It was cold. It was always cold. Why did it have to be so damn cold? And don't start with the whole 'well the further north you live of course the colder its going to be. He didn't choose where his home was so he didn't have to frickin like it or its god and heat forsaken climate. He wanted to live somewhere a little more south, close to the sea maybe even somewhere it wasn't absolutely frozen ov-
Oh Ivan do stop your complaining you sound like a little bitch when you do it.
"Last I checked I was never asking your opinion on matter, da. Why don't you leave Ivan alone and go away if you want to hear my complaining."
It wasn't odd to find Russia in his room pacing and talking...or perhaps complaining at himself, or perhaps with himself? To himself? Lithuania never knew what exactly it was but of the people in the household he seemed to be the only one who had a vague knowledge of the matter, so he'd grown use to standing outside the man's door listening to him yelling.
You know we've still got company- perhaps you should invite him in to play?
"No, Ivan will not. Ivan keeps you away for a rea-"
Ksh..don't call yourself that- its so very demeaning to bring yourself to the level of mortal man with such names. You are Russia, don't deny it. Stop trying to run from what you are, stop trying to escape where you belong.
"I didn't ask for it da. Ivan never asked to feel so frozen, Ivan never asked for the-
NO ONE DID! GET RID OF IVAN! RID YOURSELF OF REMORSE AND STOP DESIRING THE PATHETIC EXISTENCE OF IVAN BRAGINSKI- LIKE IT OR NOT YOU ARE RUSSIA! YOU ARE ME SO STOP FIGHTING ME!
"I AM NOT!" Ivan roared out going to his knees gripping his hair screaming. They all asked what was wrong, why he would scream like the devil himself was after him at odd hours of the night and why in the times he wasn't thrown into fits of rage he would wander the house like a lost lamb. If only they could hear what he had to live with day after day, if only they could see his struggle, if they only knew what it felt like having your sanity slowly being chewed away they wouldn't have to wonder or ask.
Look at me Ivan...look at you.
"No..." he whispered out keeping his head covered in his arms. Why couldn't he forget, go back to before he realized this side of him existed? It was easier to cope with that way. He didn't have to hear him whispering into his ears, or feel his vicious touch back then. Back then it was all like a dream- one moment he'd be sitting down to dinner and it was like he would blink and he'd find himself standing over a beaten down Lithuania, confused but figured that he'd just found the boy that way, figured the other got in a fight with the other Baltics or something...until the day he realized better. The day he blinked and looked down to see the trembling nation tied down and unconscious, blood slowly trickling down his thighs that matched the blood on his pipe he realized it was him, that was the day he started hearing the voices. The day he realized what he had done- marked the day he went to hell.
DON'T fight me Ivan!
He jerked his head back almost as if someone had grabbed onto his hair forcing him to look up to the full length mirror he'd fallen before. He doubted anyone else could see what he saw- if they did then they chose to ignore it and leave him to his suffering. While as far as the normal eye could see he was simply knelt in front of the glass eyes winced in pain, the reflection read quite differently. A twin of him stood just behind him- one hand twisted into the kneeling Ivan's hair holding his head back the other clutching hold of the pipe that even twinned his own, the crook of the u-bend held just against his exposed throat. Though perhaps twin wasn't the word for what it was. While yes he appeared the same in every way there was one distinctive difference - the cruelty and coldness in the others eyes was the one thing that set them apart.
Ivan stared at the reflection grabbing for the pipe at his neck- and while the reflection he could see himself holding it trying to push away, physically he felt absolutely nothing in his hands.
You can't fight me, just accept this is who you are and it will be so much easier.
The reflection whispered to him and despite his struggles the pipe didn't budge from its place.
The cold isn't so bad- you just have to find a way to warm yourself is all, whether its a blanket a body or blood is all a matter of preference.
"..."
What's your name?
"...r...ru..Ivan. My name is Ivan" he croaked out. It would be easier just to crack, so much easier just to break and go to sleep. Just let Russia have his way, and yet something in him, he wouldn't just let himself fall.
The reflection...no...Russia scowled shoving him down raising the pipe over his head but as he went to bring it down it stopped just short of cracking into Ivan's skull.
"Ivan...is not afraid of Russia, because Russia needs Ivan to live- Russia cannot kill Ivan, without killing Russia."
The reflection scowled pressing his foot into the back of his shoulders, to the world it looked like Ivan simply fell and was having trouble picking himself back up. He winced softly as the heel ground in- there was nothing there but may lightening strike him down if he DIDN'T feel that digging ache between his shoulders.
No...no russia cannot kill Ivan, but Russia can break him, and he will.
He forced his eyes back open, not wanting to look but not seeing what Russia was about to do worried him even more. Only to find him knelt over him, chest pressed against his back , arms stretching out over Ivan's fingers lacing with his palms standing upright pulling Ivan with him.
"Don't fight Russia, da?" he purred out into his ear and Ivan found himself saying it as well. Dammit dammit dammit, when he got his claws into him, there was no shoving Russia away from him. His palms slowly disappearing into Ivan's.
"nu...nu..." he crooned out softly watching as the other took him over.
"Nh...aahn..l..." his eyes slowly turned harsh as a smirk slowly took over his face, his gaze turning to the pipe in his hand.
"Oh Lithuania...Russia needs to speak with you da?"
The Baltic swallowed hard walking in- wondering what mood Russia was in today. "y-yes?"
"good good...Russia...is very cold. You will help, da?"
