... because every story begins with the end of another.

I guess after writing all of this, I realize that I never really did much of anything. I suppose if there is anything I regret, it's that. Then again, it's not like I could do anything about it – I really wasn't good at much. Although, I suppose if there is something I did well it was dreaming. I dreamt big dreams. I was never smart enough, or strong enough, or skilled enough to do anything the way everyone wanted me to, so I guess my dream of being a cosmonaut was a bit much, but I travelled the stars in my own way. I was never sure about how to show you, but this is enough, I think. I always wondered if you thought I was as great as I figured I could be. I hope you did, even just a bit.

You loved me once, too. More than him, I'm sure of it. I think about it all the time, though you probably don't remember ever feeling the way I do. Then again, you probably don't remember because it never really turned out that way.

Even so, it felt real to me.

I'm not making any sense...

What I mean to say is that I dream about you too. You and me. All the time.

I still do.

- END of MESSAGE -


COSMONAUT

Year 2112

Spring

The television buzzed:

... and the Mars Terraforming Project continues at a rapid pace. The first agricultural labourers are expected to depart for the Red Planet in not much more than 3 months.

Outside, a rusty, old pickup truck rolled into the muddy driveway of a small country home in the middle of fields of barley. The sun was barely up, but its light was peeking through the horizon, giving the barley a sort of artificial incandescence.

A young girl stepped out and huffed. No one was waiting on the porch.

"Idiot, let's go!" She called out.

"Just a second... come look at the news. Come quick!"

The girl furrowed her eyebrows and grumbles to herself. This was the regular morning routine. She made her way into the front door and turned to the hunched figure in front of the television.

"What did I just say?"

"Wait Sakura, I just wanna see this next part! Just a few minutes, please!"

Experts have concluded that at the pace we are going, we will have completed the project in less than 4 years, beating the estimated time of the complete depletion of the ozone layer by a whole 14 years! This leaves us with ample time to transport the entire human population to our new home in space!

"Goddammit, Naruto! You said that yesterday and we were late! We'll be late again today if you don't hurry up! Besides, we still have to pick up Sasuke, and his house is across town, so let's go!"

"Oh my god, relax, Sakura, please, it's just school. Besides, in 14 years it won't even exist anymore..."

"If you knew how to count, you'd have realized that it would actually be about 18 years, but regardless of whether its 18 or 14, we'll have graduated before then! Life will continue, whether its here or on Mars of wherever!" She said between gritted teeth.

"Okay, okay fine," Naruto snorted, "Uncle, we're leaving!

He looked at her and raised his eyebrow, "Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go already or we'll be late."

The estimated completion time of the so-called "ARK Shuttles" being built all over the world is approximately 6 years – Just enough time for Mars colony to give the new residential areas their finishing touches. Truly a triumph in...

Naruto turned off the television, picked up his jacket, and opened the front door. He held it open with his foot as Sakura reached into her bag for the car keys. Naruto followed her as she made her way to the old pickup truck.

"Always stressing me out, every morning..." Sakura muttered under her breath as she stepped next to the truck on the driver's side, "You guys are lucky to still have me picking you up every day, despite the fact that you guys are such a pain in my ass..."

"Oh please," Naruto said in a sing-song voice as he shoved his bag into the cab, "I'm the brightest part of your morning and the sexiest part of your week, and besides..."

"Please shut up."

"... your world just won't be the same without me."


Chapter One

The Distance between Worlds

"You dumbass, now I'm gonna miss my show!" Sakura yelled into Naruto's ear.

He visibly recoiled.

"I said I was sorry, dammit!"

"One hour in detention! One hour I won't be getting back! Stupid Naruto! It's because of you we were late again!"

"I said...!"

Behind them, Sasuke laughs. He runs his finger through his black hair as the wind blows past. Sakura moves from a fast walk to a trot as she rushes into the school parking lot still muttering curses under her breath. The boys stop at the entrance to wait for her. Naruto scratches his head. He feels a tap on his shoulder.

"Want one?" Sasuke asked, pushing a pack of cigarettes in front of Naruto.

"Sure," Naruto replied as he puts one between his lips and lit it. He took a deep puff and looked at Sasuke out of the corner of his eye.

"Sasuke, you should teach your girlfriend how to calm down, she'll have a heart attack by the time she's 20 at the rate she's going."

"Yeah, that is, if she's lucky," Sasuke chuckled, "You should see her when she's the one that makes a mistake. 18 and a half, tops."

The boys both laughed in agreement.

Naruto looked out toward the horizon at a sky seemingly set ablaze by the waning sun. It reminded him of oil pastels on canvas. A mix of orange hues, smudged together by delicate finger tips. He's not sure whether it is a distant memory of his mother, or just a hazy dream he had on a lazy summer morning. The more he wonders, the more it occurs to him that he no longer remembers his dreams.

"You should take her to the fair next week," Naruto mumbled.

Sasuke looked at Naruto. His eyes widened with surprise, which he suppressed immediately. He shuffled his feet in the dirt slightly as he fumbled with his words.

"What...? You mean Sakura?" he glanced at Naruto who did not respond, "I, uh, yeah, I guess I should."

"When I know she's killing herself over something, I try to bring snacks and movies to her house, just to take the edge off, you know? I worry about her sometimes..."

Sasuke bit his lip and looks at Naruto again. Naruto simply stood there, watching the sky, stone faced and stoic. Naruto absentmindedly fixes his shirt and turns his attention towards Sakura as he hears the the low rumble of the old pickup truck starting its engine.

"All the time, Naruto. You're always worrying about her," Sasuke remarked. He looked at Naruto for a reaction, but there is none. Naruto was preoccupied in watching Sakura back the truck out of the school parking lot. Sasuke cautiously placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder.

"Naruto... Are you alright? Are we cool?"

Naruto turned his head. Sasuke's brows are furrowed, head tilted in concern.

"What do you mean? Of course we are," he shrugged.

Sasuke frowned and looked at his friend. He took a deep breath as he recalled memories of an old rivalry and as he felt the familiar rumblings of the bitterness between them, he felt very old.

"No, I mean... are we really? I know how you feel about her. You've always..." his tongue tieed and he swallowed hard, "... and I-"

"I know. It's fine, "Naruto interrupted, shaking his head, "I know how she feels about you... So it's fine. It's not like you and I aren't friends now, right? I just want to be sure that she's gonna be alright, that's all."

Naruto chuckled softly to himself and paused for a moment.

"You worry too much about me," he finally said.

"You always do this..." Sasuke said, sighing, "... and just when I finally found the balls to apologize to you."

"Don't bother with that," Naruto grinned, "Who says I'll forgive you anyway?"


Naruto sat in the cab of the truck while Sakura drove. He lazily looked back using the side mirror at the slowly retreating silhouette of Sasuke's home, the minute shadow of Sasuke's slender form, and the dust that the truck kicked up as she drove.

Naruto sat up, stuck his head out of the window and peered up at the sky. It was darker now. The sun was still peeking out from the distance, but on the other side of the sky, the stars were becoming visible. He sits back down.

"Hey, Sakura...?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

"Forget it."

Naruto hummed to himself, seeming very pleased. Sakura heard it and tried hard to suppress a smile.

"Can we go somewhere?"

"No."

"But you already missed your show..."

"Don't remind me."

Naruto scratched the back of his head.

"Can we at least take the long way home?" he pleaded with her.

Sakura turns to look at him from the corner of her eye. He's looking right at her, leaning in.

"Begging? Like a dog? Seriously?"

He does not move. She sighed.

"... fine."

"Thanks," he says as he smirked to himself.

She made a left turn into a low country road. It was not completely paved and the tires kicked up mud as the truck puttered along. The two looked out the windows at the endless expanse of fields bathed in the dimming light from the skies. As the wind blew, the tall grass danced gently, swaying from side to side.

A little over a half hour passed in silence between them.

Suddenly, smoke began to rise from under the hood of the truck. Sakura's eyes shone with panic. She gasped as she tried to take control of the truck, but to no avail. The truck began to buck violently, then slowed to a stop. The creaking of the wheels were audible despite the hiccuping engine and a distinct scraping noise could be heard from underneath.

The truck came to a complete stop. The two looked at each other.

"What the fuck just happened?" Naruto asked.

"I think it's dead..."

Naruto stepped out of the truck slowly and made his way to the front. He opened up the hood and the truck immediately belched out smoke. He turned his face away and began to cough. He closed the hood and looked at Sakura who stood next to the driver's side door, waiting nervously for an answer.

"Well...? What is it?" Sakura asked.

"I looked, but I still have no idea..."

Sakura closed her eyes in frustration. She took a deep breath to compose herself and stood silently for a moment. After a short while, she took out the phone from her bag and dialled a number. She pressed the phone against her ear. Naruto walked up, then watched and listened beside her.

"Hi. Yes... I don't know... We're off Concession, out in the country road... How long? ... right, okay. Thank you."

Sakura hung up the phone and put it back in her bag.

"Who was that?" Naruto asked.

"Tow truck."

"Great. How long?"

"Don't know," Sakura sighed.

"Then let's wait."

"Not like we have a choice."

Naruto walked towards the truck and hopped onto the flatbed. He paces around for a moment, then, seeming content with his surroundings, he looks at Sakura and calls her over. She takes a deep breath before walking over, trying to control the stress. She looks up at Naruto who is reaching down to help her on top and grabs his hand. It seemed so easy for him to lift her up.

They both sat down beside each other.

"Great. What do we do now?" Sakura asked rhetorically.

Naruto snickered to himself. Sakura raised her eyebrow.

"What?"

"C'mon, Sakura, you're so serious!"

"My truck just died, Naruto..."

"Can you fix it?"

"Clearly, I can't."

"So why are you worried? You can't do anything about it, so just relax."

He smiled at her reassuringly.

"How about this. Let's play a game."

"Seriously, Naruto?"

"Well, the tow truck won't come any sooner, will it?"

"Fine, what game?"

"If I ask you something, you have to answer, then it's your turn to ask me," he said as he scratched the back of his head, "um, truth or... well, truth."

"That is so lame, Naruto."

"I don't see you coming up with anything."

She rolled her eyes at him.

"Fine. Shoot."

"Do you love me?"

"Wrong question. Ask again," she said bluntly, without looking at him.

She heard him chuckle sheepishly beside her, "... I was just kidding."

"... Naruto, listen..."

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" he asked instead, cutting her off.

She frowned then, a little upset that she was too afraid to answer, and a little disgusted at herself for feeling relieved to have the subject changed. They had so much history, and yet there was still so much taboo. She glances at him. His head is cocked to the side, small, docile smile adorning his face. She shook her head to clear herself of worry and smiled back.

"I want to be a doctor," she said, raising an eyebrow, "I thought you knew."

"I did. Why do you want to be a doctor?"

"Isn't it my turn?"

"Answer please."

"Fine, fine. I wanted to be a doctor to save people's lives."

"Lame! Tell the truth, poo head!"

"Are you, like, five?"

"Tell me the whole truth!"

"Fine! Okay, geez. I want to be a doctor to save people's lives and also because I figured what I'm really good at is studying, so I need a profession where most of my life will be in constant study and the pursuit of excellence. Happy?"

"What about the money?"

"I like the challenge."

"The power?"

"... over life and death."

"Damn, that's true."

Sakura laughed as she breathed in the cool country air. She felt better being with him. His boyish charm just had a way of putting her at ease.

"The truth is, I wanted to be a vet," she whispered wistfully, catching Naruto off guard.

"Why wanted? Why don't you?"

"Well, I mean, I feel like it's probably kind of a childish thing to want..."

"You don't mean that..."

"Besides, when I told my dad, he said 'There's no future in that, Sakura,'" She said as she mimicked the baritone voice of her father, "So, I went on my way to being a doctor and never looked back."

"Seriously? I think it would've been fine..."

"And besides, I don't wanna be stuck out here in the boonies..."

"Oh come on."

"Okay, you overstayed on your turn, you cheater head!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Oh look who the five year old is now, huh," Naruto laughed, "Okay, message received. Ask away."

"Hm," she pressed a finger on her lips, "How about... what do you think about before bed?"

Naruto laughed hard at the question, enough that there were tears glistening from the corners of his eyes.

"Ugh," Sakura rolled her eyes at him again, "Nothing perverted, dummy!"

Naruto's laughter died down as he thought about her question. He looked at her with a smile, and for some reason, she couldn't help but look away.

He sat next to her and mumbled, "Have you ever wondered what stars were?"

"What?"

He cleared his throat, "I said, have you ever wondered what stars were?"

"Hm?" Sakura looked at him, puzzled, "Well, they're giant balls of burning gases..."

"No, I mean what they really are."

"That's what they are, dummy," she says with a chuckle.

He smiled at her, "That's not what I mean."

"Well, explain then. What do you think stars are, Mr. Scientist."

"Don't make fun," he laughed, "Okay, um, how to begin..."

"The class is getting bored, Professor," she giggled.

He blushes a little, laughing sheepishly as he did, "Okay, okay. Stars are the centers of worlds that are so far away from us that they probably don't really know we're here. Or care, for that matter."

"... meaning?"

"Meaning, they're so far away that they don't care about the problems we have here. They don't care that the world is ending. They don't care about the bills we have to pay. They don't care about the little bit that everyone has to suffer everyday, the little things that we do for each other. They're in places so far away that they can't even comprehend how little we've experienced of the universe, and they'll never understand what it is that makes us want so much to feel special in this giant, black nothing," he grunts, seemingly exasperated, "I'm not making sense..."

Sakura leans closer to him, "You're so sentimental, you know that?"

He pouted a little at her words, partly because he doesn't understand what she means, and partly because he feels a little exposed.

"No," she corrected herself, "Not sentimental. You're thoughtful."

He smiled, looking away, feeling embarrassed at her gaze.

"So, do you want to see those places? Do you want to be so far away that you don't have to care?"

"That's not what I mean. I just always wanted to see those places. To know what it feels like to be completely alone. It's so empty. The universe has so much to see, but there's so much nothing in between. I just wanted to find a place..." he shook his head and did not finish the thought, "I just wanted to be a cosmonaut."

"You're so cute."

"Don't make fun. I'm serious."

"I'm not. I promise," she smiled thoughtfully, "Why? Why space?"

He opened his palms to the sky and moved his hands slowly, as if conjuring something into the world. He gazed upon the sky as if searching the faces of every distant star for an answer.

"I always dreamt of being able to go to places other people couldn't; other places that people were too afraid to go. I wanted to explore worlds that people here had no idea about. In the old stories, it was the jungle, or the frontier, or the ocean, trying to find the edge of the world, but the thing is, everything is so much bigger now. Forget the edge of the world, now its the edges of the universe, then who knows what comes after that..."

Sakura laughed at his boyish excitement, "So I take it this whole Mars colony stuff is like a dream come true, huh?"

He pressed his lips together tight, his eyes noticeably dull as he sighs. Sakura leaned in and faced him, trying to decipher his expression.

"... Naruto?"

"No. Definitely not," he answered quietly.

"Why?" She whispered back.

He leaned back to look at the sky.

"Being a cosmonaut was about being someone who didn't just want to explore the universe. There's more to it than that. It comes with the territory, yeah, but seriously, think about it. The things you must be able to understand being up there; seeing you were so tiny in the whole scheme of things and having front seats to the whole thing, you know? Damn, that would've been something," He laughs a little, then his smile fades slowly.

"I wanted to see the stars, sure, that's all good and great. That's why everyone wants to be one as a kid. They want to prove that they're the best, too. Maybe I wanted that just a little bit... but I think what I really wanted was to go out there and bring the stars home to everyone... does that make sense? I wanted to show people that my dreams weren't silly, or childish, or whatever... and that... there is so much more to life than just... well, this, you know?

Maybe its something even more than that, maybe I thought that I'm the only piece of the puzzle here that doesn't fit. But somewhere out there, I know I can find a place... and even if I don't find one..."

The glow in his eyes wane as he stared into the distance pensively, "... even if I couldn't, I was so sure that somewhere in that darkness I could make a place just for me."

Sakura tilted her head to the side slightly and brushed the hair from her eyes, "But, Naruto..."

"It just bothers me a bit, you know? Everyone is just gonna jump ship, get on one of those ARK Shuttles, and gun it all the way to Mars without even thinking about any of this. No one needs anything to show for it, they're just going because... well, just because. No one cares about anything except going about their lives from one thing to the next. What about doing things with purpose? What about being... you know, doing things right?"

He grunted audibly from the irritation. It was difficult for him to express why he was so frustrated, despite understanding the real and dire situation the world was in. Sakura watched his face as he spoke, feeling the heat and the fury of his passion, and the resentfulness that came with it as he felt the fires of his hopes turn quickly into dying embers.

"Naruto, listen, I..."

"I don't mean to say that people shouldn't leave. Mars colony is our saving grace, you know. People just want to live, I get that. It just feels like my dreams were taken from me, that's all. I'm not all that smart, or strong, or anything. My uncle Jiraiya's broke, my parents are gone, and this is not something I can really achieve, but still. I wanted to go the distance or goddammit, at least let me try! Let me be special for once. It's just that, fuck, of all the things that the world would take! That was all I wanted..."

"Naruto, stop, please. Just stop," her voice hitched, "I get... I get what you're saying. I do. But believe me, you've always had a place. That place is here with us. It is."

They looked at each other, Naruto looking at her with his brows furrowed and his lips drawn to a thin line. She waited for him to say something, but for some reason, he said nothing.

She lowered her voice and whispered to him as she leaned her head against his shoulder, "Even if I say that, you're so stubborn. If even then you still can't stay with us, then I know you can still do it. You know, there's still a whole universe out there. There's a way for you, I know it."

He smiled plaintively and looked down at her. Her eyes were glistening and her cheeks were flushed. He parted his lips slowly as if to say something, but instead chuckled quietly and as he turned away.

He closed his eyes as he spoke, "Thanks. Really. What you said means a lot, but I just... I can't. I don't feel right here and no matter what I do it'll always feel that way for me..."

"And no, there's no way for me. It's over," he said as he pressed his lips against her hair, "I won't find my place, I won't see the stars, I won't drift off into that big, deep nothing. Not in this lifetime. We've gone as far as we can go for now, and no matter what I do, the universe won't be waiting for me."

Sakura leaned closer to him and held his hand. She pulled away from him and looked at him in the glow of twilight. She had never noticed it before, but for the first time she saw with perfect clarity who he really was. She never believed him to be handsome, but in this very moment, as the last light of the sunset deepened the shadows on his face, he was. It was as if the man he was always waiting to be was just peeking out from below the surface. But she never expected to see so much tragedy in those eyes that captured the sun.


Sakura woke up on the back of the truck, wrapped in Naruto's arms. Dawn was breaking on the horizon. The tow truck had not yet arrived, and Naruto was still snoring softly. She softly wrestled herself free of Naruto's grasp and stretched next to his sleeping body. She peered down at him as he slept, face seemingly drawn in soft, gentle lines. She stroked his cheek with her thumb and placed a small kiss on his forehead.

"If you can't find a place for yourself, then I'll find a place for you."

She leaned in and planted another kiss on his brow.

"And by the way, you're right. My world wouldn't be the same without you..."