Title: Calm before the Storm
Summary: Ed and Greg talk about Dean's future plans and Ed's hesitation in the field; leaving Greg wondering what Ed was holding back and what emotional storm was still brewing. Ed/Greg Post Ep OS to eppy 5.10 'World of Their Own' contains spoilers
Disclaimer: If I owned anything to do with FP Ed would be all mine! Hehe *alas* I own only my DVD's that fuel my imaginative muse Alice.
A/N: Okay so technically this should have been eppy 6 and CTV showed it earlier b/c of remembrance day fine but they should have kept in order and it should have come before the boys ride along b/c it would have made more sense lol but ah well…so am going to keep this in our current order (hence the title b/c of next weeks eppy) and hope you all like it.
Note: Words in italics and double quotes taken directly from episode
"Call your mom and tell her the good news?" Greg asked Dean the previous night at dinner. "No? Okay what's up…what's wrong?"
"Dad…I don't want to go to university, I want to be a cop…and I want to go to the academy."
"When did you make this decision?" Greg asked in mild shock.
"I've been thinking about it for a while."
"Okay well…a degree will only help you."
"I can do a degree later."
"This job…Dean…it's not what you think."
"I know you go through a lot…I see what you go through every day."
"No you don't understand…you don't have all the information…to see what it takes to make this decision. You'd be great at anything right…but I want what's best for you. I want to help you…so you have choices, so you have more freedom later. Just give it time."
"I have given it time…I have thought about it. This is what I was born to do! You know…I thought…you'd be happy."
And that was it…the door was slammed. Silence ensued and Greg was left wondering why he wasn't as happy as he should be. What was the catalyst that was forcing his enthusiasm over his son declaring his professional legacy? You know why you feel differently now, his brain reminded him as he leaned back in his chair and glanced toward the kitchen, his eyes resting on one photo as his stomach tightened.
"Eddie…" he whispered in anguish. You're the reason….
XXXXXXXX
The following morning Ed arrives at the barn earlier than normal, wanting to clear a few anxiety filled cobwebs from his head by hitting the punching bag and allowing the silence to be filled with his own angry offerings without the worry that someone in his family would hear and question.
He allows a heavy sigh to escape his lips as he slumps down on the bench, resting his head in his hands for a few moments as he recalls the day before…the case with the deaf young man and how his heart was racing at top speed that another innocent life would be taken by his call and he'd be forced to see another face beside May Dalton's in his nightmares. Can't kill the boy…can't kill the boy…
Ed feels his anxiety surge as he remembers the latest nightmare, this time he watches as Noah, the young deaf man from the day before, doesn't lower his gun and he's forced to take his life…watching him fall to the ground begging why.
"Damn…" Ed curses as he slowly uprights himself but continues to stare absently at the row of dark metal lockers before him. But it's not until he hears a soft shuffling does he look up to see Greg enter and head for his locker, pulling open the door with a little more force and then slamming it shut, making Ed's frame involuntarily jerk.
"Greg?" Ed mentions softly, prompting Greg to look over in haste.
"Eddie…" Greg utters in surprise. "What um…"
"What's going on?" Ed asks in haste.
"That's usually my question," Greg softly smirks as he nears Ed and slowly eases himself down onto the opposite end of the bench. "You're in early."
"Couldn't sleep," Ed replies curtly. "What's going on?"
"It's…couldn't sleep huh…why not?"
"Greg, I'm fine…nothing new these days. Something happen at home?" Ed gently presses.
Greg looks at the somewhat pained expression on Ed's face and feels himself inwardly yell. Yes something happened at home…my son wants to be a cop and now…seeing what you're going through…I'm not sure I want that! But that's not the tormented truth that Greg offers. How could he tell his close friend that seeing him suffering so much was the reason he now didn't want his beloved son to follow in his footsteps.
"Everything okay with Dean?"
"Did Clark get his acceptance letter yet?"
"Due in the mail this week. Dean get his? Is that what this is about? I'd be surprised if he wasn't accepted."
"Oh he was…Cornell welcomed him with open arms," Greg replies matter of factly, his gaze shifting away from Ed's for a moment and resting on another part of the quiet locker room. "Dean's okay…how are you my friend? I know yesterday…in those woods with Noah…there was some tension over the call."
"You're shifting this to me?" Ed asks in surprise.
"Dean's fine…he's…he's okay. But you…another early morning. Talk to me about the call yesterday."
"Lethal intent Ed."
"Spike wait."
"I have the solution."
"Spike…"
"Ed…what's the call?"
Silence for a few seconds.
"Ed…what's the call?"
"Spike had to ask twice," Greg carefully reminds him. "Eddie…"
"Boss it's all…"
"Did you see her…in that moment did you see May Dalton?"
"I didn't want another young person killed for…"
"For you doing the right thing at the wrong time?" Greg gently concludes. "Young deaf man…defending the only home he's ever known. Taking his life…it would have been…"
"Another tragic loss. Yeah that's it," Ed nods as he looks down at his hands as they fidget with his jacket, Greg's eyes turning back to Ed in wonder.
"How are the um…the sessions going?"
"Fine…they are…I mean this kind of thing…doesn't go away overnight right?" Ed asks softly as he leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees but his jacket still firmly in his grasp.
"No it doesn't. Ed…you hesitated."
"A hesitation is just…the right call was made in the end…that's what counted. I didn't want another dead young person."
"I get that I do…but was that the real reason or was it something else? Did you see May?"
"Greg…"
"Eddie you can tell me."
"For a moment…a split second it was May and then…then it was Clark."
"Clark?" Greg asks in surprise.
"The moment…the memory…lasted only a few seconds and that was it gone…it's all good now."
"Yeah, how's that? How's it good Eddie? How is this…good?"
Greg's gaze quickly diverts from Ed's clenched jaw to his fingers tightly curling around his jacket; his hand briefly resting on Ed's and making Ed's grasp to instantly soften.
"Just wish they would go away already," Ed confesses with a hint of torment.
"Are they getting better at all?"
"Sure," Ed answers weakly and Greg knows in that moment that he's just telling him what he wants to hear.
"Come on now."
"What do you want from me Greg. It was that…Izzy's teething…Clark's future choices…stuff at home…" his voice trails off in a heated exhale.
"Clark still wanna be a cop?"
"Does Dean?" Ed counters.
"Yeah he does," Greg replies with a heavy exhale. "More than ever."
"What I was born to do dad."
"Really? What happened to being a lawyer as he first said…caught up in all the money and stuff?"
"It changed."
"When?"
"Apparently overnight," Greg replies heavily. "In fact he told me last night that he…that he just wants to go straight to the academy and bypass university. No more law degree…no degree at all."
"Really?" Ed asks with a soft smile. "What? You're not happy? Your son following in your footsteps?"
"I'm happy…I just…he hasn't told his mom and I know how much she hates my line of work and…"
"Dean's gonna be an adult soon and can make his own decision right?"
"Right," Greg huffs as he leans back, making Ed look up from his slightly hunched over position.
"So now you don't want him to be a cop? Greg last week you were praising him for his enthusiasm and now…what's changed?"
"He's young…he has his whole life to…I think nowadays a degree is important."
"So he's following in your footsteps, at least he has a clear plan. Clark waffles from one thing to the next each day it seems," Ed huffs. "And if he's like you, he'll graduate at the top and never have to worry about work again."
"I want him to have options."
"Greg…"
"I know…I know," Greg retorts with a small groan as Ed slightly straightens up and looks at him.
"Okay I know you and these short answers…something's up…what is it? Dean's a great kid; he will make it at the academy."
"I'm not worried about that."
"Okay then what? Him suddenly moving back to Texas to join the Texas Rangers?" Ed quips, referring to the special law enforcement detachment down south.
"No…not that either…"
"Greg…"
"I don't want him to face…what we face," Greg carefully replies, not wanting to add that he could never bear to see his only beloved son in as much daily torment as his closest friend due to his profession; the same one as his father.
"What? Greg what do mean?" Ed continues as Greg slowly stands up with a heavy exhale and then walks a few feet, his back still to Ed.
"Long days…long nights…sleepless nights…bad calls…good calls gone bad…you name it. The stuff we have seen…I don't tell him everything. As much as we talk and are open…I don't tell him how it affects…all of us emotionally or mentally. He doesn't need that right now."
"Kids see worse on video games most of the time," Ed interjects correctly. "What are you not telling me?"
Greg finally turns back and looks at the questioning expression in Ed's face and feels his inner anxiety surge. Of course Ed could tell on his face and in his tone that he is holding something back. I…I can't tell you Eddie…I just can't.
"I worry…that's all," Greg replies with a smirk, hoping Ed will drop the subject about Dean's future; his mind remembering the crestfallen expression on his son's face moments before he left the room.
"Well I worry to but I'd be over the moon if Clark made that firm decision on wanting to follow my footsteps."
"Legacy right?" Greg nods as he tries to offer what he hopes is a more genuine smile.
"Right. I mean that's what we both wanted…to stand there side by side and watching them graduate together."
"Getting past rookie term and then working together as partners," Greg adds as Ed nods.
"You still want that right?"
"I know he gets caught up in the moment and gets excited about things…"
"Be happy…up to the ride along, Clark wouldn't say more than two words about being a cop and sometimes I just think it's Dean's urging."
"Too bad Clark wouldn't rub off on Dean," Greg quips, making Ed arch his brows in surprise. "In the end it's his decision right?"
"That's what Sophie keeps telling me. What um…what does Marina say?"
"She agrees with Sophie."
"It's a woman thing," Ed teases. "I guess we need to trust them more."
"The women or our son's?"
"Both," Ed answers slowly. "I worry about Clark too; Sophie's always on me to tell him the bad stuff as well as the good stuff that makes the paper."
"And the bad stuff…what does Clark say about that?"
"I don't tell him much. We um…he doesn't say much I guess. Even about the bad stuff in the news."
"Like his dad," Greg smirks, making Ed look at him in wonder. "That isn't always a good thing."
"Clark will find someone like Sophie and…and she'll balance him out like Sophie does me."
"Sounds simple."
"You're the one always telling me to keep it simple," Ed tells Greg in truth as Greg slumps back down beside him.
"I missed him for so long and this past year…I mean it's gone…and now he…he's just growing up so fast and I want him to be happy and…happy…every day and I don't want work to be his emotional downfall."
"Greg you'd never let him get like that. You can't fail him…"
"I have in the past."
"He didn't know you and was fed only one side by his mom; the biased side. He knows you now…has seen you up close and personal…lived with you through the whole near suspension thing and a few others and Greg he's a better man for it."
Greg looks at Ed and smiles and then nods. "Yeah he's a pretty remarkable kid."
"He is."
"Okay so what does Sophie have to say about these last few early mornings?"
"When I have a sleepless night…she does…Izzy does…"
"And everyone's miserable."
"Some days I think I need a real break and then other days pass by without incident and everything's good. Day at a time right…isn't that what you always tell me?"
"I do," Greg chuckles as he looks away. "Can you imagine ten years from now?"
"Ten?" Ed chuckles also. "No way…by that time Clark will be well into a career…Izzy will be looking at boys and…"
"And you my friend could be a grandfather."
"Now that's going too far," Ed states with an easy smile as Greg pats him on the back. "I still gotta work through Uncle Ed for baby Braddock."
"It's called multi-tasking."
"Ah so that's what it's called," Ed smirks as they both finally stand up to get their day started. Ed pulls his locker open but then glances to the right and notices Greg watching. "What?"
"I know I say this but…if you ever just want to take a day…you know you have a rough night…you wake up in the morning…something is off…don't think you need to push yourself. Sam is more than capable of…"
"Work keeps me…"
"I know it keeps you focused but sometimes…those few seconds hesitation count. Now I know yesterday turned out good…I'm just saying."
"I'm okay."
"I know you are right now, but I just worry about that one day that you say you are fine but you're not really…you push yourself and something else happens…"
"Like what?"
"Like another regret that forces you to take a step back instead of forward. I don't want you to be forced to live with another May Dalton on your conscience."
"That's the job."
"I know," Greg nods, as Ed cocks his head. "And that's why I worry…"
"About me or Dean?"
"Both…both of you," Greg replies in truth. "You just remember what I said. If it comes to that, you take the day…I'd rather you back out than force my hand to make that decision for you…or worse."
"Greg, I promise it won't get there."
"Okay."
"Okay," Ed nods as they hear familiar voices approaching.
"Okay," Greg reaffirms as his hand gives Ed's shoulder a hearty slap before he turns and heads back to his locker. He thinks back to his discussion with his son last night and the strained atmosphere at breakfast; his mind determined to get home to Dean and make amends and be open and honest; making sure his son knows that he is happy about his decision but also worries about the future and what being on the job as long or facing things as he and Ed could do to him. I can't let that happen to Dean…I could never lose him that way…never.
Greg glances over at Ed and knows by his friend's rigid posture and tight fists that his parting words have struck more than a nerve. He gives him a worried frown and feels his own stomach tighten. What he had said was true…he doesn't want Ed put into another situation where he's forced to take a life…a decision that will add to his haunting nightmares. Even hearing Ed's words…trying to assure him that he's fine…okay…everything's good. Was that the truth? Or merely the calm before the fateful storm? Was he really on the road to full recovery or merely biding time until things snapped for good? And if that happened would he even be able to pull Ed back before he went over the emotional edge…worse the physical edge and it was really game over? Greg feels his entire body shudder at that last horrible thought and then quickly swallows.
I can't let that happen Eddie…can't lose you to the job…I won't let it happen. I won't.
THE END!
A/N: Okay so I hope you liked this sort of bridging one shot (and its not weak..kinda worried this one is b/c there was no real ed/greg interaction in the eppy *sigh*) before next week and hope you are still liking these Ed/Greg season 5 one shots, tracking and dealing with Ed's PTSD. *sobs* only 3 new eppies left – ever and then….so please do review before you go and thanks so much!
