All the avengers had just gotten back from a mission- fairly easy they were pretty tired though. The mission was in Russia so it was very cold and at one point, they were thrown into the harsh freezing ocean. After they had dried off, it had slowly become tradition to sit and watch a film when they were ready. Half way through the shawshank redemption Natasha spoke mockingly:

"Oh wow look, cap's asleep!" Everyone turned their heads to see Steve sleeping peacefully on the sofa," what do you think he's dreaming about?" Tony butted in,

"Probably puppies and rainbows... Who knows what sort of shit goes through his mind."

After the radio went static Steve sat in silence, he debated moving but gravity held him down in his seat with his hands stuck in their place. He really didn't know what was the worst part of it, the fact that he couldn't move or the fact that the only thing he could hear was his own thoughts and the earth falling around him. It was definitely the silence. Although he was not drowning physically (yet) mentally, the voices in his head were going insane.

'Steve, you've always wanted to die. Why don't you want to now?'

'This would've been young Stevens dream'

'You're a loser, you suddenly want to live?!'

'You're not saving anyone. You've ruined lives. Buckys death was your fault.'

Suddenly, he was snapped out of his thoughts when the grass cracked from the ice and water flooded in.

It was so cold.

Steve wanted to scream but he couldn't, the water was now up to his waist and he couldn't feel his legs. All the other thoughts were gone, all he could focus on was Peggy and Bucky. He had let them down so much. 'Never could back away from a fight could you?'

The water was now past his chin, the bitter taste of saltwater entered his mouth. He began to choke, it was horrible

It was so cold.

The sea water entered his lungs and he was now drowning on the inside, he could taste- smell, the salt. Eventually, after brutal struggling minutes, Steve began to see black. His mother had always said that it ends with a white light that you walk towards. At least, that is what everyone else had said. But this was nothing like that. This was... Loneliness. No creature was near him, no voice to calm him and no voice to warm him up. He only felt his eyes stinging, his only friend here was the darkness. His only friend was regret. His whole life was flashing before his eyes.

It was so col- freezing.

These feelings were not new to him, he felt them his whole life. When he was younger, the only thing he could turn to were his scars. They covered his wrists and decorated his whole body. He found them beautiful but no one else thought so, they didn't understand. There was no 'therapy' or drugs there was just the darkness you could find comfort in.

When Steve began to breathe heavily and move about, the avengers took turns in waking him up. Thor tried telling but it didn't work, they all tried everything,

"If he's having nightmares or whatever I don't give a crap wake him up so he isn't distracting us. I'm really getting into this film!" Natasha complained.

Steve had awoken just in time to hear the comment, he simply apologised and went up to his room. When Steve arrived, he frantically searched for his razor.

'You've been clean for weeks are you sure you want to do this?'

As Steve was about to use it he spoke,

"Um, Jarvis, is it? If there is any security cameras please turn them off'

'If you insist sir.'

And finally, Steve felt the sweet relief he hadn't felt in a while.

AN- I might continue. Idk please review.