The near-two hour drive to Uchiura was a slog. It wasn't the longest drive in the world, but it was longer than a completely filled CD. Honoka yawned and forced herself to keep her eyes on the road. It wouldn't be good if she drove right off the road before her date. That date was what kept her driving. It was a good distraction from lying in bed and being sad about Kotori.
This was going to be her fourth date with Chika. After their first date had gone so well, they kept in more frequent contact with each other. Eventually that led to a second date, then a third, both of which took place in Tokyo. Going out into the big city had been exciting for Chika, who just seemed grateful to be there with Honoka. She also had an ace or eight up her sleeve, and she'd felt so warm inside whenever she saw Chika losing her mind at getting to meet one - or more - of the former members of Muse.
Now she was driving back to Uchiura for date number four, meaning they'd now have an equal amount of dates in their respective hometowns. The dates hadn't occurred in rapid succession: this one was actually over two months after the first. Being in different cities meant they couldn't just go out together whenever they wanted, and Chika being at university further complicated matters. To be honest, that suited Honoka just fine. She was enjoying dating Chika a lot, but she still wasn't prepared to get into a full commitment considering her still-present feelings about Kotori.
It made her feel guilty, and she'd made sure not to tell anyone about how she still felt. She tried to reason with herself that they were just dating, but it didn't do much to assuage her guilt. Just because they hadn't made things official didn't mean there weren't feelings involved. It was so blatantly obvious that Chika really liked her. Doing it on the first date made it kind of a hard sign to ignore. She did her best to try and convince herself that still having feelings for another woman didn't mean she was stringing Chika along, but she wasn't feeling very convinced.
Gripping the steering wheel tightly, Honoka looked at herself in the rearview mirror. She always resolved to keep her mind focused before each date. It meant she had to push Kotori out of her mind and fill that brain full of sweet mikan goodness. Chika deserved that. She was a very kindhearted girl: someone with an enthusiasm that reminded Honoka of herself. Someone as lovable as Chika deserved a prospective partner's full attention. Clearly she was having issues being that person.
She wanted to be, though. Honestly, this was too good of a thing for her to ruin with high school longing. Chika was a fun person to be around: very loving, very cute. Their dates were fun, and the sex was bombastic. So far, they'd gotten it on at the conclusion of all three of their dates, and Honoka had to admit to herself that she was hoping to make it four in a row. But she was supposed to be thinking about having a fun date with Chika, not their bedroom life. She could think about that later, as long as the date went well.
The drive was nearly done, and she was approaching the Takami's inn. She and Chika agreed that Honoka would park there, then the two of them would walk together to the aquarium. Honoka was honestly surprised that Chika had suggested the aquarium, since by the sound of it, she'd been there plenty of times before. Wouldn't it be too boring for her? She must've wanted to go there for Honoka's sake. Personally, she'd been to an aquarium before, but not all that frequently. It seemed like it'd be a nice time, though.
She parked her car next to Chika's place and got out, knocking on the door and waiting for Chika to answer. Unfortunately, when the door opened, it wasn't Chika. Instead, it was one of her older sisters, Mito. Honoka gulped as Mito looked her up and down. She felt strangely intimidated by Mito. It was like how she felt with You: both of them gave off the impression that they knew exactly what Honoka was thinking, and it unnerved her greatly.
"You're Honoka, aren't you?" She nodded slowly, beginning to fidget on the porch. "Well, come in. Chika's almost done getting ready. Probably." She stepped back to let Honoka in, who took off her shoes and thanked her. Sure, she was about to leave anyway, but it was polite to remove one's shoes when in someone else's house. Or one's own house, as Honoka's mother had reminded her a couple times.
Mito led her into the living room, where the two of them sat down on the couch. Honoka pressed her legs together and clasped her hands on her lap. Nothing had even been said yet, and she already felt like she was being interrogated. The first time she'd come to visit Chika, she hadn't met any of the other Takamis, though Chika had spoken about them a handful of times. Now that she was face to face with one of them, she was feeling way too nervous for her own good.
"Chika's told us a lot about you." Mito started out simple, though she wasn't smiling. That didn't seem good. "Don't you think you're a bit... further along in life than she is?" That was a question she had actually been expecting. It was something she'd thought about before, wondering if she was taking advantage of Chika's naivety. After all, she was already a university graduate, while Chika was a relatively new entrant into university. That was also something that Eli had considered, though, and the two of them had spent some time going over that very question, along with some other potential queries, just in case something like this happened.
"Uh... With all due respect, Chika is old enough to make her own decisions on who she wants to date. I also haven't been out of university that long. My life experience isn't much more than hers. And I have no plans to do anything bad to her. I really respect her as a friend and a dating partner, plus as a former idol like myself." Some of those words felt weird coming out of her mouth. They sounded formal, yet inelegant on her tongue. Hopefully they had the intended effect that she and Eli had envisioned when practicing them.
Mito crossed her arms, but didn't say anything at first. That made Honoka even more nervous. She wished that she could see what was going on inside Mito's head. It was weird to feel so intimidated by this woman. They were probably around the same age, if she had to guess. Then again, Umi was her age, and she was still intimidated by her sometimes, so maybe that wasn't a good way of looking at it.
"Are you going to make things official at some point, then? I've noticed that Chika is careful to not call you her girlfriend. If you're not planning on being exclusive to my sister, then you should end things now before it gets more serious than it already is." Oof, really hitting it on the nose there. Honoka paled slightly, that question being one that she'd been asking herself the entire drive. She wasn't even sure what to say. If she said that she was going to make things official, then ended up backing out, she'd certainly have a lot of hell to pay.
Thankfully, Chika decided to come down the stairs at that very moment and inadvertently save her. She reached the foot of the stairs, only to turn and find her date being harassed by her older sister. "Mito, leave Honoka alone! You're gonna scare her off!" Two pairs of eyes snapped over to her, and Mito broke out into a grin. She stood up and walked over to Chika, patting her on the shoulder.
"Enjoy your date, sis!" Suddenly she was all smiles, like that conversation hadn't even happened. However, as she started to go up the stairs, she looked back at Honoka and gave her a narrowed, knowing look. Honoka decided that in that moment, she was more worried about her than You. Once Mito went upstairs, the tension seemed to disappear as Chika hurried over to hug Honoka tightly.
"Ready to go on our date?" Honoka nodded, making Chika smile brightly as she leaned forward to kiss Honoka. They both wrapped their arms around each other and kissed each other for a minute, letting themselves get lost in their mutual embrace. After that, they pulled away, with Chika taking Honoka's hand in her own and leading her out the door.
As they walked outside, Honoka felt that the tension that had disappeared from the room had entered her body instead.
"It's pretty hypnotic," Honoka mused, her eyes moving up and down as she watched a small group of jellyfish swim up to the top of their tank. They would push down, then be propelled forward, then repeat. The way their tentacles swayed in the water, combined with the dim lighting in the tank, gave the whole thing a sort of psychedelic vibe. She could imagine sitting back and watching this for awhile: just getting lost in the rhythms.
"Yeah. Aren't they cool?" Chika smiled as she stood next to Honoka, an arm wrapped around Honoka's and her body leaning against the older woman's side. She seemed extremely content next to her date, feeling pleased that Honoka seemed to be enjoying everything so far. At the very least, she hadn't heard any complaints out of her. At first, she'd seemed a bit lost in thought, which had worried Chika. But then she'd seemed to get into the whole aquarium atmosphere, and became very talkative. She would comment on the various sea creatures and the atmospheres within their tanks, and Chika was only too happy to share any information that she knew. It made her want to burst with happiness.
"You ever think about how cool it'd be to be a jellyfish or something? If I was a manowar, I'd live so long and sting anybody who tried to hurt my friends and I. We could be an idol jellyfish group! Ooh, Muse-o-War!" Chika immediately started to laugh, clutching her stomach with one arm and giving Honoka a thumbs up with her free hand. "And you and your friends could be Manoqua!"
"Honokaaa, it hurts!" Chika collapsed onto her knees, laughing as Honoka snickered at her own joke. "Oh gods... I understand, though." She smiled as she stood up, still having to hold back a bit of laughter. "Sometimes I think about how relaxing it'd be to just swim in the ocean without a care in the world. Though I think Kanan's got us both beat there." She laughed again, thinking about her childhood friend. "With the amount of time she spends in the water, she might as well be an actual dolphin."
"A dolphin idol, huh?" Honoka remembered Kanan from a picture Chika had shown her with the entirety of Aqours. She kind of looked like Eli, but with blue hair and a less serious expression. They continued on, past the jellyfish, then the tortoises. There wasn't a lot of people there, and she wasn't sure whether to chalk that up to the time or the small town itself. "Do you ever get bored seeing the same animals over and over again?"
"Not at all! Every time I come here, they might do something different." Chika smiled and leaned forward, her nose nearly touching the glass. As she stared into the water, a large fish swam over and stared back, floating in stasis. "I don't mind doing something more than once, even a bunch of times. It shows that I really like it." She then turned and looked at Honoka, which made her blush. Was that coded? "Isn't there something you've done plenty of times that you're not bored with?"
"Uh..." Her initial thought of 'replaying snaps of Kotori having fun without her' was definitely not a good answer. There had to be a proper answer... "I guess it's like being an idol? We would practice dancing to the same songs over and over, but I always had fun doing that. I never really got bored listening to the songs that Maki composed, or dancing the steps that Eli charted out."
"Yeah! I felt the same way about our music!" The chat then switched to idols, a topic that neither of them ever seemed to get bored of. Like old friends, they swapped stories from their times in their respective idol groups, laughing as they went past each aquatic display. Even stories that they'd told each other before felt nice to relive, giving credence to what Chika had said about having fun doing something repeatedly.
It was at that point that Honoka thought about asking Chika to officially go steady with her. That thought had been one she'd been wrestling with for awhile, and it popped back up in her mind during their idol talk. She was having fun with Chika: there was no doubt about that. Their fourth date was just as fun and calming as their first. She liked Chika, but was it enough to take that next step? What Mito had said came to mind: "If you're not planning on being exclusive to my sister, then you should end things now before it gets more serious than it already is." It wasn't like she was planning on going out with other girls back in Tokyo, but that wasn't the issue. Could she get past the thoughts of Kotori far enough to give her all into a relationship?
Seeing Chika smiling innocently beside her made her heart beat fast, but it also made her brain feel very confused and unsure. She just knew deep down that she wasn't over Kotori. That wonderful bird, one of her best friends in the entire world, occupied her mind too often to be healthy. Especially considering some of the thoughts she had concerning her. She knew that if she wasn't over Kotori, then she couldn't be a good-enough girlfriend for Chika.
This wasn't a relationship she wanted to end, though. Even if they hadn't officially started going out, their dates were a lot of fun, and the time they spent just hanging out left Honoka with warm, happy feelings. Oh, and the sex. That was really good too. It didn't seem like something worth throwing away just because she was pining for a married woman. Even someone who was considered rather dim at times like herself wasn't stupid enough to think that was a good idea. She just... needed a little more time, that's all.
"Well, this has been fun." Honoka put on a smile and tried to force those previous thoughts from her head. She took Chika's hand in hers and squeezed it. There was no need for her to get bogged down with her worries right now. She could do that on the drive home. Right now, she only needed to be thinking about Chika. "Thanks for taking me to the aquarium. All the animals were really fascinating! I can't believe those ancient coelacanths are still around after all those millions of years."
"Yeah! It's a living fossil, and that's really cool! Yoshiko keeps saying it's a demonic minion of hers." She giggled at the thought, then looked back at Honoka with warmth in her eyes. "I had fun too. But I always have fun when I'm with you, Honoka." Smiling, she stepped closer to Honoka, leaning in to kiss her. Honoka met her halfway, and the two of them stood in the middle of the walkway, lips locked in a lovely embrace. Luckily no one was walking behind them, or they might be a bit annoyed by the sudden PDA blocking their way.
It got a bit more heated than intended, as things involving those two post-date tended to go. Soon enough, Chika had her back pinned to the wall, with Honoka kissing her fervently. The two of them were rubbing up against each other, their hands wandering up and down their bodies. Honoka's hands eventually found purchase on Chika's butt, squeezing it needily while her tongue tried to force its way in between Chika's lips. It took the two of them having to back off to catch their breath that they remembered exactly where they were.
"Whoops." Honoka laughed breathlessly, looking up and down the hallway. There wasn't anybody there: just the marine life staring at them through their tanks. They couldn't just assume that they'd be free to do as they please for long, though. Yet Honoka's hands still remained on Chika's butt. What could she say? She was getting too wound up to just pull back, though she knew that she needed to.
"I thought this might happen." Chika leaned against the wall, blushing as she smiled and looked down at her hands. "So I asked Mari if we maybe could use one of her empty hotel rooms for the night. And she agreed!" Licking her lips, she pushed her forehead against Honoka's, their lips almost touching. "We can be as loud as we want in there."
"Oh really?" Honoka broke out into a big grin as soon as she heard those words. She would have to thank Mari later if she got the chance. "Well I like the sound of that. I could just kiss you!" Chika giggled and closed the minuscule gap between their lips, kissing Honoka softly.
"You just did."
"I mean a bit... lower."
"Ohh. Ehehe... We should go. Right now." Chika grabbed Honoka's arm and finally made her let go of her butt. Gripping her hand tightly, the two of them rushed out of the aquarium, excitement crackling between the two of them.
Just as she hoped, she kept her wayward thoughts out of her mind during their bedroom passions. Like she knew, however, those thoughts returned as she was driving home. She'd again had such a fun time with Chika, but the fact that Kotori could still enter her mind even after that made her wonder if she was being a bad person or not. This wasn't something she could keep dwelling on any longer. She needed answers, so she needed to speak with someone who would both understand her and not tell others the things she might say out loud. Which was somewhat amusing, considering that her high school - and university - self often had trouble keeping secrets on the down-low.
Sitting at a table in a small, nearly-vacant coffee shop, she swirled around her partially-drunk cup of a sweet strawberry-flavored drink. Coffee wasn't really her thing, but this was the place they'd decided to meet, so she wasn't going to put up a fuss. They had other drinks anyway for people like her. So she took another sip of her drink, looking over at the other side of the table as a certain redhead sat down with a cup of coffee in hand. "Thanks for agreeing to meet me, Maki."
"Mm, no problem." Maki took a sip of her coffee, eyeing Honoka over the lid of her cup. "So what did you need to talk about that we couldn't discuss over the phone?" Honoka hadn't given much indication about what she wanted to talk about, but Maki had a feeling that it was important if they needed to discuss it face to face. The least she could do was make some time to listen to what one of her friends needed to talk about. According to Nico, she was 'emotionally closed off' to her friends or whatever. As much as she liked her alone time, she truthfully didn't want to keep giving off that impression.
"So you know that I've been going out with Chika, right? The leader of Aqours, from that little seaside town." Maki nodded, having heard that particular piece of gossip from Rin. All of Muse was aware of it by this point, whether Honoka intended for that to be the case or not. Still, she couldn't help but feel that whatever was going to come next would be out of her depth. She wasn't exactly a relationship extraordinaire. "Well, we've been on four dates now, and I've had a lot of fun with her. She's such a great person, and I feel really happy when I'm with her."
"But?" It was way too obvious that there was some catch there. She was just surprised it was Honoka who could find something wrong with something that sounded just fine. That was supposed to be her job.
"But I feel guilty." Honoka sighed, pushing her drink to the side. She rested her chin on her hands and kept eye contact with Maki. "I've had this crush on Kotori since I don't even know when, and I haven't gotten over it. All these years and I still wish that she was with me. She's married, dammit! I feel so bad every time... for Kotori and for Umi, because they're so happy together. And for Chika, because I shouldn't be thinking about another woman while I'm with her. It isn't right."
"And why do you think I can help you with this?" Maki's neutral expression fell into a frown real fast. Though she played coy, she knew exactly what Honoka was getting at. She actually knew that Honoka had a crush on Kotori in the past. Honoka had told her so, but the way she'd spoken about it, she had come away assuming that those feelings were more of a past-tense kind of thing. Apparently that wasn't the case.
"Because..." Honoka dropped her voice to a whisper, pushing herself up a bit so that she could lean over the table. This was one of the few secrets she knew better than to reveal to anyone else. "You know what it's like to harbor an unrequited crush on someone. I don't know anyone else who can help me with how I'm feeling. Please, can you help me?" She reached forward and grabbed one of Maki's hands, pleading with her eyes.
"Honoka..." Maki sighed and looked down at the table, her cheeks turning a bit pink. She really didn't like being reminded of how she completely broke down at Eli and Nozomi's wedding, and how she ended up being found crying in the bathroom by Honoka. It was hard to forget sitting on the bathroom floor and sobbing in Honoka's arms, spilling out how awful she felt watching the girl she'd been crushing on since high school get married while there was nothing she could do to stop it. That was where Honoka had admitted that she was going through the same thing, and they both had a weird, painful kinship over that. She knew that she had to say something to ease Honoka's guilt, just like how Honoka had helped her get through that really tough time.
"Look, Honoka, you're not doing anything wrong. It's tough to just forget about someone you loved, especially if you're still friends with them. You know that I know that just as much as you do. There just... isn't a surefire way of dealing with it. Some days are better than others. I've had days where I could barely get myself to work because of how much it hurt, but you just have to push through. I don't know what advice you wanted to hear, but that's really all you can do. You're not a bad person for thinking of Kotori while you're with Chika."
"Really?" Honoka hadn't come in with any idea of what Maki might say to her, if she had anything to say at all. In her mind, she'd just been convinced that what she felt was wrong. To hear Maki say the exact opposite threw her for a loop. "So I'm... not a bad person for thinking that? But isn't it unfair to Chika?"
"Maybe. But isn't it unfair to take away your happiness just because of something from the past that you can't control? It's not like you're going to drop her and run to Kotori if she ever came calling. Probably." Shrugging, Maki took another longer drink of her coffee. "All I can say is that you should do your best to not think of Kotori in that way, but you should still go out with Chika regardless. You really do like her, don't you?"
"I do. I don't want to stop dating her, but-"
"No buts. Don't ruin this for yourself by feeling guilty." Maki smiled sadly, squeezing Honoka's hand reassuringly. "My dating prospects are pretty slim because I can't get over how I feel about Nozomi, but you've been able to find someone despite having those same feelings for Kotori. And assumedly she likes you too, or you wouldn't be coming to me with this problem. So are you going to ask her to date you or what?"
"Mm..." Honoka sighed and leaned back in her chair, trying to collect her thoughts. Maki was probably right. She was going to guilt herself out of a perfectly fine relationship just because she still loved a woman she could no longer have. That didn't mean she didn't deserve happiness, though, and Chika could be the girl to help her down that road. It might even help her get over that sadness. Wasn't that what she wanted in the first place: something to distract her from those feelings? "You know what? Yeah, I'm going to. Next time I see her, I'm going to ask her to be my girlfriend! And to thank you, I'll help you find someone too! Chika has lots of friends. I'm sure you'll like one of them."
"Heh, maybe." She wasn't too sure about that, but if Honoka was offering... Maybe. Not that she'd get her hopes up, but it might end up being worth it. Sleeping alone could get rather... well, lonely after awhile. "So..." She was halfway through her coffee, trying to think of something else to talk about to keep the conversation going. "Do you want to hang out or something? We can go to a museum."
"Maki..."
"Uh... I mean, an arcade?"
"Thattagirl!"
Once again Honoka was making the near-two hour drive to Uchiura. This time, however, it wasn't for a date. In fact, she hadn't even told Chika that she was coming. Hopefully Chika would be there. Otherwise she might just have to sit in the Takami inn, awkwardly being judged by Chika's sisters... She'd known the risk, though. It was just one of her famous 'on a whim' ideas. She decided she had to tell Chika something, and it had to be in person. So off she went without a second thought.
When she reached the Takami's, she parked her car and ran to the front door, knocking on it and waiting. She tapped her foot impatiently, even if she had to wait maybe seven seconds for the door to be answered. The person who answered looked like an older version of Chika, yet somehow shorter. "Mrs. Takami! Hey! Uh, is Chika home?" She suddenly felt like a middle schooler again, knocking on Kotori or Umi's door and asking their moms if their daughters could come out to play.
"Oh, good afternoon, Honoka. Yes, Chika is in her room. You can go right on up." Mrs. Takami smiled sweetly: she seemed to be more accepting of Honoka than Mito. Thanking her, Honoka came inside and took off her shoes, then headed upstairs. On the way up, she had to keep herself from flinging herself up the steps in order to get to Chika's room faster. She was just so excited to finally say what she needed to say.
Once upstairs, she went down the hall and opened Chika's door without a second thought. It's not like there was anything Chika would be doing that she wasn't intimately aware of. Chika wasn't in her room, though. Not technically. Through the glass balcony doors, Honoka saw her leaning over the railing and talking to someone on the other side. The long red hair made it obvious that it was Riko. It must be nice to be next door neighbors to one of your good friends. Though if she could just lean out her window and talk to Kotori, then she'd... No, she promised she wouldn't be thinking about her.
She went over to the sliding doors and pulled one open, the noise catching Chika's attention. Turning with momentary surprise, she seemed further surprised when she saw who it was. "Honoka? What are you doing here?" Quickly her demeanor changed, however. She broke into a big smile and hurried over to hug Honoka tightly, which Honoka reciprocated. "I didn't know you were coming over."
"It was kinda unplanned." Honoka laughed, gently kissing Chika on the lips. She was aware of Riko watching them curiously, however. "Uh, hey Riko, do you think you could give us a minute?" Riko nodded, though Honoka could see her frowning. She must think that they were about to have a negative conversation. That wasn't the impression she wanted to give, but she also wanted to have this positive conversation in private.
They went back through the sliding door, closing it to give them a bit of privacy. "So what's up, Honoka?" Chika's smile slowly dissipated, as if sensing Riko's concern from the other side. "It's not... something bad, is it?"
"No, no, not at all! It's good, I promise." Trying to assuage Chika's sudden worries, she put both hands on the younger girl's shoulders and just dived right in. "I've been doing some thinking, and I've really had a lot of fun on our dates. And with you too. Just in general. I don't know how you feel, but I just got this feeling that I want to take what we have to the next level. So I drove over because I had to ask you in person, and I didn't want to wait until our fifth date. Do you want to be my girlfriend?"
Chika just stared at Honoka for a moment, shocked all over again. Then her entire being seemed to burst with ecstatic energy. She hugged Honoka tightly, peppering her face with kisses as her eyes started to tear up with joy. "Yes! Of course! I was hoping you'd ask, but I wasn't sure, and I didn't want to force you!" She squealed and started to jump up and down, only stopping when she remembered that she was on the second floor. "We're girlfriends now! For real?!" Honoka nodded, smiling. "We are! This is the best day ever! Oh, I gotta tell Riko!"
Pulling away from Honoka, Chika raced back onto her balcony and waved at Riko. "Riko! Honoka asked me to be her girlfriend! We're dating now! Can you believe it?!" With the way she was shouting, the whole neighborhood could probably believe it. Honoka couldn't help but smile, though. Her enthusiasm was contagious, and it made her feel even better about her decision. Maki was right: she was only hurting herself by keeping any potential happiness at a distance. Having an official relationship with Chika would be better for her mental state than just going on dates every couple of weeks while being mired in misery the rest of the time.
She walked outside onto the balcony after Chika. At least Riko seemed happy with what was going on. She was smiling and congratulating Chika. While she appreciated having at least one of Chika's friends - and hopefully all of them - approving of their relationship status, she was actually now feeling a bit... frisky. Hopefully Chika would want to come back inside and consummate the relationship, as it were. Hey, why not live a little? It would be good for her to spend some time entirely focused on her new girlfriend.
"Hey Chika. Once you're done talking to Riko, do you want to go back inside and... you know, hang out? As a little celebration, you know?" She smiled as she whispered to Chika, not wanting Riko to hear what she was saying.
"Ooh, yes, sure! Hey Riko, I gotta get going! Me and Honoka are gonna have se- Mmf!" Honoka clapped a hand over Chika's mouth before she could finish that word. By the beginnings of a blush on Riko's face, it looked like she was too late. Sighing, she pulled Chika back into her room, closing the door and pulling the curtains closed.
"For that, I'm gagging you with your own panties today."
"Bold of you to assume I'm wearing any." Yeah, this was the kind of relationship she needed right now. She pushed Chika onto the bed, and the two of them got lost in the pleasures of each other's flesh, consummating their newly minted relationship in the best way possible. The rest of the day was spent with Chika, lying in bed and celebrating as many times as they desired.
And the thought of Kotori didn't enter her mind once the rest of the day.
