Demonic Sand
The moon shone brightly on the slumbering village. All the ninja, visiting or local, slept in the quiet night. Almost all. A boy of 12 years of age, a sand ninja, in Konoha for the Chunin Exams was wakeful. He sat on the roof all by himself and looked at the sky. This sleeplessness was normal for Gaara of the Sand; sleep was closed to him or else he would lose himself to the demon sealed with in him. His black-lined eyes stayed open as he stared at the near-to-full moon above. If he looked in two of the windows near him he could see his two teammates sleeping soundly without a thought of the younger boy all alone on the roof. But he liked to be alone. People had always looked on him as a monster and he liked the time where he could be away from the hate-laden glances and the trembles every time they had to speak his name. Hatred and loathing were all that Gaara had known in his life. A footstep sounded down on the road. A girl who had her pink hair short and her forehead protector like a hair band was walking along lost in thought. She paused near the building Gaara sat on and looked up at the moon. He was in front of it and his black outline showed clearly as he crouched on the highest point. She drew in her breath sharply; Orochimaru had been in the village lately and who knew when he'd be back. She looked more carefully and realized that someone that small and with that hair cut couldn't be Orochimaru. She drew in her breath again; she was scared of the emotionless hidden sand ninja. She seemed about to call out so Gaara decided to take action, if his teacher and his teammates realized that he was interacting with an enemy… he knew the reason that they had been sent to Konoha. Suna was about to go to war. He disappeared in a whirl of sand only to appear milliseconds later by the foot of the building near Sakura. She again looked about and looked startled when she saw Gaara in the shadows.
"Shhhh, you don't want my team to hear." Sakura nodded, she had met Kankuro and Temari before.
"You're Gaara right?" he nodded. His eyes held a trace of hostility as he saw her withdraw slightly. Evidentially she had not forgotten the outcome of his match in the preliminaries, Lee in the hospital. "Don't you need to sleep? Its really late." The hostility vanished from his eyes to leave them blank and emotionless. She flinched back from the deadened, numb look he gave her. His pale, blue-green eyes held mute, almost pained, questioning as if he didn't know why she was asking or even what she was asking about. She thought for a moment that it looked as if her inquiry caused him a slight amount of pain.
"Sleep? Never known it, ever." She looked even more surprised.
"Never?" despite her anger about Lee she sounded concerned. "Do you need to go to the hospital?" he shook his head.
Sakura saw him fall to his knees and clutch at his head as if he was in intense pain. Shattered images flashed through Gaara's mind. His uncle smiling at him. His uncle jumping in the way with his arms out. Then only a week ago Master Guy jumping in the way to protect his student. His uncle bleeding as he crouched by his side and his uncle telling him to die and that no one ever loved him. The concern that had touched Sakura's face had triggered his memories of his uncle. Why wouldn't Yashamaru fade from his mind? Why did everything painful in his life, of which there was much, torment him during the night when he was most conscious of his difference from everyone else?
He pulled himself together and stood up. That was just a memory, nothing to do with his life as it was. Love was nothing to him. Family, pieces of meat bound to him with murderous intent and hatred. These old remembrances should mean nothing and he should forget them. But it was surprisingly hard to let go. Whenever things like this happened he found the memories back. He murmured to himself, "No, those memories must go. I can't remember that. Anything but that. Let me remember anything but that."
Sakura looked confused. She moved closer to Gaara and looked at him with her head on one side.
"Are you alright? Do you need something?" her compassion almost caused the emotional pain to start again. He still had a hand on his forehead. It had been a long time since Gaara had known compassion directed at him. Six long and lonely years. But look how the other time had ended, with an assassination attempt. He couldn't trust anyone, he was alone and love was not for him. Sakura looked even more concerned, why had he collapsed? Did she do something that upset him?
"I'm sorry. Did I do something? Do you want me to leave?"
Gaara was still talking to himself. "No, memory, no. Uncle, why? Why me, always me?" he drew another deep breath and stopped talking. His eyes regained his impassive look; the emotion in them had vanished. She was still looking at him with that look in her eyes. He knew it would fade the moment she knew what he was. A Demon. The look of caring would be completely replaced with horror and disgust. She would make an excuse and leave quickly. She would tell her village that he was a monster. Then the whole world would know and hate him. Not that it didn't already. To the people of his village he was a demon, no relief there. And to those in the other villages where they didn't know he was an enemy sand ninja. It was his fate to be alone forever. Just a weapon or a monster. Until he died either from an assassin or something else. Not one ninja in his village would shed a single tear.
"Why don't you sleep? Don't tell me if its painful but if it helps you to talk about it then do it." Here it came; he might have to tell her and then his reputation as a demon would be secured. He collected himself fully.
"The reason I don't sleep is inside of me." she looked perplexed, "I had a messed up childhood. I was born into this world a monster, by taking the life of my mother. Before my birth my father had attached the spirit of Shukaku, the sand demon, within me to make me a weapon. I have always been a demon and have been shunned for it, by everyone in my village. Even by my own family." Sakura still seemed to not get it so he continued talking, "My father spoiled me and trained me when I was little but that was all ephemeral. I was unstable, a danger that outweighed the potential gain. He decided to act and sent the first of many assassins to try to kill me!" she gasped.
Sakura realized that, although what Gaara was telling her was more misery than anyone should have to live with it wasn't the complete story. There was more, she guessed, either more painful or more frightening. She supposed he had memories of being shunned and hated. Of people running away from him as if he wasn't human. Memories of crying, wondering why he was a monster. Wondering if any one would ever accept him as himself. Then seeing people fleeing and knowing that his hopes were idle fantasies and were impossible, never to become reality. She conjectured that he had watched other children playing together but when he tried to join in they all ran away from him. Gaara was surprised, she didn't run away screaming 'demon' like everyone else who had ever known his terrible secret. But then again, she only knew a little about him. She hadn't seen what was likely to burst out of him when his emotions got out of control.
"I was something from the past my father, the Kazekage, wanted to get rid of. But after arming me as a monster it would not be easy to kill me. But to be alive you need a reason, I had none. I thought upon the subject and arrived at an answer. I live to kill people other than myself! As long as there are people other than me in the world I will not vanish. I live for myself and I love no one but myself." Sakura flinched back noticeably; live to kill people… now she had serious fears of Gaara. He saw fear appear on her face. There it was, what he was used to.
"Y-you want to kill me?" he shook his head.
"I am out to kill those who threaten my existence. And there are many, believe me. No one ever cared if I lived or died except to wish that I would die. But now I am also out to find a strong opponent who will give me a good fight so that I can truly feel the pleasure of life." She seemed to be relieved. Some of her concern seeped back.
"Do you have to kill? What about your family, do you even have a family? Won't they support you? Don't they love you?"
He laughed and although soft it was hard and with a ring of insanity in it. "Love me? My family? You've met them, do you think they love me?" she was even more perplexed.
"I've met your family? Really? Who?"
"Temari and Kankuro, my team. They are my sister and brother but they hate me. They see me through the angle that everyone in Suna, the sand village, does. To them I am a monster, not human. They fear me for this thing inside. Love and friendship I have never known, especially from them." There was even more sympathy in her face.
"So you're alone? Is that why?" he nodded then clutched at his forehead. But a few deep breaths eased the pain. He made a gesture and disappeared in another whirl of sand. Sakura saw him a moment later on the roof.
That's so horrible, how could a village be so mean to a kid? He's no older than I am. I hope his life gets better, I really feel sorry for him. No one should have to suffer as much as he has. And I know he didn't tell me all of it. He must have endured so much agony if a single compassionate look causes him pain. I hope he doesn't find a strong opponent or else he might lose control… but wait he fights Sasuke-kun in the finals! I hope he loses to him! A loss would destroy Sasuke-kun and he would go into depression! With totally different thoughts she walked briskly back to her home.
