Set during "Unending"
Five years after time dilation begins
His whole life Daniel Jackson has been a workaholic, certainly not the sort of person who leaves work at a normal time. But for over five years he'd been stuck on the Odyssey in a time dilation field he's flipped the hologram off at exactly five o'clock every night. Then he's practically skipped off to his favorite part of the ship the room on the Odyssey he has shared with Vala since the day when he first realized beneath her flirting there was genuine affection. He stops in the middle of a sentence about the Asgard, when he sees Vala crying on the floor, "Vala, honey, what is wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, just sick of this ship," she says with a smile that used to fool him. That hasn't fooled him since the first time she whispered I love to him. Whispered it into his neck in a language she thought he didn't know. But Daniel Jackson knows many languages, and he heard, understood, and most amazedly of all believed. He spoke enough languages that she couldn't mutter her secrets or swearwords under her breath as she did with any other man she'd ever been with. But she didn't need to pretend with Daniel. She could let him see her, and he would still love her. That was the most amazing thing about Daniel. He saw her, and loved her still.
"No, Vala," he says sliding down on to the floor between her and the bed. Holding her back against his chest, encased in his arms in a way that made her feel as if she was safe, wanted. "I know the difference between sad and bored Vala." He strokes her hair. She leans back against him making him feel like he fits, belongs.
"I asked Sam to make something for me with the magic Asgard machine," she says.
He isn't sure if she's avoiding his question or answering it in that roundabout way she has. Either way, he nods for her to go on. She hands him something. His mind fails to grasp what it is at first. Sam's Asgard rendition was not quite like the earth version. Not that Daniel had seen a lot of pregnancy tests in his life. He looks at her.
"I wasn't sure what it was at first either…it's not like the ones we have on my planet. But it's the only kind Sam knew enough about to make…" she says.
"What does it say," he asked. She wondered what his shaking hands mean. She'd been crying…but she didn't want his hand to be shaking as hypocritical as that is.
"It says we're going to have a baby," and there is worry in her voice.
"Good," he says his body relaxing against hers. As soon as she feels him relax her body follows involuntarily. It would be alright. He would love this baby. He kisses her temple. He knows what it does to her. It is the one part of her no one kissed before him. A part untouched by the Gou'alds and humans the parasite which ruled her body mated with against her will, and sometimes against their will as well. It was a part no one ever touched by the frantic passion when the nish'ta overwhelmed an unwilling brain, forcing it to love the creature it really hated. A part ignored by the men she'd been with in a failed attempt to drown out the memories of worse than rape her virgin body had endured while a Gou'ald. Her temple was the only part she'd been allowed to save for him. It reminds her he loves her differently than all the rest. "Why did that make your cry, Vala babe?"
She feels his body go tense. He doesn't think she wants this baby. "I'm worried," she says.
"About what?" he asks.
"About raising a baby on a ship. About all the time it's going to be alone after we die."
His hand reaches down to her abdomen. He lays it flat against her stomach. Into her ear she whispers, "maybe we'll have to give this one a sister or brother."
"More lonely kids," she mutters.
"I promise you," he says, "it's going to be ok." He doesn't have a plan, but she believes him anyway.
"We sure this thing is accurate?" he says waving the pregnancy test, "I don't want to start loving someone who doesn't really exist. Someone we would never have on purpose."
"Of course it's accurate," Vala says in annoyance.
"Well, I'm not sure Sam has got that Asgard machine figured out. Surly the condoms she made us were flawed," he replies.
"Thank…" and she almost said thank Ra, and she can't remember who earthlings say instead of Gou'ald names, so she never finishes the sentence. But she doesn't have to finish sentences for him to understand them. They sit there for a long time four pairs of hands clutching the stomach which vaulted a tiny treasure. Their thoughts, their dreams, their future silently and permanently being changed.
"I love you," Daniel whispers in a language Vala has been teaching him. A language from a planet Qetesh used to own. The only language she knows that he doesn't. The last part of her she gives to the man she loves. But he isn't talking to Vala when he says it. It's the first words ever meant for Claire's ears.
Of course, Claire doesn't have a name yet. She doesn't have ears yet either. She had just grown her tiny arms and legs. Her heart had yet to beat for the first time. But she was loved.
They sit there together changing their ways of thinking, their ways of seeing the world.
"It's past dinner time," he says. He stands, up and pulls her to her feet.
"Going to tell them?" she asks.
"Oh, yeah," he says.
10 minutes later
Sam watches them enter. They are standing close to one another. Daniel protectively herding Vala around the room. But that doesn't tell her anything. They are always like that. She doesn't know if Vala has taken the test. Or if she did and it was negative. Or if she did and it was positive and she didn't tell him yet. Or if she has told him. Sam's dying to know, and can't ask.
Daniel grins at Sam. He knows his teammate well. He knows the agony he's putting her through. He considers prolonging it until after dinner, but he decides to be merciful. Not to merciful though. He waits until she has her first forkful in her mouth before he says, "Sam I need to make something in the Asgard beamer."
"Sure, what is it?" she asks not suspecting a thing.
"Prenatal vitamins," he replies cheekily.
Vala doesn't know what the words mean. But she knows what they reveled from the way their shipmates are looking at her with open mouths.
"We're having a baby!" she chirps. She's making her voice sound cheerful, because she honestly isn't too sure how they are going to take this. It was pretty stupid after all. Not that they did it on purpose. Not that they aren't glad.
Sam moves first. She's giving Daniel a huge hug. It's Teal'c who first get's his giant arms around Vala and tells her, "You will make a fine mother ValaMalDoran."
She notices that Daniel tilts his head at those words. They decided not to get married not long after they first got together on the ship. The marriage wouldn't be legal anyway. And they both knew without asking this-them was forever, knew it was the first second they realized there would really be a "them". But now with a baby…she could see her last name sounded wrong to Daniel's ears. It sounded wrong to her ears to.
But her name always had sounded somehow. It was a name which belonged to the father who left her, not once, but a hundred times. It was a name which belonged to the mother who had barely been a mother before she'd died. It was a name which belonged to her step mother-who'd been cruel until at last with mercy she sold her as a slave.
Somehow Vala had longed for a new name at each of the great changes in her life. She'd wanted something new after she earned her freedom by killed the weapons dealer who owned her as a slave. You are never the same person after you kill. She's certainly wanted something knew after the Gou'ald had been removed. But it was nice enough to return to Vala MalDoran after being called Qetesh or so long. But if ever she needed a new name it was now. Now that Daniel had turned her into a respectable trusting human being, able to form attachments to others. Able to love a baby with…with all consuming love.
He smiles at her, "What are you thinking about?" he asks.
She is only partly lying when she places her hand over her stomach. He only partly believes her. Why is he the only one alive who does not believe her lies? Why is he the only one she cannot lie too?
They are all happy for them. No one says a word about the lonely life the baby will led. But each of them thinks of it, and worries.
Teal'c is glad he is a Jaffa. He will live long enough to keep the child company for a while when the others are gone. The rest have forgotten this. Teal'c will not be alone.
Eight months later
He's the only one aboard the Odyssey that has delivered a baby before. Delivered his first wife's baby, she remembers. She isn't usually jealous of Sha're. She hates it when she's jealous of a dead woman, but sometimes she really can't help it. He's delivered three babies in all, but none of them were his before.
Still, she wishes he could just be her husband, and someone else could be her midwife. She wants him to hold her right now.
"Dan'yel!" she screams. And for a second she sounds like Sha're to him. For a second he's remembering the last time he brought a baby into this world. How much it hurt to bring the baby sprung from the union of his wife and a man he despised. He remembered how he'd felt then. Angry. Angry at Sha're, even though she did nothing wrong. Furious at Apophis for hurting his wife, for making it so his wife would be ripped from him again the second he gave birth, for giving Sha're-even in this cruel way-something Daniel never could give her. Mad at himself. Enraged at a universe which would not let him catch a break. Worried he could not love the child.
He's not worried about that this time. He knows he loves this kid. And it's his kid, this time. For once the woman he loves is having HIS kid. Even if it's her second, and his first. For once, the universe has given him a break.
He catches her eye. Knows what she needs. He wraps his arms around her, and kisses her temple, "You're doing great Vala. Doing just great, love. Soon this baby is going to enter this world, and you are going to forget, all about this pain. I love you." He doesn't sit behind her like he did with Sha're. Vala isn't Sha're, and he doesn't want to confuse them.
They are similar in some ways. Their hair is the same. They both had Gou'ald take them over. But the comparison ends there. He loves them both so fully, but so differently as well.
Later that night
"Here," he says looking at the baby, "let me take her."
She shakes her head at him.
"I'm just going to put her in her crib," he says looking across the room. Before the baby had come they had moved the door on the room next to theirs so there were adjoining rooms. Yet they had agreed the baby would stay with them for awhile. A separate room on the Odyssey felt farther away than a separate room in a house.
"No, she can stay with me," Vala says looking at her husband for confirmation, but there is something desperate in her eyes.
He knows what is going on. Adria was ripped from her hands not long after she was born. "She's not going anywhere you know," he says.
"Of course I know that," she says bitterness seeping into her voice at the accusation, even a correct accusation.
He smiles, "There is an earth tradition to measure babies when they are born," he says. "She was nineteen inches," he takes the tape measure. Vala hands him their daughter. He measures her, "She is still nineteen inches."
"I knew she would be," Vala says. Vala knows that Claire is not Adria. She knows that this baby will not be ripped from her arms. She knows that this time she will get to be a mother. But it's even better to be told these things.
"I know you knew," he says. He hands the baby back to her, and he gets up, and begins walking to the other room.
"Where are you going?" she asks, and she can't hide the panic in her voice.
He pauses confused, "If we were on earth you would still be in a hospital. I just thought I'd sleep next door for a few nights."
The arm that is not filled with baby reaches for him desperately, "On my planet husbands stay near wives that have just given birth."
He lays down next to her, and she places the tiny baby on the bed between them. He reaches out and gently rolls the tightly wrapped infant over so he can look at her face. He involuntarily smiles the minute he sees her face. Something warm and happy bubbles up inside of Vala and she starts to cry. Daniel looks up at her startled by the sound.
"I'm sorry, these damn hormones," she says.
"You don't have to apologize for tears," he says sitting up and drawing her into his arms being careful of the baby still on the bed, and carefully moving Vala so he doesn't hurt all of her sore parts, "particularly happy ones."
Five months later
He doesn't even notice when he is bouncing anymore. It's the only way Claire stays happy in the baby carrier he wears on his stomach. He's translating Asgard and bouncing. Vala laughs. Claire isn't even in the carrier.
"You forgot your daughter," she teases. Knowing he had left the sleeping baby by her side to avoid waking either of them.
He turns to the door and takes her saying, "Daddy didn't forget you. Daddy could never forget you." He takes the girl and gives Vala a kiss, "Thank you Mrs. Jackson."
He likes to call her that. He never could call Sha're that. Of course Sha're wouldn't have understood what it meant, because they didn't use those words in her culture. But that wasn't the real reason. Mrs. Jackson was his mother. Those words had always caused him pain. Having Claire had eased some of the pain. Naming her after his mother had done more. But it was more than that. With Vala and Claire he had family again, for the first time in four decades he had a family. He was safe, he belonged. Someone had chosen him, wanted him for the first time in his whole life. His SG1 friends were great. But they had not chosen him. In fact Jack had started out hating him. Sam and he might have been friends even if circumstances had not thrust them together. But Teal'c and he would surely have never become bosom buddies had they not been teammates.
Vala was with him because she wanted to be. Because for some reason beyond his grasp she loved him.
Vala liked it when he called her "Mrs. Jackson," too. She liked that they had gotten married. She knew earth wouldn't consider it legal, but since they figured they'd never see earth again she didn't really care. It had become important to her, once she knew the baby existed, to announce not only to Daniel, but to whoever would listen that they would be together forever. That, she figured, is what marriage was.
"I can watch her today, if you want," she says watching her husband bounce their daughter as he translates.
"It's my day," he says.
She leans against the wall, feeling suddenly lonely with the baby out of her arms. "I wouldn't mind taking her for two days in a row," she says.
"I would if you did," he says. But he turns to her, and reads her face like he had become so good at doing, "Of course we wouldn't mind if Mommy stayed would we Claire, baby?" he says to his chest.
She reaches into the warm packet formed by her husband's chest and her baby's stomach. She strokes her daughters head-her peach fuzz hair darker than her father's, but much lighter than her own. "The night has ended, and day has come, the bird has sung, and cats come home. Little baby, no more sleep, wake, you have a world to greet." She coos. It's the only good nurturing memory Vala has of her own childhood. A song Vala's mother sang to her. Vala sings it to her baby every day. Daniel knows lots of nursery rhymes and songs. His childhood was nurturing until it came to an end at eight years of age. Most of the poems Daniel knows are in Arabic. But he says them in English too. It's important to Vala to have her own rhyme. To give her daughter something of her home culture, even though it's been a long time since she's actually been home. Even if she never really felt at home until she'd spent a nearly a year on the ship she hated. Vala's home had always been a person, and not a place.
Daniel smiles at Vala, and bounces Claire, tickles Claire, and reads to her the secrets of the Asgard. Vala watches for a while. Then she takes her daughter for a bit. She lays on the floor and holds the baby above her. "Super Claire, off to save the world."
Daniel turns to her with a distant look on his face. And she remembers how much he misses saving the world. How much he worries about that backwater planet he calls earth. She wonders what it would feel like to belong to a place like that. She now knows what it is like to belong to people, is it the same to belong to a place? He worries about earth. He worries about the Asgard core. But mostly, he worries about Claire. He's a father, after all.
Vala sits up and holds her baby to heart. She worries about him, sometimes. "Are you happy, Dan'yel?" she asks. She tries to make her words sound light hearted and carefree, but they are heavy with anxiety.
He sits on the floor in front of her, holds her chin in his hand, "Deliriously ecstatic. And don't you EVER doubt it again."
And she doesn't. He doesn't have to ask her if she is happy. He can read her better than she can him. They have had so much pain, they probably would have been content with far less. But that is not what they got. They got everything and more.
Nine months later
"Daddy, pway," Claire begs from behind the blocks they'd beamed for her.
"Sweetie, Daddy is working," he says turning back to the Asgard repository. But suddenly he remembers, remember the words his mother said to him the day she died. Almost the same. He blinks back tears, shuts off the hologram and lays on his belly before his daughter. "Daddy loves you, you know that right, Claire?" he asks.
She doesn't understand the funny sound in her Daddy's voice. She doesn't know that it's choked with emotion. She does know that her Daddy is playing with her though. She does know he loves her. "Yep, Daddy, pway," she says impatiently. He pulls her forward and kisses her forehead. He can't believe he was willing to miss a moment of this.
He never heard Vala come into the room. She lays down next to him, snuggling against her husband's side.
"You keep telling me she isn't going to go anywhere," Vala says, "You might want to tell yourself the same thing."
He kisses Vala's temple and says, "I'm not really worried about her," as he stacks some blocks for his daughter. Claire knocks them over giggling hysterically. She scrambles off to retrieve the blocks that have flown around the room.
"You aren't going anywhere either," she says. She pauses, "That's the strange thing about being parents. You don't do one thing without being affected by what your own parents did."
"You aren't anything like your father, Vala. I never met your mother or your step-mother, but I know you are nothing like them," he says. She knew that. She still likes to hear it.
"That's not what I meant. I mean…you spend so much time with her, because you lost your parents. I never lie to her, because every word out of my father's mouth was a lie. I hug her because…my mom never did. And I never even think of swatting her, because…" she stops, she never meant to tell him that. He sits up, and pulls Vala's shirt up until he can see the scars on her lower back. Vala takes over building the tower for their daughter.
He kisses the scars on her back. "I always thought these were something left from after Qetesh, from the villagers…Vala…you should have told me."
She is sobbing. Claire becomes alarmed. Daniel takes care of his daughter first, "It's ok baby, Mommy is ok. I promise," he says. Then he pulls Vala into his arms, "She had no right, Vala, she had no right. You were a little child. It was not your fault. God, you've been through way too much, and it was all…all not your fault." She leans into him a sobs. She thought all of this was gone for a long time. Over and gone decades before. When she'd killed the weapons dealer her step mother had sold her to…in her mind she'd been killing the woman who'd beat her as well.
"Did I get all the scars?" he asks her again, as he holds her close against him. Her back against his chest like the day they discovered they were going to have Claire.
Vala taps her forehead. He kisses her forehead firm and long, "I wish kisses really did make it all better," he whispers. She is putty in his arms.
Claire gets more concerned, and crawls onto her mother's lap. Vala wraps her arms around her baby, "Claire, can you kiss Mommy better?" Daniel asks.
Claire nods, "'dere?" she asks.
Daniel taps his wife's forehead. Claire stands up on her mother's lap. A baby hand on each of her shoulders to steady herself, and graces her mother's forehead with a very slobbery kids, "Aw beyer?" she asks.
"All better, sweetheart," Vala says. Holding her daughter tight. Claire's anxiety disappears with her mother's assurance. All is right with the world. She giggles, and tries to knock her parents over. They pretend she is successful, and they fall into a dog pile. Claire is laughing so hard she almost rolls off her mother's stomach. This is better than knocking over a pile of blocks. Daniel reaches around his wife and begins to tickle Claire. When Claire is gasping for breath he turns his tickling hands upon his wife. She is soon seeking revenge. And the little family lies on the floor together tickling while the knowledge of the Asgards lay dormant in the walls.
Three years later
Bedtimes are hard when you are on a ship. Claire has never experienced night or day. She can't read a clock yet. She doesn't understand time. Her whole life, if you insist on precision-has taken place in a fraction of a second so small no earthling could measure it.
So bedtime begins with playing tag with Uncle Michael. He's not used to being around kids, so even when he's trying to go slow he moves too quickly. Claire has Vala's blood in her, so she doesn't cry, "Uncle" easy and she is always exhausted by trying to prove she is the best.
Then her father would supervise a bath. Always her father who took her splashes as good natured play, and never minded wiping bubbles off the ceiling when she was done. Never her mother who would have demanded proper bath time behavior. Vala thought bath time was a time for relaxing.
After her bath her father would wrestle her into a nightgown, and cajole her into brushing her teeth (and he thought all his years of diplomacy training had been a waste). Then Daniel would turn his daughter over to his wife. Vala would brush Clair's hair in such a way that Claire could not battle to keep her eyes open for long. By the time the hair (which by now was the same color as Vala's) was smooth Claire was ready for bed. Often so tired her father would carry her to the room next door and lay her in her bed. Pulling the blankets over her, tucking her tight, and tickling a giggle out of her. Waking her just enough to listen to a story. She never asked for one. She never had to. Her eyes would go big and bright with the first giggle, and he would sit on the edge of the bed, tucking the platypus that Vala had made for her daughter (yes Vala could sew) under his daughter's arm.
"There once was a princess, named…"
"Claire!" she says getting the story off to its familiar beginning.
"Who had such lovely hair," he says fiddling with his daughter's natural curls, "And she got into her ship and went to the planet…"
"With the cavemen," Claire pronounces.
"Are you sure?" he asks glaring at his daughter, "You had that one last night. Maybe today she goes to the planet with the replicators. In that one her Daddy gets to control a galaxy of robots," he says.
"No," she says shaking her head, "I want the one where Daddy turns into a caveman, or the one where Daddy almost marries the evil princess and gets addicted to a coffin or the one where Daddy gets left behind on the planet…"
"You're going to have to be more specific on the last one," he says with a sigh, "You know, Daddy did some good things too," He says.
"Mommy says the best thing you ever did was marry her," Claire says with a grin.
"Did she now?" he says, "Let me tell you a story about how your mother and I meet. You see she was stealing a ship while dressed in armor of this evil creature…"
Two years later
Vala was going to kill Michael. It was a death he certainly deserved for introducing Claire to the game of hide-and-go-seek. Stupid earth game. It's a wonder all the mothers on earth didn't die premature deaths. She certainly felt as if that was a possibility for her. She pushed the button of the ship's intercom.
"Claire Jackson if you do not come out THIS INSTANT, I will take away your toys for a week!"
It's a threat she could follow through on, but none the less it was empty, because her husband never could. He'd sneak his princess something. Besides it would just make Claire more likely to play hide and seek in the air vents.
Heaven help her, the child had her father's intelligence and her mother's rebellious nature.
"Claire," Daniel's voice said playfully into the intercom, "I had Auntie Sam make beam us more chocolate bars." There is a pause, "And they don't taste like sawdust like the last time," a giggle-right above Vala's head.
"Gotcha!" Vala says as she reaches into the heating vent, and pulls her daughter out head first. She flips her around putting her feet on the ground, and trying to look stern. But like it always does-the fear vanishes the second Claire is found.
"Fruitcake!" Claire proclaims.
"What is your father teaching you?" Vala asks with a tsk tsk sound.
"Most languages and history," Claire replies, still too young for rhetorical questions.
"Yes, dear," Vala says straightening her daughter's pigtail.
"And Auntie Sam teaches me science and math, and Uncle Cam teaches me to fly-except I can't touch the buttons for real" she says with a pout, "And Uncle Tea'l teaches me meditation and fighting, and you teach me," she looks up at her mother with love, "you…teach me…"
"I'm pretty useless my dear," Vala says only half joking.
"'Naw…you teach me how 'ta live," Claire says carefully.
"How to live?" Vala asks.
"Yep, like what to do when the toilet overflows," Claire says.
"What you should have gotten out of the lesson was not to put doll clothes in the toilet," Vala says with a laugh.
"I was trying to wash them," Claire protests.
"I know that my dear, but that is not the way to wash clothes…" Vala begins.
"Yep, and you taught me that too."
"Well, who would have thought it? I've become Martha Stewart," Vala mutters.
"Who?" Clair asks.
"A woman form Daddy's planet. She…cooks and cleans."
"But that isn't all you do…you teach me how to act to people." Heaven help the little thing, taking relationship advice from the former pirate, thief, and smuggler.
"Baby, I think your Daddy would be a better role model for that," she says with a sigh.
"Naw…you get your way more often. Daddy's always giving in to you," Claire says.
Vala is too shocked for a moment to speak. But when her voice starts working she says, "Honey that isn't social skills, that is beauty. Something useful I gave you at least."
"That and some minor food allergies," Claire says skipping off to retrieve the promised chocolate from her father.
Daniel pulls the hair away from her neck as she enters the room. Vala touches her own neck scar subconsciously. She's done it every time he's checked his daughter's neck, but he's never seen it before.
God what is he doing to her? He pulls Vala's hair back, and tries to kiss her neck. He always kisses her scars.
She pulls away. It takes her a second to tell him why, "You can't kiss it better. My scar is going to be there forever, whether you like it or not."
"Vala," he says carefully, "Everyone I've ever loved was taken from me. Most of them by the creature that made that scar. I never worried about your scar, because that is done. You were taken by a Gou'ald, and now you are here safe. I hate what happened to you, Vala. But it doesn't bother me like you think it does. But Claire…It would kill me if something hurt her. I'm terrified something will hurt her. I don't want her to live our lives. I don't want her to have our scars."
She smiles, and moves her hair away. She leans toward him. He kisses her scar.
"I wish I could really heal your scars," he tells her.
"You have," she replies. And it's true. She can trust. She can love. She sleeps through the night without a single nightmare. When they make love she almost never has a flash back to Goua'ld and nish'ta. He's erased all the memorizes of worse-than-rape, of the invasion of her body, of the murders her hands had committed. He erases all of it with his gentle unfailing love, and the kisses on her scars.
Four years later
"Dad," Claire says glancing up from her book. Claire is familiar with all the books on ship. There were only nine of them. Her elders had tried to recreate others-both aloud and on paper. But they couldn't beam up a book. The machine only made physical and not intellectual objects.
He smiles at his daughter. The blond peach fuzz of her babyhood has turned dark as her mother's. Her eyes are framed by glasses to correct farsighted she inherited from her father. The color of her eyes is also something her father gave her, but the intensity of her eyes were all her own.
"What does my name mean?" she asks.
"Latin for clarity, clearness, brightness," he says without even looking up. He takes a deep breath to steady himself, but then he looks at her, "It was my mother's name."
Claire's stomach sinks. She doesn't understand the concept death, or orphan, or alone. She doesn't understand no one to love her. Everyone loves her here.
She does know that her father didn't get love after his parents died. Didn't get it until he joined SG1, and not fully until he met her mother. Her mother too, she knew, hadn't had the sort of love she got every day.
"How about my middle name?" she asks knowing there is a joke there, and wanting humor now.
"Ha! Trouble is your middle name! Your middle name is trouble in Abydonian," he says.
"I'm glad you came up with something unique for my middle name. It's nice to have something all my own," she says with a smile. He freezes, turns pale, and comes to sit before her. She doesn't know what is wrong, but whatever it is it's bigger than his mother's death. It's something that is going to hurt her.
"Sweetheart…Sha're…your middle name…we named you after someone," he says.
"Who?" she asks.
He bites his lip, "You know that I used to travel to different planets before your mother and I met right?" Claire nods her head wishing desperately she'd gone running with Uncle Cam this morning instead of opting to read while her Dad worked on the Ancient database. "On our first trip through the stargate we went to a place called Abydos. When we were there I meet Sha're…"
She cuts him off, "Jeez Dad! You named me after one of your old girlfriends? Were you TRYING to hurt Mom?"
He shakes his head, "No, your mother named you after my dead first wife."
The room spins around Claire for a second before she can focus again. Her father had had a whole other life, a whole other family, one that didn't include her.
"Baby," he says pulling her into his lap, "baby," he whispers again into her ear. He waits until she's stopped panicking before he starts talking, "Honey, it doesn't mean I love you-or your mother any less. I couldn't love you more. Do you understand me? There is no way I could love you any more than I already do. I love you more times infinity." She nods her head, but he doesn't know if she believes him or not. Neither does she. "I loved Sha're too. We met the first time we went through the gate. She was given to me, as a sort of…gift, our first night on Abydos," her daughters eyes were fixed on him in surprise, "It's not as if I accepted the gift!" he says defending himself, "I mean I suppose technically when I didn't send her back I accepted her. But, we were friends at first. I didn't even know we were married. We saved her world together. We died together. We came back to life together. Somewhere in there we fell in love. I stayed on her planet when the rest of my team, the people from my planet left to go home. I stayed with Sha're," he almost whispers the last sentence.
"You loved her?" Claire asks, and there is no accusation. It's an honest question.
"Yeah, I loved her, still do in a way," he answers fiddling with his daughter's hair. His daughter's hair was much like Sha're's just like it was much like Vala's.
"So what happened to her?" Claire said not forgetting the 'dead' part of his description. She hates that it's another way her father got hurt. But she's also more than a little relieved that there is not an ex-wife somewhere outside of the safe world in which she's grown up. An ex-wife who doesn't know her father has another family now.
"Remember how we explained to you about your mother's scar?" he says touching the back of his own neck. Her mother has more than one scar so he has to be specific. She nods, "A long ago some bad things called Gou'ald who aren't around anymore took over your mother. It was a parasite that burrowed into her brain, and…controlled her for eight years." Claire nods, she doesn't really get this. Doesn't get it, because she's a child, and unless a child has seen something that horrible, their innocent brains can't understand it. But she thinks she understands. "Well, that happened to your Mom before I met her. It also happened to Sh'are," he looks away, and Claire's stomach falls. "We had one year of a really good marriage, and then they took her. And she wasn't dead. She was being tortured by something which was controlling her. And I tried to save her. Tried for four years to save her. In the end the monster who took over her body tried to kill me. Teal'c killed Sha're. It was her or me. Sometimes I wish he'd chosen differently. But…not anymore. Not now when I have you, when I have your mother."
Claire dissolves into a puddle of tears. He isn't sure what part has upset her, but he thinks it must be the Gou'ald. He holds her close to his heart and says, "Baby they are all gone, the Gou'ald will never hurt anyone ever again." That is true of course, but he isn't telling her about the Ori's warriors that she can see from the windows of this ship which has been her only home. He doesn't tell her that outside of this time dilation field there is an enemy as bad or worse than the Gou'ald. But he vows in his heart that they will never hurt her.
"Daddy," she says wrapping her arms around him, "I'm so sorry." And he understands that Claire is crying for him. Grieving with him, and his heart swells once again for love of her.
"So Mommy named me after her, because you loved her so much?" Claire asks.
He smiles, "On your Mommy's planet it is the tradition to name your daughters after strong dead woman that you knew. You aren't allowed to name them after someone who is still alive. I wanted to name you after your mother, because she is the strongest woman that I know." He says tapping her nose and getting a smile from her, "But she insisted it had to be someone who died. I wanted my mother's name to be your middle name. I wanted her to pick your first name," his eyes cloud over, "But she said that Claire had to be your first name. That giving that name to something alive would 'take it off the tombstone,'" he could see she was confused by the metaphor. He sighs and puts it bluntly, "Would make me stop hurting because my mother is dead." Claire wraps her child hands around his neck all the tighter. He kisses her forehead, "And it did that. You did that. Having a family again…" he doesn't finish his thought. "And your mother, she said she'd give you your middle name on the day you were born. When you were born, I laid you down on her stonach, and she looked down at you and said, 'Hello, Claire Sha're,' and I said 'no', but she told me Sha're was strong. Strong to fight the monster within her. Her planet believes that the strength in a name is given to the holder of a name. She wanted you to have Sha're's strength. I couldn't deny you Sha're's strength," he says with a smile.
She looks up at her father for a time. She reaches up and touches the wrinkles forming between her father's eyes, "Your life, Dad," and he looks at her, "has been horrible." It's isn't a question but a statement of a fact.
"The moment I set foot on this ship, my life has been good," he says smiling at his daughter, "Did you know I met your mother on a ship like this one?" she nods her head, but he continues anyway, she wanted him too, "Yep, It was called the Prometheus. She took the thing over wearing a ridiculous super soldier costume. I shot at her," he says.
"YOU SHOT MOM!" Claire exclaims.
"Yeah, but with something that only kills super soldiers, so it didn't have any effect" he says. "She zated me, which…" he realizes he shouldn't be telling his daughter this, but he really can't help it. "So it knocks me out, and hurts, but I'm ok. And she ties me up, and says that I'm attractive. Now I've seen a super soldier without their gear. They are not a pretty sight," he knows he can't get to graphic with this description without giving his daughter a nightmare so he shakes the memory from his own brain, "and I was deeply disturbed that one might like me. But then your mother took of her helmet and shook out her hair, and…"
"You feel in love just like that," Claire says using the finger snap she'd only learned to do days before.
"No…" he says slowly, "I certainly liked the way she looked, but I didn't fall in love with her that quickly."
"When did you fall in love with her?" Claire asks.
He catches sight of his wife's figure in the doorway, "Ah, somewhere in the middle of her beating me up, I suppose."
"No," Vala's voice makes her daughter turn toward it, "He didn't fall for me until the Ori set me on fire."
"You were on fire?" Claire asks amazed.
"Briefly," Vala says causally.
"Not so briefly," Daniel says with lingering pain in his voice.
"Why did they set you on fire?" Claire asks.
"You're mother said a naughty word," Daniel explains looking playfully at Vala. Claire's eyes go wide with horror, and she vows never to say, "sucks" again.
"It wasn't so much the naught word as the person I said it to," Vala says quietly.
"So when did you fall for me?" Daniel asks.
"It was the diplomatic way you handled a supersolider's coming on to you, darling," Vala says with a smile.
"I am REALLY glad, that wasn't really a supersoldier hitting on me," Daniel says.
"I bet your daughter wouldn't be nearly as lovely if you'd married one of those things," Vala says. He knows that she only calls herself beautiful, because she doesn't think she is. He also knows it will do little good to call her beautiful now. He does it when she isn't fishing for compliments.
"I certainly wouldn't have had as much fun stripping a supersoldier," he says.
"Dan'yel!" she exclaims looking at Claire pointedly.
"Dad, what is 'stripping'?" Claire asks.
"It's a kind of poker, sweetie," he says.
Vala rolls her eyes and stifles a giggle.
He knows how to get his revenge. He looks at Claire, "Did I ever tell you the story of the ceremonial marriage bracelets your mother kidnapped me with?"
"Actually they were prison bracelets," Vala corrects.
"Same thing," he says, and she smacks him.
Claire looks at her mother, "You named me after Daddy's first wife," she says, and it almost comes off as an accusation.
Vala takes a deep breath, "If Daddy is telling you that he was married before I suppose I'd better come clean too. I was married before," she pauses avoiding Daniel's eyes, even though she's already told him, "more than once."
Claire doesn't say anything just stares at her mother. Vala reaches desperately for her husband's hand. He takes it, and pulls her near to him, flush against his side.
"But your father is the only man I ever really loved. The rest were all marriages of desperation. The first time…I just got out of slavery. I was nothing. A man offered to marry me. It would raise me to the status of a lady. It would have made me be someone. I never actually married him. I was taken by a Gou'ald a month before our wedding date. The second time Gou'ald had just left me, and I wanted to get rid of all the memories. I was broke, and broken. He was a circus performer. He was a good man, a good cook too. But he didn't make the pain go away…and I couldn't stay with him. The third time…" she takes a deep breath, but finds that even after all of that oxygen she can't go on.
Daniel holds her to him even more tightly, "Claire, we never told you that your mom had a daughter before you," he says.
"I have a sister," Claire says with delight in her eyes. Every little girl harbors the secret fantasy that she will discover a long lost sister who will double as a best friend.
"A half sister, and she's…not with us any longer," Daniel says.
"Of course, she isn't. I think I would have noticed a sister on the ship. But where is she? Who is she with?" Then she bites her lip, "I don't suppose that matters as much as I think it does. The years we've spent on this ship are less than a second to her. Still…for some reason it matter who is taking care of her," Claire says thoughtfully. Even though she had grown up with time dilation, even if that was the only world she'd ever known, she still didn't understand it all that well.
"I mean she's passed on," Daniel says, honestly thinking he is clarifying.
"Passed on to where?" Claire asks.
"She died," Vala says with a bit more force than necessary.
Claire's eyes well up, and she squeezes her mother into a long hug. Vala cries. She doesn't often cry for Adria. Not that Vala often cries at all. But when she does cry, it isn't for Adria. She's pretty well convinced everyone that that hasn't hurt her. Only Daniel knows how that affected her, and only because he knows her so well.
"How old was she?" Claire asks.
"That's a complicated question," Vala says stroking Claire's hair, "You see Adria grew really fast. It only took her two days to grow up into an adult. She lived for about a year, but she lived that year as a grown up."
"I bet you miss her," Claire says.
"I never really got to know Adria," Vala says looking away, "I didn't see her very often. And when we did…we had philosophical differences."
"Why would that matter?" Claire asks unable to imagine a situation in which her mother and father would stop loving her. She can't fathom a mere idea powerful enough to wedge her away from her parent's love.
"What your mother means is that Adria was made by some evil aliens who are trying to take over the universe. That she was trying to take over the universe. That she was determined to convert your mother. That she kidnapped me, and attempted to brainwash…"
Vala cuts him off and says bitterly, "and tried to seduce…"
He continues, "and eventually tried to kill us."
Claire's stomach hurts. It's like she lost her sister right after she found her. More than that…as horrible as her sister was, there is a point. A point a which all the love will disappear. When she would be unloved like her mother, alone like her father had been for all those years.
"I can understand why you weren't sorry to see her die," Claire says. A horrible thought occurs to her, she wants to ask if one of them killed her sister. But she's terrified of the answer. She knows that her parents have killed before. Reluctantly, when given no other options. That she can forgive childlike…without really understanding what they did. But if they killed her sister…even an evil sister…she is not sure she can forgive that.
"I was still sorry to see her die," Vala says. Her voice comes out all choked and painful, "Much more than sorry. To have a child die, it's…unimaginable."
"So you loved her?" Claire asks insecurely.
"Vala pulls her daughter into a hug, "Of course, I loved her. She was my daughter. I love my daughters no matter what. For ever and for always, got it Claire? Always."
"Ditto for me, kid, except I only have one daughter," Daniel says.
His mind floats guiltily back to the Harcesis child. Not his son. But the son of his wife. The closest thing to family he'd had between the ages of eight and forty. The child he'd pawned off first on his father-in-law, and then on a powerful ascended alien. When he met Shifu he liked him. But he never loved him. He never felt the fierce protectiveness and love for her that he felt each day for Claire. With Shifu he'd been terrified he'd have to take care of the child, and he didn't know how to do that.
It wasn't as if he'd neglected the child. The Kasuf and Oma had both been capable guardians. Still the child have been kidnapped from his Grandfather's arms, and when Oma "ascended" a child who had lived only a few brief years Daniel had to admit that ascended was not as different from death as he'd once imagined.
He often wondered if Sha're would think he kept his promise to care for the boy. He doubted it. Ever since he'd had his own daughter he'd felt this guilt gnawing at him.
Claire looks at her mother, "So you married Adria's Daddy before you met Daddy?" she asks.
Vala shuts her yes, "He wasn't Adria's Daddy. Adria didn't have a Daddy, and this was after I'd met your father, but before we were together."
Claire looks at her mother skeptically, "Aunt Sam did give me the health lesson you asked her to you know. Adria had a Dad."
"Actually she didn't," Daniel says. "These evil aliens, they have…powers. They can set things on fire, move things with their brains, make people get sick, make people better, make someone have a baby without there being a father, do all sorts of amazing things."
"And you BELIEVED that one Dad? Seriously? You were that desperate to believe that Mom didn't cheat on you that you would go ahead and believe a story like that?"
Vala feels like her daughter has just punched her in her stomach with her doubt. She looks at Daniel's face. Terrified that Claire's words would have swayed him. She was actually surprised he'd believed the truth the first time. She'd given him more than enough reason to view her as something other than sexually pure.
"Apologize to your mother," Daniel says in a voice more stern than the one he usually uses with Claire.
Claire doesn't say anything for a long second, so Daniel continues, "I've met those aliens. I've seen them burn your mother to death, bring her back to life, hold someone choking in the air, I've seen them make an entire village sick, make them well, bring the dead back to life, heal a limp. If Adria was the result of your mother's union with a human your mother would have told me. She told me the Ori did it by magic. So I believe her. Particularly since that child hit adult age a day and a half after she was born and had the power of the Ori. Powers which both and I and your mother experienced firsthand more than once. Your mother…she doesn't lie. She actually pretends to lie quite often. But the only lie that I've ever seen her tell me was when she told me she was lying."
Vala dissolves into his arms in tears.
Claire shifts awkwardly from one foot to another, "I…I mean what's wrong with Mom?" she asks.
It's Vala who answers her. She pulls back from the secure feeling of Daniel's chest, "Honey, I was worried that after all these years…your father would stop believing me. That he would think I was everything I pretended to be. And if he saw me like that…no one could love that."
"Nonsense," he says pulling her close to his chest again, "I loved that girl you pretended to be even before I saw through her to the much better girl you are."
He feels the smile against his chest, a smile of relief, the feeling of a long held worry disappearing.
"Dan'yel, that woman had a lot less scars, maybe you wish I was her," she says.
"Naw, that girl had all the same scars as you did. She just dealt with them in less healthy ways. No way I'd trade my Vala in for anyone else," he says.
She doesn't believe him though. She's knows the other Vala is somehow stronger. That that Vala would never cry after sex when she is sure she can smell nish'ta coming from her own nose. It doesn't happen much anymore. Daniel has replaced all the terror with good memories. But still, she can't help but think that sometimes he probably wishes she was someone else.
"I wouldn't trade you for anyone, real or imaginary," he repeats.
And amazingly she believes him.
"So Mom did the virgin birth thing?" Claire asks.
"Well," Vala clarifies, "It wasn't a virgin birth so much as a virgin for about a year and a half before conception kind of thing. I was married when Adria was born of course, good way to avoid being set on fire by the followers of Origin."
"A year and a half?" her husband asks looking at her critically, "Ever since you met me? Really?"
She nods, and smiles. They have been together for fourteen years, and still there are bits of the lies he believes.
"So I'm the only earthling you've ever been with?" he asks looking honored. After all she did live on earth for two years.
She likes that he believed the lie for so long, but she also wants him to know the truth. She desperately needs him to know the truth, "My Dan'yel, all other men meant nothing since I met you," she says.
"But Mom was married," Claire says. She wants all of her parent's sorted past out now. As it is it will probably take her years to sort through all the things she is learning. She doesn't want new bits of information dropped on her at odd points for the rest of her life.
"Yes, to Tomin," her father says. Claire is surprised that there doesn't appear to be any bitterness or resentment in his voice as he says the man's name. Surprised, and a little offended.
"Tomin was a good man," Vala says, "I liked him. Had I not been in love already I might have loved him."
"Oh, you loved him a little bit, Vala," Daniel says, "And that is good. You had to marry him. I'd rather you loved the man you were with. To be married to someone you didn't love would be horrible I wouldn't wish it on you."
"I did it twice," Vala says with a smile, "But now that I've finally got the man I love, I'll never be married to a man I don't love again."
"You got that right," he says with a kiss.
"Any other marriage or kids I need to be aware of," Claire says sounding tired.
Daniel hadn't meant to tell her. He hadn't really talked about Shifu with Vala. Oh, she knew of the child's existence. She'd read about him in a mission report at some point. But they had never talked about the child, that wasn't his. She didn't know about his promise to his wife, and the guilt. Didn't know that all the words that he's used to comfort her with Adria had really come from this experience.
Or at least he thought she didn't know. She smiled at her husband as the silence stretched on, "Your father told you that his wife was taken over by Gou'ald? That she lost the ability to choose for herself?" Vala asks.
Claire nods.
Vala continues, "That monster made her have a baby. A child that stemmed from the union of your father's wife, and the man who he hated more than anyone else in the world. Your father stole the child away, and kept him safe for Sha're. He grew fast too, but not to adulthood like Adria. He stopped growing when he was about ten years old."
Claire smiles, "Where is he?" She liked the idea of a brother, a brother the same age as her. The concepts of time dilatation still confused her. Even if she and he were ten now at the same time, the fact that they would probably never be ten at the same time and place never occurred to her.
"He's dead," Daniel says, not even trying to soften he words. Letting them crash cruelty against his daughter. He hadn't meant to do that. His punishment of her was an accidental side effect of his cruelty to himself.
"Not dead," Vala corrects frantically. She's scared of the look on her husband's face. She hasn't seen this look since once upon a three am back in the first year they were together when he'd woken from a nightmare and told her of his parent's death for the first time. Told her that after all these years he still thought it was his fault. "Not dead, ascended," she says nudging his side trying to get him to snap out of the look of grief that was terrifying her.
"There isn't much difference from what I remember," he says bitterly, "Either way you don't get to do anything with those that are still alive. Either way you are cut off from the rest of life. Either way you stop living."
"No, Shifu is fine," she says holding him, "You did what was best for him. If you would have taken the boy, you wouldn't have been able to protect him from all the horrible things that were in his mind. You could have taken care of him, kept him alive. But he would have turned evil. If given the choice between living as a good person on a higher plane of existence, and living as a bad one on this one, I'm sure he would pick ascension," she says.
"He did," Daniel says so softly she almost can't hear him.
"What?" Vala asks.
"He did choose ascension," Daniel repeats, "you have to choose it. You can't be involuntarily ascended."
"Well there you go than," Vala says giving him an extra squeeze.
Claire has picked up on something in this conversation that terrifies her. She almost doesn't know how to put words to this question, "Dad, you seem to know a lot about ascension."
Her parents look at her startled. They probably should have told their daughter some of this before now. But ascension is complicated enough that even at the age of ten she isn't going to understand much of it.
"Claire…I…" Daniel begins.
But Vala cuts him off. There has been enough seriousness for one day. This is going to be approached in a lighthearted way, "Claire, your father has a habit of coming back from the dead."
Daniel gives her a glare.
The terror in Claire's eyes does not leave, "That sounds like he also has a habit of dying," she says.
"Most of the times people claim I died they just lost me," he says with a smile. Well, if Vala thinks the lighthearted method is best he's going to go with it, "and a few more times I didn't die so much as get really, really, close to death. I only died, and came back to life four times."
"Once for a whole year," Vala says.
Claire has been too old to sit on her parents laps for a long time now. That doesn't matter right now. She crawls onto his lap. He pulls his arms around her.
"I love you Claire," he says. "I know you've found out a lot of things today a lot of scary intense things. You know that none of this changes us. That your mother and I, despite what has happened before love you, and each other, more than life itself. That we would do anything for you, for each other. We're together forever no matter what. That we are your parents for double no matter what. That we will always love you."
"Ditto," Vala says with that strange earth term that has stopped being strange after living with earthlings so long.
And they mean it, and Claire believes them. They don't know how their words will be tested. They don't know that sometimes when you say forever it goes backwards as well as forwards. Particularly once you make machines which can alter time.
Two years later
"Cam, can I run with you?" he hears a voice call down the hall just as he is beginning his morning run.
"Of course," he says with a smile. She hasn't called him 'Uncle Cam' in awhile. He misses it. He is never really going to be an uncle. First of all because there doesn't seem to be much change of getting off this infernal ship, and second because he has no siblings. A pang of guilt twists his stomach as he remembers again that his parent's only change of being grandparents is going to die on this ship. Probably after another fifty years of boredom.
"Are those sparkles on your face, Claire?" he asks.
The twelve year old beams up at him, "Do you like it Cam? Aunt Sam beamed them up for me. Mom has been telling me about make-up, and I just wanted to try some for myself."
"Yeah, there great," he says. He is a little miffed that Sam still gets the "Aunt" title, but he doesn't show it.
Claire's whole face lights up with a smile. If that is all it takes to make the kid that happy he's going to have to do it more often.
"Think you can keep up with me, today?" she jokes. He knows he still isn't great with kids. He realizes that all those early years when she ran with him he went way to fast. He knows now that he should have gone slower. That he probably did irrespirable damage to her self-esteem or something. Now he runs slow enough that she thinks she is faster than him. He figures better late than never.
"I'll try," he says with a shrug.
On the tenth trip around the giant ship he sees Daniel smirking at him as they run past the Jackson's rooms.
"Claire, Sam is looking for you. She has a page of math you need to do today," Daniel says still smirking and looking at Cam through the whole conversation.
"Uh! Dad I hate algebra, can't I finish my run first?" she begs with quirking lips.
"I think you've run enough for today. What was if seven laps, at about a half mile each?" he asks.
Claire doesn't say anything, so Cam speaks up, "Actually we did ten."
Claire tries to give him a glare, but it softens as soon as she looks into his face. "Ok, off to do some algebra." She mutters.
"And wash that crap off your face before you go," he adds.
"SAM is the one who gave it to me!" Claire protests.
"Right, that is probably my fault. I probably should have told the person in charge of making everything on the ship that you aren't allowed to wear make-up until you are fourteen, go," he points.
"Sorry, Jackson," Cam says, for even after all these years Cam had never considered himself to be on first name basis with the genius of the ship, "didn't know the make-up rule or I would have told her to wash it off. Funny she'd put on make-up to go running, anyway."
Cam had meant 'funny' in a rhetorical way, but Daniel seems to take it literally. At least based on the burst of laughter he has. Cam looks startled by it. "So you really don't know my daughter is in love with you?" he asks, "Sam wins yet another bet."
Cam's face turns bright red, and he shuffles around, "What?" he mutters.
"Oh, come on!" Daniel says. "The way she talks to you? You had to figure either she had a crush on you or you'd become the king of the world! And she dresses up for all of your runs. has Sam make special clothes for them. And she trains for the run too. Wants to impress you!"
"When did this all begin?" Cam says.
"About the time she stopped calling you 'Uncle' and started blushing every time you talked to her."
"Jeez Jackson, I swear I had no clue!" he says suddenly afraid the man is going to think he was encouraging the attentions of his little girl. Like it was flattering or something. Cam didn't find it flattering, he found it creepy, and he would much rather be called "Uncle".
Daniel laughed, "Relax," he says, "I'm not blaming you. You were just running with her like you have been ever since she was old enough to run. You really don't know much about child development do you? Twelve is the age of crushes. And you are the closest to her age on this ship, after all," Daniel says laughing as Cam squirms at his youth (only a few years younger than Daniel himself) being mentioned again. It had been one of the favorite jokes while aboard the Odyssey.
"Well, it's too bad she doesn't have someone better to admire on the ship," Cam says cavalierly. It's meant to be a self insulting joke to be laughed at and moved past. But it is too close to Daniel's biggest regret.
"Claire is going to miss it all," Daniel says quietly.
"What?" Cam asks unsure how the man went from laughing at a joke to being downright depressed so quickly.
"She's never going to get to fall in love. I mean a crush is one thing. But by the time she's old enough to really fall in love she's going to know that you are too old for her. That everyone on this ship is too old for her. She's never going to fall in love," Daniel says. He lets out a laugh then, but it is strange in hallow, "Funny most fathers would give anything to keep their daughters away from boys. But I'd do almost anything to get her near one her age…when her age is about eight years older that is."
"We'll get off this ship, Jackson," Cam says with certainty in his voice. Daniel looks up at him. He thought Cam had given up. Thought that ever since the night when Cam pulled apart his room on the ship.
"I hope so," Daniel says.
Two years later
Claire's eyes are closed, and her body folded in a cross legged meditation pose. She's good at meditation. Better than any non-Jaffa Teal'c's ever seen. The again he's been teaching her for most of her life.
Human children are different from Jaffa children. Jaffa children don't need so much love and attention as Claire has received. She's been with an adult almost her whole life. They play with her, teach her, tickle her. Teal'c wonders if Jaffa are ticklish, he never tried.
Maybe, Jaffa children are not as different. It's a fear he's had since Claire was a baby. Seeing her parents with her makes him long for his son. But Ray'c was too old now to be bounced in a carrier, or tickled, or told bedtime stories or taught. Ray'c was even older than Claire. But Claire's parents still doted over her.
"What activity to you most enjoy engaging in with your parents ClaireJackson?" he asks. She jumps and blinks coming out of meditation. She uncrosses her legs, and pulls her knees up under her chin.
"You have a son right, Teal'c?" she asks.
The Jaffa nods his assent.
"I don't think it much matter what you do. The important thing is you have to spend time with him," she says.
She reads his face. Claire can even read a stoic Jaffa's face. She's inherited all of her father's people skills in spades, "And it's never too late. How old is he?" she asks.
"Nearly twenty with a wife and child of his own," Teal'c says. Even an untrained observer could see guilt of Teal'c's face.
"Still not too late," she says with absolute confidence, "When we get out of this time bubble you can be Dad and Grandpa." Then effortlessly, without uncrossing her legs, she goes back into meditation. That comforts him more than the words. He had not known how to be a father, but he had been a good friend to Claire. He had spent time with Claire at least. And if they returned, he could be a Grandfather at least.
Two years later
"Could you hand me that notebook, Ms. Claire," Sam asks. Sam has taken to calling Claire 'Ms.' ever since she turned sixteen. Sam thinks it is an honor, a recognition that Claire is now an adult, far more adult, in many ways than most sixteen year olds. Claire has no peer pressure to corrupt or better her. She's never met a peer. She's grown-up surrounded by grown-ups more completely than any other child on the planet. Like all children who spend the majority of their childhoods with adults she has a large vocabulary, perfect manors, and mature behavior.
Claire hates to be called 'Ms. Claire" she'd much rather be called "Dr. Jackson." Her education has been anything but typical. Not that she really knows it. All she knows of normal child development is the stories told her by the people aboard the ship. Only two of whom ever raised a child, and both of those were gone for most of the actual raising.
Claire doesn't remember a time when she didn't know how to read or write. Nor did the adults around her necessarily sit her down and tell her to do certain work. Her own curiosity (she was Daniel's daughter) had caused her to beg the adults to teach her what she could not learn on her own. Occasionally they would force her to do a page of math or write something she never tried on her own (such as poems, she hated poems). But for the most part her education was self-directed. Still at the age of sixteen she'd learned far more than most sixteen year olds.
"What does it take to get a doctorate, Sam?" she asks trying to make her voice sound casual.
The Sam that had boarded the Odyssey might have missed the tone. That Sam was much more used to listening to the words than the tone in which they were delivered. But this Sam had spent so much time in regret. Spent so many lonely nights replaying conversations in her head to try to figure out what emotions went with the recurring invitation to the cabin, this Sam understood the nuances of language all too well. "Well to begin with you have to have a bachelor's degree, a master's degree, and then you need to take a certain number of classes and do a dissertation-a big long research paper."
Claire sighs, "How long does that all take?" she asks.
"Well, after high school it takes seven or eight years," Sam says.
"So even if I went back to earth now I'd be old I could get one," Claire says.
Sam laughs, "If twenty three is old than what am I? Honey, if you started college today you'd still be much younger than the average college graduate. Besides, depending on what field you choose you could probably skip some classes. You know more about astrophysics then some in their sophomore or junior year of college studying the subject. And as far as a degree in linguistics goes, I can't imagine that would take you too terribly long."
Claire sighs, "I don't suppose it really matters. It's not like we're likely to get back to earth anytime soon."
"Hey now!" Sam exclaims, "I thought the whole idea of you helping with my experiments was that together we would figure out a way to get everyone home. Is my assistant giving up on me? Because if you are I might have to fire you!"
"No, I wouldn't want to lose my second favorite job," she says with a grin. Claire spends two days a week helping Sam, two days helping her father, and the rest of her week reading, studying, or playing Asgard video games.
"I resent that," Sam says with a wide smile. Then in her best fake angry voice she says, "Now back to work!"
One month later
Sam didn't keep the conversation to herself. When the adults had been thinking about all Claire would miss they thought of dates, a husband, children, houses, and leaving home. It appeared that what Claire wanted most, at least at the age of sixteen, was a series of diplomas. So, a few weeks after this discussion it was agreed that Claire knew enough for a high school diploma. Vala (who you must remember is a skilled seamstress) make her a graduation gown modeled after her own culture, and a hat modeled after Daniel's. They'd surprised her one day by giving her a high school graduation.
Today they had planned another traditional earth rite of passage.
"Mom, why do I have to wear this dress?" Claire says with her nose scrunched up.
"Don't you like it?" Vala says gravely insulted. She'd spent a lot of time trying to make her daughter the perfect dress. "It's your favorite color," she says.
"It's beautiful, for a dress," she says. Claire has worn dresses only rarely since she first reached the age where she picked out her own clothes.
"Good, then put it on," Vala says.
"What am I getting all dressed up for?" she protests. "Is Sam getting married or something?" Marriages and funerals were the only dress worthy occasions in Claire's mind, and her mother would not be excited for a funeral.
"Who do you think she'd be marrying?" Vala asks.
Claire bites her lip, "Good question, unless she's figured out how to beam people from earth to this ship the only person Sam would ever marry is not aboard."
Vala sighs, so much for surprise, "Have you ever heard of a promenade?" she asks.
"Sure, a slow walk," Claire says.
"Ok, well I must have remembered the word your father said wrong. But there is this earth tradition where teenagers get all dressed up and…"
Claire's eyes get huge, and he pulls her mother into a big hug, "You guys are going to put on a prom for me?"
"Yes, now get into the dress already," Vala says annoyed, because her fellow conspirators are not going to be happy at her for ruining the surprise.
Claire immediately obeys. When she walks out Vala gets chocked up for a minute.
"What's wrong Mom?" Claire asks.
"You are just so beautiful," she says, "and you are growing up so fast."
"Happy tears?" Claire asks.
Vala nods. But it's partly a lie. Claire thinks the partly non-happy part of the tears are because Adria grew up so fast. That having an adult daughter brings back something painful for her mother.
But Vala hasn't compared Claire to Adria since the day she was born. They are so different. Vala is crying, in part because a girl going to prom ought to have a date, and Vala knows that Claire will never have a date.
But Vala dries her tears, and helps her daughter do her hair up in a high fancy style. Then she helps her daughter apply the make-up Daniel started allowing her to wear two years before. But teenager like, the minute it had stopped being forbidden she'd stopped wanting it.
It was hours later when Claire, looking as beautiful as any girl on her way to prom spun into the small dining room of the Odyssey. Her shipmates cheered and clapped. Claire notices they are all dressed up as well. She can't remember ever seeing them in dress clothes. She wonders if they all beamed up or made dress clothes, just for her.
In a way her guess is correct. The clothes had not been beamed up for this occasion in particular. The dress clothes for each member of the team had been beamed up seventeen years ago when her parents had gotten married. So they were only for her in the most roundabout way.
"I now that most girls don't dance with their fathers at the prom," Daniel says offering Claire a low bow, "But your choices are limited, so you might not mind dancing with your father."
She smiles at him, "Dad, if this room was filled with the most handsome men in the galaxy I'd still give you the first dance."
"I'm confused," Cam says, "This room ISN'T filled with the most handsome men in the galaxy?" He only dares to make this joke since Claire's crush on him is a thing of the distant past. Teal'c smiles at the joke. His years on the ship have caused his stoic Jaffa emotions to soften to the point where he often smiles and laughs. His former teammates still find this incredibly strange. Landry laughs at the joke, and the laughter ends in a cough. The adults in the room give him a look of worry. Landry now was into his eighties. How far into his eighties was difficult to tell for as he proclaimed, "A gentlemen never reveals his age." His health had been holding out well, but everyone knew that wasn't likely to last much longer.
Claire turns his head to him, "You know Uncle Cam? I'm really quite unqualified to make that assessment. Sam? Mom?" she asks.
"I'd say in the very least the most handsome man the galaxy is in the room," Vala replies giving her husband a look which caused Claire, even at sixteen to say, "Ew."
Sam surveys the group, "Well they are all handsome men, as far as the most handsome men in the galaxy, I'd have to say no."
But Sam's assessment is just as biased as Vala's was. Sam can never say that a group contains the most handsome men in the galaxy unless the only man she's ever really truly over the top and completely life changingly been in love with is in it. After twenty-one years on this ship she still missed him so much that it actually hurts.
"Well, I suppose I can't miss the change to dance with the galaxy's most gorgeous man," Claire says jokingly taking her father's arm.
Each and every one of them dances with Claire again and again as the night wears on. They are all trying to make up for the fact that this isn't anything like a regular prom. They declare her prom queen and make her wear the homemade crown for the rest of the night. They are trying so hard, because they know this is nothing like a real prom.
They need not have tried so hard. Claire has only heard about proms from stories. She's never read about them in books or seen them on movies or TV's. She doesn't even begin to understand the concepts of high school social structure. She is after all an alien. An alien to every place but this ship. To her this prom is everything she could have hoped for, and more.
Five years later
Every time Claire has acquired as much knowledge and research papers to have earned a degree they give her another graduation ceremony. She wears the same gown and hat for each and every one. This is the fifth one that they have given her, but as far as she is concerned this is the only one that counts. This is her doctorate in "Asgard studies." She knows there is no such degree on earth. But she also knows that no matter what degree they gave her, a degree given to her by her parents and best friends wouldn't be recognized back home. She also knows that she might never get home.
Her father hands her degree with tears in his eyes. "Dr. Claire Jackson," I'm so proud of you. And 90% of the tears are because he is so proud. One percent is for another Dr. Claire Jackson who would also be proud. Another 9% is because this degree should be given to his daughter in front of an auditorium full of people. He wants to declare to the world how brilliant his daughter is.
Sam's tears are all pride and as she embraces her next, "Astrophysicist doctorate next my dear?" she asks. It's not even really a question. Claire now devotes three days a week to working with Sam, and three days a week to working with her father.
Her mother tries to get her to cut back saying, "You don't need to be a workaholic like your father." But Daniel is no longer a workaholic, and Vala knows it is probably best if work becomes her daughter's life. After all she will have little else in her life than work. Vala holds her tight, "I never got a diploma of any kind. I haven't gone to a day of school since I was eleven years old. I'm so glad that you turned out better than your mother," she says.
Claire shakes her head, "No Mom, not better just different. And I had people who loved me and took care of me. I would never have turned out anywhere near as good as you if I'd been sold as a slave at the age of eleven. Not to mention all the other horrible things that have happened to you in your life." Claire, only recently, since reaching adulthood was really beginning to understand the meaning of the stories of the horror that her mother had endured. Only now was she beginning to imagine pain she had never actually felt.
"You have done well , you should be proud of all of you endeavors," Teal'c says pulling her into a Jaffa style hug.
"Nice work, kid," Cam says. He doesn't hug her. Even though she hasn't had a crush on Cam for almost a decade the fact that she ever did has altered their relationship permanently. The awkwardness between them is long gone, the only remnant of the crush is the complete lack of physical contact.
"Well done," Landry says. Claire is the only person on the ship that doesn't see Landry's death in front of them. Her parents have told her about death of course, and she understands it as an abstract biological concept.
She thinks she understands more. Thinks she understands how the death of her grandparents and Sha're and Shifu changed her father, how Adria's death changed her mother. But, like all those who have never lost someone to death, she did not really understand it. She certainly didn't recognize the signs of its approach in the man which had always to her been a like Grandfather.
In the middle of the hug Landry's legs gave out. She yelled for help. Cam and Teal'c were there in an instant. They carried him out between them, and Sam ran after them.
A few hours later
She can't believe that is him. The same man who gave her a bike for Christmas when she was nine, even though her parents strongly disapproved of a bike in the hallways of the Odyssey. The same man who had taught her to raise plants, to play chess. One of the five people she'd ever known. He's laying there looking like a shadow of himself. She's never seen someone that sick before. She wants to go in and see him. She feels as if she should be offering him some comfort and love, particularly if he's about to die. But she doesn't know what to say or do. Furthermore she's paralyzed in the door.
He smiles at her, intending to make her feel better. But the smile is so weak it only strikes more terror into her heart. "I'm sorry I ruined your graduation Dr. Jackson," he says.
"I'm sorry you are sick," she says.
"I'll be ok," he says with a smile. Then he thinks this may not be the wisest thing. Everyone else on the ship, including him, knows that he doesn't have long in the world. Maybe it would be better if she has time to prepare. "Did you know that I'm six years past the average age of death on earth?" he asks.
"We have the knowledge of the Asgard, I'm sure we can double the normal lifespan," she says with a smile.
"Claire, the Asgaurd couldn't save themselves. I highly doubt their knowledge can make me immortal," he says with a shallow laugh which ends in a cough.
"No," she says shaking her head.
"Claire, I know you've never dealt with this. But every single person dies. It's not just horrible tragedies like you've heard about. Everyone. You can't avoid it. I'm old, even if I don't die from this, I'm going to die before long."
Claire is crying, "No," she says shaking her head hard, "No, we're going to figure out a way to get you back to earth. They will know how to fix you."
"Everyone dies, even on earth, Claire," he says, "Everyone gets old, and then they die."
Claire is crying so hard she can't even breathe. Landry tries to sit up and hold her, but he can't reach. She cries harder, cut wrenching sobs. Half way through the tears she suddenly realizes.
Everyone dies. Someday her father, and mother, and Sam, and Cam, and later, even Teal'c would die. They all had at least forty years on her. One day she would be alone on this ship. She cried on an and on, half for the inevitability of death of those she loves, and half for her inevitable loneliness. When she had cried a great long time Sam came in to check on Landry. Seeing Claire crying she scooped her up in her arms and held for a good long time.
A week later
Daniel stands at the door. His heart is breaking for the scene inside. Landry was growing weaker and weaker by the second. Claire was by his side. Claire had by his side most of the time since he got sick. She practically had to be dragged away in order to get her to sleep.
"Claire," he says.
She looks up, and smiles. He hasn't seen her smile in a really long time. He missed it. He'd forgotten how beautiful her smile is. "Yes Dad."
"You know this isn't your job," he says.
She looks at Landry's sleeping form, "He needs someone," she replies absently, as if her father was suggesting something ridiculous in telling her she didn't need to spend every waking hour by the side of a dying man.
"There is a whole ship full of people to take care of him," Daniel replies.
"It's not the taking care of that I'm worried about," she says, "A dying person needs someone to sit next to them. To listen to everything they say. To…I don't know," she bites her lip, "But this is the best thing I've ever done. The most important thing I've ever done. I need to do this…If I didn't…the whole rest of my life I would know I hadn't."
He has never been more proud of her. She has such a wonderful soul, and he wonders how that happens. Anyone who knows him could have known her amazing conscious came from him. But he still doesn't believe in himself. After all the years of his wife telling him he's amazing, he still can't quite believe it. That is part of what it means to be Daniel Jackson. Even love cannot cure it.
The silence unnerves her, "I didn't know him as well as I should have. What if he had died suddenly? I never would have known about his daughter. If we ever get back to earth I'll meet her won't I?"
Daniel notices the "if", she has always said when before, now she says "if". "Yeah, Caroline works at the SGC. When we get back to earth she'll be the one doing the post-mission check-up."
Claire nods, not noticing the difference between her "if" and his "when" nods and continues, "One of the most important things about him, and I might have missed it. I knew him less than the rest of you, but I wonder how much I'm missing of you. In the end…in the end everyone needs to be known fully and completely. To know that someone will remember you as you are. I don't know why it is important, but it is."
He smiles, "It's a kind of tribute. Something better than a statue or a bench in a park."
She bites her lip.
"Benches are a kind of chair, and parks are…" he jumps in to explain.
"I know what they are," she smiles, "You have told me a lot about earth. I may never have seen the things you talk about, but I think I understand them."
He shakes his head, "No, you can't understand park. Because in order to understand park you have to really understand grass and trees and sky and wind and freedom, and these are things you can't understand by descriptions and drawings made by people who can't do art. You may have mastered the vocabulary, but earth is going to be a big surprise when you see it,' he says.
She feels an incredible longing spurred by her father's words. For a second she feels as if her stomach and her heart were opened up in a surgery. She feels like they are about to burst, and if she doesn't lay her eyes upon a park in the next four seconds she is going to explode. But after a moment the feeling passes.
"Dad, I love you," she says.
"Claire," he says awkwardly. He never meant to tell her this. He was under the impression that this was something you were never supposed to tell your kid. But the look on her face right then. She had to know, she deserved to know that her parents had never meant to leave her all alone. "Claire, your mother and I, we never intended to have kids. We thought about it, but we were on this ship. We didn't want to run the risk of our child being alone on this ship."
"I was an accident," she says.
He can usually so good at reading people's tones. Vala used to fool him. Fool him with nearly every word that ever left her mouth. But Vala hasn't fooled him for over twenty-five years. Claire has never been able to fool him. Never until today, she can't tell what the girl is thinking.
"Claire, you were not planned, but as soon as we found out you were going to exist we were happy. We have never been so happy in our entire lives. We loved you from the minute we knew we existed. We were so glad that our plans to not have kids didn't work out. So glad! I've never been more happy with anything in my life. You were the most amazing surprise I've ever had!" he says pulling her close.
"I'm glad I exist too," she says thoughtfully, "I now know I'll probably have a lot of years alone. I've done the math. I'll probably have about twenty years with just be and Teal'c and another twenty years after that alone. That is if everyone lives the average life span. I expect everyone," she pokes his chest, "particularly my mom and dad to live a good amount beyond the average lifespan. You understand me?" she asks.
He nods.
"Good, but I'm ok with living by myself. It's a lot better than never getting to live at all. And so far…my first twenty-one years has been pretty good," she says with a smile.
Seven years later
Sam is pale faced as Claire enters the room for her usual work day. Vala works as Sam's assistant on the days that Claire can't. Vala has learned enough to be useful. But Claire is Sam's equal. She has by now earned her Odyssey given doctorate in astrophysics. Her main strength is that she thinks about in a very different way than Sam does.
"What's wrong?" Claire asks concerned.
"I did it," Sam says without looking at Claire.
"Did what?" Claire says looking around the room to see if something is on fire. She sees the lab largely unharmed.
"I know how to reverse the time dilation field, and get us out of here," she says.
"Great!" she exclaims, "Let's do it!"
"We don't have enough power," Sam says.
"We'll figure it out. But the next thing we should probably work on is figuring out how to turn off the Asgard core. I mean that was the reason we turned on the time dilation anyway. If we don't fix the problem there would be no reason to go back at all," Claire says.
"Actually, I solved that problem before you were born," she says smiling at Claire. "If we could just figure out a power source you could see earth."
A few hours later
They are all sitting around the lunch table. Claire wonders when her shipmates became old. She can remember them clearly as young people, and she sees now that they are not young, she just can't remember exactly when the change occurred. If they do find a power source, if Sam's crazy plan works (and she's checked the math, it really should work) then they will not be old anymore. Their old selves, the versions she's grown up with, are going to die. She'll go to earth to be sure, but she'll be going there with people who don't know her. That she doesn't really know. The people they were six years before she was even born.
But whether or not she likes this idea doesn't even matter until the find a power source.
"Sam found a way out of here. The only thing is we don't have enough power to make it work," Claire announces.
The whole room stares at her open mouthed for a long time.
Cam looks directly at Sam, "Remember that time we were stuck out of phase?" he asks.
"Which time?" Sam asks dryly. Claire remembers all the times they've talked about Jack. Jack, the man that Sam has pretended not be in love with in the twenty six years of Claire's life. Everyone told her that Sam's sense of humor was exactly like Jack's. She can't wait to meet him.
"The time when you thought you were going to die, and the village was going to be executed," Cam says.
"Right," she says.
"And you told me to use the power source from the Ori staff weapon," he continues.
"It would take a really big staff weapon…" Sam begins.
Cam points out the window to the fiery Ori weapon out the window. In the over thirty years that they had been in a time dilation frield it had been out the window. Moving so slowly you could only notice the movement if you marked its advance in years. It was like a frozen bullet, but more beautiful. Like a miniature star advancing by a fraction of an inch each year. Creeping along decade by decade. It was beautiful to be sure, but only if you forgot what it was. Forgot that this was the reason they were all trapped on this ship for what amounted to the majority of their lives (even more so for Claire). It was only breathtakingly amazing if you forgot that its slow advance would mean eventual death, if any of them survived long enough to be aboard the ship to greet its arrival.
Claire had worked out the calculation long ago. It was neither impossible nor likely that she would die from that Ori beam's slow and steady advance.
Was there doom and their salvation to be the same?
"There is no way to…" Sam starts.
"Unless?" Cam demands. His confidence in his team was plainly evident in his words. He had no doubt that Sam was going to save them all.
"Unless we rerouted…" Sam began talking. And in one instant everyone aboard the ship knew. They knew that they were going to get off it. It was only Claire who knew that it was not exactly going to be these people who got off the ship. It would be their younger selves. There younger selves who very different from these people aboard the ship. Of course, on the positive side, Landry would be alive when she got back.
"One of us is going to have to stay old," Sam says. There are about to be a bunch of volunteers. In fact they are all about to volunteer. You don't get to be a member of SG-1 unless you are willing to sacrifice for others. But the issue is settle the minute Claire speaks up, "It has to be me." The room is silent. She may not have understood the concepts of time dilation when she was younger, but now she certainly does. "If I don't go back I cease to exist," she says. "I mean Mom and Dad weren't even together when the time dilation began," she says and they nod their confirmation, "Even if you do eventually have kids the chances the exact same sperm uniting with the exact same egg are astronomically remote," she looks at Sam for confirmation. She gets it, "So it has to be me." She says with a smile.
"If this doesn't work," Daniel asks, "What happens to her?"
"She will die with the rest of us," Sam says.
He shakes his head, "We can't risk it. We either have to wait for there to be a sure thing or we do nothing at all." Parental love is different than any other kind of love. He would risk his own life, his friends lives, even his wife's life, but he could not risk his daughter's life.
"Daddy," she says fixing her eyes upon his, "I want to see a park."
He crumbles to her will.
A week later
One by one they come to say goodbye to Claire. The practice doesn't actually make a whole lot of sense. They are the ones that are dying. But she doesn't tell them this. She doesn't like being the only one who will make it off the Odyssey alive.
Teal'c came first. As always he was a man of few words.
"You are strong , You will complete this task with integrity courage."
"Thank you," she says as he pulls her into a Jaffa handshake-to-hug.
Cam is next. He is usually pretty talkative. But today he can't say much, because he's pretty close to tears. He breaks the barrier that has been between them ever since he found out about her childhood crush. He pulls her into a hug. "You were the only kid I ever really knew. I loved you like you were really my niece, better I imagine," he says.
"I love you too," she says, and she can see he doesn't quite know what this means. She doesn't want his last moments of life to be marked by uncertainly wondering if the crush was gone or not she says, "Better than if you were really my uncle."
Sam is next. They have an easy air around one another. One that comes from working together for so long.
"Sam, I know you've warned me about not altering time. But we are altering time by going back. I want to tell you…I mean the young you…to…I mean Jack…" she says not knowing quite how to word her intention. She desperately wants Sam's permission to do what she is planning. But she doesn't require it. She is determined to do it no matter what, even if Sam thinks it is dangerous to the future. Claire's own ideas on the space time continuum are somewhat different from Sam's even though she was trained by her. She thinks that right is right no matter what time you are in. Uniting Sam with the man she's loved the memory of for over thirty years…surely that is right.
"You can't do that, Claire," Sam says firmly.
"Why not?"
"It's too risky. You might mean only to change only one thing, and end up changing everything by accident. We can't risk it. Besides, I always figured that Jack and I will get together eventually. That would probably have been the case if I hadn't been trapped on the ship," Sam says.
"How long did you know him before you got trapped on this ship?" Clair asks.
"Ten years, but that is not the point. Promise me you won't say anything to me or Jack?" Sam pleads, "I won't have you putting my happiness before the safety of the universe."
"I promise I won't do that," Claire says. Sam doesn't catch exactly what Claire is promising not to do, and smiles secure in the safety of the space time continuum.
Claire's parents come in at last. Vala wanted Claire to wear her prom dress. The thought was sweet, in its own way. But it was far more illogical than it was sweet. Claire had just managed to talk her out of it. But as soon as Vala entered the room she started messing with Claire's hair. Claire understood it. She was nervous, and she wanted to protect her daughter. Unable to do that she wanted at the very least to feel as if she was protecting her daughter.
"Claire," Daniel starts. He is a linguist yet, and he's done a lot of diplomacy, some speech writing in his day. He knew exactly what he was going to say to his daughter. Right up until the moment that he walked through the door just now. Then every thought he'd ever had fled from his head in one instant. "Claire, you are going to a time where I am a different person. You aren't going to be allowed to tell the younger me who you are. I'm not going to know you are my daughter. It's…going to be hard. Know that I love you, unending love."
She hugs him, but as she does her stomach sinks. She had known that her younger parents would not know who she was. She had been prepared for that. But it had not occurred to her until just now that they would not love her. This thought was as disturbing to her as the time that she discovered for the first time that death was the inevitable fate of all.
Vala starts to cry, and leaves the room. Being only half finished with the fussing over Claire's hair.
"She loves you too," Daniel says smiling at his daughter.
"I've never doubted the love of my parents for a second, I don't see why I would start now," she says.
He hugs her so long that she thinks they might hug for the rest of her life. But eventually he lets her go. She stands ready for her part of the mission.
Cold terror and dread overcomes her as she waits in those last seconds. She wishes she knew how many seconds there were going to be. She realizes she is not strong enough for this. The only thing that stops her from moving from her post is the thought that either way she is going to die. At the least she is going to save others with her death.
Then she remember she is the daughter of the man who exposed himself to a lethal dose of radiation to save a foolish planet. She is the daughter of a woman who flew into a super gate to protect the galaxy. The daughter of the man who controlled an entire galaxy full of robots with his mind. The daughter of a woman who had been unafraid when unmarried and pregnant among people who burnt her to death for saying a swear word to the mayor's wife. She went on like that listing the brave things her parents had done until her own moment of courage had come and passed. She was surprised and pleased to discover she had inherited her parent's strength.
