Charlie had already left for work, on a Saturday. I knew he would be gone most of the day, I think probably because he was too afraid to face his heart-broken teenage daughter. But then again, what would he say to me? 'Sorry Bella, I know you're in alot of pain' 'I felt the same way when Renee left' 'it gets better'. I placed my breakfast dishes in the sink and began to rinse off the untouched oatmeal. (no appetite) "It doesn't get better, it gets numb!" I hissed under my breathe. While balancing to put the bowl on top shelf, it slipped and ricocheted off the counter, shattering on the floor. I bent down on my hands and knees to pickup the larger pieces. Then it hit. My clumsiness, how he was always there to catch me when I fell. Was that it? Maybe I was just too much of a hassle? 'What a pathetic soul I am! I never deserved him! In fact is was surprising he stayed with me as long as he had!!' The memories began to emerge. I clenched my hands tightly to my chest and began to cry. No tears, no sound. Just pain, leaving in empty breathes. I felt so hallow in my chess, like my heart was literally going to stop beating and it felt like was dieing, right here on the floor.
But then a warmth on my hands suddenly pulled me back to life. The glass had cut into my hands, dark red blood was now dripping to the ground and rivering around my wrist. I opened my hands and the glass fell, the cuts stung. but I didn't care? I was fascinated..... I felt relieved, like for some reason the pain in my hands took away the pain from chest. Weeks of emptiness forgotten in seconds. I needed more of this emotional morphine.
