How could I even begin to tell you? Words can't describe these feelings, these emotions. In my own mind, I can't comprehend them. You're my friend, my only real friend. Some people would say it's no wonder this is happening. Spending almost every waking moment with each other, it was bound to happen. But still…
Lust is a basic feeling. Lust is when you want someone to touch you, to hold you. Lust is when you crave to feel their lips on your own. Love is so much more complicated. Love is when you would do anything they asked. You'd run through fire, you climb to the heavens, just because they asked you to, you'd do anything, even if you knew you would die.
It's January 26th. I'm racing across a Japanese city, racing towards certain death, all because he asked me to. I don't mind, I know it won't hurt. What hurts is not knowing where he is. I know he's still alive, if he wasn't, I'd have felt an ache where my heart should be. I'd have tears in my eyes and as much as I wouldn't want to admit it, I'd know exactly why. No. He's still alive.
I can see them know. They've blocked off the road. I sigh as I light a cigarette, the last one in the pack, the last one I'll ever smoke.
This is because I love him. I'm getting out of my car and getting ready to be rained on by metal raindrops because he asked me to.
This is because love is ultimately the death of everyone.
