The Seven Stages of Greif
I do not, nor do I claim to own Naruto.
Chapter One, Part One; Shock
Sakura…
My hands wouldn't stop fidgeting as I sat at my desk, watching the clock tic by, hearing the maddening clicking sound as seconds passed. Feeling every single blink and breath that wracked my body.
10…
9….
8…
7…
6…
5…
4… I said with each click of the clock, hearing the alarm on my desk beep, I jumped to my feet, having already changed out of my scrubs I pulled on the grey coat, it's classical look accented my frame.
My long pastel locks swirled around me as I moved about the room, picking up the files I was going to work on at home. Clicking off the lights as I excited the room.
The halls of the medical ward were empty and silent; it had been a slow day, not many people coming in with anything but colds. As I burst out into the cool winter air, the moonlight streaming in on my alabaster skin.
I brought a cigarette to my lips from the pack that rested within my coat pocket, illuminating my face with orange light as I lit the end, inhaling the thick warm smoke. My heart was smacking against my ribcage, my nerves were shot as I hurried home, each footstep making a crunch in the deep white snow.
The streets were empty, Not a noise emitted from any direction, It was dead silent.
Dead...
Silent…
I can't do this… I whispered into the darker corners of my mind, the corners that ate away at my heart, the part of me that couldn't control her emotions, where pain and sorrow spilled over.
As I stubbed out a cigarette in a small ash trey on my coffee table I dropped my purse on the floor by the simple where couch. My house burned with silence, a chill running up my spine as my eyes darted to the darker shadows in the room.
I slipped off my coat, letting it fall to a heap on my floor, the warmth of my heated home was pleasant on my chilled skin, I tugged off the remainder of my clothing with haste, walking through my house, the moonlight streaming through open windows and washing my skin in it's silvery-glow.
I entered my bathroom, not bothering to turn on the lights, with a simple snap of my fingers each candle in the room ignited at the wick, sending an orange glow throughout the small room, turning the handles I watched the steaming waters pour into the porcelain bathtub.
Closing my eyes I inhaled a sharp breath, trying to calm myself. I poured the lavender vanilla oils into the steamy waters, letting the aroma full me with calm. Softening my features.
My hands shook softly as I submerged into the steaming waters. I closed my eyes and allowed the water to surround me, listening to my heartbeat echo through the liquid.
I stayed under until my lungs burned and my mind began to lighten.
Closing my eyes my mind wandered,
"Sakura?" The voice cooed. I turned around to meet my bright-eyed teammate.
"Yes Naruto?" I smiled, giggling softly as a tinge of pink graced his cheeks, he looked like Hinata.
"I- I have something to tell you…" He choked out, clearing his throat and scratching the back of his head the way only Naruto did.
I smiled and twirled a curled lock around my finger, eyes fixed to the ground, "Well Naruto… What is it?" I could feel the tinge of heat in my cheeks and preyed he couldn't see it.
"I-I've liked the girl for a very long time, She- She's always been very special to me… And… I've wanted to tell her…. How should I?" He questioned, I felt my heart drop to my stomach,
Oh… He wasn't talking about me.
"… She's already told me she loved me, she wasn't in the best state of mind when she did… anyway…" He coughed, his eyes darting everywhere but at me, a large cloud covered the sun, and the shadow stretched across the grass, cooling the summer air.
He was talking about Hinata…
I plastered on a fake smile, doing my best to conceal the pain on my features, "You should just tell her Naruto, I'm sure she'd appreciate the honesty."
A lump formed in my throat as Naruto lit up, because I knew he wasn't lighting up for me.
"Sakura…?"
I smiled softly, unable to look him in the eyes I tried to play it off casually,
"Yes?"
"I love you."
I felt the soft tears drip down my cheeks and hurried to wipe them away, the bitter sting beneath my cheeks, I looked at the clock on the wall with a broken, bleeding heart.
12:00.
The reception just ended, I sighed inwardly.
I knew it hurt Naruto that I didn't come for the wedding, after we… broke up, he and Hinata had began to date, gotten engaged, and as of today, Naruto and Hinata were Mr. and Mrs. Uzumaki.
I sunk deeper into the waters, closing my eyes as the clock ticked away. My heart seemed to slow as I just breathed in and out. Going into deep meditation, imagining my entire body as a dark room, my lungs being a light inhaling and exhaling to brighten it, the light starting at my fingertips and toes, slowly filling up my body.
I had meditated for nearly fifteen minutes before I loud pounding at the door snapped me out of concentration, my body felt lighter, my mind at ease and my heartache numbed.
I wrapped the small white towel around myself before walking to the door, my long hair clinging to my hips as I walked, now a neon color from the dampness of the water.
I opened the door slowly, and went to slam it shut, when a black dress shoe wedged itself in the doorway, ruining my plan to just lock the door and hope he went away,
"Sakura." The low voice sighed, almost warily.
I felt my jaw clench, and I stepped aside, allowing the door to swing open, giving my unwanted house guest space to enter.
"Could you uh… put some clothing on?" Naruto asked, looking away from me nervously, failing to hide the blush on his cheeks,
I just shrugged and walked back into the bathroom, returning to the living room with a plush white towel on, the soft fabrics brushing on my upper thighs as I entered the room.
I could tell by his features this wasn't much of a change from the skimpy towel, but he decided to come here, I'm going to wear what I damn well please in my own home.
I crossed my arms, we sat in the silence of the dark room, neither of us making a single move to switch on the lights, I scanned over his body, His shaggy blonde hair, sun-tanned skin and bright blue eyes.
The tuxedo he was once wearing had been missing a blazer, and left him in a tight-fit button-up top, and black slacks. My heart clenched at the sight.
"You didn't come today Sakura," He sighed, "Hinata thinks you hate her."
I merely shook my head, "I hold nothing against Hinata, Naruto. I'm glad you two are happy." I couldn't hide the bleak traces in my voice,
"Sakura! I said I was sorry! I can't help if this is the way I feel!" He growled, My eyes shut at his vocal outburst.
My teeth clenched and my fists balled, "Naruto. I don't care. I'm not obligated to go to your wedding!" I snarled, waiting for him to get the hint and leave.
"Sakura! You were- are one of my best friends! I needed you there for support!"
"What support Naruto? I have nothing left to give to you! You have a wife; you have friends, for fucks sake Naruto! What do you want from me? Did you honestly think we would just go back to normal?" I screamed, the treacherous tears burning in my tear ducts.
I could tell he was fuming, but I just didn't care, what did he think would happen when he came here? I would smile and things would go back to normal? We would go get ramen at Ichiraku's and train together?
His shoulders trembled for a moment, but I couldn't see his eyes in a room only slightly flickering with moonlight.
"Sakura… You know I never meant to hurt you… Even I couldn't forgive myself, but we couldn't live the way we were. We weren't happy." He whispered, his voice shaking through clenched teeth.
My heart hit my ribcage and I had to force myself not to slap him as my fingers twitched and itched with the insatiable desire.
"Say something Sakura." He pleaded in the darkness, "Say something to make me feel like you don't completely hate me!"
My breath hitched in the darkness, my knees feeling weak, I opened the mouth to say something, anything, but couldn't conjure any sound to my lips, or any air to my lungs.
The silent thudding of footsteps and a loud slam told me Naruto had left.
And now I was alone.
I slowly made my way near my bedroom, embracing the silence of the room, I crawled into bed, curling into fetal position and letting the tears burn my cheeks until I fell into a light, painful sleep.
"Hey Sakura-Chan! Look!" The booming blond grinned that special foxy grin that only he could pull off, chuckling and holding a bundle of sunflowers out to me, strung together with a single crimson ribbon.
I giggled at the gesture and pulled them into my arms, "They're beautiful Naruto, I'll put them in the bedroom." I grinned, looking up at his sparkling blue eyes as I was scooped up into his arms,
I squealed and wiggled around, demanding he put me down, But he only clutched me closer to his chest, filling my body with warmth,
"I never thought I would get to be with you." He whispered into my ear, his breath hot, smelling of cinnamon and spice. I closed my eyes, wishing I could stay in this moment forever.
Naruto was my rock, Sasuke didn't hurt me anymore, he couldn't hurt me anymore.
I was going to be alright, as long as Naruto was here to anchor me to the ground.
I snapped up from my deep, dark dreams, a fresh batch of tears burning my eyes.
What would it take for things to be quiet?
Quiet like the Snow?
With deep breaths my eyes stared blankly out the window,
"I don't want to be here anymore…"
