I will warn you if you haven't read ALL the books Veronica Roth wrote in the Divergent world then there can be spoilers in these.
For example if Tris finds out something in Allegiant that the character I am using for point of view knew in Insurgent... It can appear in this. You have been warned.
I do not own Divergent, Insurgent, Allegiant, or the Four Collection, and I never will unless Veronica Roth isn't nearly as good of a business woman as she is an author, and she decides to sell the rights really cheap.
I got the idea for this one shot from 100 Words by Cieyl. If you haven't read it, you need to. Cieyl's They are AMAZING. This is from #48 Water. After I read it and the author's notes this one shot kept popping in my mind until I finally sat down and wrote it out. You probably want to read "100 Words" #48 Water before you read this, as the author's note at the end explains how I got this idea. (Who am I kidding, read all of them then come back and read mine. You'll be glad you did.)
Just in case you decide to read 100 Words after you read this, in the A/N at the end Cieyl mentions that washing feet is part of the Abnegation initiation and that (in Cieyl's mind) it would be part of the wedding ceremony too...
From Chapter 36 Insurgent
"As we walk the streets I once called home, conversations sputter and die, and eyes cling to my face and body. As far as they knew – and I'm sure they knew, because Jeanine knows how to spread news- I died less than six hours ago. I notice that some of the factionless I pass are marked with patches of blue dye. They are simulation – ready.
"Now that we are here, and safe, I realize that there are cuts all over the bottoms of my feet from running over rough pavement and bits of glass from broken windows. Every step stings. I focus on that instead of all the stares.
"Tris?" someone calls out ahead of us. I lift my head, and see Uriah and Christina on the sidewalk, comparing revolvers. Uriah drops his gun in the grass and sprints towards me. Christina follows him, but at a slower pace."
Tobias POV
As we head deeper into Abnegation I notice her feet. She isn't limping, not yet, but there are cuts and scrapes all over them. I'm sure they are on mine too since the Erudite took our shoes away, but somehow seeing hers is worse than feeling mine.
The Abnegation in me wants to pick her up and carry her the rest of the way. The Dauntless in me knows I can't take her strength from her or she will break further than the Erudites broke her. I can't let that happen, so I keep my hand on her and lend her my strength that way. It is the best compromise I can come up with.
People stare at us, at her as we walk pass. I'm sure Jeanine let everyone know about her great "victory" against the Divergent today. Tris walks with her head bowed. All her attention is on her feet. I know she doesn't like to attract attention, so this walk is hard on her that way too.
"Tris?"
She lifts her head just in time to see Uriah and Christina. Uriah drops the gun he was holding and sprints towards us. Christina looks at her and then at me. She tucks her gun in her pants and follows him at a slower pace.
As Uriah reaches us, I can see right through her. She is wiped out. All I can think is not right now. She's too fragile to take this right now. I put my hand on his shoulder to stop him from touching her and in the gentlest voice I can manage I inform him. "She's been through a lot. She just needs to sleep. She'll be down the street – number thirty-seven. Come visit tomorrow."
Uriah's uncharacteristic frown reminds me he's been through a lot too. I know it is hard for him, but he listens to me and stops himself. He stands there and smiles to let her know he's glad at least she's alive he nods and says, "Okay, tomorrow." I know it is his promise.
Christina says nothing, but reaches out and squeezes Tris's shoulder. I think it is her way of reassuring Tris that she is forgiven for lying to Christina the night she left.
I gently steer her toward the house I grew up in. All I want to do is get her inside and take care of her, to wash her feet, to let her heal. We walk through the doorway. I automatically straighten up. Marcus was always particular about posture. It is ingrained in me to stand straight in this house. Walking into this house gets easier each time. Easier because I know he's not there. Easier than ever this time, because she is with me.
Tori, Harrison, and Evelyn stand in the kitchen. I feel her lean away from me and into the wall. Her eyes are tightly shut.
"You got her out," Evelyn smiles at me. "I was afraid for both of you with Jeanine's announcement today," her voice trails out.
"We made it." I look over at Tris. Her eyes are open again. "I'll tell you about it later."
Tori looks over my shoulder. "Peter," Her voice is tight.
"Peter saved her life. Peter got us out." I shake my head in wonder. "Cut him a break, ok?"
Tori and Harrison nod.
"Tris," Tori's voice is firm. "That was a stupid thing to do," Her eyes and her voice soften, "but I'm glad you're ok."
Tris has made no indication that she hears Tori or anything going on around us.
"I need to get her upstairs."
Evelyn puts an arm around me. It feels good to get a hug, even a half hug from my mom after all I have been through. She touches my face and presses her cheek into mine. "I'm glad you're safe."
I smile and pull away from her so I can take care of Tris. I turn her around keeping one hand on her arm and the other on her waist. She must be in enough pain from her feet. I don't want to accidently touch the bullet wound in her shoulder and make her hurt more. I'm sure the Erudite didn't find it logical worry about treating it while she was in their hands.
Abnegation houses are all the same, so even though She knows where to go I guide her toward the staircase by touch. We climb the steps together.
We pass Marcus's room and head towards mine. She looks around it. I'm sure she's thinking about how much it looks like her room back and her house. I wonder if it is hard for her to be here, but I don't ask her right now. I'll do that latter. Right now, I look down at her bare feet. Right now I need to wash her feet. I need to take care of her.
I keep my hand on her arm. I haven't stopped touching her since we left our hide out in the Erudite area. I know it's silly, but I'm afraid that if I let go like I must have the night she left that I will lose her again. I keep a hand on her at all times to assure myself she is here. This is real.
I struggle for something normal to say, "Marcus didn't go into this room after I left, I'm pretty sure," I tell her. "Because nothing was moved when I came back here."
I notice her eyes lock on the sculpture of blue glass. She's the only person from Dauntless who knows it doesn't belong here. I feel like I owe her an explanation of its presence. "My mother smuggled that to me when I was young. Told me to hide it. The day of the ceremony, I put it on my dresser before I left. So he would see it. A small act of defiance."
She nods seeming to understand the significance of that.
"Let's take care of your feet," I am amazed at how calm my voice is when I say that. My mind has been shouting to me the whole way here that I need to wash her feet that I need to take care of her, that I need to declare myself to her.
I am frozen in place wondering if her mind is clear enough to understand exactly what I am saying. I shift my hand. Moving to the inside of her elbow and wait for her to respond. Fear pounds through me. What if she understands and comes? What if she understands and doesn't come?
"Okay," She finally answers.
We walk into the adjoined bathroom. She sits on the edge of the tub. I take a deep breath hoping she doesn't notice it. That she doesn't realize my heart is racing. I'm fairly sure that right now she doesn't realize what I am doing, but I realize it and I mean it with every fiber of my being. I am all right with the fact that the significance of this seems to be lost on her at this moment. One day, when she is healed I will wash her feet again, and she will wash mine.
I sit next to her and as I turn on the faucet and plug the drain. With my hand on her knee I hear in my mind the start of every Abnegation wedding I have ever been to. My heart says the words to her as crouch in the tub and put her foot in my lap, and I begin to wash her feet.
"I am selfish. I want you to be mine and mine alone. If you can accept that I will give myself to you selflessly. I will give you my heart and my devotion. I will give you my strength and my resources. I will give you my life and my love. I will selflessly care for you above all others as long as we live."
Instead of the clear water you see at a normal Abnegation wedding the water in the tub is grey. I am unable to take my eyes off of it so when she reaches for my hand it catches me off guard. She reaches for my hands and washes them as carefully as I washed her feet. She doesn't touch my feet, and that is ok. She doesn't realize what is going on in my heart right now. I love her, but she can't admit she loves me. Not yet, but one day I know she will.
Then there is our moment of chaos, and I feel certain that all is ok as we splash each other and get water everywhere for we are Dauntless and not just Abnegation. She is my other half, and one day we will do this right. In front of our friends and family we will have a Dauntless wedding of noise and chaos and cake, and I will take her home where we will wash each other's feet and say our vows again to each other like we would have if we had both chosen differently and met in grey instead of black.
She begins to shiver, and I am unsure if she is cold, or frightened, or going into shock. I grab a towel and start to dry her hands.
"I don't…" she sounds like she is being strangled. "My family is all dead or traitors; how can I…" Sobs rack her body and all I can do is gather her into my arms and hold her tight. I hold her tight my heart and my love there for her. Steady for her until she calms down.
"I'll be your family now," I say out loud. My heart says, I AM your family now. I am your husband now.
And then she shocks me. "I love you."
I stare at her. I am frozen. I cannot have heard her right. Yet I am desperate to know I did. I frown, "Say it again." I have to know that I really did hear what I have been longing to hear since I said it to her on the train to Amity a lifetime ago.
"Tobias," she says my real name in that way that only she can. "I love you."
Her wet shirt sticks to my arms as I crush her in my embrace. I press my face to her neck and kiss her right above her collarbone, I kiss her check, I kiss her lips, and I finally respond with my voice, "I love you, too."
It is not the way I would have chosen to spend our wedding night, but tonight is a night for Abnegation. Tonight I am selfless above all things. Tonight she needs my love and the security of my presence, not my passion. Tonight I lie next to her in my childhood bed and let her sleep.
