"This fuckin' suuuuuuucks," I draw out the syllable, just to show off my annoyance to nobody in particular. I'm alone in my apartment. Bro left a while ago for "work." He's probably at some gay strip club or some shit like that. Just then I hear the doorbell ring. I stand up, and it occurs to me that I should probably put on a shirt. I grab my sweaty-ass record shirt off the table as I open the door to an unexpected visitor.
"Dave!" John shouts my name as if he hasn't seen me in a century. He runs up and hugs me tight and oh my god he's so warm. He lets go and I definitely don't miss him no you shut up. "What's going on, dude?" he stands on his toes, looking at me expectantly with his sparkly blue eyes, his adorable little button nose and warm, soft-looking lips and I'm rambling again aren't I.
"Uh, yeah. Hey bro," I let him in, taking his jacket and hanging it up on the hook. I turn around to find him already on the couch, watching some shitty sitcom. I sneak over to him, making sure to stay in his peripheral vision. I look at his pupils. They're dilated to three times their normal size. They almost completely blot out his irises. He cocks his head, fixing his beanie over his head. Come to think of it, I've never seen him without that thing. I reach out to touch it and he jumps three fucking feet into the air I swear to god.
"Dave!" he's breathing fast breaths and his eyes are still dilated. He looks utterly fucking terrified. He looks so scared I just want to hug him.
My expressions softens. "John I…" I don't know what to say. He's curled in on himself, whispering to himself. "John…" I inch closer to him. His pupils remain dilated. Okay I have to admit that's really fucking adorable. I wrap an arm around him and he jumps again. "John, do you need a tender bro embrace?" He blushes and opens up his arms to me.
"I think I do," he mumbles. I pull him in to the tenderest TBE to ever exist. He fucking melts into me and starts humming. He's like a human space heater. I catch a glance at his eyes. They're half-lidded. They flicker closed and I can clearly hear now that his humming is actually
purring.
John fucking Egbert is cuddling me and he's purring and oh my god what's happening now. He's kissing my neck. John fucking Egbert is cuddling me and purring and kissing my neck and I think I
like it.
Now you're probably thinking "Well no shit Dave did you think we didn't hear how you were going on about how cute he is?" Well shut the fuck up. Feelings are hard, asshole. I didn't know I liked him. Anyway.
He keeps kissing my neck and purring and I have a feeling… I pull up his beanie.
Cat ears. He has cat ears. In similar fashion to John's thirteenth birthday, I have a feeling it's going to be a long day.
