Author's Notes: So, in between Donna saying she wanted more, and saying that she wants to be Partner, Harvey goes to Paula.
It's the worst ever kick in the nuts for the shippers, and it also either speaks volumes for Harvey's complete fear of what Donna wants, or that he is in fact a royal jackass.
I choose to give some legitimacy to this wild 24 hour turnaround and present what could have been a scene between 6.16 and 7.01
Hope this makes people feel better. A _
More.
By Atheniandream
Donna Paulsen has been twirling the stem of her glass for an hour now, in and out of several states of drunkenness like the fall and rise of evening tides.
She could have called Rachel. Or her sister. Or someone to share the moment with and dissect her life accordingly. But she didn't much feel like being in the presence of another after the day that she had had. Perhaps she was too scared to learn what they knew, or what they thought. Or what was staring right at her, plain as day.
She's tired. She's worn out and at the same time she's in complete agreement with herself.
She needs more.
More of everything that is missing in her life.
It comes before the third knock that echoes into her apartment that her addled features finally break into a frown, staring in the direction of the sound, before she slowly lifts herself off of the couch, placing the glass on the table in front of her with a heaviness, and pads to the cause of the sound.
The moment she looks through the spyhole, she feels the pressure of emotion on her face. She calms herself, as the door opens, and his matching expression faces hers.
"Hey," Harvey's words flood into the hall before she can react, a small if not lacklustre smile appearing on his face. "I know it's late." He says apologetically. "Can I come in?" He asks.
"What are you doing here, Harvey?" She counters.
It feels like the question that comes up every single time he stands at her door. She wonders if that will ever change.
"I need to talk to you. May I?" He gestures past her, waiting for the briefest of moments, before she allows him passage.
She follows him into the lounge. She's too fragile to make him a drink, and by the way that his hands are shoved in his pockets, he thankfully isn't staying too long.
She wonders if she can trick herself into believing otherwise.
He sits on the couch, his long coat still on, as she follows, both filling their usual positions.
She glances to her glass, a silent curse at it being empty.
"What can I do for you, Harvey?" She asks.
Her words earn a frown from him, which is to be expected. It's formal and work ridden, but it's the only part of herself that she can give him right now. She doesn't know why, but she can feel it in his gait, in the air.
This is not the kind of housecall that starts off whirlwind romances.
And she doesn't even know if that's what she truly wants anymore.
He takes a deep sigh, seeming to gather himself before he looks at her.
"I heard what you said. About wanting more," He starts.
"Harvey... this is not about -" Before she is able to clarify, he interrupts her own interruption. She allows it, this time. He seems like he knows what he's come here to say. As if he's planned it.
"I heard you. And...I know it's about a few things. Now...work. I can help you with. I can do whatever you need me to do to...to figure out what you really want. If that's it."
"Okay." She says slowly, slightly unsure of his meaning. "I haven't figured it out. But...thank you."
"Now," He starts, turning towards her slightly.
She finds herself looking down for a moment, his hands catching her focus with their slight twitch. As if he wants to do something, but isn't sure if he should.
"You know that I love you," He says.
"Harvey, please don't-" She objects tiredly.
"No. Let me just… I do….love you, Donna. And I...know that we have had to deal with...a lot, over the years. Now, here's the thing. I can't...focus on us right now. Whatever we are. The firm is just too…"
"Harvey, I never said that was what I wanted," She says, somewhat defensively. "And I know we have a lot of work to do at the firm. Believe me." She says, giving him a look.
"I know that," He tempers. "But I just need you to know that...I do...feel something. And I don't know what that is, but I just...this is not the time for me to figure it out. I need you there, and I understand that maybe you don't want that anymore but Im..."
"Harvey." She interrupts again. "Even if I did want to pursue whatever it is that we have, or had or might have had. I won't wait for you."
"I know that, and I don't expect you to. I just..." He shakes his head. It occurs to her that perhaps things aren't coming out like he'd had meant them to. She hopes at least.
"I just don't want you to think that just because I can't, doesn't mean that I don't want to." His face bends at the pressure of his words, and she wonders if they might both break, right there. His face is so close to hers right now, and the look in his eyes is so intense in that moment that she wonders if he's going to throw all of his words against the wall, and her with them.
"I need you. There. With me. And I hope...that you'll stay. You know how I feel, and what I have to do right now. But If you need me...for anything...I'm right here."
She nods.
It's a lot. It's too much by some tokens, and yet not enough by others.
He regards her, and her silence.
Somehow, the meaningful look in his eyes makes her fall into uncomfortable territory.
"You should go, Harvey." She says. "It's late."
"Donna," He objects then, as if she hasn't heard him.
"I'll think about what I want." She says. "About what you said."
"Okay." His eyes narrow slightly as he stands, making his way to the door as she follows.
"See you in the morning?" He offers. She can feel the bend of hope in his voice.
She finds herself falling into a small smile of convenience. "I'll be there." She assures him, before slowly closing the door.
She doesn't sleep.
But it makes her decision easier, somehow.
As always please feed the kitty! xXx
