This is a sequel to my story Homeward. I suggest you read that first if you haven't, because otherwise this will make absolutely no sense! :)
Homeward: A Sequel
Hephaestion was quiet.
Well, Hephaestion was always quiet compared to most, but he was more so during these past weeks.
It had been a few months now since the General had made his spectacular reappearance after being missing in action for those unbearable weeks, since he had seemingly rose from the dead.
By now his wounds had been healed and his fears kissed away, but Alexander did not miss the small changes in his lover's demeanor.
Almost everyone noticed the new limp that the General walked with, the result of his damaged leg. But few except Alexander noticed those moments when his Phai grew distant and withdrawn, when in a crowded room he stared blindly off into some unknown oblivion, when his soul seemed to leave his physical body and wander away from him.
Alexander could not say where it went. But he had a feeling it was hundreds of miles away with a woman, a woman to whom both Alexander and Hephaestion owed everything.
He tried not to question it too much or bring it up with Hephaestion. He wouldn't do that to his Phai. The General was already suffering so much.
Hephaestion liked to be the one to take care of everyone; he wanted to save the world. Alexander could only imagine the guilt that was riddling him on the inside. And he knew that however misplaced this guilt may be, there would be no convincing Phai that he did not need to feel it. Hephaestion wanted so badly to save that woman, but was unable to.
And that killed him.
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
Alexander ate dinner with his commanding officers. He looked down the table from his seat at the head. They laughed merrily as they ate and poured wine down their throats. But tonight was fairly calm. They were all a little rambunctious, but a far cry from the rowdy group they could be under the influence of enough alcohol.
The officers lounged and laughed, popping morsels into their mouths between jokes. The King, feeling uncharacteristically quiet and reserved, watched them with a faint smile on his face like a teacher surveying his favorite bunch of students.
Hephaestion, who sat to his right, caught Alexander's eye. His lips were still stretched into the leftover smile of the last jest. But his eyes tightened slightly upon looking at Alexander, asking silently if something was wrong. The King lightened the expression on his face and widened his smile slightly to dismiss his Phai's worries.
Both of their attentions were diverted, however.
Slowly the sounds of a disturbance outside the doors of the chamber rose above the sounds of conversation. At first Alexander noticed the tense rising of voices, then a few shouts arose, drawing attention from all the men in the room. After a few moments of the generals exchanging confused looks, the commotion of clashing bodies could be heard.
With a sudden bang the heavy doors of the room were thrown open and several guards marched in, a wildly struggling and thrashing body was carried between them.
Several of the generals hopped up at once in alarm, hands flying to the knives in their belts.
To say the King was surprised to find that the form that battled so vigorously against his men was that of a woman would be quite an understatement. She fought with so much fire and strength.
Before the guards could come to present the intruder to the King, in a sudden burst of vigor she managed to swing an elbow up to the nose of the man on her right and then bring a knee around to the groin of the one on her left, effectively freeing herself from their grasp.
This all happened so fast that no one had a chance to react before the woman marched forward with her head held quite high and said evenly to the room, "I was told I could find General Hephaestion here."
A dead silence filled the room as she stood stiff and proud before them.
Alexander noted that she was beautiful in the extreme sense of the word. If Helen of Troy's face launched a thousand ships, this one would launch ten thousand.
Intriguingly large, brown eyes shone clear and strong. Her mouth was round and full, like a ripe plum set in her features. But this woman was a bit worn. Her hair was loose and tangled and her face was smudged with dirt. The cloak that covered small frame was caked with dust and filth.
And yet she stood before them like an empress demanding to see her General.
Almost everyone in the room had turned to look at Hephaestion. His face was in utter shock and disbelief, eyes wide and mouth agape.
In that moment the guards that she had assaulted regained composure and seized her once more. But they had hardly gripped her arms before Hephaestion stood with sudden force and demanded in the strongest voice Alexander had heard from him in a while, "Do not touch her!"
The room was frozen once more as the General left his place and rounded the table towards the woman.
Every man in the room was completely stunned when without a word or hesitation the two embraced warmly. The generals exchanged looks of confusion, but no one broke the silence.
Hephaestion kissed the stranger on her forehead before the two pulled apart. The room shifted in uncomfortable confusion.
Hephaestion led her by the hand to come before the King. Alexander remained seated as the two stood before him, his eyes cautious and just as confused as everyone else. He stared questioningly at his Phai.
The General spoke to the woman, "My Lord. Alexander, King of the Macedonian Empire."
There was a slight pause after he said this, and then he presented the woman to Alexander.
"My King, this is Lissandra of…" He wavered, as he did not know where she came from, or who her father was.
But he didn't need that information. As Alexander heard the name, his eyebrows raised and his gaze lock intensely with his General's. He watched Hephaestion's lips twitch into a grin and his eyes were alight with a fire that had been missing for some time now. They were alive and shining like a child's.
Alexander watched as Lissandra sunk to her knees before him, her cloak and skirts making a muddy pool around her form.
"My King." She said humbly, face turned towards the ground.
She looked up quickly however when Alexander jumped to his feet, a startled expression on her face. The King was smiling as he bent down and grabbed her small hands in his own, pulling her back to her feet.
"You do not bow to me, my lady." He said in a voice full of emotion. "Not when I owe you so much."
She was completely surprised and in disbelief as Alexander pulled her forward into his own arms, hugging her tightly. Alexander was not sure what possessed him to do so, but he felt that he must.
He did not know this woman. He did not know her nature, where she came from, or how she got here. All he knew is that she is the reason his world is still intact. She is the reason his heart continues to beat. She had saved his Phai's life and in turn saved his own.
She was a little stiff in his arms, as if she did not quite trust him. But after a few moments, she softened minutely and he felt a timid pair of arms gently embrace him back.
He released her and looked into those wide eyes; so intense they almost burned him.
He said, "In fact, from what I have heard of you Lissandra, you bow to no one."
Her face told him that she was not sure how to react to such a comment. But the King smiled warmly to allay her fears.
Alexander was ready to offer her a seat at his table, to place her at his side above all of his other generals, when it seemed that her strength suddenly failed her. Hephaestion reached forward to support the fatigued woman.
"You will stay here," The General told her, "as long as you want."
Her intense eyes flickered to Alexander, as if to check that Hephaestion was not overstepping his bounds and making promises he could not keep. It was clear that this woman did not give her trust over lightly. In fact, Alexander could tell for a fact that the only person in that room that she trusted even in the slightest bit was his Phai.
Alexander spoke to the servants stationed about the room, "Prepare a room. The finest room available."
"I will escort you." Hephaestion spoke quietly to the woman.
As he moved past Alexander the two made brief eye contact. The glance was charged with many questions on Alexander's part and no answers on Hephaestion's part.
The two left the hall in the midst of a stunned and perplexed silence.
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
The room he took her to was large and comfortable. Lissandra wasn't sure what to do with herself. It had been a very long time since she had been in a place like this. She knew she should feel safe and warm. But something inside of her wouldn't let it happen.
She remained stiff and on edge. Ready for anything and everything.
Hephaestion smiled at her and she felt a little better. But a dull sort of nervousness bubbled up inside of her.
She wasn't ready to tell him. But he would ask. And she would owe him that much.
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
It did not escape the General how she hovered unsurely in the doorway, how she sucked her lips in nervously between her teeth. He had never seen her so uncomfortable.
Of course the room that he had had prepared for her was quite a changed from the hovel Lissandra had lived in for quite some time.
But he new better than to push her into an uncomfortable surrounding, so he seated himself on a chair, smiled gently, and waited.
Lissandra slowly came further into the room, pausing as if to inspect furniture and décor, but he could see her eyes shift about the room, checking every surface and corner. This was a reaction from her imprisonment, to know every escape route and of anything that could be used as a weapon.
These reactions, this hesitancy, he knew was not a testament to any distrust towards him. It was how she had survived for a good part of her life and it was simply natural now.
She finally came to perch gently in the cushioned seat across from Hephaestion. She smiled at him.
He couldn't stop the words from erupting from with in him, "I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad that you are here."
He leaned towards her in earnest.
Lissandra relaxed and said, "And I am glad to see you. You cannot comprehend how much."
The two exchanged a soft, happy gaze, much like a brother surveying his favorite sister, and a sister inspecting her dearest brother.
She broke the glance quite suddenly, "Alexander is exactly as you described him. He is such a great man to have welcomed me like that, to acknowledge me at all. I'm afraid I was rather rude bursting in like that. But I needed to see you and the guards were not very compliant."
That roguish smile that he loved played on her lips at the last sentence.
"Of course he welcomed you. As he said, we both owe you so much. And you may stay here for any length of time, I meant that."
"With such grand accommodations?" She asked teasingly.
"Even grander if you wish." He laughed, not joking at all.
There was an easy silence, not unlike that which they often shared in a tent hundreds of miles away.
Hephaestion couldn't hold it back any longer, "Lissandra, won't you tell me?"
She had been waiting for that question, he could tell by the look in her eyes, the way they flickered away to the fire burning a few feet from them.
"What made you finally leave after all this time? You would not escape with me. Why now? I spent months imagining you…in that place. Guilt ate at my heart like a disease, Lissandra. I wanted so badly to jump on my horse and go to you." Phai's words rushed out of him like a river, the emotions he had built up behind his walls burst forth. "Why didn't you come with me? Why couldn't you let me save you? What is so very different now? How-"
She silenced him with a single move. Lissandra stood silently and pushed back the muddy cloak that still covered her form rather slowly, as if she was uncertain of her body's movements. And there, Hephaestion could see it. He froze, staring wide-eyed at the small, but certain swell in the woman's abdomen.
"Because I did not leave for my own sake." She said steadily.
Her strong, fiery eyes did not waver as the General raised a shocked gaze to meet her own. She made no apologies and showed no shame.
She sat back down slowly.
"I ran for the sake of my child." She stated.
The General was shocked into silence. He could do little but stare into her eyes with a stunned sort of pain covering his features. She stared back only the slightest hint of agony flickering in the periphery of her gaze, a quiet burning concealed and veiled behind a mask of strength.
Phai's heart ached as he asked the question that no doubt ripped Lissandra's own to pieces.
His mouth had gone dry as he struggled with the words, "Who is…whose is it?"
He could only imagine the answer.
Hephaestion prepared himself for every kind of reaction except the one he received. She placed both hands quite possessively over her stomach, clutching it as she said with harsh determination, "He is mine and mine completely."
He was completely taken aback by her words, the fire in her voice, and the heat in her eyes.
It must have shown on his face, for she forced herself to relax
"I'm sorry." She said. "I didn't mean to react like that, not to you."
He didn't say anything. He just looked steadily into her eyes, which were avoiding him.
After a few minutes, she finally risked a glance towards him and was pinned under his gaze. Silently he asked her everything, but demanded nothing.
She broke and the story spilled forth with no lead in or introduction.
"You had been gone a two weeks when I figured it out. Though I'm sure my…condition started three or four before that. I suppose I was in denial. I wanted to wish it away, wish him away. I knew, or at least had a good idea, of who…who the father was. But I kept quiet; I passed the first three months in bitter silence. I woke up each day hoping to find that I no longer had that thing inside of me. I lived each day looking into the faces of the men that use me; I did not need their presence in my life constantly, every hour of the day. I did not need to be bound to any of them in such a tangible way."
Tears wet her lashes and the rims of her pretty eyes turned red. But she refused to let the tears flow down her cheeks. She held them in with quiet determination. The General hadn't expected anything less from her.
Her voice remained steady, however, as she went on.
"I was four months and it was beginning to be harder to hide my stomach beneath my clothes. I knew it was only a matter of time until someone noticed. They were all idiots of men, but no one is that stupid.
"I was cleaning in Ahriman's tent, it was around sundown. He came in and caught me off guard. He grabbed me and threw me to the ground. I knew what was coming and resisted. That was a mistake. As he hit me, I thought that perhaps this was what I was waiting for; perhaps this would rid me of the curse inside of me. But…something in my heart wouldn't let me do that, something in my soul rose up. I didn't know it was there, but it was stronger than myself. Because it made me do something I had never done before: I begged. I told him that I was carrying his child, that he could not harm me without harming his son."
She stared just over Hephaestion's shoulder as if she could see the scene play out in the corner of the room. Her expression was detached at this point. As if she was unsure that any of what she relayed had actually happened.
"I begged him to let me be, for the sake of the child. I prayed that he would be able to reach into the black depths of his soul and pull out some shred of humanity. But he stood over me with that same cold smile on his lips, the same one that he always wore when he destroyed something, when he crushed someone. He said that he didn't need to worry about feeding a whore's bastard child, and there would be no son when he was through with me."
Her lips curled up in a sneer of disgust and her breath sped up. Anger filled her voice.
"Then something boiled up in my chest. It had been living there for years and years, but in that moment it burst forth with the strength of a thousand armies and the fury of a thousand gods. I was no longer aware of anything my body did. Everything happened on its own accord. I kicked his feet out from beneath him. He swore at me as he struggled to rise again. But somehow a heavy piece of metal, some discarded part of armor, found its way into my hands and I brought it down onto his head with everything I had.
"I still don't know if I killed him. I hope I did, but I didn't pause to check. I ran and gathered what I could, a few things and some food. Then I got on a horse and rode for miles. I'm still not sure how I got away without being seen or stopped. It is all so fuzzy now. Did they follow me? Are they searching for me now? I don't know."
Hephaestion stared at her in utter amazement. Of course he shouldn't be so surprised. He knew Lissandra, he knew her strength and what she is capable accomplishing when driven to it.
"I made me way to a city not far south of here. I survived by scavenging mostly. I had begged in a moment of extreme need once, but I could not bring myself to stomach it again. I got by all right though. I was not there very long before I heard whisperings that Alexander's armies were moving in the north, that they occupied a city two days ride away, this city. I didn't know if you had made it, had reunited with the army, but I knew I had to get here. I knew I had to try. I thought that even if something had befallen you, gods forbid, I would be able to gain an audience with Alexander and relate my story.
"I made the journey and arrived here yesterday. Tonight I was able to get inside the palace's periphery walls rather easily. Then I snuck in the kitchen doors posing as a maid. I was really surprised at how easy it was. Your king has some serious security issues to address."
She smiled teasingly at him. Phai was so happy to see her smile. So happy.
"It was getting to you that proved difficult. I asked two young maids about your quarters, they told me where they were but added that I would not find you there. I made my way to the dining hall. The guards found me rather suspicious and that, my dear General, is where our two stories unite once more."
There was quiet between the two as Lissandra closed her tale. Hephaestion frankly did not know what to think. He, as usual, had a hard time reading her. He could not tell if she was angry, depressed, content, or bitter about her situation. He was scared to ask too many questions.
He knew he shouldn't be. He knew that the two of them were long passed that, but he was.
Then in an instant, the General heard Lissandra whisper a set of words he could not even fathom coming from her lips.
"I am afraid." She said to the floor, fingers trembling.
He cocked his head.
"Of what?" He responded in equal tones, as level as he could keep them.
Her gaze slid up to his, "Of loving this child."
Hephaestion was spared from having to respond to such a statement as she went on, "I hated it at one point. I wanted it gone. But as the weeks past I find that I can't let myself hate it. But I'm afraid to love it; it would be like letting some part of him into my heart. I can't do that."
Phai rose only to kneel before her seated figure, holding her hands. He wasn't sure if anything he would say could help. But he said it nonetheless. He had to say something.
"You said it yourself though." He shrugged. "He is yours and yours completely. I can't tell you what is best for you, Lissandra. All I can promise is that you will not be alone. We will live this together. I will be with you as a pillar of support, as a comforting touch, as a shoulder to cry on, as whatever you need me to be. I am here, always."
She nodded several times before saying in a rough voice, thick with emotion, "Thank you."
With tears in both their eyes the two embraced. But the air around them was heavy and thick. The hug was not soft or easy. It was slightly tense and unsure as they both faced a dark unknown. At least they did it hand in hand.
By the time he left the room that night, Hephaestion felt drained and overwhelmed by everything this day had thrown at him. He leaned heavily against the thick door staring at the opposite wall.
He knew he now faced a long, hard road of watching a woman he cared deeply for suffer in an emotional turmoil that could rip her to shreds. To carry this unwanted and unasked for child could bring even an uncommonly strong woman like Lissandra to her knees.
And he would have to stand firm and strong for her, even if he could hardly stand her pain himself. He felt guilty for being so wary. Who was he to think such thoughts?
But his heart weighed heavy in his chest, so he went off to find Alexander. Only with him would he find solace from this heaviness.
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
She told him it was a day to day struggle, that over these last months some days she woke to a happy fluttering in her heart and some to a dark, heavy mind.
Well, she told Hephaestion who then told him.
Alexander's contact with Lissandra was somewhat limited. He was busy and she stayed so close to Phai. Alexander would have liked very much to know her better, but it was a task to get her to let him in. He was not asking for much, a conversation that went beyond the weather and how she was feeling. But she remained politely distant.
He would have thought that she was afraid of him. But he knew very well that that woman feared very little in this world, and most certainly did not fear a man…even one of his eminence.
Alexander just wanted so badly to come to know, even just a part, of this woman who saved him from utter destruction. He could not quite define his desire, but it was there. Perhaps so he could find some way to properly thank her for all that she did for him, for saving both himself and his Phai from the dark, bleak abyss of cold, unfeeling death.
He had confessed his great gratitude many times over, but each time it seemed less and less defined, less clearly conveyed and he was not satisfied by it.
He passed by an open terrace early one afternoon and his eye was caught by a figure clad in bright red, the luscious hue shining in the bright light of the clear day.
Lissandra's slight frame, untamed dark hair, and largely distended belly were unmistakable. She sat gazing out over the landscape thrown out before her. Her eyes were a million miles away.
Alexander approached her quietly and she jumped in fright when he seated himself next to her. Her face relaxed when she saw it was he.
"You frightened me, Sire." She smiled faintly, but guardedly as always.
"My apologies. I did not mean to, I promise."
It was only then that he noticed on the cushioned seat adjacent to the one they were seated, on which laid the form of one General Hephaestion, who was very deep in an easy slumber.
Lissandra followed his line of vision and her smiled widened.
"He's been sleeping a while," She said softly. "Plenty long enough for an afternoon nap, if you came to wake him to perform some duty. He should be well rested."
Alexander shook his head, but kept is eyes trained on the man as his heart beat in that special way that it does whenever he recalls how absolutely perfect his Phai is.
"I always find that it is one of the most difficult things to wake him when he is so utterly at peace. Most of the time I cannot bring myself to do it. To disturb something so serene is like tainting something absolutely pure. It seems a crime. I hate to end it because even though I know I will witness it again, there is fear in my heart that I will not."
After a few silent seconds, he finally turned to meet her eyes. They were overlaid with something. Amazement? Awe? Understanding? Envy? He could not place it.
"So what do you say we let him rest a bit longer?" He grinned.
She blinked away whatever emotion it was that had leaked into her wide eyes and nodded her assent.
She sighed deeply before saying, "You love him so much; I feel honored and privileged to witness it."
Her words confused him slightly, "It is not exactly a well kept secret. Most are privy to such knowledge whether they want to be or not."
She shook her head determinedly, "No, they may be aware of it but they do not see it. They do not know it, nor understand it, nor comprehend it. They do not come anywhere near fathoming the depth of your connection. They are privy, yes. But distinguishing it from their false conceptions of love? That is where most fail."
It was the King's turn to stare in amazement. He could not help but stand in awe at the words she had spoken.
"And you…comprehend?" He asked it not as a challenge, but in true curiosity.
"I think I do." She responded.
"How?"
"During his imprisonment, when he slept he could have called out to many different deities to save him, to gods from a thousand different creeds. But he did not. He cried out your name for salvation. Your name simply crossing his lips seemed to calm him. You are his salvation and divinity. When I asked him to tell me about you, he did not preach on your grand deeds or great virtues. He told me about your laugh and how you fidget when you are stressed.
"And you, just now you looked at him like he was something beyond yourself, like he is a dream too great to be dreamed by such a lowly dreamer as you. Your eyes tell me that you all at once understand and cannot begin to comprehend the capacity of your love for him."
This time Alexander's mouth was agape as he stared in awe.
"You've thought a lot about this?" He asked when he regained his voice.
Alexander was slightly worried at this point. He found himself wondering if Lissandra had developed romantic feelings towards Hephaestion. This would serve as a problem.
She shook her head in response to his question, "No, I have just spent enough time with him that it was obvious to me. Remember, my King, I have seen the General in his most desperate hour, I have seen him when he was on the brink. I see things that most people overlook. He is one of the only people on this earth that understands me, that I feel close to. He is my brother."
Alexander had little control over the next words out of his mouth.
"You are an amazing person."
Her eyebrows rose.
"Lissandra, I know the things you have endured and are still enduring." He glanced involuntarily at the swell beneath her clothes. "Your strength amazes me. I have known very few truly strong women in my life, for I put a lot of worth behind that word, and I must say you trump them all."
He didn't say it, but in many ways Lissandra reminded him of his mother. She had all the fire and strength of Olympias, but somehow it was less bitter, less hating, and all the more noble.
"I want to impress on you the great things you have done, what you have done for him, for us. You saved two lives single handedly. I just hope that you comprehend the depth of my gratitude."
Alexander reached out to grasp her hand. Her large eyes bore into his.
"I can offer you any number of material things in thanks. But that would only seem to trivialize and taint the sincerity of my feelings. All I can offer you is my greatest friendship for the rest of my life."
Her small hands squeezed his own and her smile was gentle and warm.
"It would be an honor to have your friendship, my King." She beamed.
Alexander sighed.
"From now on you call me Alexander. And the honor is mine."
They sat talking for another hour before Lissandra grew tired. Alexander watched her waddle in the direction of her rooms.
He felt significantly better than he had in the past months.
He smiled as Hephaestion began to stir, happy that he knew he had Lissandra's respect and her friendship.
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
Alexander thought Hephaestion was going to have a nervous fit. He had been pacing the floor for nearly an hour now.
"Please do sit down and try to relax. All your nervous energy is starting to affect me."
Hephaestion sighed as he flopped down next to Alexander. The King reached over to wrap a comforting arm around his shoulders.
"They've been at it a long time." Hephaestion said anxiously.
"Everything will be fine." He soothed. "I just shudder to think how you will be on the birth day of your own child. Because I'm sure I will be the one taking care of you, as always."
Phai scoffed at that statement, "You hardly ever have to 'take care of' me."
Alexander considered that momentarily before shrugging.
"Perhaps you are right." He admitted.
It was another half an hour before they were summoned. Alexander could hardly keep up as his Phai all but ran down the corridors.
When they entered the room Alexander whispered, "See, she's fine."
And Lissandra certainly was fine as she beamed down to the tiny swathed bundle in her arms. She smiled at them, eyes shining beneath a glistening brow.
The two approached the bed.
As Phai sat down on the edge Lissandra whispered, "She's perfect. She's perfect and she's mine."
The two men peeked over at the newly born child living her first moments on this earth.
The tenderness of the moment was tangible. Beyond the fact that mother was seeing child for the first time was that this mother was realizing how capable she was at loving that child, how very much that child meant to her. The two almost felt out of place witnessing such an intimate moment.
"What will you name her?" Hephaestion asked.
Without hesitation she answered, "Lysandra. One who is freed. She will never be caged like her mother."
"I don't think her mother was ever truly caged." Hephaestion said with a gentle smile.
Lissandra tore her eyes from the baby for the first time. The two exchanged a deep glance, before her face broke into a grin once more.
"And she will have two wild uncles to lead her on all kinds of adventures." She laughed.
Alexander and Phai smiled at each other.
"And spoil her rotten, no doubt." Alexander said.
"Yes," Hephaestion agreed. "She will have everything she desires. And a good Greek education of course. She will be taught anything she wants to learn."
Alexander interrupted, "But I think the most important thing she will have will not be taught to her. It is in her blood. Strength. Strength like her mother."
The four of them sat there, a rather odd family, but a family nonetheless.
First off, I want to apologize for the ridiculous amount of time it took to get this finished. The only excuse I have is that school sucks.
Secondly, this is just what I see as happening after the events of Homeward. All throughout writing it I just had this gut feeling that some people will absolutely hate what I have done with the story. If that is the case, feel free to completely disregard the events of the sequel. This was really just an opportunity for me to tie up some loose ends.
So let me know what you think, even if you think it was bad. Just be nice!
xxcrazymacxx
