Jamie took a deep breath as he stood in Eddie's doorway. Once again, he'd been grouchy and unpleasant to Eddie when she had wanted nothing more than to talk to him and make him feel better. Anyone else would slam the door in his face when he buzzed but not Eddie; she had buzzed him up and was ready to open the door and her heart to him once more.
Jamie reflected on the conversation he had with Henry, "If there is a conversation you've been avoiding…" He'd been avoiding this conversation far too long.
The door opened pushing Jamie out of his own mind and back to the present. Eddie had her hair up in a messy ponytail, and was in a pair of nicely fitting leggings with an NYPD sweatshirt. She looked like she'd been sleeping before Jamie buzzed to come up. "Oh, I'm sorry, were you sleeping?" Jamie asked softly wondering why she'd be asleep so early.
"Not really, I just dozed in front of the TV. I haven't slept too well the last few days," Eddie clarified before stepping back and allowing Jamie inside. "Is that Rocky Road and Guinness?"
Jamie smiled, "Guilty as charged, Officer," he replied. "Peace offering for being such a jerk that last few days."
Eddie took the ice cream and beer from Jamie and started to serve it without a second thought. "Yeah, well you had a lot on your mind and I can't expect some sweet words and a dance to change years of…stuff." Crap was the word Eddie wanted to use but Jamie was here, on his own, and she wanted to see how it worked out before she let herself get testy.
"Those sweet words were true," Jamie said moving closer. "And I meant that dance, holding you so close to me like that…it felt right. I don't know what got into me, except I'm still not being honest with you or myself."
Eddie moved to the couch with two bowls of ice cream and two beers. "You have been blatantly honest Jamie, you just don't know it. You want to hug me and cuddle me and kiss me when YOU want to but as soon as the tables turns and I want to hug, cuddle or kiss you, you toss up some kind of roadblock. I could tell you were hurting, I knew that…I wanted to help but you wanted to stew and throw a pity party for yourself."
"I know I did," Jamie sighed. "I was rude and I was mean and…" Jamie took the ice cream bowl from Eddie's hands so he could hold them in his own. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry."
"Sorry," Eddie sighed. "Sorry just isn't going to cut it one day Jamie. It's not enough for you to be sorry, I need to know why. Why do you keep doing this?"
"I don't know," Jamie replied after a minute of consideration. "I guess I do it when things start to get rough or stressful at work. I feel like if I push you away I can control myself, I can keep my head but I know it's a lie. During that mugging, all I thought about was where is Eddie and if he would turn and fire at you if he got that gun. I made a choice based on my heart and my fear, that's a bad place for a cop to be."
"I know it is, Jamie," Eddie sighed. "And I was scared to death, I ran as fast as I could…" Eddie bit her lip. "I love you, I'm ready to say that to you and I'm in a secure enough place to not hear it back if you aren't ready to say it."
"Eddie, I…"
Eddie lifted her hand and stopped Jamie from speaking. "Don't say it now, it won't mean as much just know in your heart of hearts that sitting before you is a woman that loves you, quirks and all, that won't be around forever."
Jamie leaned back and let Eddie's words sink into his brain. All this time Jamie was worrying that he'd lose Eddie if he dared cross the romantic line, now it sounded like he could lose her if he didn't.
Jamie took a deep breath, "Truth is I am scared, Eddie. I'm scared of losing you. I'm scared that I'll screw this up and moments like this won't exist anymore. I'm sorry about what I said the other day, I am glad you came to find me…"
Eddie slid closer and Jamie dropped his arm around her shoulders forgetting the two bowels of melting ice cream. "Truth is you were right," Jamie sighed. "But for the grace of God…if things happened differently, I was that kid playing that card…"
"But you weren't, and this kid Jamie, he's going to be okay, he's young and maybe he can…"
"I hope," Jamie replied. "There's always hope for the best things right?"
Eddie looked up, "Right. Our ice cream is melted…"
Jamie shifted holding Eddie's gaze, "Let it melt," he replied and closed the gap between them leaving her a promise of tomorrow in a soft, chaste kiss.
The weight of the attraction between Jamie and Eddie saw them both deepening their kiss, Jamie's hand pulling Eddie closer. At that moment there was no job, no worries, no stress or strain, at this moment their was just the two of them, in each other's arms relishing in the warmth and joy of simply being together.
When they broke apart to catch their breath, Eddie cupped Jamie's cheek, "Truth be told Jamie I'm scared too, the more you have to lose the scarier it is."
Jamie tightened his arms around Eddie, wanting to stop her fear. "We'll figure it out together, I'll stop pushing you away, but please give me a little more time?"
Eddie nodded, she couldn't deny him even if she wanted to do it, not right now. "A little more time…" Eddie whispered and closed the gap between them to continue their kiss.
A/N: A dear friend of mine requested I attempt to seize the opportunities that the writer's ignored or missed during this Friday's episode, so this is for you dear friend.
Another dear friend requested an expansion on the dancing scene and that is in the works as well, so no fear to that friend, I didn't forget you. That piece is just harder cause I liked that ending, lol.
As always, please leave your reviews.
