Disclaimer: Of course they are not mine... do I look like Rowling?
A/N: This started out as an idea for a drabble... and obviously I failed horribly. Anyway, I found an old CD a few days ago and some of the songs on there just screamed stories! And for some reason, the majority of the ideas I got were Snarry. This was the first on that came to mind and demanded that I write it. Enjoy! Please no flames.
Pairing: Snarry with a side of Draco and Blaise, mention of Ron and Hermione.
Warnings: Drama, slight angst, Slash but not heavily. Somewhat OOC. My reasoning is that they are several years out of Hogwarts, and so have had a chance to grow up. And Draco and Harry's friendship has had time to evolve.
Timeframe: After Deathly Hallows. EWE
Inspirations: Maybe He'll Notice Her Now by Mindy McCready
Notice Me Now?
You know that portrait of us? The one we had painted after the wedding? Remember how we used to laugh about it? Well, maybe not you so much, but you would smirk in that certain way. And I knew right then that you loved me. Remember when we got it, and we couldn't decide where to hang it. Draco said it should be in our room, and Hermione suggested the hall, but you wanted it over the fireplace so we could see it from the sofa. So that's where it went.
When was the last time you looked at it? Weeks, months, maybe. I feel just like it, now. And everyday you come home, you walk right past me and say nothing at all. Do you even know when I'm here? Anymore I can't see why I'm still here, Severus. No reasons come to mind. I guess I hope that you miss me, if you even see that I'm gone.
Harry
Harry set down his pen and passed his hand over his eyes. He let out a broken half sigh, half sob, then gulped in air, trying to still his shaking hand. He wanted to laugh. He knew Severus would be annoyed with his use of a Muggle writing device. It was something they once found silly, the difference in their choice of pen verses quill. Neither ever won the argument, it was just something they enjoyed bickering about.
Now, however...
Harry shook his head. Slowly, as if in pain, he rose from his seat and made his way over to their portrait. He stood there for a few moments, observing the actions of the two lovers painted therein. They looked content, in love with each other, but not overly showy about the fact. Exactly how he and Severus had been five years ago. It was hard to believe they had fallen so far apart. Somewhere, between Harry's teaching and Severus' new experiments, they had lost touch. Harry couldn't remember the last time they had made love. In fact, he didn't know when they had even been in the same room for more than ten minutes. Lately, though, Severus was gone most of the time, rising before Harry awoke, and coming home late. If he even came home at all.
A sharp pain shot throughout his body and he clutched the mantel with white knuckles. He didn't want to think of the possibilities, didn't want to speculate that his stoic husband might have obtained pleasure elsewhere. It hurt far too much, wondering what he had done wrong, why Severus stayed away. So he pushed such dark thoughts into the back of his mind. His breathing deepened and he stood to his full height.
"I'm sorry," he whispered to the couple in the painting, lifting it with loving care from the wall. They frowned at him, questioning his actions, but he remained silent. Leaning it against Severus' overstuffed chair, he placed his letter in its place over the fireplace. Would Severus see it? Would he recall what had been there before?
Gingerly, he took the painting into their bedroom and set it in his wardrobe. It would be safe there until he could retrieve it. Looking about the room that had once held such passion and love, he closed his eyes briefly, once again trying to staunch the flow of tears. He had cried enough over the last few weeks. Picking up his knapsack from the bed, he turned on his heel and resolutely walked away. Once outside Hogwarts' wards, he spun in place and disappeared.
Stumbling as he touched down, he sighed with relief. The lights shined brightly in Draco's flat. Without a second though, he knocked. There was a shout of 'just a moment' before the door opened to reveal the white blond head of his nemesis turned friend.
Draco took one look at the dark haired man's countenance and closed his eyes. "Oh Harry," he whispered.
Harry sucked in a breath. "Hey Draco," he replied, his voice catching in his throat.
Draco reached out and grabbed his arm. "Come on. In you get before you catch your death of cold," he said, pulling the younger man into his warm home.
Harry went quietly, drawing comfort from the others touch. He allowed his friend to lead him to the sofa, where he was pushed down and a blanket draped over his shoulders.
Draco crouched before him, his silver eyes alight with worry. "Severus?" he asked.
Harry shook his head rapidly, his chest heaving with a sob. "I don't know."
Draco sat down next to him, pulling him into his arms. "I'm sorry, Harry."
Harry nodded, then choked out a strangled cry, burrowing his head in Draco's chest. After repeatedly trying to keep the tears at bay, the soft words and understanding his friend gave him broke the dam, and Harry gave himself over to his grief.
Draco's heart ached to hear Harry's muffled cries. Granted he may have had his doubts about Harry and his godfather's relationship in the beginning, but despite all odds, the two really seemed suited to each other, and very much in love. How it could come to this baffled him. He heard a shuffling of feet and looked up. In the doorway of the sitting room stood his own lover.
Blaise's face was soft in expression, but his eyes shined with sympathy. He watched the two with a heavy heart. "Is he okay?" he asked quietly. Draco shook his head slightly.
"No, and I don't think he will be for a while." He rubbed a hand along Harry's back, noting that the younger man's sobs had died down, and his breathing was deep.
"He'll stay here as long as he needs," Blaise confirmed with a nod of his black head. He moved over to stand next to his partner. Draco allowed a small smile to flicker across his face. This was why he loved the Italian.
"Thank you," he whispered, lifting his face for a kiss. Blaise happily obliged.
"He's my friend too," he reminded his lover. "And friends help each other out when they need it. After all, it was Harry who managed to kick your arse in gear."
Draco chuckled. It was a joke among their little group, Draco's denial over his feeling for Blaise. He had pined and sighed for nearly two months before Harry took his aside and informed him he either do something about it, or Harry would. Needless to say, a Malfoy was no coward, and Draco gladly rose to the occasion, making his move on the dark man. The rest was history, blissful history.
He only wished the same was true for Harry.
Severus groaned as he opened the door to his and Harry's chambers at Hogwarts. Exhaustion seeped from his tall figure, his shoulder drooped and his head bowed. He was surprised by the strange silence that met him. Their rooms almost felt empty. He shivered, dropping his messenger bag and carry on next to his chair. Three weeks away from Harry had been far too long. Even if it was a convention with the top Potioneers in the world. Although, once there, he confessed to getting so caught up in it all that he had neglected to fire call Harry after the first few days. He had hoped to surprise his husband, and so had not owled ahead.
Now, he had to wonder if he hadn't made a mistake. It seemed that his green eyed lover was out. "Harry," he called out, listening intently for the slightest hint of sound. There was none. Annoyed, he looked around the room. Everything looked to be in it's place, spotless as usual. A fire roared in the fireplace, Severus' new potions magazine sat on the side table. And yet, there was nothing to suggest that Harry had been there as of late. He frowned and called out his husband's name again. Getting still no response, he made his way to the kitchen.
Passing by the fireplace, a flash of cream caught his eye, and he froze. There, in the place where their portrait had been, was Harry's letter. Unassuming and plain, it screamed far more in the stillness. With a trembling hand, Severus plucked it from the wall. He held it gingerly in his hand, unwilling to open it just yet. His breath caught in his chest and his heart sped to an unhealthy degree.
'Severus' written in Harry's chicken script, looked ridiculously dark against the paleness of the paper. It was written in that pen ink that he hated, and he found himself scowling. Couldn't Harry have at least been decent enough to write with a quill? Guilt flooded through him at the thought and he backed up until the backs of his legs hit the chair behind him. Stumbling, he sank down into the cushion.
"No," he whispered, his eyes wide and staring. As if in slow motion, he opened the folded note. At first the words were meaningless, just blurs on the paper. They ran together without comprehension. Severus scoffed several times, remembering the argument that had broken out between Harry's know-it-all friend and his godson. He remembered how Harry had smiled indulgently and then asked him where he wanted it.
He had never thought to ask the same.
He paused over Harry's questions. When was the last time he had noticed it? Last time he was home, he was so busy finalizing his notes for the convention and last minute brewing for Poppy. What had Harry been doing then? He frowned deeply. He could not recall.
I feel just like it, now. And everyday you come home, you walk right past me and say nothing at all.
Had he even said goodbye before he left? No, Harry was asleep, and considering how ill he had felt the day before, Severus hadn't wanted to wake him. After all, Harry knew where he was going, and he understood how important this was to Severus. Didn't he? And come to think of it, Harry could have called him just as easily as Severus could, if not more so. Harry had no real reason to put this all off on him.
Right?
Anymore I can't see why I'm still here, Severus. No reasons come to mind.
Severus growled bitterly. Of course he had reasons. Severus had married the little sod, hadn't he? He let him stay with him in his dungeon quarters, and even supported him when he chose to begin teaching, instead of becoming a Quiddich star or and Auror. Where else would Harry find someone like him? Someone who saw him as Just Harry?
When was the last time you saw him that way, instead of someone who was in the way, holding you back?
The question shocked him. In the way? Holding him back? With a groan, he buried his head in his hands and slumped forwards. The letter floated to the ground, its words damning him completely.
He hadn't seen... no... he had simply ignored the signs, allowing a small slice of annoyance to contaminate the affection and love he held for Harry until nothing remained beyond irritation and disdain. He pushed and pushed Harry away, justifying his actions as determination for his work.
Merlin, but he had royally messed up. Harry's final lines said just how much he had hurt his gorgeous partner, how alone his Harry felt. And now, as the silence fell around him, he knew just how Harry felt.
For once in his life, he didn't know what to do.
Three days passed and Harry remained camped out on Draco and Blaise's sofa. He knew he need to make a decision and move on, find somewhere else to go. He picked up the morning edition of The Prophet and flipped to the classified ads. Might as well take a gander and see what he could find. His eyes blurred as he scanned the real estate sections. He was nowhere ready to do this, but he didn't see any other choice. Blaise and Draco had been quiet after that first evening, allowing Harry his space, and reining in their own romantic interactions. He hated it, knowing he was imposing on their happiness. He was a burden and he needed to get his act together. He wasn't the first person to have his marriage fall apart. It should be easy to push on through.
Oh who was he kidding? He was broken, shattered at the very core of his being. He had no idea what to do now, and really couldn't see himself without Severus. Just the thought tore him apart. But Severus had made it clear over the past months that Harry was unwelcome and irritating to the man.
"Harry?" Draco asked softly. "Do you want some tea?"
Harry looked up with blank eyes. "Huh?" He shook his head. "Oh, Draco. Tea... er, yeah," he floundered briefly, then mustered up a small smile for his blond friend. Draco returned it sadly.
"What are you looking for?" Blaise settled into the chair across the table from Harry.
"Some place to stay, something more permanent," he replied, gazing down at the ads with a frown. Blaise and Draco shared a concerned look.
"Should you be doing that so soon? What about Hogwarts?" Draco questioned.
Harry shrugged. "I think I need some time away, to heal, I guess. I've always wanted to travel. Maybe now is the best time to do it."
Draco nodded in understanding, even as his heart was breaking at the hopeless look in those green eyes. Harry wore his heart on his sleeve for all to see. And right now, it was hurting terribly. He probably wouldn't find the solace he needed here. But oh... watching a relationship crumble into dust was a horrible thing to see.
"You know, Milan is nice this time of year. Maybe you will find what you're looking for there," he suggested. "If nothing else, it is a nice place to vacation."
Harry chewed on his lower lip, a clear sign he was thinking it over. Then he caught Draco's silver eyes. "How soon can you get me a Portkey?"
Severus was surprised to see a summons from Minerva a week after Harry had left him. He walked into her office cautiously, his face blank.
"You wished to see me, Minerva?" he asked, his voice devoid of all emotion. She looked up at him and waved a piece of parchment around.
"Do you know anything about this, Severus?" she asked.
He raised a black brow and sneered. "Perhaps if I could see what it is that I am supposed to have knowledge of, I might be able to answer your question."
The Headmistress stood and passed it over. "Harry's resignation, of course. I had no idea you were planning on traveling. I know of several places you would both enjoy," she told him.
Severus paled and gripped the parchment tightly in his hands. "I didn't either," he whispered, reading the letter slowly, completely missing the look of shock and pain that flashed across the old cat's face.
"So this wasn't your idea?"
"No," Severus said shortly.
"Oh," she breathed out. "I'm sorry Severus. I thought everything was fine between you two. You seemed so steady."
Severus handed the letter back and shook his head. "I've been a fool, Minerva. I didn't know what I had until it was gone. I thought I needed so much more. Now I know I only need him, and from the looks of it, he's gone for good." He sat down heavily in the chair behind him, for once not ashamed to show the emotions swirling through him. He felt rung out, torn into a million pieces. Minerva moved around her desk and took the chair next to her old friend. She placed a comforting hand on his arm and squeezed.
"Harry loves you, Severus."
"I don't know why," he replied. "I haven't given him any reason to do so as of late. I've ignored him, and belittled him repeatedly. I haven't showed him how much he means to me."
"It's not too late, you know. You still have a chance, if you're willing to fight for him," she reassured him.
Severus shook his head. "No, I am unsure as to his whereabouts right now. It's possible he isn't even in the UK any longer."
Minerva gave him a small smile. "He's at the Malfoy's flat. Draco's owl was the one to deliver Harry's missive." Her head bobbed when his shot up with a hopeful look. "Go get him, Severus. Take that vacation with him. Show him the world."
With a short nod, he stood and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Thank you," he whispered.
"You sure you have everything you need?" Draco asked. Harry nodded, glancing around London's International Portkey Station.
"Yeah. I stop over in Berlin before landing in Milan." Harry chewed his lip and rubbed the back of his neck. With a sigh, he stepped forward and embraced Draco tightly. "Thank you," he murmured softly.
Draco returned the hug before pulling away, allowing his friend and lover to clasp hands.
"You will keep in touch," Blaise demanded good-naturedly.
Harry smirked wanly. "Of course. And you'll apologize to Hermione and Ron for me?"
"Yes, although I'm sure they wouldn't be too happy about it, I know they will understand," Blaise assured him.
"Harry, what about Severus? What do you want us to say if he calls?" Draco inquired.
Harry's eyes became glazed for a moment. "Tell him... Tell him I miss him. I still love him. But I need this."
Draco inclined his head sadly. "Alright. Have a safe trip."
"Thanks. See you in a few months," Harry said, waving and stepping into the line.
"I know it hurts to watch, love. But it's for the best for now," Blaise whispered into Draco's hair. His lover nodded minutely.
"I know. Maybe Severus will wake up finally."
"One can only hope. By damn we Slytherins, for all of our bravado about being cunning and sly, we are worthless in expressing our feelings."
Draco turn in the Italian's arms and placed a soft kiss on his lover's lips. "Have I told you that I love you lately?"
Blaise chucked lightly. "Yes, everyday." He tugged on their hands, leading Draco away. "Come on, let's prepare for the fallout."
Blaise and Draco were rather surprised to find a distraught Potions Master in their sitting room when they arrived home.
"Severus," Draco greeted the older man coolly. Severus noticed immediately and winced.
"Draco, Blaise," he dipped his head in greeting, trying not to look as frantic as he felt. To an outsider, he would have succeeded. But these two were special, as a former star student and his godson. They could see the pallor of his skin and the black circles ringing his eyes. He looked as if he had aged several years in just a few weeks.
"Did you just arrive back?" Draco asked, gesturing to their sofa. Severus shook his head and sat down.
"No, about a week ago."
"Oh? And was it good? Anything new?"
Severus glared at his godson's attempt at simple conversation. Then he sighed and ran a hand through his lank locks. "It was informative to say the least," he replied.
"So worth the trip then?" Draco egged him on.
"Dammit, Draco. I know you have been in contact with Harry. Where is he? I need to speak with him." Severus exploded.
Draco reclined casually in his seat and lifted a brow with a sneer. "A bit Gryffindorish don't you think, Severus?"
Severus stood abruptly. "Will you tell me?" he snarled.
"No, I won't," Draco told him, rising as well. He stood stiffly, his chin raised in defiance. His silver eyes sparkled with a determined light.
Severus nodded in resignation. "Then I shall take my leave."
"I will tell you what he asked me to relay to you," Draco spoke evenly.
Severus spun back around. Hope burn through him for a moment. "Alright."
"He said that he misses you, and he still loves you. But he needs this time away." Draco strode over to the heartbroken older man and clasped his shoulder. "He'll be back, Severus. Just give him some space. You've hurt him pretty badly. He needs to know that you really do care. So let him be for now, and when he gets back, be the first person to welcome him home."
Hearing the wisdom in his godson's word, he accepted the advice quietly. "You'll let me know how he is?"
"As soon as we hear something," Draco promised.
The months spent in Milan, and then Athens and Cairo, were some of the most fascinating and relaxing moments Harry had ever experienced. He marveled at the sights and basked in the rich cultures offered. He learned histories and magicks once forgotten to those in his homeland. It was sad in a way, that the Brits were so set in their old magical ways, and had not embraced what the world had to offer. He could see why Severus liked to travel to his different conventions and conferences. There was something amazing about the freedom traveling allowed.
Despite all of that, after six months of kicking his heels up, he began to get restless. Soon, he realized he was lonely. Not for the UK, but for his husband. Laying on his bed in a hotel outside of Cairo, he decided it was time to go home. To Severus. To his heart.
"Do you have a moment, Severus?" Draco called out one morning six months and two days after Harry's departure. Severus looked up from his cauldron at the blond head peeking through the cottage's fireplace.
"Of course, Draco. Coming through?"
"Just for a minute. I'm meeting Blaise and Pansy at that new Italian restaurant in Diagon Alley. You know how Blaise likes to critique any food claiming to be from Italy." Draco shared a smirk with Severus and rolled his eyes knowingly as he stepped into the room. He nodded approvingly at his surroundings. "I like what you have accomplished with this place. I think Harry will love it. It seems like something he would have wanted."
Severus glanced around the small room and gave him a confused look. "It's a potions lab, Draco."
Draco grinned. "Well I'm sure the rest of the house looks just as nice," he amended.
"Brat," Severus replied. "So what did you need?"
"I thought you should know that Harry called last night and said he's coming home tomorrow evening. Something about missing his heart?" Draco told him, watching with a grin as the older man's eyes lit up.
"Are you sure that's what he said?" Severus asked anxiously.
Draco had a slightly puzzled look, but nodded all the same. Severus leaned his elbows on the table in front of him, his head dropping into his palms. Concerned, Draco stepped forward. "Severus? Are you alright?"
Severus lifted his head, his onyx eyes bright. "Yes, I think I finally am."
Draco cocked his head. "I'm missing something, aren't I?"
"Harry used to refer to me as his heart. If that is what he told you, I think he has finally forgiven me."
Realization dawning in his eyes, Draco gave his godfather a pat on the back and a soft smile. "I'm glad. Don't mess this up, got it?"
Severus shook his head with a deep sigh. "Yes."
"Eight-o-clock at the Cairo to London gate."
"Alright. And Draco, thank you for being there for him." Draco accepted his thanks gracefully before stepping back through the floo, leaving an eager and anxious Severus to plan for Harry's return.
The Cairo to London Portkey gate was oddly quiet. A short young man stepped through the entryway, shaking the dust from his travel robes and looked around. He had told Draco and Blaise when his portkey would arrive, hoping he could grab them and have a quiet night before venturing out to reconcile with his husband. However, it appeared he was either early, or they were late, judging by the lack of bodies in the lobby. He ran a tan hand through his locks and shrugged. Maybe he should send a patronus and see where they were? He fingered his wand in indecision.
"I know I've been a fool, but I hope I do not warrant hexing," a deep velvety voice spoke softly behind him. Harry's eyes widened and he shivered. Merlin but that voice could still turn him on with just a word.
"Severus," he breathed and turned around slowly. There, in all his snarky and beautiful glory stood his husband, his heart. It took them all of two seconds before they were wrapped in each others arms, holding on for dear life.
"You came back," Severus whispered into his Harry's curls.
"I came home. My heart never left, you know," he replied, raising his head for a kiss.
"I do now," Severus answered, brushing his lips along his husbands. They touched once, twice, before Severus pulled back slightly. "Shall we?"
Grasping his hand and entangling his fingers with Severus', Harry merely nodded. It was good to be noticed, and loved again. This time, he knew it would be forever.
