Nick had joked about it in the beginning, they all did. Kim and Daniel were the couple, destined to be together from the start, but there was always Lindsay too, somewhere in the middle.
Daniel couldn't survive without her. It wasn't love really, but some sort of sick dependency. She had the brains, he had the social skills-they were a team, Bonnie and Clyde without all the romance.
As for Kim, Lindsay was her best friend. She'd taught her compassion, how to be a good person, and in return Kim had let her stick around. It seemed like a fair trade at the time.
There were pictures of them at the high school prom, junior year-the only dance they went to. Lindsay convinced Kim to go, allowing the girl to steal the dresses for both of them, and together they'd talked the boys into it.
They took pictures of course, awful ones where Daniel had pulled up Kim's dress so you could see her ass, where Kim was trying desperately to fix Daniel's hair so she could show her mom the pictures later. There were a few decent ones of course, and then there were the ones Lindsay was in.
It was Daniel's idea, he'd whispered to Kim, "Go grab Lindsay," and she had, pulling the surprised girl into the photo with her. The cheesy background, full of clouds and blue sky, paled next to their laughter.
Lindsay had gone with Nick, but they hadn't gotten any pictures together. He'd been high as a kite the minute Daniel picked them up, and his eyes were red beyond belief. Even if the photos turned out to be good, it was nothing she could show her parents, or anyone for that matter.
As long as she was friends with the freaks, she would always have secrets.
()()()
Kim went on tour with the Grateful Dead and was determined to do things on her own, and Daniel took one look at Lindsay and said, "Go with her," and she did. Lindsay was a nice girl, a good girl, but she knew where her alliances were. Kim needed her, and if her friend needed her she would be there, Daniel knew that.
She was grateful to be there too, there were so many nights when Kim couldn't walk back to a hotel room or was passed out drunk on the steps of some concert hall. There were good nights too, Lindsay lost her virginity to Jerry Garcia.
Kim was the only one she told, and she laughed until her face was red.
"I was wondering when you'd go," She shook her head, taking a long drink from her beer bottle. "You and Nick were always waiting to do it with each other."
"You think he's still waiting?" Lindsay said, blushing and looking at the floor.
"Nah, he lost it to Sara a while back. I thought you knew."
"How would I know?" Lindsay rolled her eyes. "We've been gone for months."
"Daniel told me not to tell you." She shook her head again. "I thought you should know."
"You're drunk, Kim, let's go home."
"I don't want to go home."
But in the end, they always knew they would. Senior year was starting, and that was something they couldn't miss.
()()()
They were welcomed back with open arms, which was surprising considering the turmoil they'd left in.
Everyone was out on the smoking patio, Ken with his arm around Amy and Nick whispering something into Sara's ear. It was him who saw them inter.
"Well, if it isn't the groupies, back from their summer of love." He teased, coming over to hug them.
"Fuck you," Kim rolled her eyes, flicking them off.
"You two look rough," Ken added.
"Thanks," Lindsay laughed. "We just got back a few days ago. My parent's still aren't exactly over it."
"And I'm living in my car," Kim rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, in my driveway!" Lindsay giggled. "You come in every half hour to piss."
"Whatever," Kim shook her head, looking around for another familiar face. "Where's Danny?"
Ken and Nick's eyes widened.
"You mean, you two don't know?" Ken asked.
"When's the last time you talked to him?" Nick asked cautiously.
"A month ago, back in July."
"A lot's happened." Ken laughed. "For one thing, he's dropped out."
"Of high school?" Lindsay screamed, choking on her words. How was anyone going to survive without a high school diploma?
"Yeah, had to support his mom." Nick shrugged. "He's grown up a lot."
"Is he home now?" Lindsay said, trying to hide her distress.
"Probably at the car shop," Ken muttered between exchanging kisses with Amy.
"Always was good with cars," Kim said, smiling lightly.
Lindsay glared at her, shocked, and stormed towards the Gremlin.
"Hey, where are you going?" Kim ran after her. "Skipping on the first day, good girl?"
"I have to go talk to him," Lindsay shook her head. "He's not that stupid, he's still got so much potential."
"No, he doesn't." Kim laughed, shaking her head and stopping her friend. "Linds, do you even know how old he is?"
"What?"
"Lindsay, Danny's nineteen. He kept getting held back, kept failing; he's not stupid, but he's sure as hell not smart if you know what I mean. Just forget him, if you know what's best for you."
She shook her head, letting Kim lace their arms together and walk to history.
()()()
Kim never took her own advice of course.
She showed up at Lindsay's house crying, screaming about a baby and Danny's mom dying and what was she going to do?
Lindsay let her sleep in her bed that night, and she brought a pillow out to the Gremlin. In the morning, when Kim made more sense, she made her tell it again.
To Lindsay's dismay, she'd heard her right last night.
"I'm pregnant," Kim blurted out. "And I know you're going to ask, but it's Daniel's, I'm sure of that much. And I can't tell him now, Linds, not when his mom's about to die!"
"His mom's dying?" Was all that Lindsay could say.
"That's all you're thinking about right now? There's a fucking human life inside of me!"
And then Lindsay started to cry, and Kim's face fell too.
"Oh, I'm sorry Linds. I didn't mean to make you upset. I'm just scared, you know."
"I'm not upset." Lindsay sniffled, hugging her friend. "I'm happy for you."
()()()
Mrs. Desario was cremated, it was cheaper that way.
Daniel walked around the viewing, his face unreadable, with one arm around Kim, caressing her stomach. She was big now, six months along, but she was bound to get bigger.
Lindsay shrunk deeper into her chair, wishing Jerry Garcia was there to fuck her senseless again. But word had it, he was dying too.
()()()
Kim's water broke in math class, third period, and she didn't know what to do.
She ran to Mrs. Welder's child development room and banged on the door.
"Hi, I need Lindsay. It's very important." Kim grinned anxiously, pulling Danny's blue sweatshirt down to hide the wet spot.
Mrs. Welder nodded at Lindsay, and she stood up, hurrying from the room.
"What is it?" She asked.
Kim didn't respond, only clenched her jaw and passed Lindsay the car keys.
"Hospital, now." She gasped. "I'm only letting you drive this once."
()()()
It was a beautiful baby boy, hair as dark as its' fathers, and Kim named it James.
It wasn't until after he was born that Kim and Lindsay exchanged a glance, realizing they had forgotten to call Daniel. He wasn't mad though, not once he saw his son.
()()()
Two months later and the call came at four in the morning, waking up Mrs. Weir.
"There's a strange man on the phone for you," She muttered, tossing the phone into her daughter's room before leaving.
She still hadn't forgiven Lindsay for her Grateful Dead stunt, despite that being a year ago.
"Hello?" She mumbled.
There was the sound of a baby wailing in the background.
"She's gone, Lindsay."
"Huh?"
"The baby woke me up crying."
"The baby's waking me up too," Lindsay laughed. "Can't you shut it up?"
"No," His voice was thin and desperate. "Come over."
And Lindsay was a pushover, so she crawled into the Ford Escourt her parents got her after graduation, and drove to the poor side of town. Daniel lived in his mother's house with James and Kim-it was already paid off, at least.
When Lindsay walked in, the baby was crying. She noticed the Gremlin wasn't in the driveway, and Kim was nowhere to be seen.
"This is his hungry cry," Lindsay smiled, taking the baby. "Make him a bottle, would you?"
"I don't know how," Daniel admitted sheepishly.
"Then get Kim to do it…where is she, anyway?"
"She was gone when I woke up." Daniel bit his lip.
Lindsay passed him the baby, moving to make the bottle herself.
"Did you two fight or something?"
"No,"
"Well, when's she coming back?"
Daniel was silent for a moment, the only sound being the hot water and the baby's cries.
"I don't know if she ever is, Linds."
"She wouldn't just leave James, that's not like her." Lindsay shook her head, passing Daniel the bottle. He resisted, trying to give her James. "You should feed him, it's a bonding experience or some shit, Kim said."
Kim was always reading those pregnancy books, always trying to be prepared for James. And when he first came, she was so excited, so happy, that she lit up an entire room.
But now, now she was just plain scared.
"You haven't seen her since graduation, Linds. Things got bad after that."
"What do you mean?" She said, hopping up onto the counter.
"She was like her mother, mood swings all the time, complaining about how trapped she felt here, with us. Yesterday was the first time in a week things were really good, she made dinner and everything. And then James started crying, and usually she gets up with him, but he just kept crying and crying. I finally got up to get him, and I realized all her stuff was gone. Her car too."
"Shit," Lindsay said, hiding her head in her hands.
She noticed Daniel wasn't said really, only nervous-he knew this was coming.
"Shit is right." He nodded.
"She'll come back,"
"Until then, will you stick around?" He sighed. "I don't know how to take care of the little guy. Besides, I've got to be at work in a few hours."
()()()
It was September and no one had heard from Kim.
Lindsay had differed enrollment from MSU to stay with Daniel and James, moving in with them for the time being. Her parents didn't care anymore, they let her keep the car and everything.
They'd already given up on their oldest daughter.
James was five months old and growing like a tree, Daniel once said that every time he came home from work the little boy was a little bit bigger. Lindsay said she hadn't noticed, but that was just to make him feel better. He didn't want his son growing up, especially not the way he did.
Michigan was getting cold quick, and there was one day in particular that was nice and sunny. Lindsay dragged James' playpen into the front yard, setting it under a tree and placing him inside, giving him one of Sam's old Tonka Trucks to play with. She'd just settled down on the front porch with a book when a familiar sound rang down the street.
A Gremlin drove by, one with leopard seats, and it circled the neighborhood. Lindsay fought the urge to wave, but before she could think about it, the car had sped up and was gone again.
She took James inside.
()()()
"Kim's back," She said that night, after dinner when she and Daniel were washing dishes.
He froze.
"What do you mean?"
"I saw her driving through the neighborhood in that Gremlin."
"Did she stop?" He asked, suddenly defensive.
"No, when she saw that I'd seen her she sped off."
They were quiet for a moment. Daniel reached for Lindsay's hand.
It was the first time they'd really touched since junior year.
"Do you think she'd try and take him from me?"
"I think she just wants to know he's okay."
Daniel nodded, walking upstairs.
"I don't feel well," He said.
"I don't blame you," She smiled. "Go on up to bed, I'll finish the dishes."
()()()
Kim was back the next day, the Gremlin parked on the side of the road like it no longer belonged there.
She knocked on the door like she was a stranger.
Lindsay answered, James in her arms.
"Whoa," Kim said, smiling lightly. "He looks like Daniel."
"He does," Lindsay confirmed, beaconing for her to enter. "But he has your smile."
Kim looked around the house. It looked like it had just been cleaned, but there were baby toys loitering the floor. She couldn't help but smile-Lindsay had made the perfect housewife.
"Do you want to hold him?" Lindsay asked, bring Kim back down to earth.
"No," She paled, shaking her head. "Some of me might rub off on him."
Lindsay looked at her feet, not knowing what to say.
"I just came…well, I don't know why I came." Kim admitted. "I think I wanted to make sure he was okay, you know? I mean, I don't know why he wouldn't be-Daniel was a great dad, a bit clueless, but good with him, and I knew you'd be around to help out. Anyways, I have some money…"
"We're doing good, actually. We don't need it." Lindsay frowned. "But your son, he needs you. Daniel does too."
"No, they don't. The Desario boys always have taken good care of themselves, and you've been there to help. Of course, I didn't realize you'd be here this much….what happened to MSU?"
"You left," Lindsay shrugged. "And I don't know, it doesn't seem important anymore. I just feel like this is where I'm supposed to be-until you got back, that is."
"Yeah," Kim sighed, looking everywhere but at the child in Lindsay's arms. "Here's the thing, I'm not coming back."
"You have to!" Lindsay said. "This isn't my place. I shouldn't be raising your child for you, Kim."
"I don't want him!" Kim yelled, tears running down her face. "Keeping him would mean turning into my mother, and you know I don't want that."
"What about Daniel, he's clueless without you! Would you stay for him?"
"You and Daniel, you deserve each other. You make him a better person, Linds." Kim shook her head, dropping an envelope on the table. "I've got to get going."
"Kim!"
But she headed for the front door, Lindsay chasing after her. The sudden movement made James tear up and cry, distracting Lindsay. She moved to quiet him as she heard the Gremlin head off down the street.
()()()
"What's with the money, Linds?" Daniel asked when he came home that night.
"Kim dropped it by, she left it in an envelope under the welcome mat."
"Did you talk to her? Is she going to," He looked towards James. "You know?"
"No, she didn't knock and I didn't hear her coming. She must've finally got a muffler on that old thing." Lindsay joked, leaning against the counter as she fed James his dinner.
"Do you think it means, she's not coming back?"
"Yeah, I think it does, Danny." Lindsay bit her lip.
Daniel looked at the floor, then he moved to pick up his son.
He pulled James into his arms, rocking the little boy gently and making him giggle and cuddle into his father's chest.
"He loves you, you know that?" Daniel smiled at her. "You're the only mother he remembers."
"He remembers Kim," Lindsay insisted, but she was reminded of the way he acted when she was in the room, how unresponsive James was.
"Nah, I don't think so." He moved across the room towards Lindsay, the baby reaching out to play with her hair. "See, he loves you."
"I love you too, Jamie!" She smiled, putting on her best baby voice to make him giggle.
"I'm going to take this little guy up to bed," James said, heading for the stairs. "And Lindsay, how about you stay in my room tonight, instead of on the couch? It's been months, you can't be comfortable on the pull out bed."
"It's fine, Daniel." She shook her head.
Danny sighed, looking at her over her shoulder.
"Don't fight me on this, okay? I think it's about time we stop pretending this is temporary." Lindsay blushed. "I saw the letter from MSU in the mail-you're not going, are you?"
"No," She shook her head.
"Then stay here," He said, crossing to stand beside her. He ran a hand over her cheek, something he must've done many times before with Kim. It certainly was persuasive. "I want you here, James wants you here. Where else are you going to go?"
"I can't be a housewife at eighteen," She laughed, shaking her head ludicrously. "What would Mr. Russo say?"
Daniel smirked, looking around as if to see if anyone was watching. He leaned close to whisper in her ear.
"Fuck Mr. Russo,"
"I think Ken already did," Lindsay retorted, making Daniel laugh.
They stood in the kitchen for a moment, surrounded by false light and dirty dishes. Then Daniel put James to sleep.
He was always an easy baby for his father, and settled down quickly and quietly. When Danny got to the master bedroom, Lindsay was already asleep.
She was in the middle of the bed, between his side and Kim's side, as if she wanted to make room for the third girl to slide in if needed. The fact that Kim wasn't returning, ever, was something they'd both have to get used to. The fact that she had, in fact, returned, was a secret Lindsay would have to get used to keeping.
Ever since she'd become friends with the freaks, she knew she'd have to keep secrets for them. She just thought they'd be things like smuggling pot and drinking on school grounds-but nothing as heavy as this.
Kim's presence was still there in the room, but it was forgiving now, and accepting. She wanted Lindsay to take her place, to be Daniel's lover, James' mother-it always was that way.
Lindsay had always been in the middle, the white flag in a game of tug-of-war. It seemed like Kim had finally given up, walking away from the rope.
