This is something that I've had just sitting around my docs folder. Figured I may as well post it.

So. I'm trying to get back into writing KHR, so I'll be taking crack pairing/prompt requests. This is crack pairings only, so sorry to any 1827 or XS or 6996 shippers. Unless of course you manage to give me a prompt crack enough for me to consider writing a more popular couple.

For this first chapter's pairing: Xanxus/Jager.


Power

Xanxus knew that having a longstanding mancrush on the wimpy Decimo probably wasn't the healthiest thing. He knew it wasn't the healthiest thing. Unfortunately, the only reason that he even had these kind of weird non-respectable for any Mafioso-feelings was because of his damn curse.

Yes, the Varia Boss was cursed.

Cursed with what? people would ask.

No one would answer because they tended to like life. Truth was, Xanxus was cursed to love the last person who had defeated him in combat.

Namely, Sawada Tsunayoshi.

Or, that used to be the case. Until the goddamned Rainbow Battles. And the goddamned Vindice interference.

And it just so brilliantly happened that the Vindice HAD to defeat Tsuna, they just HAD to go and centre the whole course of Xanxus's romantic attractions on a whole new different party - this time, now this time the person of interest wasn't even human, probably incapable of experiencing the slightest bit of infatuation. The Varia Boss did not like love. A mancrush on the pipsqueak was okay, because then Xanxus knew that the shitty twerps he called Guardians would be able to prevent him from getting kicked in by his cure and sent raging after the Decimo. But no. The Vindice had to fuck everything up. And Xanxus did not DO anybody. He was an independent Mafioso that didn't need any lovelife.

So the fact that his curse had transferred over to Jager of all fucking (undead?) people was really making his heart sore.

He spent weeks in his office, dousing his worries in wine, trying to forget and relieve himself of the curse; but alas, the pounding feeling refused to go away. Especially whenever anybody mentioned the Vindice, or god forbid Jager himself. "The boss has been acting weird recently." Fran noted. "He always acts really weird after losing."

The other Varia captains (minus Mammon, Mammon didn't - couldn't know or heavens forbid that he use the curse as blackmail material) looked at Fran pityingly. "The Boss has a really bad curse that kicks in whenever he loses, see," Levi said. "Let's just put it that way." As a Mist, Fran knew exactly how bad curses were, so he dropped the subject and everyone did their best to ease the Boss.

Everything was going fine until Tsuna paid a visit a couple weeks later and mentioned how the Vindice were now guarding the Pacifiers and then the curse kicked in with a fucking vengeance. Xanxus's legs were suddenly possessed; he started sprinting at full speed outside, then his body itself was taken over by the curse and he gunned up to start flying to the Vindice headquarters.

This curse sucked even worse than a bitch.

He flew, over the forests and the trees, over the streams and the flowers and the animals. He was weightless. It would have been a marvel to see him prancing in the air. But it wasn't until he reached the doorstep of the Vindice's headquarters that he realised what he had done… and that he had no idea what he was there to do.

The curse did, though. Has he mentioned how much he hated this curse? "Oi! Vindice, Open up!" he roared. But it wasn't him. He felt like something, someone was up there moving his body and controlling him like a fucking puppet. And that they were getting a lot of kicks out of this.

In another universe, two writers laughed madly.

The gates creaked open ominously, and a Vindice (not Jager) was there, face bandaged up as usual. "What do you want, Varia?" it asked flatly.

"I want to leave this place-" CURSE USED ACTIVATE, "-see Jager."

"Oh." The Vindice looked at the Varia Boss.

They stared at each other.

They stared at each other for a while.

Xanxus felt himself starting to sweat. "I'll see if he's free." Xanxus mentally praised the gods. Or no, that was the curse... was it? You see, the Boss had finally figured out a plan for this stupid curse. If he beat the person that had beat him, then the curse would transfer to himself, and he'd really be in love with himself than any other human being. Especially not a Vindice. ESPECIALLY not a Vindice.

Finally, this whole ordeal was going to be over, and Xanxus would be happy living with himself in his office, loving himself for the rest of eternity. All he had to do was defeat the Jager, yes? Jager… Jager- "You wanted to see me?" Jager!

"I'm here to defeat you-" CURSE USED ACTIVATE, "Confess love to you."

Jager stared. "Excuse me?"

"DEFEAT-" ACTIVATE, "Confess."

He was getting confused now.

"Goddamn this curse, I'm here to beat the fucking shit out of you so I can just go to my office and love myself for all eternity!" was what he meant to say, but somehow at the same time his lips garbled, "I'm here to plead for you to marry me so that we can be happy together forever, Jager-senpai~!"

Xanxus immediately attempted to choke himself.

Jager blinked slowly. "What the hell."

Xanxus was getting frustrated. Really frustrated. "It's a curs-" ACTIVATE "It's my true feelings."

By now, Jager was slowly closing the door on Xanxus.

He let out a strangled yell.

The door shut abruptly.

There was a pause.

"OPEN THE DOOR, DAMMIT!"


The next day, Xanxus went off to see a curse-breaker.


Poor Xanxus.

Drop some crack pairings or crack prompts my way via review, if you wish. I'll pick and choose whichever ones interest me. Dropping an ask on my tumblr blog (plotmaster) is doable as well.