Barney's adventure

Disclaimer: The following story may prove offensive to some people. The following contains mild sexual references, drug use, violence, profanities, racially charged slang and other undesirable behavior. These should not be imitated. All characters belong to their respective creators/owners.

"I love you, you love me, and we're a happy family…" Barney was on set acting retarded like he always was ever since PBS forced him to act in Barney and friends. Being the lovable purple dinosaur that he was, Barney waved goodbye to the group of politically correct children. "Didn't we have a tidddly terrriffic time? Goodbye children!"

"Done!" Dan the camera man exclaimed.

The camera stopped rolling as Barney bounced off set. "Gahhh, this show is killing me…" Being on a kids show was damaging to his self-esteem as well as his mental health. Not to mention the huge amount of alcohol and drugs he took in order to keep him on the edge of sanity. Barney waded towards the Drunken clam bar located at the end of OJ Street. Notorious for its illegal narcotics trade and gang fights, OJ Street was a shady area. No one batted an eyelash as the 5 foot 8 purple dino entered the door. Barney proceeded to drown his sorrows in 15 shots of Tequila and two martinis. His vision clouded, the dino stumbled out the door, barely able to maintain his balance. Soon, darkness enveloped him.

Barney awoke in an unfamiliar part of the city. Slumped in a back alley, he was in a pathetic state. "Where the fuck am I?" he wondered aloud to no one in particular. Then a dark figure appeared before him, blocking out the light from the street lamp. Dressed in a trench coat, it advanced towards Barney.

Barney shivered in fear as the figure approached him slowly. "Don…don't hurt me…please!" The figure said "Barney what have you done with your life? You can't do shit except entertain 3 year olds. Look at yourself, you are pathetic. The amount of drugs you take is enough to kill you. Fuck, I don't even know how the hell you are even alive. It's time to start doing something big." Gradually the figure faded into nothing, nothing more than a figment of his imagination, another mere hallucination of his unstable mind on alcohol and drugs

This was Barney's calling. He had been enslaved for too long. "Man, fuck PBS, fuck politically correct children (literally)" Barney thought. It was time to break free of these shackles. Playtime was over. Out of the alley, a new Barney emerged. Rising to his full height, there was a maniacal gleam in his eyes. Rapetime is in session.