Redemption
Redemption
AN: I have no rights to or affilitation with the characters contained in this work.
Chapter 1: There's No Time:
He rubbed his eyes tiredly and sighed, this was a mess. Everything was a mess. Ever since the wedding and Kate getting shot, nothing was right, everywhere he looked things were canted, off-kilter. Once it was clear that she was going to survive, Sonny had shown up at the coffee shop and had said he wanted it all back. He said he couldn't trust Jason to handle it, to not back down, to be focused and ruthless enough.
Jason had done what he always did and signed every document Diane Miller placed in front of him. The last one was a letter in an envelope, when he opened it and scanned it he looked up at her in shock. Grim faced she nodded "I won't be a part of this, I can't, it will be a blood bath and I can't work for Sonny as he looks everywhere but in the mirror for who's responsible for what happened to Kate."
So, she was gone and Spinelli had been relegated to working in the outer coffee shop and had been banned from the inner sanctum. Sonny was either at the office pacing up and down like a caged lion or at the hospital holding his new wife's hand.
His head hurt and his eyes burned and his back ached and he still didn't know who had fired that gun at Kate as she stood at the altar. He hated the demotion to right hand man; he hated having Sonny yell at Spinelli when he wasn't fast enough and most of all he hated having to once again push Elizabeth out of his most patently unsafe life.
Suddenly the land line rang shattering the silence of the office, "Morgan."
"Jason, it's Lucky Spencer, you need to get down to pier 48 now!"
Jason sighed "Lucky, I'm not in the mood…."
"It's Spinelli, he needs you and there is no time!"
Ten minutes later, Jason skidded the bike to a stop right behind a fire engine. He hopped down and started to run towards the floodlit group clustered around a large packing crate.
Lucky Spencer stepped out in front of him and blocked his way, "Wait, Jason."
"Where is he? Where's Spinelli? I need to see him!"
"Jason, look at me." and that is what he did, looked straight into Lucky's eyes and what he saw made him cold to the core.
"There isn't any hope, there is little time and you have to be prepared."
"No! Not Spinelli!"
"It can't be about you or anyone but him. He needs you to be with him and to say whatever he wants or needs to hear. You will goddamn lie if that is what it takes."
Jason closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "I won't need to lie, now where is he?'
Lucky stepped aside and pointed to the far side of the crate. The crowd revealed itself to be a mixture of police officers, firemen, dock workers, and Sam McCall standing off to the side wrapped in a blanket. He looked at her but she didn't seem to see him, she was in shock. As he scanned the other faces, men who saw so much in the line of duty, he saw shock, pity and sadness. They all seemed to understand why he was there and they parted to make a path towards the wall behind the crate.
The huge crate was skewed at a strange angle; it had obviously come off the dock crane and landed almost at the wall. Then he saw him-Spinelli. At first relief washed over him, this wasn't so bad. He was half sitting, half lying at an awkward tilt against the brick wall. The flood lights and crate shadow combined to make a surrealistic chiaroscuro effect of dappled shade around Spinelli. His eyes were closed but he didn't seem to be injured… Then Jason followed the line of his body with his eyes and realization struck. He couldn't see anything beyond Spinelli's torso; his hips and the rest of his legs were invisible, trapped under hundreds of pounds of crate.
Jason stepped back, he wanted to vomit, he wanted to run, he wanted to howl at the night sky. By enormous strength of will, he forced the bile back down his throat and took one step and another step and another to be with his dead brother.
As he reached the edge of the crate he saw how little space there was to get near Spinelli. He had to turn to edge in and fit and then he had to slide down the wall and fold up his legs and twist to turn and face him. When he managed it and could see Spinelli's face he saw his eyes were open and clear and gazing at him. He gave him a lopsided grin and said "Stone Cold! You're here, I thought maybe…. I am so happy you are here."
Jason swallowed and tried desperately to match his friend's demeanor "Spinelli, I came as soon as I heard. How, how….are you feeling?"
"You mean besides the cramped accommodations and the painful, inevitable pinch of an I.V. in the Jackal's veins? Surprisingly peaceful, though the lights glare a tad. The Jackal was resting his eyes, waiting and hoping his Master might arrive anon."
Jason craned his neck and saw that there was indeed an I.V. bag full of a clear fluid hanging off the crate. There was also a blood pressure cuff on Spinelli's left arm that inflated spontaneously with a hiss. Spinelli, leaned his head back against the wall closed his eyes and sighed, "It does that every five minutes, talk about clocking one's mortality."
"Does it hurt, are you in pain?" Jason asked tentatively.
Spinelli gave him a look filled with compassion and pity and said quietly "No, it doesn't hurt, it really doesn't, just some pinching sensations and a feeling of pressure. I'm O.K."
Uncertain how to respond to such an absurd, monumentally untrue statement; Jason chose silence. Spinelli spoke again "What shall we do Stone Cold, shall we talk of many things: Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--Of cabbages--and kings--?" He trailed off with a hiss and closing his eyes again, rested his head against the wall.
Jason looked at the young man, seeing the pallor of his face, circles under his eyes and a translucence to his skin that all bespoke the enormity of the damage done to his body. He said, "We don't have to do anything, we can just sit here and be………"
Spinelli's eyes flew open and he twisted his head toward Jason and words poured out in a rapid flow "No, we can't because now is ALL there is! There is no tonight, no tomorrow, just now and there are things I need to say to you and that you need to hear. Things you have to do for me and now is when that happens."
"All right, anything you want, anything you need, I will do it, I will get it, I promise. But first will you tell me how this happened?"
Spinelli sighed, "Your grasshopper fears that he has again managed to take a simple task and failed to carry it through to a successful conclusion……….. Fair Samantha called me and said that she had a thumb drive with information that might implicate those behind the counterfeit drugs that have long been plaguing our fair city. She asked me to meet her on the docks, since she had another shipment to pilot and off load tonight. It was meant to be a quick meeting; I would take the drive and analyze it at my convenience..." He stopped speaking.
Jason gently prompted "and?"
"We met; it seemed the busyness of the docks would provide cover for us to engage in our subterfuge. We stood here, on this very spot talking. It was noisy and active and I saw the crate lifting up and out. I didn't think anything of it. Then it shifted and started swinging towards us and I saw the hook cut loose. There was no time to speak; I pushed Sam as hard as I could. The rest is as you see."
Jason closed his eyes as a wave of grief and futility washed over him, "Why do you always put EVERYONE before you, why?
"The grasshopper learnt at his Master's feet, by his example. Did you see Fair Samantha, is she well?"
Jason turned and looked at his friend's open countenance filled with genuine concern. Not for the first time, he wondered if he actually was residing with the living epitome of a saint.
"Personally," he thought grimly, "I wish it were Sam lying here, I think I could take Spinelli home, eat a good dinner and watch a video with him and go to sleep without a murmur from my conscience." Instead, he said, "I saw her and she's fine, just a little shook up."
"Good tidings indeed; and now Stone Cold we must talk-firstly about Maximista….."
Jason hadn't once thought about Maxie or more importantly; Spinelli and Maxie. He said, "Do you want me to call her, do you want to see her?"
"No! She mustn't see me like this, she couldn't bear it and the memory would forever haunt her. It pains me that Stone Cold must carry such a grievous imprint on his mind. The Jackal only hopes that he understands that there was no other way, that he needed his friend and hopes that he can forgive his thoughtlessness in exposing him to such pain. He knows full well how many such burdens Stone Cold is forced to carry and he wishes that he wouldn't be the cause of a further one."
"Spinelli, you listen to me. There is nothing, nothing absolutely nothing that you have to ask my forgiveness for-nothing! It is your forgiveness that I need-for bringing you into a life that brought you to this……..place and time."
Spinelli looked at him puzzled, "Forgive you, for what? For taking me into your home, your confidence, for believing in me? You transformed my life, I became someone. I have friends and acceptance because of you. I am Jackal P.I. and I love you and the Fair Maximista-you are my family and I had none. All that is so wonderful and it would not have happened if you had not let me into your life. This," gesturing at the crate, "is a price well worth paying for all of that."
Frustrated, Jason ran his hand through his hair, "You are my family Spinelli and I will take care of Maxie for you. Anytime she needs me I will be there for her. I will never be the smallest piece of what you are to her, though. She loves you with all her heart."
Spinelli looked at him with a dazed expression, "She does? How do you know?"
Jason barked a short laugh, "Everyone in this entire town know how it is between the two of you, we were all just waiting for you both to realize it. I wish I had said something sooner, I'm sorry."
Tears brimmed in Spinelli's eyes and he said softly, "Thank you for telling me now; it is a gift beyond measure. If she were here now she would indeed brighten up this dark, dank space as the sun brightens the noon day sky."
Jason realized with an inward despairing shudder that Spinelli would never again see either the actual sun or his own personal spiritual sun-that was Maxie…
"Stone Cold, when Maximista is grief stricken she becomes destructive and the one she wants to destroy is herself. The Ja.., I won't be here to catch her, to comfort her and to assuage her unnecessary but ever prevalent guilt. Please usher her through this most difficult time, perhaps you could lean upon one another."
Spinelli, short of breath, stopped speaking and rocked his head back and forth in exhaustion.
Alarmed, Jason said, "Spinelli rest, I will take care of her, I will be with her, I will help her-but it's you that matters right now-just you."
"Hey handsome! Not fading on me are you?"
Startled Jason turned his head to see a young female paramedic peering intently over his shoulder at Spinelli, her concerned expression belying the lightness of her tone.
Spinelli turned to look at her with a smile, "No indeed Sweet Stacey, my ministering angel. No fading here. Stone Co-Jason, this is Stacey, she stayed with me until you arrived. Hers is a most comforting presence."
"Aw, I bet you say that to all the female paramedics"
"Most assuredly not, I am usually not conscious when receiving medical care."
"Well. my lucky day then. If your friend, Jason, could excuse us for a moment, I need to do some preventive maintenance on our patient."
As Jason backed out and let Stacey in, he looked at the I.V. bag and was panicked to see how close to empty it was. That fluid, he realized, was all that was keeping Spinelli conscious and alive and it was spilling out of him like a radiator hit by a rock.
He desperately wanted to slam his fist into something hard and unyielding, to break flesh and bones and feel the type of pain that could overwhelm the pain of a breaking heart. In truth there wasn't any such option, he could break every bone in his body and this would still be far, far worse. He was jealous of every second Stacey had spent and was spending with Spinelli. He needed whatever time there was with him, because there would be no more and he couldn't even begin to contemplate that empty existence.
"Jason, how is he?" Sam had walked up behind him, still wrapped in the blanket and shaking with cold that had nothing to do with the evening chill.
He couldn't bear to look at her, "He's trying, he's talking and he is aware but I don't know how much longer…"
"Oh, God! This is all my fault!" she began weeping, great ragged sobs that rocked her back and forth.
Jason didn't care, it was the least that she should suffer. He walked away from her, back towards the crate, impatient to get back into that claustrophobic space to be with Spinelli.
"Stone Cold, you're back!" Spinelli looked a little better, a fresh I.V. bag was pumping more fluid into his system.
"Where else would I be?"
Spinelli bit his bottom lip and turned to look at his mentor, "The favor about Maximista? That was the easy one; that I knew you would agree to do."
"I told you anything, I meant it."
"I wish you could understand what I see when I look at you. A man that does so much good, that helps so many people but that can only see the dark, that feels he deserves to be swallowed by that darkness. It is a waste and it is wrong and I can't leave if it doesn't change."
"Spinelli….."
"No, Jason! No!" Spinelli was glaring at him and his breathing was coming in rapidly, pulsing and hitching but he went on, "This time YOU WILL HEAR WHAT I SAY!! You are in danger of losing your soul and it is a magnificent soul. In my arrogance and hubris, I thought that I could help guide you to a better path-to the life you deserve, with Jake and the right to be happy and choose for yourself." He stopped, out of breath, tried to twist towards Jason but was prevented by the massive weight sitting on him.
Jason was in agony and reached for him, "Stop! You'll hurt yourself!"
Spinelli laughed bitterly, "Jason, I don't want to die. I am young and there are so many things I haven't done. I wanted to see the Parthenon, wander the Eternal City, visit Shakespeare's birthplace. I wanted to fall asleep with Maximista in my arms and wake up to her beautiful smile in the morning. I wanted to prove that I could forge a life just like everyone else does. I wanted you to be proud of me. But the most important thing I wanted is to see you free! Jason, I need you to promise me that you will do this for me, that you will choose a life and not just resign yourself to this living hell you are in. There can be no more excuses, no more rationalizations, no more sacrifices for everyone else. Jason, I can'tbe there to block your demons anymore, I want to but I can't." He was crying and gasping and reaching towards Jason.
"I need your promise here and now, Please!" There isn't any time!"
Jason rocked his head in his arms, crying, in a small voice he asked, "What would I do, I don't know how to do anything else."
Spinelli grabbed his face and turned it so that they were forehead to forehead, more intimate than they had ever been, but both were oblivious to it. "Why that's easy. You'll help people, just as you do now but you'll do it in the light. You don't need or care about money, so you can do whatever you want and at the end of the day you can wrap yourself in a true home with people that care about you. It is simple, you just have to want to and do it. You," he gasped for air, "have to promise me!"
Jason shook his head, tears welling in his eyes inches away from his brother's eyes, "How can I do it without you here? I don't know how, I'll be lost"
Spinelli placed his hand onto Jason's chest, "I'll be right here, safe in your heart. You and Maxie have to live for me, travel, have children, make the world better and remember me, please don't forget me!"
"Never, it's not possible," Jason placed his hand over Spinelli's-"you'll be safe, right here always. I promise."
Spinelli sat back, he was crying and laughing-trying to catch his breath, "Thank you, thank you so much, I love you Jason."
Jason looked at his dying friend/son/brother/conscience and amidst all the darkness and grief inside him; he could see the merest crack of light, the possibility of salvation.
He said, in a steady, calm tone, "I love you Damien Spinelli, you are the truest, purest soul I have ever known. Thank you for being in my life and caring for me."
Suddenly, Stacey was back and furiously pulling Jason away from Spinelli. "What are you doing to him, stop it, he needs…"
The I.V., Jason looked up at the bag collapsing in on itself, "Oh, God, no!"
"MOVE!"
This time when Stacey came out from behind the crate, there was nothing light in her mien, she looked resentfully at Jason and said, "You cost him minutes he doesn't have, but he wants you there and what he wants is all that matters. You better not upset him again."
When Jason crawled behind the crate, Spinelli was once again lying with his eyes closed and his head at an awkward angle against the wall. He looked shrunken and small and when he opened his eyes there was only the smallest flicker of recognition for Jason. Jason inched as close as he could get to him and moved his head onto his shoulder in what he hoped was a more comfortable position. He covered Spinelli with his leather jacket and wrapped his arms around him and waited.
It was only the tiniest of shudders, one moment his chest was rising hesitantly and the next it was still. That moment marked the separation between life and death, hope and despair, companionship and solitude. "Now," Jason thought bleakly, "Now, there was nothing but time…….."
AN: Reviews and impressions are always appreciated
