Disclaimer: I don't own She's the Man, but if anyone does and wants to share Amanda Bynes and Laura Ramsey with me, I wouldn't mind.
Feedback: This is my second fanfic so remember to either drop me a line or leave a review.
Summary: The continuation of "Always the Good Girl" this is from Viola's perspective. And if you read my last fanfic you know and enjoy the femslash that goes on in here.
"…I mean I like you. I've made it clear that I like you… but I just need to know how you feel…"
Olivia has just said the thing they were both skirting around since they met. Viola knew that something was up between them; she was mostly clueless about girly things, having hung out with boys most of her life, but she could sense the tension that was between them. It was so palpable it was nearly an electrical phenomenon between them. Whenever they locked eyes or accidently brushed up against one another, there was something in the air that made it harder to breathe.
At first Viola hadn't noticed anything strange. She was too busy trying to make it to first string and too exhausted after her secret morning practices and her team practices to care about anything besides sleep and staying afloat in her classes. Viola even tried making Olivia realize that Duke was available for her to date but the other girl wouldn't bite.
When they kissed at the carnival, Viola quickly realized that the blonde had the power to make time stop with her kisses… and to bruise her via a very angry Duke. She didn't fight all the times they kissed after that or object to having a secret relationship with her because she didn't want it to stop.
She didn't really know she was gay but she had a feeling something was up when she told Sebastian once that one of his girlfriends was cute and he laughed at her and told her it was about time she figured it out and that Paul owed him 20 bucks. Apparently betting on who she would come out to was her friend's way of entertaining themselves. Hers was punching them in the gut.
It was middle school and Viola wasn't ready to be gay.
Disappointing your mom for being the wrong daughter all your life was bad enough. Adding the L word to the equation was out of the question. That's why she put up with the annoyingly cheerful mom-dates, where they would do really lame stuff that only her mom enjoyed, instead of going to soccer games or buying new equipment. Her mom only saw her for the daughter she never would be, which kind of made the divorce easier. At least dad always encouraged her love of sports and getting dirty because he was too busy being disillusioned in Sebastian. It seemed like the twins had been born in the wrong bodies as far as their parents were concerned. Girls should be quiet and into writing in journals and boys should want to get dirty and play sports.
After a couple of years, Viola never lost that nagging feeling that she might like girls as more than just friends but she was too afraid to tell even her closest friends or her brother. She didn't want to find out what it felt like to be further rejected by her mom or how it would be to have her dad stop liking her because of that. So Viola pushed it deep underneath all her thoughts and tried to brush off those worries and insecurities by dating Justin and looking at the ceiling whenever she had to change in the locker rooms.
Looking back at everything, impersonating her brother so she could prove a point probably wasn't her most thought out plan because there were many times it nearly blew up in her face and had to call for backup; but meeting Olivia had made it worth it. Sure, like most things she did, Viola hadn't thought everything through and winged it. But, unlike most things, everything was working out in the end. So why was she hesitating when Olivia was telling her that she felt exactly the same way she was feeling? Because she thought it was a fluke. Olivia was the perfect girl: she was smart, very beautiful, funny, had a great smile, was an amazing kisser and she was super polite and just about a million things that could get her any guy or girl she wanted.
So why me? I played with her emotions because I liked her too much to tell her the truth about myself and she forgave me… well first she nearly chucked me from her bedroom window… which is two stories! But she forgave me as if I wasn't the biggest jerk in the universe. What if she doesn't really like me? Or what if she does? Is that worse? What if I suck at being a girlfriend? I don't know stuff about relationships and things… Justin always remembered things like anniversaries and Valentine's Day, even if he was a tool in the end. Or what if I'm not a good gay, like I don't own rainbow stuff… maybe I could cut out the rainbow off of me lucky charms and… do what? Glue it to my backpack? No, last time I used a hot glue gun my dad had to replace the carpet in his house and buy fire extinguishers for every room. What if I don't know what to do in bed? Do I snore? Do I hog the covers? Maybe I talk in my sleep like Sebastian. Dang, I should have at least slept with someone to know how the whole sex thing works. Wait why am I thinking about sex when I don't even know where we stand? Great now I'm picturing her naked, I hope she can't read my mind…
Viola's train of thought made her loose track of time. She only realized it was time for her next test when the bell broke her out of her ramble induced trance. Olivia was still in front of her but she had to run since her statistics test was going to be grueling. Trying to remember formulas made her nearly trip over herself as she rushed to class. Completely unaware that she hadn't said anything to Olivia and that the other girl was on the verge of tears due to her silence.
Author's Note: Since your comments were so positive I decided that I shouldn't write an epilogue but rather continue the story. So there! I was just taking a bit of a vacation but I'm back and gayer than ever so enjoy :)
