1. Tease them. Seriously, most relationships start that way.

I felt elated. I was finally going to Hogwarts!

Eleven. Years. After waiting for a decade, I was finally going to Hogwarts!

Mum, being a peppy, cheerful person by nature, was delighted when I got my letter and insisted on cooking a feast and probably would've invited the whole Ministry of Magic if Dad hadn't stepped in.

I am being completely serious. She was actually going to invite the whole Ministry, or a population close to it anyway.

"But our little-"Really? Little?"-Scorpius is going to Hogwarts!"

"Astoria, we knew that Scorpius was going to go to Hogwarts at some point." There's Dad, the Voice of Reason.

"But we need to celebrate, no matter how obvious it is!" There's Mum, willing to celebrate everything in life.

"I agree, but inviting five hundred people is going a bit… overboard." There's Dad, trying to save both of our skins by deterring Mum from inviting the whole wizarding world to our manor.

"Ugh, fine." There's Mum, giving up and saving Dad and I from extreme humiliation.

We had a nice, small party celebrating me going to Hogwarts. Woo!

Er… anyway, back to Platform ¾ .


"So, remember, Scorpius, good grades, and.. er… if someone judges you by your family, just don't listen to them, alright?"

I nodded.

"Well, off you go, then. Good-bye!"

"Have fun!" trilled my peppy and cheerful mum after hugging me.

I'm surprised my mum hasn't killed me from embarrassment or something, but I must be tougher than I thought. Hm.

Just as I was going to board the train, I saw a pretty- ahem, ugly- girl listening to her dad.

Something about… beating Scorpius? Thank God she inherited her mother's brains?

After being thoroughly confused (I mean, I've never even seen her before today, jeez.), I finally boarded the train and found a compartment.


About ten minutes later, I was all settled in, and was reading a good book (oh, who cares if I was reading Hogwarts, A History, it's interesting!) when the girl who's dad was unfairly pitting her against me came in with a boy with messy black hair (seriously, has he heard of combing hair before? Apparently not.).

"Oh, hi, mind if we sit here? All the other compartments are full," the girl (uh, Rose I think?) said.

I shrugged. "Alright."

The girl beamed. "Thanks. My name is Rose Weasley, and this-"She pointed at Mr. Bed-Head"-is Albus Potter."

Mr. Bed-He- I mean, Albus, scowled. "I prefer Al."

"Al sounds like an old, fat and friendly man. When I say old, I mean like over sixty," I said without thinking.

Rose started coughing/hacking/snickering, while Al the Fat Man glared at me.

"Are you implying something?"

I shrugged again. "Take it however you want. Er, how much candy do you eat?"

Al the Fat Man growled like a dog would at… something bad. Not that I'm bad, I mean, look at me! I'm an angel!

Ok, so what if I may have snapped and pranked my grandfather? You would too! He's an insufferable, pompous, strict, dimwitted, IDIOT.

All I can say is that Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes can cater to your every pranking need.

Those new and improved six-in-one dungbombs are awesome.

Not that I've, uh, ever used them, of course. Ha ha.

"So, what's your name," asked Rose after like two minutes of snorting and coughing.

"… Scorpiusmalfoy," I said swiftly. Uh, a bit too swiftly. Oh well.

"Scomaly?"

Al the Fat Man snorted.

"No, Sk-or-pee-us Ma-l-foy," I said, stretching out every syllable. What? I'm a kind and caring person.

Even if my grandfather swears that I'm the reincarnation of Voldemort himself.

Proof that he's lost it. I'm the most innocent person on Earth!

I mean, who cares if my parents call me the 'Sarcasm King'?

Rose paled. "Did you just say Scorpius Malfoy?"

Al paled. "Did Rose just call you a Malfoy?"

I smirked. "Why, yes I am. I don't know of any other Scorpius Malfoys. Actually, I don't know of any other Scorpiuses, but that's proof that my name is unique."

"Hey, my name is unique, too!"

"Keep telling that to yourself, Fat Man."

"For your information, my weight is AVERAGE."

"Could you two stop ARGUING? Both of your names are unique!"

"Unlike Rose. Sounds like a boring, old prick."

"MALFOY! You-you-uh- dolt!"

"A sign that you have no imagination."

"ARGH! I'm getting out of here!"

With that, Rose and Al left.

A couple of minutes later, a guy named Alex Guadis came in and started chatting to me.

Basically, we became fast friends. Even though that guy reminds me of my mother.

Oh well.

Rose and Al were pricks anyway. Especially Rose. Can't take a joke, that one.