Summary: A series of oneshots concerning the obstacles, intricacies and disputes of Naruto and Sasuke's peculiar relationship that isn't quite friendship but can't be anything else. A little bit NaruSasuNaru.
-x-
"What's the most embarrassing fart you've ever done?"
"Pass."
"Ugh… fine… have you ever… seen Kakashi naked?"
"Pass."
Naruto, not very patient to begin with, had lost all patience for Sasuke three years ago. "You can't pass on every single question!"
"You said I have three passes," Sasuke countered.
"Yeah, well, now you've used two," he said, as if Sasuke didn't already know, folding his arms behind his head as he relaxed once more on the grass. "Sheesh… it's hard to come up with good questions, you know…"
Sasuke was lying next to him in the opposite direction, their heads by each other's shoulders. "Not my problem. You're the one who wanted to play."
It was late afternoon and the sun would soon set. After a grueling sparring match (as they always were) with no determinable winner of the two (as there never was), the boys had collapsed onto the grass after demolishing a substantial expanse of land (as they always did). Sweaty, sore and content with this, after catching their breath, Naruto had initiated a game of questions Sasuke had never played before. It seemed rather trivial, as there was no aim to the 'game' and all you did was ask your companion things that didn't matter, but it was a nice way to pass the time before Sasuke had to return to his cell for the evening. Lately he'd been allowed to roam free in Konoha, as long as Naruto was with him (his designated probation officer for nearly six months now), and compared to solitude the question game was rather a nice activity to engage in.
"Okay, I've got one," said Naruto confidently. "If someone offered you all the money in the Konoha treasury, would you make out with Itachi?"
"Okay, first of all, gross – he's dead and he's my brother. Second of all, pass."
Naruto let out a frustrated cry and flailed his feet on the spot. "Are you serious? I can't think of anything else!"
Annoyed at Naruto's idiocy (which he often seemed to be), Sasuke said, "Then I'll go while you think of a question. We'll take turns."
Naruto calmed down and his flailing ceased. Sasuke could never comprehend how easily he swung between moods.
"…Fine," Naruto agreed, mildly sullen.
Sasuke closed his eyes and tried to think of something. It had to be a 'best friend' question, Naruto had told him when they first started the game. Since they already knew so much about each other, Naruto explained that the game would be pointless if they didn't ask difficult or potentially embarrassing questions that they definitely wouldn't (and might not want to) know about each other. Naruto ignored it when Sasuke said they weren't best friends, because he knew Sasuke was just an asshole.
Sasuke settled for an embarrassing question he didn't particularly want to know but was guiltily curious about, nonetheless. "The last time you jerked off, who did you think about?"
"The Mizukage," Naruto replied unflinchingly.
Sasuke looked at him, disgusted. "Ew, you actually do it?"
Instantly, Naruto was on the defensive. "Oh sure, like you don't do it too!"
"I'm not that desperate."
"Yeah, not that desperate, but desperate enough that you'd cuddle up to your sensei in your sleep!"
"Oh. My. God. That was one time – I was asleep after a really long mission, and I thought Kakashi was a pillow and I was twelve, plus it was pretty cramped to begin with – would you just drop it already!"
"Well I wouldn't have time to think of all these embarrassing ghosts from your past if you'd bothered to answer my questions!" Naruto countered.
"Fine! I've used up my passes, whatever you ask next, I'll answer it."
Naruto looked over at Sasuke, skeptical. "…Promise? And you have to answer truthfully."
"Whatever," he replied, frowning at the sky.
"Promise!"
"Okay, I promise, you retard."
Pleased with this response, Naruto's mood went from sour to cheerful in a matter of milliseconds, humming as he thought out his next question. "Oh, okay I got it, ready?"
Sasuke merely gave him that look, which was supposed to and never failed to insult Naruto.
Pouting, he asked, "Alright princess, who would you kiss, marry or ditch out of Ino, Hinata and Sakura?"
Sasuke's look only intensified. "Are you serious? That's the best you can come up with?"
"Hey, at least my questions aren't filthy like yours! And you promised to answer, truthfully, so quit whining and tell me!"
Sasuke sighed and turned away from him, looking once more to the sky. The sun was beginning to set and the first hues of orange and purple were distinguishing themselves from the blue.
"…If I have to choose," Sasuke began after a long silence, "I'd kiss Ino, marry Hinata and ditch Sakura, I guess."
Naruto sat up so fast his back cracked, looking offended on what must have been Sakura's behalf. "What? Seriously? How come? Why ditch Sakura?"
Sasuke shrugged and sat up, also. "Hinata is the only one I could tolerate being with for the rest of my life, or until she dies, which would be acceptable—" Naruto looked horrified, "—and Ino's slutty so she's probably a good kisser." He turned away.
"Yeah, but why ditch Sakura? Sakura's pretty!" he said defensively, growing louder with each word.
"It's nothing to do with that," came Sasuke's pacifying reply. "Just, she's my teammate and I've known her forever… so it would be weird."
Naruto leaned in threateningly. "So, you get along well with Sakura, which is why you can't marry her? That makes no sense, asshole!"
Aggravated, Sasuke's voice rose, also. "Why are you getting pissed anyway! I wouldn't want to kiss or marry Sakura because I like how things are now! I don't want to kiss or marry Sakura because she's my friend, okay?" Sasuke seethed, his face inches from Naruto's, teeth bared.
"Oh," said Naruto, accepting this instantly and lying back down on the grass. Sasuke looked at him in disbelief, his face one big smile that said he was already over the dispute that Sasuke was just getting worked up on.
Slowly, Sasuke lowered himself back onto the ground and frowned. He frowned because he was mad, and because Naruto wasn't, which just made him madder. Blowing one of many unkempt hairs from his face, he calmed down slightly upon seeing the darkening sky. The sun was setting on Naruto's side, long fingers of light stretched out through the clouds. There was no view of the sky from a prison cell.
"Hey, Sasuke?"
He grunted to show he was listening, anger lost.
"Okay, well if I'm your friend, then would you kiss, marry or ditch me?"
Sasuke blushed so suddenly he could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks. He reached out and punched Naruto on the arm, hard enough to bruise, ignoring the cry of outrage he received for doing so.
"It's not your turn," he said smugly.
(The end.)
