Cabalistic Actions

"Has anyone seen Allen today?" Lenalee asked curiously.

The scientists took their cup of coffee from Lenalee, grateful that she was kind enough to bring it to them in the first place. When the question was asked everyone contemplated over their busy, long, uneventful day that left them dreary and tired.

"I don't think I have." Russel answered, rubbing his chin in deep thought.

"Maybe he's on an assignment." Johnny commented.

"No, the Chief hasn't given Allen any assignments. He was injured badly on his last assignment in Italy three weeks ago that the Head Nurse wouldn't let him go out. He was under hospital arrest with the Head Nurse. I heard he put up a fight about that." Reever said.

Lenalee furrowed her eyebrows. "He was released two days ago, but he looked kind of... depressed. I'm a little worried."

"I'm sure it's nothing." Number 65 said, placing a stack of paper on the table. "Today's Christmas Eve, right?"

"Yeah, it is, but what does that have to do with it?"

"I was just checking to make sure I'm on track. Anyways, I heard Allen was lingering the Black Order trying to find Timcampy. You know those two haven't been the same since we gained the Ark and after Cross' mysterious death... Allen has been rather down, lonely. I think Cross was the last person that truly understood Allen. We're just barely cracking the shell he's late for hatching out of." Number 65 explained.

"... That's right." Reever uttered. "I forgot about that. Everything's been so stressful lately."

Lenalee stared at the empty tray in her hands. Number 65 does make a good point. Allen always spoke so illy of General Cross, but they worked well together in battles. They seemed to have this strong connection. She once before Cross' death that Allen had a conversation with Cross. It was actually rather amusing to see how they verbally abused each other with feigned spitefulness. You could just see the laughter in their eyes. It was like it had been a game of theirs. Allen left the room angry that day, but she saw a small smile on his face when he left the room. Cross, well, he was always smirking. He had such confidence one would dream of and Allen had such compassion that one would want. However, those two... were an enigma.

"Do we even know Allen?" Lenalee murmured.

"What?" Reever asked, knitting his eyebrows together. "Of course we do."

"Do we even know anything about Allen and his past other than that Allen was adopted by a man named Mana and they were traveling clowns?" Lenalee whispered.

"Uh... Maybe not."

Lenalee gripped the tray tightly and began walking out of the library. She had to find Allen and she had to talk to him. Something was upsetting him and it was hurting her. When she took the tray back to Jerry she noticed Allen wasn't in the cafeteria, nor had he been all day. Lenalee knew she would find him, but she didn't know when. Still, she got a few cookies and a slice of vanilla coconut cake and a cup of hot cocoa with extra marshmallows for Allen. Food always cheered him up. If it didn't then she knew something was terribly wrong. When she had everything she needed, Lenalee began her search.

Allen still wasn't in cafeteria and she couldn't find him any of the halls nearby. Komui hadn't seen him all day and every time she passed someone she would ask about it. Most were sympathetic and wished her luck on finding him. Then there were some that were angry and loathsome towards Allen still. Many people in the Black Order doubted Allen's loyalty to the Black Order, but everyone in Headquarters or anyone who had the privledge to work beside Allen for a second understood and trusted him with all their heart. Everyone except Chaoji. Lenalee had to admit it infuriated her to know Chaoji didn't trust Allen, that he wished Allen would be executed, but at the same time she couldn't completely blame Chaoji.

Chaoji hardly knew Allen. He didn't even meet Allen in China before the Fallen One appeared and Allen was put through a dreadful experience. Lenalee always cringed thinking about what she's heard. Tyki Mikk, a sadistic and cruel, yet honest Noah, had ripped his arm and destroyed Allen's Innocence. He sent Timcampy to the other Exorcists to give them Suman's Innocence and to give them a guide to General Cross. Even to his near dying moment Allen had thought of everyone else before him. Then Tyki took one of his Tease and let it eat a hole in Allen's heart. Allen should have died, but he didn't. He was taken to the Asian Branch where Bak, Won, and other scientists took care of Allen. She overheard Bak talking about how Allen acted during that time and Lenalee was somewhat glad she hadn't been there to see it because her heart would have shattered to see Allen in the state he was in. The point is, Chaoji didn't get to know Allen before everything plummeted.

After Allen retrieved Crown Clown, he immediately headed to Edo. He saved Lenalee's life and it was because of Allen that everyone got in the Ark. Though the damage left a dent physically and emotionally, it also encouraged everyone! That was a big wakeup call. They all nearly died and they had to go past their limits to meet even grounds with the Noah. The Krory's fight was a drawl. Tyki and Allen never really finished their fight and after he went berserk, Lavi and Allen combined couldn't do anything. If Cross hadn't shown up they'd all be dead. Then Lavi almost killed Allen because Allen refused to fight him after Road took control of him. It tore her apart to watch her friends, her family, try to desperately stay alive and it hurt more knowing one of the deaths that could have happened could have been caused by one of their own because of Road. Kanda was the only Exorcist who actually defeated a Noah.

But Lenalee guessed that due to the lack of knowing Allen was one of the main reasons Chaoji easily turned on Allen. Another reason was when Allen tried to bring Tyki with them, saying that his Sword of Exorcism had gotten rid of the Noah inside him and Tyki was just a regular human... How wrong he had been. However, Allen still saved Chaoji's life when those weird tentacles penetrated the floors and broke Road's door. Chaoji would have ended just like Road's door had Allen not pushed him away even after calling him a monster. Even after calling him a traitor. Thinking back to it, Lenalee saw how devastated Allen looked when Chaoji said that. His claim seemed to have caused a chain reaction. Now most of the Order was against Allen and he was being watched 24/7. He had no freedom. He had to be careful with his words. His actions could be considered conspicuous. His mistakes... If he made a simple mistake it could be used against him. It wasn't right. Chaoji did have good reason to distrust Allen unlike most other people, but wishing for Allen's execution was unacceptable. The other Exorcists get along great with him, but when it comes to Allen or the simple mention of him, everything gets tense.

Sighing, Lenalee surveyed another corridor. Allen wasn't in his room. He wasn't in the cafeteria wolfing down food that may someday give him a heart attack. He wasn't in the library or the Science Department. Lenalee's checked every hall ten times and hasn't seen Allen anywhere. She's checked the lounge as well. His hot cocoa had gotten cold and Lenalee went to get another cup, disregarding the burning ache she got from touching the glass since the heat radiated through it. Once again she searched the entire building, or at least she searched every place she was allowed. Since they had to move Headquarters to Central things have been chaotic.

Still... No Allen. Lenalee found herself interrogating the same people over and over again. It was mostly the people closest to Allen that began to get worried and because of Lenalee, an entire party of Exorcists, scientists, and finders alike were trying to hunt him down. A lot of people took the time out of decorating for Christmas to find him. That pleased Lenalee. It made her happy knowing how many people still cared for him. It enthralled her to know she was right and wasn't imagining things, but it saddened her because she still couldn't find Allen anywhere! Not even Link was around. If he was going through an interrogation or something with Leverrier or the CROWs, then Komui would have been informed.

"Allen, where are you?" Lenalee sighed, staring at an empty hall, trying to figure out where she hadn't looked yet. "The roof..."

A spark of hope filled her and she quickly went outside, activating her Innocence and flying to the top of the building. She searched every inch of the roof and she still couldn't find Allen. From inside she could hear Lavi hollering Allen's favourite foods in hopes to bait him out. Kanda was outside, walking around and muttering curses about the beansprout. To most people's horror, Komui sent tiny robots to go looking for Allen as well. She knew one thing for sure. If Komui's robot found Allen they would likely know.

There's only two other places I haven't searched yet... The Ark and Cross' old room. He wouldn't go in either of those places... Would he? Whether or not Lenalee believed herself about Allen not going to those two places, Lenalee checked anyway. She asked the CROW that were guarding the Ark if they had seen Allen or heard anything strange or if anything weird had happened. Nothing. Meaning Allen hadn't even entered the room. That left one place.

Lenalee's feet hastily guided her through Central. She didn't stop until she found an old wooden door that was really thick. She knew it was Cross' old room because she had seen Cross enter it often. As sad and grim as it was, she couldn't stop the many thoughts from running through her mind.

Was he even in there?

Was Allen okay?

... If Cross is dead and Anita is dead, does that mean they're together somewhere? This thought brought back so many memories, the terrible and the wonderful, about their trip to China and to Edo. Anita had become Lenalee's role model in an instant, then she died... It was heart wrenching to leave her and Mahoja, but they had to. This just reminded Lenalee of why Chaoji had good reason to hate Allen... He had reason to hate him. Not discriminate Allen. Not harass Allen. Not wish for Allen's death. They have no proof that Allen had even done something that deserved death on Allen's part! Until that evidence comes through, then they shouldn't be putting Allen through all this shit.

Taking a deep breath and praying Allen was in here, Lenalee opened the door, entering quietly. Peering around she felt a sense of melancholy and sadness. She actually missed Cross herself and she could smell Cross' scent in this room. Along with alcohol and smoke toxins and... blood.

"Allen?" Lenalee called out questionably.

She heard a rustle. It was faint, but she heard it. Glancing around she found a bush of white hair moving in attempt to hide itself on the couch. A small smile graced Lenalee's lips and she walked toward the couch. "Allen, I know you're here. Don't hide."

A shaky, unhealthy, wheezing-sounding sigh echoed in the air and she heard a few sniffles. Gulping, Lenalee walked around the couch and found Allen laying down on it, face buried in the cushions. One glossy gray-blue eye was staring at her, hen it hid itself in the cushion and Allen turned on his other side so his face was against the back of the couch.

"Allen..." Lenalee murmured, sitting down on the floor in front of the couch. "What's wrong?"

"Please go, Lenalee." Allen whispered, raspy.

"I can't. I've been looking for you all day! I was worried about you."

Allen released another sigh. Other than that she got nothing from him. His entire body was trembling and she assumed it was because he was apparently crying. She also assumed it was because it was so cold in Cross' room. The air was bitter and brisk, unwelcoming. Then she remembered the hot cocoa.

"I brought you some snacks." Lenalee said cheerily.

"I'm not hungry." Allen grumbled, however, to his dismay and Lenalee's amusement, Allen's stomach loudly growled. You had to love Allen's stomach. "I-I... I'm not... G-go away. I want to be alone." Allen stuttered, embarrassed.

Lenalee could imagine the blush on Allen's face. It didn't help she giggled. Even so, she didn't leave. Instead she put her hand on Allen's arm, pulling him toward her. "Allen, look at me. Please, just look at me."

Allen fought a little, trying his best not to look at Lenalee. Somehow, though, Lenalee overpowered him and accidentally pulled him off the couch and on to the floor, earning a yelp from Allen. Lenalee saved the snacks, knowing Allen would later appreciate it. Right now, though, Allen looked at her, a frown firmly in place, and he sat up, crossing his legs. Hot, fresh tears were streaming down his cheeks like a waterfall and sorrow lay in his eyes. For a few minutes Lenalee stared at Allen, resisting the urge to cry herself. Then, Lenalee moved so she was sitting beside him and she placed the hot cocoa in front of him while trying to hand him the cake and cookies. She had remembered Allen's appetite, so this wasn't on a saucer. It was on a plate. Allen stared at it with a glint in his eyes, but he didn't take it. Lenalee set it on his lap.

"Allen, what's wrong?" Lenalee tried again, scooting closer to him. "Come on, talk to me. We're friends, right?"

"Of course, Lenalee, but..." Allen mumbled, closing his eyes and the tears came down faster. "I... You can't be around me. Okay? So, just... just go. Please."

Lenalee frowned. "Why can't I be around you?"

Allen gazed at her. He absorbed her image, letting it sink in his brain so he could forever remember it. Lenalee had always been there for him since he arrived at the Black Order. She saved him from Kanda's wrath on the first day. He helped him get away from Komui's Sir Komlin when it tried to do surgery on him. During their first encounter with Road she held him back from trying to save an Akuma's soul. The blast may have killed him. He was still upset about that, but he knew it was the right thing. It was for the best. She always had his back in a fight. If he thought about it, he went on most of his assignments with Lenalee and they knew each other's strengths and weaknesses better than anyone else. She was very dear to him and he was so fond of her. Allen cared about her deeply and only wished for her happiness, he wished to protect her. He wished to see her smile, just like everybody else.

"... Lenalee, I'm dangerous." Allen whispered, leaning against the couch, wiping away as many tears as possible.

"... What... do you mean you're dangerous?"

"Exactly that! You know, don't you? Everyone knows! I have a Noah inside me. The Fourteenth and no one... No one trusts me. I don't even trust myself anymore... I thought I could contain him. I thought I would be strong enough to suppress him, but... I'm not sure anymore."

Lenalee offered a weak smile, hugging Allen and wrapping his arm around her shoulders. Allen flinched, trying to move away, but Lenalee wouldn't allow it. It took a few minutes for Allen to finally accept the hug, but he never relaxed and a small blush swept across his cheeks. Lenalee took note of how much paler Allen looked and the bags under his eyes. His eyes drooped and the tears wouldn't stop coming down! He was still shaking. His body was so cold. With the thought of warming Allen, Lenalee cuddled closer to him.

"Allen, you're one of the strongest... You're the strongest person I have ever met, but even the strongest of people need support. They need friends."

"And I have wonderful friends." Allen uttered, sighing. "But I can't let you get involved. Not any of you."

"Why not?"

"Because I'll hurt you! It... It always happens! Everyone I get close to, they die! I can't let that happen to my friends. I can't... And I definitely don't want to be the cause of it." Allen held his head. "I can hear him. I feel him... I can't... I can't..." Allen dug his fingers into his scalp, kicking the floor.

Lenalee tightened her arms around Allen's torso, forcing Allen to look down at her. "Allen, you can't do everything alone. You must let us in. You must let us help you."

"No... I can't. I cannot let you." Allen whispered, shaking his head. "I'll hurt you."

"No, you won't."

"Yes, I will... Cross... He told me that in order for the Fourteenth to take over... I mean when he does... God, I can't remember! All I know is that I'm supposed to kill someone I love and care about." Allen said, shaking his head around slowly, then he stared at Lenalee, eyes wide with fear and confusion. "I-I fear it's you, Lenalee. I fear it's true. What if I am not strong enough? What if I can't hold him back?"

"Don't say that!" Lenalee cried, punching Allen in the chest. Allen groaned, but didn't say anything. He merely stared at her forlornly. "Allen, you're not a Noah! You're not one of them! You are nothing like them. You have the most compassionate, loving heart. I'm envious of you because you are so forgiving. You can see the world in all its wondrous glory. Because you love just about everything and everyone loves you. Everyone adores you. They look up to you. Those people you don't trust you don't understand anything about human nature. They know nothing of love or life. You're our hero. You've remodeled the Black Order!"

Allen tilted his head, ghosting his fingers over her skin. "No... That's not true..."

"Yes it is!"

"NO It'S NOT!" Allen shouted, punching the floor. "Why would anyone admire someone like me? They believe everything I say is all lies. The people that trust me are fools! I can't even trust myself. I'm no hero. I can't protect the people I care about most and now I'm a danger to them. If people look up to me then they're so damn stupid! I smile, but it hurts. It hurts because I turned Mana into an Akuma. It hurts because the man who raised me afterwards is dead! It hurts because I smile when people all around me are dying! It hurts because the Akuma's souls are in agony. It hurts... so bad... and I smile because... Because... I have to."

Lenalee blinked, inhaling a deep breath, as she caressed Allen's wet cheek. His cursed cheek.

"Then I'm the dumbest fool you'll ever meet. You're my hero and I admire you. I've seen you grow since you arrived. I'm seen you fall down, given nothing but ground to walk on, but you get back up and continue. When all odds are against us you turn it around. You save so many lives. You care and you love everyone. Even the people who hate you. You fall down, but you always get back up. Now... Now isn't any different. You're falling and you're crumbling, but you'll get back on your feet. You will and I'll be here with you when that happens. We all will.

"I admire your passion to protect everyone. Although it sometimes worries me that you'll go too far. I admire your ability to encourage people. I admire you because you're strong. You, Allen, have given hope to us. You..." Lenalee sniffled, wiping away a stray tear from her own cheek before she tried wiping Allen's tears away. "You are still a child. You are younger than everyone but Timothy. However... You are our inspiration. You are our leader. Our comrades will follow you everywhere. We will support you and help you." Lenalee clenched her teeth. "No matter what happens Allen, you changed everyone. You've given us hope. We have faith in you."

"Don't... Don't say that." Allen muttered, pushing the plate off his lap and fully enveloping Lenalee in a true embrace. "I'm no leader. I'm no hero. I'm not... I don't give you hope."

"Allen, you may never understand just how wonderful you are... But that's okay." Lenalee wrapped her arms around his neck. "That only makes you who you are."

Allen gulped, closing his eyes as his final tears came out of his eyes. He was so cold, but Lenalee gave him some warmth. He even felt a tingle of hope in himself. It wasn't much, but it was enough to let him wipe away the tears. He didn't feel much better, hell, he felt like shit, however, Lenalee was able to comfort him, if only a little.

"Lenalee, I miss Master." Allen whispered, hiding his face in her neck.

"I miss him a little too, but can you tell me what he'd do if he saw you like this?"

Allen laughed, and though he laughed, Lenalee felt something squeeze her heart. He wheezed, probably from crying. He mumbled something that Lenalee couldn't hear and she sighed. This... It felt nice. To have Allen in her arms and to have him hold her as well. It irked her that he was deeply disturbed right now, but she guessed this was a the small dread Allen always felt when he was comforting someone else. He normally soothes Lenalee the most. She was extremely sensitive sometimes.

"Lenalee, I'm sorry to worry you. I know it must hurt to see me like this. I'm such a wreck." Allen said, looking up at her face with a frail, fragile smile. "Does it make me a terrible person that I made a beautiful person cry?"

Lenalee smiled, stroking Allen's hair tenderly. "I'd say yes, but you could never be a terrible person."

"... Thanks, I guess."

Lenalee's gaze softened as she handed Allen the cup of hot cocoa. He gratefully took it this time, sipping it down. It was a little cold, but this was Allen, food was food, and since cocoa had marshmallows in it, it was food to him. When he drank all his hot cocoa, he picked up the plate and ate his cookies, staring at Lenalee the whole time. She was still latched onto him. He didn't care. He enjoyed her company. He felt guilty for making her worry and cry, making her fret. It didn't help that he tried to kick her out of a room that wasn't even his.

"Lenalee, I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"But I-"

"You were upset." Lenalee squeezed his hand. "I understand. I can be insensitive when I'm upset... Is there anything you want to talk about?"

Allen took a bite of his vanilla coconut cake, his lips twitching. It was so good.

"Did Jerry make this?" Allen asked.

"Actually, I did. I made it for the party tomorrow, but I made a special exception for you."

"Wow, Lenalee! You're an amazing cook!" Allen said, digging into the cake sloppily.

Lenalee laughed. Not only because she was amused and Allen was back to normal for the most part, but mainly because when he finished eating his face was covered in cream and coconut shavings from the cake. She wiped it off, making Allen blush a little, and tossing the extra gunk on the plate. With tender eyes, Allen watched Lenalee. He was tired. Both of them knew this. Allen wanted to go to bed, but right now he just wanted to enjoy this moment with Lenalee.

"Thank you." Allen whispered.

"You're welcome." Lenalee replied, patting his cheek playfully. "You're a messy eater, Allen."

"I know."

Allen stood up, bringing Lenalee with him. He motioned for her to sit on the couch. Lenalee pushed him on there first, then sat down next to him, still attached to his arm. She stared at Allen's left hand, which was ungloved. His black nails were intimidating and his arm looked burnt. She never actually touched his arm before, so, very gently and carefully, she reached her hand out and let her hand fall on Allen's. He tensed, but just as soon relaxed, looking at Lenalee, expressionless.

"Lenalee, do you think we'll win this war?" Allen asked.

Lenalee smiled, bringing Allen's hand up to her lips and affectionately kissing it. "As long as we fight together I don't think we can lose."

Allen let her words sink in for a moment. Then he let her image sink into his mind as well. She was beautiful. She captivated him with her strong will and her courage. She was, in his opinion, what had always kept everyone together. When someone acted out of line Lenalee was right there to put them back in their place. She thinks she's weak, but she's strong... Lenlaee also has this amazing ability to cure grief and sorrow if she tried. If only for a brief moment. Allen had scars and wounds in his heart that may never heal... Lenalee, though, can patch them up and make him feel terrific. It didn't matter if it was temporarily. Why would she think he was the one that gave everybody hope?

Slowly, Allen drifted into a deep, peaceful slumber. Lenalee soon followed. They both managed to lay down with Lenalee laying on his chest and Allen had his arms hooked around her waist as if to protect her. Allen didn't fall asleep with a smile and he still felt like crap, and there was still a lot Lenalee didn't know, like what bothered him, but he decided not to bother Lenalee with it. Lenalee was smarter than he thought. She knew. It wasn't that hard to understand that Allen kept things to himself, but Lenalee didn't want to push it. She didn't want to see Allen cry again. Whatever irked him to make him cry may not have entirely been about the Noah inside him. With Allen it was never that simple. However, she left it alone. Sometimes... the best way to help a person feel better was not to talk to them, but to lock your arms around them and never let them go.

"Awww, this is so cute." Lavi whispered, peeking over the couch.

"Well, she definitely found him." Reever muttered.

"Ah, it's so beautiful." General Tiedoll said.

"Hey, General." Lavi greeted, smiling. "You, Tim, you got this, right?"

The golem shook his body furiously, perching itself on Allen's head. His tail swished around, softly tapping Allen's head.

" ... Al... Allen..." Lenlaee uttered, scooting closer to Allen and laying her head on his upper chest.

"Hmm... Len... alee..." Allen tightened his hold around Lenalee's body and he pulled her closer, a smile forming on his rosy lips.

"Dawwww. I think I'm gonna cry." Lavi said.

"Me-e to-oo!" Tiedoll sniffled.

"Oh boy." Reever sighed. "I hope Komui doesn't find out about this."


The End!

This story was originally planned to be a oneshot, but if you all want me to turn this into a story then let me know. I wouldn't mind making a story on this. Although I have another story and I might update that one more than this, but I can turn this into a story either way. I hope you all liked this.