As every great aspect in this world arises, I got bored. This is just an introduction type chapter, I guess you could call it. Yeah, so, enjoy.
Sexiest Parts of Me
Chapter One: Bell-Less Men and Silicon Tits
"The sexiest parts of me? My brain, my spine, and my guts."
Full(er) Summary: She's realistic with strong distaste for fake. He's a plastic surgeon who's made a career out of fake. Their worlds collide. And so do their personalities, and their opinions, and their beliefs and their morals. But they soon find their views changing. Could they ever be more than just a clashing couple? A Bella + Edward, All Human fanfic. Humourously romantic, with none of that soppy chick flick cliché.
Bella scowled at the couple seated at the table adjacent from her over the rim of her mug. A blonde twenty-something bombshell with outrageously implanted breasts and orange-tinged skin laughed flirtatiously at a remark the almost-thirty shaggy haired man said.
"This world is so corrupt," Bella sighed heavily. "I don't understand why people can't just invest in a pair of chicken fillets and eat a little less. Honestly, what's so hard about saying 'no' to that extra serving, or that twin-pack Moro bar? It might even save this shit poor population some money."
"Because we're a nation filled with idiots, lazy bitches, and whores," Rose answered, laced with sarcasm and coated with disinterest.
Bella's friend Rosalie didn't share the same opinions as Bella. She always blew Bella's rants off with a simple, indifferent, "each to their own." Bella huffed.
"Silicon tits," Bella grumbled. "Ball-less men. This is what our world has come to. Bunch of bloody morons." Rose shook her head, familiarly humored by her flat-mate's mutterings.
"Maybe that's why you're so sour towards it; because deep, deep, deep down, you're just jealous everyone else is getting some and you're not." Bella tried to ignore the double meaning of 'some' and glared at Rose.
"Get bent!" She shrilled defensively at her step-sister.
"Hey, each to their own," Rose settled. Bella huffed more exasperatedly, but let the topic drop, for now.
"How's Eric?" Bella tried.
"Hopefully making the most of his last hour of happiness. That bitch is about to get duuuumped." Rose dragged the last word out in a tune.
"He didn't complement you anyway," Bella said in support.
In way of agreement, Rose mumbled, "Hmmm." Sensing her distraction, Bella gave up on conversation, once again picking up her coffee mug and continuing to frown at the table adjacent to her.
Rose shivered when the cold air hit her cheeks. "Christ, it's colder in here than it is outside!" She huddled further into her feather-down jacket.
Bella waved Rose off, "you'll warm up soon."
They sidestepped through the throngs gathered at the concession stands and settled into one of the front rows of benches.
"Phaw, what a pair of poppers Jessica's got on her tonight," Bella exclaimed at the approaching woman's prominently pebbled nipples.
"Hey guys!" Jessica greeted when she neared.
"Hello, Jessica," Rose replied. She cleared her throat, waiting for Bella to reply.
"Bella?"
Bella dragged her eyes from the girls chest to her face, "Oh, my apologies, I was just about to say 'hi' back."
Jessica's mouth dropped open and Rose's eyes widened. "My, you're looking rather raunchy tonight, Jessica. Aren't you awfully cold, though?" Bella pushed on, her eyes drifting downwards to the obvious illustration.
"Well, I must admit that it just got a lot cooler in here. If you'll please excuse me," Jessica nodded to the ladies, mortification causing her to cross her arms over her chest and disappear into the crowd.
Rose tutted, "now, now, Bella; didn't your mother ever teach you to play nice?"
"She's lucky she's never met my mother," Bella affirmed with a scoff.
"If it weren't for number thirteen, Broten would've won that for us. Stupid, cursed numbers ruins shit for us all. The Test Icicles should've gone home with the victory tonight," Bella heaved forlornly.
"There's always next year," Rose said reassuringly. This was another reply Rose had used commonly over the years. She hoped that one day Bella would just choose to support a team that didn't blow.
"Moronic group of twits, no talen-" Bella was cut by a burly man falling into her, his boisterous cheers ceasing when he lost stability. Bella frowned.
"Excuse me," he smiled genuinely, stabilizing Bella by the arm.
The accompanying man came to stand beside him, "our sincerest apologies. My brother here is just too eager to celebrate his win." He flashed them a grin and held the door open for them to walk through.
"Number thirteen, huh?" Bella read off the burly man's jersey curtly.
"The one and only! And people say thirteen is an unlucky number. Superstitious bastards, right?" He nudged Bella playfully. She remained unimpressed.
"Well, you ladies have a nice night, won't you. Might see you round sometime," burly man winked at both girls, and the two men jumped about the car park, the celebration scaling back to its ultimate.
"No talent. Nothing!" Bella threw her hands up. "Rose?"
"Yeah, what?" She asked, her eyes elsewhere.
Bella gasped. "That is so not happening, he's the enemy!" She pointed at the now distant but still bold '13', reading Rose's reaction of the encounter.
Rose ignored her. "You know, I never did like being single for long."
This is like the Shrimp Cocktail entree to the reeeeeally satisfying well-done Mixed Grill main. Hopefully.
Please tell me what you think, criticism of all forms is accepted here. This is a no hate zone.
BL - x
