Hi, so I'm not sure how this is going to end. I have a probable ending and plot line. But this is mainly practice for my own story. And plus, Harry and Hermione. They need justice from those Weasleys'! But like I was saying, this plot is an outline of a project I'm working on. And I would appreciate any comments and reviews. Thank you!
It had been a month since the end of the final battle. I thought, finally, we were free. But then, it happened. Harry went back to Ginny, and Ron, dear Ron, wanted to get to together with me. But I didn't want to be with him.
Throughout our years at Hogwarts, I spent my time with Harry and doing things for Harry. And along that time, I fell in love with him. Stupid me, though, he didn't love me. Or maybe he did. Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself that his feelings are hidden. Somewhere in that wonderful brain of his, and somewhere in his heart, he does love me. But there's no way to know.
In the final battle, yes, I did kiss Ron. But to be honest, it was more of an experimental kiss. At least for me it was. I think Ron, took it as this is forever and that was the cement that we belonged together. But I didn't feel anything! That's it. Nothing. Zilch. I tried so hard to make myself feel something for him that wasn't there. The one thing we had in common was Harry. I don't like Quidditch. I only went to the games to support Harry, then later on both Harry and Ron. I love reading, Ron detests reading. I believe that sentient creatures deserve equal rights and Ron thinks they're just that, creatures. Except for that one instant he thought of the elves during the battle. I think that was the only time Ron thought of something besides himself. Maybe I'm just saying things that are harsh to him. But I can't be with a person who doesn't at least believe in some things I believe in. And somebody who only agrees with me because they think it'll make me like them more. I just can't handle that. No honesty. Where's the integrity in that?
Ron just fancies himself in love with me. But he's not. Not really. The way he acts towards me is the way he acts towards Ginny. He just doesn't realize it because I'm not blood related to him. But for all intents and purposes, he is my brother.
Harry is another story all together. He is, was, my life throughout the seven years of our friendship. Everything I did, I did for Harry. Research, breaking rules, advice – no matter how heartbreaking it was, telling him to date other girls – all the books I read, sending my parents away; I did it all for Harry. And sweet Harry, he is totally oblivious.
He is clueless when it comes to other people's problems. Maybe he does know other people have problems, but when you have to deal with a dark lord, anything else pales in comparison. My problems seemed inconsequential compared to his. For all he knew, we were the best of friends. Nothing more, nothing less; and I didn't want to burden him with my feelings because I knew he didn't return them.
That's why I've decided to leave for a while. I need to think and regroup. And more importantly I need to find out who I am without Harry…..and Ron.
Time for Goodbye's
We're all sitting around the kitchen at the Burrow; Ron and Ginny across from Harry who is sitting next to me. I look at their faces and realize this is probably the last time I'll see them for a while. This is what I'll remember them as, happy. This is what they need. What I need is completely different. I need to find me. Again.
I think Harry knows there is something wrong with me. Although, I'm sure he doesn't know what is wrong. I'm also sure he doesn't know that I'm leaving here. Sometimes he looks at me with this pensive look on his face, then the next second it's gone. And sometimes, he gets an intense look on his face that scares me.
Ron and Ginny are totally oblivious to everything except what is in their own little world. For Ron, it's Quidditch and me. But he refuses to see reason and won't give in that there is nothing going on between us. And for Ginny, her world revolves around Harry. In a way, I feel bad for her. She does everything for him and one day, she's going to lose herself in him. But I don't think she'd mind losing herself in him. She'd be the princess with the Hero; what she always wanted. And that's why I'm leaving. I can't stay and watch Ginny and Harry dote on each other; I want Harry to be happy. That's all I ever wanted for him; to be happy, whether it was with me or somebody else.
I get up and rinse my plate off, I feel his eyes on me, but I refuse to look back at him. He knows.
"Harry, want to play Quidditch?" I hear Ron ask. Ginny joins in with the pleading. I can just picture her eyes, getting round and her lips forming a pout. Harry won't be able to say no. I know him.
Finally he relents; I release a sigh I didn't know I held. "Just one minute you guys! I need to get something from upstairs!" He says. I close my eyes and hold my breath, maybe he really does need something from upstairs. But my hopes are dashed when I feel his hand on my shoulder. I flinch away from him, I turn to face him and notice the intense look back in his eyes.
"What is it Harry?" I sigh.
"What's wrong?" he reluctantly says.
"Nothing, just feeling stressed," I lie. I hope it's enough to make him leave but my Harry has always been stubborn.
"Now, I know that is a lie. Where are you going?" He finally asks. He sighs before he continues, "Are you leaving for a long time? Can I come with you?" He asks in a rush.
I shut my eyes tightly, "Harry," a strangled sob comes out, "Where I'm going, I don't want you to follow. I need to leave for a bit. I need to find out who I am," without you there, is left unsaid, but he knows. He always knows. He knows all my secrets; except the biggest one of them all. How I am completely in love with him.
"But, I need you!" He whispers hoarsely. I will my sobs back.
"I know, but I need to handle myself for a while. Do you know what it's been like for me for the last seven years? It's been so hard. My whole wizarding career has been for you Harry. Every book I've read, all the research, the potions, everything has been for you. I don't even know what I like in the wizarding world. Every time I think of what I want my life to be like, I think 'What's beneficial for Harry?' I know how incredibly selfish I'm making you sound but trust me, I don't hold it against you. You never asked me to do any of this for you. But I need to find my parents, find out what I like to do again. Find out who Hermione is….do you understand?" I babble. I don't think he completely understood everything I've said, but something must've gotten through because I can tell by the look in his eyes that he understands.
He hugs me to him tightly. This is the first hug he's ever initiated before. I've always been the initiator now he's holding onto me like he'll never see me again. I wiggle out of his embrace. But there's one more thing I have to do before I leave him.
I look into his eyes, I caress his cheek. He leans into my hand and stares at me like I've always wanted him to look at me. Like I'm the only woman he'll always love, but I must be projecting my feelings for him because he leans into kiss me, and I let him. This chaste kiss quickly turns into a goodbye. After the kiss ends, I hug him tightly, I whisper in his ear, "I love you."
I quickly turn away from him, not wanting to look at his face because I know that I'll crumble and I'll stay. But I need to do this for myself. I need to leave.
(Harry)
I see Hermione, rushing up the stairs at the Burrow, then after a while I hear the tell tale pop of apparition. She's gone. "I love you too," I whisper. I wipe away the tears that roll down my cheeks.
She's right though, I have been holding her back. She could be anything, anyone, and I've been holding her back. The sad part is that I didn't even know I was doing it! And that's where it gets incredibly selfish of me. I just let her do all these things and I never even thanked her. I just assumed that she'd always be here. Always at my side; but she's not, Ginny has been glued to my side, no matter what I do to dissuade her from leaving me alone she won't leave me be. I never even asked her to get back together! She just started telling everybody that we were. I didn't want to start anything so soon after the final battle. I wanted to live for a while, maybe travel. I wanted to hang out with my friends. My best friends. Ron has been difficult for the last month. Always pestering Hermione about going out with him, but she always refused. Now I know why. She loves me. Loved me? I don't know anymore. All I know is that she's gone and I don't know when I'll see her again.
I drove her away. It's my entire fault.
Maybe I'll follow her lead. Travel for a while. But I must leave at night, when the Weasleys' will be asleep. I know Ginny and Ron will have a coronary. They would never let me do it alone. They'd want to tag along. Ginny to make sure no other girls would come near me and Ron to make sure that I wouldn't do anything fame worthy. I know Ron isn't that bad of a person but he's always been jealous of my unwanted fame. And if he knew that Hermione had left because of me, he would want to tag along because he would think I'm going to look for Hermione. And I'm not. It's time she did something for herself. And it's time I let her live.
