More Than That
The first thought Logan had when he woke was I have a math final today. He had stayed up until 2:30 last night studying for it because he needed at least a 92 to keep an A in his Calculus class.
Logan walked downstairs after he took a shower, hoping he'd feel better but feeling just as bad as before, and got his backpack together. He had to be okay today.
After eating a good breakfast of pancakes and bacon, he felt alright again. Maybe he just needed some food. Yeah, that was it. Logan completely forgot about his head and stomachache as he boarded the bus to get to school.
All that was in his head were equations and numbers. He had to get at least a 92. He had to.
When he got on the bus fifteen minutes later, Kendall had already saved him a seat across from him and James. They were both frantically flipping through their textbooks and their notes.
Logan smirked. They had their math final today, too, and obviously, Kendall and James hadn't done enough studying. Maybe they hadn't even studied at all until right this moment.
"Didn't study again?" Logan asked Kendall, sitting down next to the blonde. The taller boy shook his head.
"Can't talk. I have to get a passing grade or my mom's gonna KILLme!" He said hurriedly. He flipped a page in his book. Then he looked up, raising an eyebrow. "Let me guess; you studied?"
"All week long. I'm gonna ace this test. You know, you should try studying ahead of time for the next test we take. And maybe every test after." Logan suggested pointedly.
"The next test we take? This is the last test we take before school ends! I don't have to worry about this stuff anymore after this stupid math final," James cut in, everything a mess around him except for his hair.
Logan opened his mouth to say something else, but just then the bus jerked to a stop and Carlos came stumbling inside, his hair and his backpack a mess.
Someone placed their backpack in Carlos's way. Logan didn't know if it was on purpose or not, but Carlos tripped over it and Logan reached out to catch him. Carlos gave him a grateful look.
"Hey, buddy, let me guess; you didn't study for the test either?" Carlos gave him a sheepish smile.
Logan sighed. "Here, let me help you." He took Carlos's scribbled notes and his textbook out of his backpack. "I gotta get new friends," Logan muttered. Carlos punched him on the shoulder.
Logan spent the whole bus ride tutoring Carlos on things he should have already known how to do. Kendall, James, and Carlos were in Pre-Calc regular, but Logan still remembered the stuff he'd done last year. And it was good review for some of the stuff he was being tested on in Calculus, so it was a win-win situation.
The whole time, Carlos didn't seem to understand a thing, but Logan could see he was trying. Kendall and James looked completely confused, so Logan reached over and offered them a few tips, keeping his focus on helping Carlos. He could only help one of them at a time, and he'd rather not be guilt-tripped by Carlos's stupid eyes again.
The bus pulled to a stop in front of their Minnesota high school. Logan nudged Carlos on the shoulder, telling him to get packed up. Carlos stuffed his things in his backpack, Kendall and James following suit.
The boys boarded off the bus. Logan felt a hand on his shoulder. "Logan?"
It was Carlos. The younger boy dug his shoe into the ground meekly. "Thanks for helping me. I really appreciate it." He admitted shyly.
Logan smiled back at him. His stomach churned a little, but Carlos's comment made him feel 100% better.
"No problem, buddy. Anything for my best friend, right?" They fist pumped and Logan headed for his math classroom. He just had to get through this and then he was done for the year.
But once he got to the classroom, everything seemed to go downhill. His head hurt, his stomach hurt, pretty much every part of him ached and screamed in pain. He was dizzy, and he felt like he was going to puke.
The bell signaling the start of first period rung, and Logan's head felt like it was going to explode. Definitely stomach flu, Logan thought to himself.
His heart pumped loudly as the teacher began to hand tests out. His head tuned out the instructions. His brain didn't seem to function, and all he could see were black spots dancing around the classroom.
He closed his eyes for a few seconds. Just relax, Logan. When he opened them again, his vision was normal again. He breathed a sigh of relief.
Logan took a deep breath and focused on the packet in front of him. He was going to ace this thing.
Fifteen minutes later, Logan was only finishing Question 8. He had only an hour left, and there were 100 questions. He was only done with 8. That meant 92 left. He had to get 92 right. He had to.
Logan groaned to himself softly; he felt like utter crap. In his 16 years of life, he had never felt this horrible, not that he could remember. He was never going to finish if he felt so bad.
He bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut for a few seconds. Focus, focus, focus...
Thirty minutes later, Logan glanced at his answer sheet, expecting to be about halfway done with the test. He widened his eyes when he saw that he was only on Question 40. He still had more than half to go, and half the time had already passed.
The next 30 minutes went by surprisingly slow, considering that Logan was speedily doing each problem. Skipping the ones he wasn't sure of, he finally finished with 10 minutes to spare.
He quickly went back and did the rest of the problems he had skipped. He'd just bubbled in the last answer when the teacher announced, "Pencils down. Time's up."
Logan stood up, feeling like he was going to barf. The bell rung. He barely heard the teacher wish them a good summer vacation.
He ran out of the room and into the busy hallway, emptying out his whole breakfast in the trash can. People gasped and murmured to each other. Some kid went to get the nurse.
The next few minutes were a blur to Logan. The nurse declared him sick, and his mother came to pick him up. Logan didn't remember anything after he stumbled into his bed when they arrived home.
He fell asleep hoping he'd done good on that math final.
Line line line
June 15th. The day the finals scores were being mailed to the homes of each and every student.
Logan ripped his out of the envelope. The stomach flu (he had been right) lasted for a week or so, but now he was feeling much better.
He didn't really remember how he thought he had done, so he had completely tossed the math final incident out of his mind. No use thinking about it if he didn't even remember half the questions, right?
His eyes scanned down the list of finals he had taken. Finally, he found it. AP Calculus.
His heart stopped. He froze.
He had gotten an 81%. 81 questions out of 100.
The paper floated to the floor. Logan's heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach. He had gotten his first B in math.
He turned and ran out of the front door. He didn't know where he was going, but when he stopped, he found himself near the river his mom had always taken him when he was younger.
He had no idea why in the world he felt drawn to this place, especially now, but he was there and that was that.
That was that. His 81 was an 81. His B in math was a B. That was that.
Logan had never felt so disappointed. He had never felt like such a failure. He was supposed to be smart... he'd gotten a B in math. He wasn't smart.
He was stupid. Stupid as a brick.
Logan took a deep breath, a quiet sob ripping out of his throat. He was stupid. The opposite of smart. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Logan had always counted on his smarts to get by in life. He would be a doctor, he'd be rich, and he'd have a good life. But now that he clearly wasn't smart, what did he have left?
Kendall had his hockey skills, James had his looks, Carlos had his adorable and infectious personality.
And Logan was supposed to have his smarts. Without it, he was nothing. He was nowhere as good as his friends without his smarts.
Logan didn't know who he was if he wasn't smart.
Suddenly, sobs erupted from his mouth like he was a little baby girl. He was glad no one was around; it would only have made him seem stupider. He sat down on a cold wooden bench and cried his eyes out, head in his hands.
He shoulders shook with every new thought of his worthlessness. If he wasn't smart, he wouldn't have his friends. His friends only needed him because he was smart. He wasn't street smart, he wasn't funny, he wasn't hot.
He wasn't anything important without his brain.
And his parents would be so disappointed when they found out their son was such a dumb, pathetic failure. Logan wanted to please them so bad... but now all he had done was make them mad at him.
He was a failure in his parents' eyes now. He was a failure in his parents' and his friends' eyes. He was a failure in his teachers' eyes. He was just a plain failure.
Someone's hand was on his shoulder. Logan flinched away from it. "L-leave me alone! Go a-a-away!" He screamed, pulling his knees up to his chest.
"Logan. Logan, seriously. Stop crying. Why are you so upset?" It was James. James, who was handsome and pretty and charming.
Logan didn't respond, only allowed himself to sink into the taller boy's chest. He sobbed into it, not even caring anymore that he seemed like a baby. He was stupid now; nothing mattered anymore.
The other boys didn't speak until Logan had finally calmed down. Logan knew they were all there; it was nearly impossible for James to just be there by himself. They were always together.
"H-h-how'd you know?" Logan got out, sniffling loudly.
Kendall smirked, sitting down next to Logan. "James and I went over to your house and asked your mom if you could come over. Your mom couldn't find you and then we saw your shoes gone and so... we just assumed."
Logan nodded in acceptance. "Okay... s-so how'd you I was here?"
"We called Carlos along and we searched for you. But then we remembered that you used to come here all the time... and so... we assume a lot of stuff." Kendall grinned.
Logan took a shaky breath. "Well... thanks for coming. You guys can go now."
Kendall scoffed. "Do you think we're that stupid?" Logan's heart dropped at the word. "Clearly there's something wrong. And we need to know."
Logan shook his head. "It's fine... I'm fine now. Please... please just go." Logan breathed out, looking away from his friends' scrutinizing stares.
Carlos sat down and put his head on Logan's shoulder. "Logie... you're not fine. Please just tell us what's wrong. Please?"
Logan wanted to shake his head no, but those stupid, stupid eyes... He hated that word, stupid... Stuipd stupid stupid-
"You wanna know what's wrong?" Logan asked loudly. Carlos sat up straight, widening his eyes. "Fine. I'll tell you? Okay?"
"I got a frickin' 81 percent on my math final. That's a B minus! And so now my math grade is a B! For the first freaking time in my stupid life!" Logan shouted, getting choked up all over again.
"I'm stupid... that's what's wrong. I'm so, so stupid..." Logan sobbed, burying himself into James all over again.
No one talked for a few minutes. Probably thinking about how stupid you are... Logan thought to himself, trying to stifle his sobs.
"Logan. You're not stupid just because you got a B minus on the math final." James started. Logan didn't believe him.
"Like, look." James said firmly. Logan took a deep breath, sat up a little, and looked at James's face.
"Seriously. My average score on any test is a C. So getting an 81 would be like a gift for me. An 81 is not the end of the world, Logie."
Logan sighed, shaking his head. "Not for you. But I'm supposed to be smart... Th-that's who I am."
"That's not all you are, Logan." Kendall pointed out. "Smart isn't your whole life, Logan. You've got friends, you've got a family. And they both love you."
Logan shook his head. "Yeah... but being smart is all I have going for me! If I'm not smart... no one will even care anymore."
He felt Kendall, James, and Carlos look at each other. "Logie..." Carlos started softly. "We don't like you just because you're smart. You're funny and nice and caring and responsible and fun and that's why we like you. Not because you can do a bunch of equations and stuff." He told Logan.
Logan sniffled. "You... you really mean that?"
Carlos smiled. "Yeah. Of course I do. And I'm sure your parents won't be mad at you. It's just one B. You can still be a doctor."
James nodded. "Yeah. It's like... it's like if I get a pimple on my face." He looked disgusted at the thought, but Logan's curious look urged him on. "If I get a pimple on my face... which just for the record, isn't going to happen because I put on Cuda facial cream every single day, two times a day, and I put it all around my face so I'm positive-"
Kendall slapped James in the chest. "Dude, get to the point."
James nodded. Logan tried to hide his smile. "So... even though I look bad for a day, I can still be a model. I'm all better the next day and so therefore I can still be a rock star and marry Nicole Scherzinger. It's the same way with you. Just because you got a bad grade doesn't mean your whole life is over. Just get back up next year and ace math again like I know you can." James smiled, punching Logan in the shoulder a little.
Logan nodded. He nodded again. It was okay if he got a B. He was still Logan; his friends and family still loved him...
He was still smart.
"Logan, there's nothing wrong with being smart." Kendall told him. The boy shook the blonde bangs out of his eyes, looking across the river at nothing. "But that can't define who you are."
Kendall took a deep breath. "Who is Logan Mitchell? Huh? When people think of you, what do they think of?"
Logan shrugged. He hated when Kendall asked those kind of questions. He didn't like talking about himself, nonetheless describing himself in close detail. "I don't know. Black hair. Short. Smart-"
Kendall pointed at him. "See? Smart. That doesn't have to be all people think of you. You're awesome, Logan. You keep us from killing ourselves but let us have fun nonetheless. You're responsible, mature. You're tolerant. I know you hate it when we go out trashcan surfing and stuff. But you go along with it."
"And you were the one who comforted James when he was the one who spilled Cuda spray all over your science project. It was you who stayed up for hours on school nights tutoring Carlos and making sure he didn't feel stupid. And Logan... you were the one who told me that the whole world wasn't hockey. I had friends. I had my family. My world wasn't just hockey. I wasn't defined by hockey."
Logan stared back at Kendall thoughtfully. He had told Kendall that, back in fifth grade when Kendall started getting a little... out of control with his hockey games. He had let hockey take over his life, and Logan had tried to remind him of what really mattered.
What really mattered. Did the same thing go with him? Being smart wasn't all that mattered.
"Logan, you're not defined by smarts either. You're more than that. You're everything me and James and Carlos said you were before. You're more than just smart, Logie-Bear."
Logan rolled his eyes at the silly nickname. Kendall was right. Being smart was great, but it wasn't all there was. "You know what, Kendall? You're right. Thank you."
Kendall smirked. "Haven't we been through this before? I'm always right."
Logan laughed at that, taking a shaky breath. His friends were right. He was more than just smart. He was a friend, a son, a classmate, a student.
He was anything he wanted to be, including smart. It didn't just have to be smart. He had other things going for him.
"Yep. You're always right, Kendall." Logan muttered sarcastically.
Kendall pretended to look offended while Carlos put his head back on Logan's shoulder. "Just so you know, Logie... I still think you're the smartest person in the whole world." He whispered softly.
Logan smiled at that. He took a deep breath and responded, "I know I am, Carlos. I know I'm smart. Even if I got a stupid B on the stupid math final."
Suddenly, the word didn't seem to bother him anymore.
He, Logan Mitchell, was smart.
But he was also more than smart.
A/N- Okay... so this was actually a request from EmilieHenderson99 from, like, a long time ago. Probably more than a year ago. And I was looking through my stuff and I found this unwritten thing. So here you go, girl. I really hope you like it... and sorry for waiting, like, a year to get back to you with a oneshot.
Anyways, I know I haven't been updating recently... I've been sick for like a week and now I'm just sitting around doing nothing. Just relaxing before winter break ends. I've got the next chapter of 13 Reasons Why halfway done, so that may be up soon (don't know how long 'soon' is, though).
But thanks for being patient with me. I hope everyone has a great day and hope everything is having a great jump start with this whole new year and stuff.
Peace, Love, and Giraffes,
Anonymous Skrtle
