ZOMG PIT!1
By Hoogiman

Chapter One: Pit meets Captain Falcon

Pit sat in the kitchen, talking to Master Hand.

"Okay Pit, so you are now, officially a Smasher!" announced Master Hand.

"Yay, I guess?" replied Pit.

Pit glanced around at the kitchen.

"Now you can go around, and meet all of the other Smashers."

"'k."

Pit walked out of the room.

Pit ventured down the corridor, and lurked in and out of rooms. He then opened the door, to reveal Captain Falcon.

"Hello, I'm Pit!" said Pit. "I'm very nice, I can be your guardian angel!"

"Hey! It's that new angel chick that Master Hand was talking about!" said Captain Falcon.

"I'm not a chick," laughed Pit, "I'm actually a guy."

"I think you're pretty sexy," said Captain Falcon, suavely, "Can you be, my guardian angel?"

Captain Falcon did some suggestive eyebrow movements.

"If you didn't hear me the first time, I'm male," replied Pit, slightly worriedly.

Captain Falcon started putting 'the moves' on Pit.

"Not… a CHICK!" shouted Pit.

Captain Falcon started making flirty animal noises.

"NOT A CHICK!" screamed Pit, taking a bow out of his vest, and shooting it at Falcon.

"Mean chick!" said Falcon in a voice that both showed pain and flirtyness.

"NOT A CHICK!" shrieked Pit in a statement that was now capitalised and bolded. "DO YOU HEAR ME? I AM NOT A CHICK! I AM A GUY!"

Falcon did something to grotesque and extreme to be described by text, right in front of Pit.

Pit ran into Link's room next door, got a Samurai sword off the wall and sliced Falcon multiple times in the stomach, before stabbing him in the eye. He then grabbed Falcon's cheek and ripped the flesh off, making the blood ooze. Pit kicked Falcon in the nose with his heel, grabbed some wire from his pocket, choked Falcon to death, put on golf shoes and stomped on Falcon, doing all of that while screaming.

Samus walked in.

"Heh," smirked Samus, looking at Falcon's body.

"Hello, I'm Pit!" said Pit. "I'm very nice, I can be your guardian angel!"

"Samus," said Samus.

"Pit," said Pit.

Falcon somehow managed to make his way back up onto his two legs, and made a 'Pit' joke.

Pit decapitated Falcon's head, and crushed it with the photocopying machine.

"It's like a daily ritual to beat up Falcon here," said Samus.

"I'm teaching the cat how to beat up Falcon!" shouted Peach from a few metres away.

The cat defecated on Falcon's skull, which was resting on the photocopying machine.

"Good cat!" said Peach.