticed that Scully no longer had her arm in a
sling.
###
The Gunmen were unsurprised when Dana Scully knocked
on their door around 11pm, and were even less surprised at
her requests. She asked them for a new identity, and for the
use of a computer. Byers got her set up, and while she was
working, the guys busied themselves fulfilling her other
request.
Within a short space of time, the guys had created an alter
ego for Dana that they guaranteed no-one could break
through. Dana even chuckled a little at the name that had
been chosen for her. 'Lara Croften', she thought, then asked,
"And I suppose I have you to thank for the name, do I
Frohike?"
The little man reddened just a little, and grinned at her as he
answered. "Yep, the name was my idea. Byers said it would
be best for you to be a physicist, and Langly was in charge of
vital statistics." The three men looked expectantly at Dana,
and all of them broke into happy grins when she nodded her
approval.
The Gunmen were aware of the last few days in Dana's life:
the surveillance in the living room of her apartment was
always on, so the guys had seen Cancerman's visit and
Mulder's reaction to it, plus Samantha's visit and Dana's
miraculous healing. They chatted for a while about where
Dana would be moving to, and the guys had already set up
several secure ways to keep in touch. They had also set up a
system of prepaid car rentals, so that it would be difficult for
Mulder to track her.
The last thing that Dana had them do was remove the chip in
her neck.
"Are you sure that's wise, Dana?" Frohike queried her.
"Samantha explained all of this to me. When she healed me,
it wasn't just the arm injuries: it was everything." As the full
meaning of Dana's words sunk in, the three men were
overjoyed for her.
"No cancer, huh? Sweet." Langly was at his laid-back best.
Byers was the first to see the deepest meaning. "And
children, too," he beamed. "That's wonderful news!"
Dana smiled and nodded, then grew wistful. "Being
completely free of the cancer has taken a great burden from
me, that much is certain. As for children, though," and she
sighed heavily, "The only man I had ever considered as their
father wants nothing to do with me. So, kids probably won't
be a part of my future."
Frohike entered the conversation again, and said, "Give
Mulder some time, Dana. He'll cool off when he sees what a
loon he's been, and he'll want to find you."
Dana looked at him sadly. "You didn't hear what he said to
me on Tuesday. And, with Samantha back in his life, he
needs to be free to focus on her; which is great, but I'm tired,
guys. Tired of being second-best, and tired of being the
backup plan, and tired of being the afterthought. I need a
break: from DC, from the FBI, and from Mulder. I need to
get back to Dana, or in this case, Lara. I just need time," she
finished in a quiet, sad voice.
The four of them got back to work, and less than thirty
minutes later, Dana Scully was gone.
###
Samantha Mulder wasted no time in telling her brother
everything that had happened to her over the time they'd
been separated. Mulder was on an emotional roller coaster,
going from soaring highs at just being with his sister to
terrifying lows as she continued her narrative.
Sam also made him realise that Scully had done the right
thing in refusing the Smoking Man's offer.
Finally, after five hours of talking, the two Mulders made
their way to Scully's apartment, with Mulder determined to
apologise for his behaviour of two days earlier. He was
surprised to find that her apartment was dark, and felt cold.
As he investigated further, he noticed that many of her
personal belongings were not on display, and her bedroom
was a mess. Her cases were also missing, and Mulder was
beginning to get worried. He pulled out his cell, and dialled
her number, only to get the out of service message. Mulder
looked at Sam, and the two of them left the darkened
apartment.
Soon, Mulder and Samantha arrived at the Gunmen's place,
and he was surprised at their reactions to him. Sure, they
were polite, and were genuinely happy about Sam, but there
was a reserve there that Mulder wasn't sure that he liked. All
too soon, he found out why.
"Here, Mulder," Byers said as he handed Mulder two
envelopes. "All the answers for you, if you want them."
Mulder gave Byers a quizzical look, then looked at the
envelopes. The larger one had Skinner's name on the front,
and Mulder had a sinking feeling. "It's not. . "
"Yes, it is. Scully wanted you to give that to Skinner as soon
as possible. She's already emailed him to let him know you'll
be bringing in her weapon, badge, ID, and cell."
Mulder turned his attention to the smaller envelope. All it
had on the front was his name, written in Scully's flowing
script. As he opened the envelope up, he turned away from
the small group, and Byers led Sam towards their kitchen,
while Langly and Frohike started asking her questions.
Mulder sat down in the corner furthest from them, opened
the envelope, and started reading.
"Mulder,
I am so happy for you to have Samantha back in your life
now. Having her back will go a long way to easing your
burdens. Let me ease some more.
I have never blamed you for anything that has happened to
me as a result of our working together. Not my abduction,
not my cancer, not Emily: NOTHING.
I understand why you ditched me, and although I didn't agree
with it, I know your motives were generally pure.
In fact, the only problems I have ever had with our
partnership came after I'd fallen in love with you, and that
was my problem to deal with, not yours.
I have always come second in your life: to your search for
Samantha, to the X-Files, to bringing down the Consortium,
to all the other women. Being in love, and always coming
second in the life of the man I'm in love with hurts.
Given how you now feel about me, and given that you have
Samantha back, I feel that I have no option other than to
leave.
Be happy, Mulder. You have your sister back, and now you
can finally move on with your life.
All my love,
Dana."
Samantha and the guys turned at Mulder's first sob, and Sam
went to her brother to comfort him. He looked up at the guys,
and asked, "Where is she?"
The Gunmen looked at each other before Byers answered, "We
gave her our word not to tell you." As Mulder drew a breath to
make the request a demand, the Gunmen looked at each other
and Byers spoke. "We gave her our word, and even if that
weren't the case, we wouldn't be inclined to tell you because of
the way you've treated her. It was your neglect of your
partnership and friendship that resulted in Dana being injured in
the first place. We thought that was enough for you to really
learn what you could lose. But the first time your resolve is
tested, you desert her again. Do you really think she'd have felt
she had to go if you hadn't frozen her out?" The three men
turned away from the Mulder siblings then, before Frohike
turned back.
"You're always telling her she's the only one you trust, and if
she's not being honest with you, then she's working against you.
How did you respond to her honesty about this?"
Byers added one last comment. "She needs time to heal,
Mulder, and so do you. She promised us she'd keep in
touch."
Mulder turned to Sam and said, "You have to help me find
her. This is all my fault."
"I'll help you, Fox," she said as she put her arms around her
broken-hearted brother. Sam looked at the Gunmen, the
questions plain in her eyes. She obviously saw something in
the mens' eyes, because she nodded once, and turned back to
consoling her brother.
AN: There is one more part to come, called 'Understanding'. The order to read them is: Unbelief, Belief, Knowledge, Understanding.
