Haven Of My Heart

Summary: Remember that letter Lois got in the finale of Season 9? Well, that wasn't the only one that night.

Notes: Entry for the "3-in-one" Challenge on Smallville Challenges Forum. I got Clark Kent, rain and "I will go sailing no more" by Randy Newman assigned. Story is set in "Salvation", so spoilers for that episode and the general Season 9 storyline. Slight AU, since Clark reveals his secret in that letter and not, as shown, later in the series. I leave it you if Lois actually gets to read that letter or not.

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine, but I wouldn't mind owning one or two of the guys…


Dear Lois,

if you read this, you already have got another letter, this time from "The Blur". You ask how I could know about that? I'll tell you more about that later.

First of all, I want to take you on a trip down Memory Lane, as the saying goes. And for that, I let you in my biggest secret. A secret only a few other people know about. I wasn't born in Smallville, not even in Kansas or in any other place on this Earth. My origin is the planet of Krypton, and since the planet was destroyed right after my departure, I'm pretty much the last rightful survivor of that planet. You remember my cousin Kara? She really is my cousin, and as you might guess, she's from Krypton as well. The guy who introduced himself as Agent Zod to you? He's also from Krypton, but my father banned him to the Phantom Zone before the destruction of Krypton. And I have to warn you, Lois, don't trust him, no matter what he says about his motives or about me. He's working on a sinister plan, and that plan might cost us all dearly.

Back to my own history. All the years, I kinda felt drifting through my life. Sure, I had a home, two loving parents, friends (like Pete and Chloe). And yet, I knew that something was missing. At first, I didn't know what it was, but then, around the time I started high school, I slowly realized it. A safe haven for my heart, my soul, my very being, a person who could take me as I am, with all my secrets and flaws. For a long time I thought Lana would be the one for that. But now I know that that was just a schoolboy's dream, wrapped up in a bubble that couldn't stand the test of time. The first time I realized that I've met that one person who could do it was when I met you for the first time. And I don't mean the very first time when you found me in the field, because that wasn't really me, let me tell you. Sure, I would've denied it back then with all I might, but now I know better. Honestly, I think that I began to fall for you right that moment.

A couple of days ago, I heard a song on the radio. It was "I will go sailing no more" by Randy Newman. And while I'm not the biggest music fan around here, I found myself listening to the lyrics, only to realize that somehow, that artist was singing about my life. I came to Earth in a ship, landing in Smallville in a rain of meteors, so I was literally sailing from a very young age on. I also have certain abilities, abilities that allow me to do things any other human being only could dream of. And still, coming back from another "stint", as Chloe or Oliver might call it, as a hero to an empty home, with no one waiting for you, isn't what I want. Sure, my parents knew about the abilities, along with others, and they all could understand my motives to a certain extent. But what I really want is one person, one "soul mate", who is not only able to live with the knowledge about me, with the constant danger, but also with the burden to have to share me with the rest of the world.

And Lois, I've found that one person. I've found my soul mate. I've found what I've been looking for in you. And even though you don't know about my secret yet, you already do the things I look for in a person. You're the fiercest, most compassionate and determined person I've ever met. You stand your ground, which might come from your upbringing as an army kid, and even when you find yourself way over your head in trouble, you don't back down until you get to the heart of the matter. Please, don't ever change, because I will always be there to save you.

At the beginning of this letter, I brought up the question how I know about the letter from "The Blur". Well, the truth is: I am "The Blur". After Jimmy's death, I tried to detach myself from all my human links, but then I saw you in that train wreck, and I knew that second that I couldn't do it. My bond to you was already quite strong back then, and it went on to get stronger and stronger every day.

At last, I want to tell you why I wrote these two letters. As I mentioned before, Zod is working on a plan. A plan I try to sabotage. If my counterplan works, it's highly possible that I might be gone by dawn. Gone as in away from Metropolis, away from this Earth, away to a place I have no knowledge about. But if it helps me to save you and all the other people I deeply care about, I will gladly pay that price. As for the letters: In the "The Blur" letter, I want to address all the people of Metropolis to continue the way I began, to fight for justice and for a better life for us all. Please do me this one last favor and publish it in the Daily Planet.

This letter is more or less kind of a last chance letter. A probably final chance to tell you all the things I wanted to tell you so many times before. But every time I thought I could do it, a voice in my head told me not to, afraid that you would react in the wrong way, turn your back on me, and I would end up losing the person who means the most to me. But you showed me in the last months and weeks that you're one of a kind, different to all the other people I've met and yet so fitting for me.

Lois, I love you, from the deepest deep of my heart, and as Randy Newman put it, "I will go sailing no more", as long as I know my heart is with you. I have a safe haven, a place where I don't have to be strong all the time. That place is with you, forever and always. And no matter how tonight will end for me, rest assured that I will always find a way back to you. Because I'm convinced that you and I are made for each other.

With all my love,

Clark